"widowed" who am I ?

[dellinw]

I have been a widow for almost a year.  I still haven't figured out who "Me" is.  After 43yrs of marriage and "us", it is hard to know just this one person.  Grief is a very hard road to walk, and until you have walked it, you can not understand.  I know Jesus is walking with me but sometimes I just can't feel his presence, sometimes I can not even pray.  So, my question is, who am I ? I feel married even though I don't have a husband. I feel single when I am in a group of married adults because there is no-one by my side. I feel widowed when I go to his grave and stand. The only one I know for sure is that I am not divorced. I did not ask for this loneliness and it was not my decision to be separated from my soulmate.  So, if anyone has an answer , please let me know.  It is just days until the first anniv date of his death, fathers day and his birthday.  Please keep me in your prayers. 

[Charliz]

You're in my prayers, dellinw. 

Have you considered attending a grief support group?  I have friends that have done so and felt that it really helped them.  Please also feel free to send me a personal message if you ever want to share about your husband and just need someone available to "listen". 

May God continue to hold you close and meet every need.

[dellinw]

Yes, I am seeing a grief counselor(christian) and I have joined a widows group at my daughters church.  I am trying to do what I can, it is just sooo hard at times.

[Petals]

The Lord knows your heartache and sees the tears you cry.  I'm praying He fills the lonely moments with His presence.   

It's good that you're getting out there and meeting other people.  Once you're up to it, maybe you can volunteer your time at a hospital, or some charitable organization.  It's difficult, I know, but the more you concentrate on others, the less time you'll have to think about how lonely you are.  The Lord will lead you as to where you can best serve Him.

Sending a big hug your way...   
trueblue

[katgroch]

Dear dellinw,  I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband of 33 years just two weeks ago, so I have just begun the grieving process.  This is the first time I have lost someone really close to me, so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be feeling.  It seems unreal, like he's just gone on a trip somewhere.  I noticed that it takes a little more effort to pray, but that the prayers are more fervent and heartfelt.  One thing I notice also is that I feel more compassion for others who have lost loved ones. 
   I hope that you will feel free to contact me at anytime.  Sincerely,  katgroch

[Petals]

dellinw and katgroch,

I am so very sorry for your losses.     Lean on Jesus as much as you possibly can.  He is your husband, friend and comforter.  He will help you through this very difficult time. 

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

[admin]

Please feel free to share our company. There's plenty of nice people here (and even some that aren't nice) who are good for sharing prayer requests with, bouncing ideas off of, joking with....all that.

You're in my prayers.

[kensington]

I think you should join a "singles" group... Not because you want to be single or anything like that. But, because you need to have interests and activities outside of the home and away from the grief.  You can still be in your widows group, and seeking help to go through this very hard time, but at the same time, you can learn to go and do things with YOU... or a friend. 

Your single friends do not have to be your age... a single mother could probably use a friend like you to guide her and do things with her.  When I was a single mom, some of my most cherrished relationships were with the older women in the church... I wanted to learn from them, and they understood where I was... having been there.

There is a ministry there for you, if you want it.  And the singles in the church... would love to hear your stories, eat your cooking and be invited for holidays and fellowship in your home. You have spent 43 years building the perfect place to minister to those who don't have what you have had. And they would appreciate it! 

[dellinw]

     Do you have any suggestions as to where I could find these single meetings. I am 63 and would not fit into the young groups.  Of course I would want them to be christian groups.  I am open to all suggestions. I live in Baton Rouge, La
                                             Helen

[dellinw]

  "PRAISE GOD" I survived the one year anniv, Fathers' day and birthday dates!!!  Of course, it the scheme of life, it was just another day and here I am now looking at another year alone.  I have removed my wedding rings and praying God will send someone along my path to meet and love again.  Thank you for all the encouraging words.  God Bless
                                                                         dellinw

[Charliz]

Congratulations, dellinw!  You should take joy in each step forward, large or small.  May God continue to hold you in the palm of His hand.

[anchorman]

The answer to your question- who am I? Is this is the time to find out. Not find out who you are as a Christian, or as a mother or a wife- but to find out who you are as yourself.

I would never in a million years claim to know what you're going through. In fact I look at couples that shared their lives together- with so much envy and jealously. Still let me tell you something that happened to me after I went through a divorce.

It started with a phone conversation with my sister. Encouraging on her younger brother she told me this is the time to really invest in a hobby. "So what do you like to do?" Simple question, but I wouldn't have had a harder time if she was asking "why is the sky blue." After years of living for others- being a husband, being a father, being an employee- I had totally lost sight and all memory of who I was and what I liked to do.

That sounds a lot like what you are saying in that first post. Who am I? Well, find out. Join a bowling league, take up gardening, volunteer at your church or some civic organization, travel the world, jump out of a plane ( although if at first you don't succeed....don't try sky diving) run a marthon, clean out your closet and treat yourself to a new wardrope,go hiking in the mountains- do whatever it takes. Recapture and take possession once again of dellinw- and do it guilt free.

If you through yourself into something, if  you can get passionate about something- and yes I know someone will come along and tell you to get passionate about Christ- but the beauty of our faith is it travels with you on all these new adventures.

No words written on this thread can lesson your pain or replace your loss. As friends- okay as strangers- all we can hope to do- is to get you to embrace the next sunrise and take advantage of the next dayour Lord has given you.

God Bless you