Please Pray for our Marriage's last thread

[answered echoes]

Hello Everyone,

this is my first post. I am the husband of earth angel at http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/index.php?topic=25444.0

I have been seeking God more earnestly than I have ever done in my life. We have had so many ups & downs since her last post. Our pastor took us through a great conversation stating the same thing everyone on the post was saying - God will make this work and its going to take time and it is a spiritual battle.

My life has been ruled by fear. I have lived a double minded life in its entirety thinking I knew better, judging people not realizing I have been being judged in 'realtime'. My double standards are finally coming to the light of my own eyes. I realize I can be very honest in ways she can't but I can also be very dishonest in ways she is very honest. These are some of my generational sin amongst all the dissension, contentions, judgments and accusations I have done in my life and in our 3.5 years of marriage. I have come to realize I do these things when I am in fear, rejection or potential abandonment. I have been in fear of losing her for a year now (since she got back from a new age spiritual retreat in May 2007) and am pushing her away by trying too hard. I'm missing something huge. I know I don't understand her heart. If I could just lose fear/doubt and just look up - yet fear has such a stronghold on me.

I promised to love and adore her and be here for the rest of our lives. I have been a horrible husband. I have broken her spirit probably every day little by little for 3.5 years and I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. God is showing me that I must change. There are so many areas of my heart that I never opened up and have been asking God to search out my heart and bring to light any darkness.... I realize this marriage is taking me to my knees and getting me to the root of all my issues so He can renew me for God and for her, for our love and for what we both dreamed of in marriage - the things that brought us together in the first place....  God and his dreams for us....

Please pray for my deliverance, for me as the spiritual leader, as the person to put covering and protection over his wife and for the restoration of our marriage. Pray that we can be a witness for His Glory on making the impossible happen in a short amount of time, with all the pain and agony given to Him. 

I am giving our marriage to God. I wrote a long post and decided against it. I want to cover our marriage and my wife with Love.

Despite fear, worry and doubt, Today for the first time I choose to give 100% of this to God not people, pastor, forum, etc. God has already WON and this flesh is going to succumb to that victory!!! 

[Sherman Nobles]

Thanks for opening up and I pray that God does bring healing to your lives individually and as a couple.  I encourage you to do the first works of love.  Spend maximum time together doing things that you enjoy together.  Also, do you have an older couple that can mentor you in your relationship.  If not, find an older couple who has been married for many years and who have a relatively healthy marriage.  Meet with them at least monthly.  Take them out to dinner and just spend time together. 

And I encourage you to learn to be more cheerful.  No one wants to be around a depressed person.  Joy is an abiding sence of happiness.  And joy is an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit.  Also, memorize 1 Cor.13, recall it everyday, meditate on it, and seek how you can express your love for your wife.  Also, express it in her love language.  Does she appreciate time, affection, gifts, service, and or loving words?  Also, make a list of the good things that you like about her - think/meditate on these things.  Forgive the things that bother you.  Address them if needed, but not when you're upset or angry. 

And remember, your words have tremendous power.  Speak affirming loving words.  Lower your expectations and be thankful for the littlelest things.   Marriage is work, but it yields tremendous benefits if one puts the work into it.  Study your wife.  What makes her tic?  What personality type is she?   What are her talents and weaknesses?  Seek to highlight her talents and cover her weakenesses.  Never, Ever, Never speak negatively of her to others - Never EVER EVER!!!!  If you catch yourself joking or speaking negatively of her to others, stop immediately, ask her forgiveness in front of everyone and affirm your love for her in front of everyone - especially if she's present.  If you can't say something good about you wife - KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!!!! 

Recognize that she's the weaker vessel.  I asked the Lord what this meant, especially considering my wife is such a strong person with a very forceful strong personality.  He said, "Remember, I made you like a cast-iron pot; but she is like a fragile China vase!"  Treat her like she is very fragile, even and especially when she says harsh things to you.  Man-up and be gentle!  It takes power to be gentle.  Harshness is a sign of weakness!

Get rid of Fear!  Overcome it by dying to self.  Dead men are not afraid!  Fear and faith are opposites. 

Learn to invest time in prayer.  Shoot, learn to pray and converse with God.  There is tremendous power in prayer. 

Well, I've shared a lot for now.  I do pray that you two will grow together in the Lord. 

Blessings,
Sherman 

[Imabear]

Hello Everyone,

this is my first post. I am the husband of earth angel at http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/index.php?topic=25444.0

I have been seeking God more earnestly than I have ever done in my life. We have had so many ups & downs since her last post. Our pastor took us through a great conversation stating the same thing everyone on the post was saying - God will make this work and its going to take time and it is a spiritual battle.

My life has been ruled by fear. I have lived a double minded life in its entirety thinking I knew better, judging people not realizing I have been being judged in 'realtime'. My double standards are finally coming to the light of my own eyes. I realize I can be very honest in ways she can't but I can also be very dishonest in ways she is very honest. These are some of my generational sin amongst all the dissension, contentions, judgments and accusations I have done in my life and in our 3.5 years of marriage. I have come to realize I do these things when I am in fear, rejection or potential abandonment. I have been in fear of losing her for a year now (since she got back from a new age spiritual retreat in May 2007) and am pushing her away by trying too hard. I'm missing something huge. I know I don't understand her heart. If I could just lose fear/doubt and just look up - yet fear has such a stronghold on me.

I promised to love and adore her and be here for the rest of our lives. I have been a horrible husband. I have broken her spirit probably every day little by little for 3.5 years and I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. God is showing me that I must change. There are so many areas of my heart that I never opened up and have been asking God to search out my heart and bring to light any darkness.... I realize this marriage is taking me to my knees and getting me to the root of all my issues so He can renew me for God and for her, for our love and for what we both dreamed of in marriage - the things that brought us together in the first place....  God and his dreams for us....

Please pray for my deliverance, for me as the spiritual leader, as the person to put covering and protection over his wife and for the restoration of our marriage. Pray that we can be a witness for His Glory on making the impossible happen in a short amount of time, with all the pain and agony given to Him. 

I am giving our marriage to God. I wrote a long post and decided against it. I want to cover our marriage and my wife with Love.

Despite fear, worry and doubt, Today for the first time I choose to give 100% of this to God not people, pastor, forum, etc. God has already WON and this flesh is going to succumb to that victory!!! 

Hey, It seems like your heart is in the right place.  Keep working on your relationship.  It's worth it.  :)
blessings

[Charliz]

You and your wife are in my prayers.