I need some help with a relationship I'm in right now.

[danjones1986]

Hey, I hope everyone's having a good memorial day.

Anyways, getting to my post.  I've been involved with my girlfriend for about 7 or 8 months now.  Anyways, it's kinda weird how it's worked out for us because we went out on our first date and I admit it was pretty bad lol.  Anyways about a month later we started talking again and we decided to try it out again and it went very well the second time.  That's was about 7 months ago and since then I feel our love for one another has kinda blossomed.  We get to see a lot of each other and I'm in my mid twenties and I don't know if I've every felt this happy in a relationship before.

Before I finally get into the problem I've encountered with our relationship, I must also tell that we we're both in church before we met and we are actively seeking to have God as an important part of our relationship.

But here's the problem I've encountered with us.....


I come from a very, very conservative Christian upbringing.  She came from a Christian upbringing as well but, and this may sound funny, but it wasn't like my upbringing.  I was raised that homosexuality is wrong and a sin and she doesn't feel that way.  We had a discussion about it one time and it wasn't all that heated but I didn't back down because I know what it says in the Bible about it and I take the Bible as 100% unadultrated truth.  But anyways I was sure that that discussion was for sure the end of us.  It turns out though that it was brushed aside and we haven't talk such things for a long time.

Anyways somehow or another we got to talking about it again and she asked me what I think I would do if supposing one day we had a son and he turned out to be gay.  I must admit, I probably didn't answer the question the best way I could.  I told her I would try to change him and I feel that was a really ignorant way to answer.  I should have answered I would pray that God would move in his life and bring him out of it.  But anyhow, she then told me it would be wrong for me to try to change him and gave a big reason why, I can't exactly remember the reason.  Then she told me that she felt that homosexuals are born that way, which I do not agree with.  Luckily, both times we get on the topic of that we drop it pretty fast.

Ok, finally here's my question I quess.  What should I do in this relationship?  I know that's a tough question but I don't want to break it off with her because I love her, but our differences over homosexuality really troubles me and I would just like some other folks input.  I don't hate homosexuals because I know you got to be able to love everybody to get to Heaven, but I don't want to around such things.  Right now, I guess all I can do is pray about it.

Anyways, I hope y'all have a good day.  Thanks for any of y'all input.

[azteacher8062]

I am probably not the one to respond to this but I am going to anyway. I have several family members both within my immediate and extended that are homosexual. I am against homosexuality as a practice but it never occurred to me to no longer love them. One family member never came "out" to the younger family members although, I think we all knew. We did know that it was like the pink elephant in the room that no one talked about. He moved half way across the United States, no one ever really saw him. When I got older, he came to my wedding and my husband and I came to visit him when we moved to Arizona (he was living in San Diego). He had gotten sick and right before he passed, my mom and grandmother flew there and spent the last few weeks with him. I know my grandmother came back with a much different perspective about him and his life.  She had wished that she did not waste so much of their time, because she was not accepting of how he was living.  She was glad that she had the time to meet the people who were part of his life and how he had such a large support group.

My girlfriend stated it well. She said you hate the sin but not the sinner. I guess that is the way I choose to live my life.

Not sure if I helped and I am sure there are people here who feel much differently.

[danjones1986]

I agree with you on hating the sin not the sinner but I'm pretty sure my gf thinks homosexuality is a perfectly ok thing.  I may not have mentioned this, but I think one of the reason we get alone so good is because we try not to talked about stuff that we know's is going to push the other's buttons.  We rarely get into any kind of argument what so ever. 

[777]

Hey, I hope everyone's having a good memorial day.

Anyways, getting to my post.  I've been involved with my girlfriend for about 7 or 8 months now.  Anyways, it's kinda weird how it's worked out for us because we went out on our first date and I admit it was pretty bad lol.  Anyways about a month later we started talking again and we decided to try it out again and it went very well the second time.  That's was about 7 months ago and since then I feel our love for one another has kinda blossomed.  We get to see a lot of each other and I'm in my mid twenties and I don't know if I've every felt this happy in a relationship before.

Before I finally get into the problem I've encountered with our relationship, I must also tell that we we're both in church before we met and we are actively seeking to have God as an important part of our relationship.

But here's the problem I've encountered with us.....


I come from a very, very conservative Christian upbringing.  She came from a Christian upbringing as well but, and this may sound funny, but it wasn't like my upbringing.  I was raised that homosexuality is wrong and a sin and she doesn't feel that way.  We had a discussion about it one time and it wasn't all that heated but I didn't back down because I know what it says in the Bible about it and I take the Bible as 100% unadultrated truth.  But anyways I was sure that that discussion was for sure the end of us.  It turns out though that it was brushed aside and we haven't talk such things for a long time.

Anyways somehow or another we got to talking about it again and she asked me what I think I would do if supposing one day we had a son and he turned out to be gay.  I must admit, I probably didn't answer the question the best way I could.  I told her I would try to change him and I feel that was a really ignorant way to answer.  I should have answered I would pray that God would move in his life and bring him out of it.  But anyhow, she then told me it would be wrong for me to try to change him and gave a big reason why, I can't exactly remember the reason.  Then she told me that she felt that homosexuals are born that way, which I do not agree with.  Luckily, both times we get on the topic of that we drop it pretty fast.

Ok, finally here's my question I quess.  What should I do in this relationship?  I know that's a tough question but I don't want to break it off with her because I love her, but our differences over homosexuality really troubles me and I would just like some other folks input.  I don't hate homosexuals because I know you got to be able to love everybody to get to Heaven, but I don't want to around such things.  Right now, I guess all I can do is pray about it.

Anyways, I hope y'all have a good day.  Thanks for any of y'all input.

Wow.......you just described the last 3 years of my 9 year marriage.  Unfortunately, along with her affection for Jack Daniels........mine ended in divorce.  My ex and I had that exact conversation, with me taking YOUR viewpoint and my ex saying homosexuality is ok.  Those are real serious issues to push under the rug for a later date.  Not that I'm an expert by any means but, those are topics that have to be ironed out quickly.....ie....before marriage.  I just think the 2 of you need to be on the same page before a lifelong commitment.  You are ABSOLUTELY correct......homosexuality is a sin.......not tolerated by God....period, end of story.  Run far away from anyone who tries to convince you otherwise. 

[EmbsComputerArt]

Deut 23:17
17   There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.
(KJV)

Sodomy is an action, not a state of being.  Simple as that.  Just like all kinds of sexual intercourse, sodomy is an action.  Nobody is born having sex with people so nobody is born "gay."  Simple as that.  To say a man is born gay means they are completely under the control of some genetic force without any freewill whatsoever, some force that will compel them to have sex with men.  They will automatically have sex with members of the same sex and will not be able to stop themselves.

Wow.  That's a completely new concept invented by sodomites to justify their sin.  Your girlfriend disagrees.  Who cares?  You are the man.  You are the spiritual leader in your household.  She is to submit herself to you in this matter as in all others.  (That's supposing that such a matter would ever come up, which is a hypothetical.)  She doesn't have to agree with you, she has to submit to you.  There is a difference.  In fact she is to LEARN FROM YOU, not the pastor of the church.  At least once you are married that is.  While unmarried she is under her father's authority (see Numbers 30 for instance).

1 Cor 14:34-37
34   Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35   And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
36   What? came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only?
37   If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.
(KJV)

And

Eph 5:22-28
22   Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23   For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24   Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25   Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26   That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27   That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28   So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
(KJV)

I too have noticed, unfortunately, that most women are more accepting of sodomy than men are.  This is probably because men don't naturally want to have sex with other men and are usually repulsed by the idea, whereas women don't really care what men do.  (They pretty much ignore us most of the time anyway, but that's a different problem.)

Also, from what I've been able to gather, women view sexual intercourse as more of an act of intimacy and not necessarily as a purely sexual experience, so they don't see as much difference between normal and sodomite sex.  Well... at least that's my theory.  Mostly however, I believe it's because they are are conditioned to be accepting of "gays" by the media.  Examples would be queer eye or will and grace.

Either way, now women, like men, need to be taught that God considers sodomy to be just like other sexual sins; a willful, rebellious, act against God's law.  He lists it with adultery (which most women are against), incest (again most women are against), and bestiality (again most women against).

If a person is "born gay" then others are born a dog-screwer, or a cheater, or kissing uncle and so on.  Sex is sex right? Can't blame them right?  They were born that way right?  Once they see that connection maybe they'll change their mind... hopefully. :(

We have to recognize that even Christianity is based on pagan culture now, with modern bibles diluting verses related to the condemnation of sodomy with more "tolerant" language.  For example, Virginia Mollenkott, who worked on the NIV committee admitted that her influence did that very thing in that version and she is an open lesbian.  Those who commit sins such as this should never justify their sin by changing the word of God to fit their "lifestyle choices."

Combined with external influences, these newer Bibles, and other changes too vast to list here, have taken the salty savour out of the church and put out it's light.

Matt 5:13-16
13   Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
14   Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
15   Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
16   Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
(KJV)

Even in our churches we are now beginning to accept sexual practices that date back to the Gentile pagans of Greece and Rome (Romans chapter 1) reversing all the gains made by the conversion of the heathen in Europe and the Americas.

We have to re-educate our Christian communities in what the Bible says about SPECIFIC sins.  We are starting at the ground level friends, laying again the foundations that were destroyed.

Ps 11:3
3   If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
(KJV)

Lev 20:10-22
10   And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
11   And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
12   And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.
13   If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
14   And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.
15   And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.
16   And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
17   And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.
18   And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.
19   And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister, nor of thy father's sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.
20   And if a man shall lie with his uncle's wife, he hath uncovered his uncle's nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.
21   And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless.
22   Ye shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spue you not out.
(KJV)


Lev 18:20-25
20   Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her.
21   And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.
22   Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
23   Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.
24   Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you:
25   And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.
(KJV)

Because God groups sodomy in with adultery and incest it is not unreasonable that God would have us deal with it in our churches as he tells us to in those cases.  There was such a case that Paul told the Corinthians to deal with, which was a case of fornication and incest.

1 Cor 5:1-13
1   It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife.
2   And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.
3   For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed,
4   In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,
5   To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
6   Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
7   Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:
8   Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
9   I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
10   Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.
11   But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
12   For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
13   But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
(KJV)

We can assume that upon repentance the man may be forgiven, because there are tons of verses about that, but this above is how it's dealt with at the first.  The church IS supposed to judge those WITHIN the body, NOT those without the body.  Of course...

1 Cor 14:40
40   Let all things be done decently and in order.
(KJV)

And

Eph 4:32
32   And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
(KJV)

Col 3:12-15
12   Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13   Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14   And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
15   And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
(KJV)

And if somebody causes grief it is said...

2 Cor 2:5-11
5   But if any have caused grief, he hath not grieved me, but in part: that I may not overcharge you all.
6   Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many.
7   So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
8   Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.
9   For to this end also did I write, that I might know the proof of you, whether ye be obedient in all things.
10   To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;
11   Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.
(KJV)

So first the leaven is removed from the lump, and then reconciliation is possible if the person repents.  At least that's my understanding of it.

[k-pappy]

First of all, this is not about homosexuality.

This is about two Christians who have differing opinions.  My wife and I differ on quite a few topics...political, Biblical, literature, music, etc..

We are still married and still love each other very much.  The key is to accept the person the way they are and focus on what you have in common.

Just me

bond