Re: I cheated on my wife in a dream? (chosenone's divorce thread)

[chosenone]

Many people love to puff themselves up by saying "I would never do something some horrible."

However, the Bible tells us that pride comes before a fall, a haughty spirit before destruction.  It also tells us God hates pride.

I would encourage you to humble yourself before the Lord and let Him lift you up.  Spend time in His Word and in prayer.  Do not give the devil an opening by being proud.  Walk in humility with our Father and let Him guide your steps.

Bond

I know what you mean bond servant.There are people on this forum who are very condemning about things such as those of us who are divorced through no fault of our own, and of course they aren't divorced (YET). A man that I know said something very thoughtless to me when I sadly had to be divorced and guess what? He is now divorced himself. Pride as you say.

" It will never happen to me" sort of thing. However divorce is slightly different in that it can happen because of what another has done wheras adultery is something that we ourselves do.
I hope and pray that I would never be unfaithful, because to me it is the ultimate betrayal of our spouse,and an appalling act, and I haven't so far in 25 years of a  first marriage and 4 years in my second. I cant ever see myself being capable of doing that,nor my husband who was faithful to his wife through 23 years of a not very happy marriage with his ex, but I don't think I will challenge Satan on this!!!! Its one thing to be sure that we wont do it, and another to almost brag about the fact that we never would.

[modifies split thread title]

[dallasapple]

:qupte Chosenone"I know what you mean bond servant.There are people on this forum who are very condemning about things such as those of us who are divorced through no fault of our own, and of course they aren't divorced (YET). A man that I know said something very thoughtless to me when I sadly had to be divorced and guess what? He is now divorced himself. Pride as you say.
END QUOTE

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

[farouk]

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

(by God's grace)

[banished]

:qupte Chosenone"I know what you mean bond servant.There are people on this forum who are very condemning about things such as those of us who are divorced through no fault of our own, and of course they aren't divorced (YET). A man that I know said something very thoughtless to me when I sadly had to be divorced and guess what? He is now divorced himself. Pride as you say.
END QUOTE

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

dallasapple,

Apparently, divorce does terrible things to women? This one isn't too bad with the, "yet" stuff, but we have another divorced lady who thinks that God revels truth to her.  Look out!

I like the way Mormons believe it:  "A man's first wife can not enter Heaven until he calls her name." That belief puts the end to a lot of Mormon divorces before they started.   

[chosenone]

:qupte Chosenone"I know what you mean bond servant.There are people on this forum who are very condemning about things such as those of us who are divorced through no fault of our own, and of course they aren't divorced (YET). A man that I know said something very thoughtless to me when I sadly had to be divorced and guess what? He is now divorced himself. Pride as you say.
END QUOTE

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

I believe in the USA there is a 50% divorce rate so that is one in two.I believe also that in the church it is little different?In the UK I think it is lower, about 40%.
Many here on this forum are divorced and many through no fault of their own.Many who said it would never happen to them did end up divorced, and that is because it isn't up to us whether our spouse acts badly and a divorce ensues.We can ourselves be faithful and try our hardest but it takes two.
We may hate divorce(and who doesn't ) but very often we have no choice. Both my husband and I said it would never happen to us and we both had very long first marriages but both of us had spouses who broke the marriage covenant in different ways.
All I am saying is that none of us can ever say that our spouse will never cheat or whatever it is one day, so we cannot claim that "it will never happen to us" Millions of people have said this, and millions have had it happen to them.It is pure arrogance to claim that "I will never be divorced" as none of us know what will happen in 5,10 or 20 or 30 years time.
None of us know what our spouse may or may not do 20 or 30 or even 40 years after we marry . There but for the Grace of God go I, is a good motto.

[chosenone]

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

(by God's grace)

Amen farouk, you hit the nail on the head.
God Bless.

[chosenone]

:qupte Chosenone"I know what you mean bond servant.There are people on this forum who are very condemning about things such as those of us who are divorced through no fault of our own, and of course they aren't divorced (YET). A man that I know said something very thoughtless to me when I sadly had to be divorced and guess what? He is now divorced himself. Pride as you say.
END QUOTE

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

dallasapple,

Apparently, divorce does terrible things to women? This one isn't too bad with the, "yet" stuff, but we have another divorced lady who thinks that God revels truth to her.  Look out!

I like the way Mormons believe it:  "A man's first wife can not enter Heaven until he calls her name." That belief puts the end to a lot of Mormon divorces before they started.  

Divorce is very painful for both men and women, but praise God he uses us in amazing ways just as he does people who have been through other horrible things, and he also loves and delights to restore to us all that we have lost. Praise God I have never been happier or closer to God than I am right now. Praise God that He does indeed reveal truth to men and women whatever their circumstances.

After all, look at David. An adulterer and murderer who was called "a man after Gods own heart" Isn't God amazing the way He uses fallible   people like you and I banished? Its a good job really as otherwise he would have no one to use.

As for what the mormons believe. Do you seriously believe in (or care about) what the mormons do or say? They are a cult. Their beliefs are totally off the wall and not in line with scripture.Very strange.

As I said it can happen to anyone. Some of the nicest,best and most godly people I know have had to endure the trauma of a divorce.God has healed them and they are a delight.

We all have weakness and we all make mistakes and we all have fears, pride or whatever it is. Thank God that we have Jesus who died so that our sins are both forgiven and forgotton. Pity that a few Christians cannot forget what God has.

[dallasapple]

:qupte Chosenone"I know what you mean bond servant.There are people on this forum who are very condemning about things such as those of us who are divorced through no fault of our own, and of course they aren't divorced (YET). A man that I know said something very thoughtless to me when I sadly had to be divorced and guess what? He is now divorced himself. Pride as you say.
END QUOTE

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

I believe in the USA there is a 50% divorce rate so that is one in two.I believe also that in the church it is little different?In the UK I think it is lower, about 40%.
Many here on this forum are divorced and many through no fault of their own.Many who said it would never happen to them did end up divorced, and that is because it isn't up to us whether our spouse acts badly and a divorce ensues.We can ourselves be faithful and try our hardest but it takes two.
We may hate divorce(and who doesn't ) but very often we have no choice. Both my husband and I said it would never happen to us and we both had very long first marriages but both of us had spouses who broke the marriage covenant in different ways.
All I am saying is that none of us can ever say that our spouse will never cheat or whatever it is one day, so we cannot claim that "it will never happen to us" Millions of people have said this, and millions have had it happen to them.It is pure arrogance to claim that "I will never be divorced" as none of us know what will happen in 5,10 or 20 or 30 years time.
None of us know what our spouse may or may not do 20 or 30 or even 40 years after we marry . There but for the Grace of God go I, is a good motto.

I do agree its arrogant to say that will never happen to me.Its just if you say to someone "your not divorced "(yet) it implies that they will inevitably be divorced at some point in time.

I mean I wouldnt say to you ..your not divorced twice (yet).

And I'll have to do the research again..its complicated but that 50% divorce rate isnt enitirely accurate from what I understand.But yes the divorce rate is high and its higher amongst Christians in fact.

Love

Dallas

[banished]

Chosenone,

Even though you may argue with the docterin of the Mormon Chuch in America. You can not dispute the joy and happiness of the marriages and and families of those that are living this religion. Couples living this religion are the happiest people on earth. That is why divorse rate for regular temple attendies is only 2 or 3% ,97 to 98% stay very happily married, compared to 50% in the world. including among other churchs. Seek to really understand this gospel and it has the most beautiful teachings.

[Hehealedme]

.

[Louis_Immanuel]

The mormon teaching in my opinion has alot to do with blocking the outside world. It is easy to live right among a righteous population. You can't cheat on your wife if all the other wives are very faithful to their husbands, only in your heart you can commit adultery by thinking about it. This is how the old jewish population was and that's why people who were evil were immediatly stoned to death, in order not to spread evil and make it easier for others to sin, especially the young population who are always watching what the adults are doing and following their example.
But after Christ came everything changed and we are sent as sheeps to the wolves. This would be an entirely new topic... and a big one.

[chosenone]

Chosenone,

Even though you may argue with the docterin of the Mormon Chuch in America. You can not dispute the joy and happiness of the marriages and and families of those that are living this religion. Couples living this religion are the happiest people on earth. That is why divorse rate for regular temple attendies is only 2 or 3% ,97 to 98% stay very happily married, compared to 50% in the world. including among other churchs. Seek to really understand this gospel and it has the most beautiful teachings.

 The reason why there are few divorces there is becuase for many if them the women are not allowed to divorce.They may be happy, they may not,  I dont know, but if they are going to hell, then what is the point? This life is fleeting and hell is forever.

[chosenone]

Chosenone,

Even though you may argue with the docterin of the Mormon Chuch in America. You can not dispute the joy and happiness of the marriages and and families of those that are living this religion. Couples living this religion are the happiest people on earth. That is why divorse rate for regular temple attendies is only 2 or 3% ,97 to 98% stay very happily married, compared to 50% in the world. including among other churchs. Seek to really understand this gospel and it has the most beautiful teachings.

How do you know that these marriages are happy and how do you know that they are the happiest people on earth? Do you know many of them? Have you asked them? Are you close enough to them to know what is going on in their lives? My neighbour is a mormon and he never seems happy.

[chosenone]

You realy need to stop saying "yet". some people actually dont get divorced.

Love

Dallas

(by God's grace)

I am not sure if what I am about to say is accurate with the subject of this thread but I have been wanting to say this for a very long time...I guess I am ready to say it...

On 2006's Father's Day, the day that my husband announced that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted a divorce, I had told him just a few minutes earlier that day that I would never ask for such a thing. Quite the contrary, I tried to explain to him that I wanted for us both to work on our marriage because things weren't going so well, that I loved him and that I wanted for us to grow old together until death do us part...I believed it strongly and was being honest with him.

I still wonder to this day...if I hadn't said the word ''divorce'' in the conversation, would he have asked for it on that specific day anyways?...or maybe would it have happened simply on a later date?...was then the divorce partly my fault ? ? ?...I can't answer that but I will say one thing...it has been very hard since he left me but I do admit that I am a much happier person now than I have ever been before...and the mother-daughter relationship I now have with my daughter has never been better than it is now...

No hehealedme, you are not responsible for your husband leaving you, cheating on you, or going to live with the other lady. Jesus himself says anyway that of our spouses leaves us and/or cheats, divorce is allowed.
Dont blame yourself. Its not your responsibility.

[Hehealedme]

.

[chosenone]

Hi hehealedme. You are only responsible for your own behaviour, but not his.If you have asked God for forgiveness for anything that you may have done that contributed to his actions, then you are forgiven, wiped clean and God has forgotton it.

As you say it is all in the past and God has good things for your future He loves to restore to us all that we have lost..

[Hehealedme]

.

[Hehealedme]

.

[BAH-BLAH]

No one who is divorcED by their spouse is responsible for that divorce. And in the cases lacking Biblical cause, the filer is responsible for the divorce period.

These things are not w/ nuance. They are plain.

[chosenone]

Yes bah blah, I agree. If we divorce for evident Biblical reasons then we arent sinning. If we divorce for selfish reasons then we are.
if we are divorced by our spouse there is little that we can do to stop it. This is why many of those who are divorced are being condemned for doing nothing wrong. We are only responsible for what we ourselves have done.

[chosenone]

Hi hehealedme. You are only responsible for your own behaviour, but not his.If you have asked God for forgiveness for anything that you may have done that contributed to his actions, then you are forgiven, wiped clean and God has forgotton it.

As you say it is all in the past and God has good things for your future He loves to restore to us all that we have lost..

That reminds me of something else....the day I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour in 2004, (two years before my husband left me for that other woman) I wrote something on another board to some of the Christian ladies...I said how I believed that I wasn't responsible for other people's sins, including my husband's...I could only ask forgiveness for my own sins!...

By the way, I never cheated on my husband, never...

Your husband will need to ask for forgiverness for what he himself did, if he ever comes to Christ.
Like you, neither my husband or I cheated on our ex's.

[chosenone]

Hi hehealedme. You are only responsible for your own behaviour, but not his.If you have asked God for forgiveness for anything that you may have done that contributed to his actions, then you are forgiven, wiped clean and God has forgotton it.

As you say it is all in the past and God has good things for your future He loves to restore to us all that we have lost..

Yes I have asked God for His forgiveness I felt sooooo bad!... ...I have also, on the same day, asked my now ex-husband's forgiveness but he coldly stared at me and plainly refused it...  

I did lose my daughter for those three years (until she came back to me a month and a half ago), so while this was going on and still is since I am still working there, I got to take care of eleven people each and every day!...so God does restore to us all that we have lost...and plenty more!...


ps: while I was writing this, my boss called me to ask me to go buy some cup-a-soup for some of the residents that have a bad cold. I will bring it over tomorrow when I got back to work...they will have to spend the next few days in their own bedrooms so that the other residents don't catch it...it's as if I was acting as their mom!...

So God has given you your very own 'family'. Isnt He amazing?. He knows exactly what we all need, and He loves to fill our lives with good things.
God Bless.

[Mac]

But yes the divorce rate is high and its higher amongst Christians in fact.

I am not saying that some Christian do not get divorced, because they do. They are sinning, but they do. However, there are a lot of the people who claim to be Christians who aren't. That is also a fact. There are a lot of people who claim to be Christans who have been married 5 times and have broken up families with adulterous affairs... But there they are, in the pew on Sunday. Their mouth says one thing, but their actions PROVE another.

[chosenone]

But yes the divorce rate is high and its higher amongst Christians in fact.

I am not saying that some Christian do not get divorced, because they do. They are sinning, but they do. However, there are a lot of the people who claim to be Christians who aren't. That is also a fact. There are a lot of people who claim to be Christans who have been married 5 times and have broken up families with adulterous affairs... But there they are, in the pew on Sunday. Their mouth says one thing, but their actions PROVE another.

mac I have 2 very brave friends who divorced their husbands due to their children being in danger (sexually) from their husbands.(One had already abused his children and one was showing serious signs that he may well do so) Was that a sin? What other choice did they have?.Where does the Bible say that divorce is a sin if is is due to sexual immorality?Where does it say that it is a sin if your spouse divorces you and you can do nothing about it?
It is what causes the divorce that breaks the covenant, and not the divorce itself. Now if a person divorced their spouse for selfish reasons or because they have someone else that is different, but it can still be forgiven if that person later truly repents.

I agree about the adultery bit.However David did this and murdered as well and once her repented he was forgiven. I hate adultery but it happens even among Christians sadly. However if that person turns around, repents and asks for forgiveness, then it is dealt with.

[Mac]

mac I have 2 very brave friends who divorced their husbands due to their children being in danger (sexually) from their husbands.(One had already abused his children and one was showing serious signs that he may well do so) Was that a sin? What other choice did they have?.Where does the Bible say that divorce is a sin if is is due to sexual immorality?Where does it say that it is a sin if your spouse divorces you and you can do nothing about it?
It is what causes the divorce that breaks the covenant, and not the divorce itself. Now if a person divorced their spouse for selfish reasons or because they have someone else that is different, but it can still be forgiven if that person later truly repents.

I agree about the adultery bit.However David did this and murdered as well and once her repented he was forgiven. I hate adultery but it happens even among Christians sadly. However if that person turns around, repents and asks for forgiveness, then it is dealt with.

I did not clearly state what I meant. I was trying to say (post) that there are people who call themselves Christians, and live these lives of an adulterer/fornicator/liar. They divorce their spouse for unjust causes, and remarry. Simply because they are tired of their spouse. I have seen this many times.

And you are correct, there is nothing wrong with separating yourself (and children) from a bad situation. Does that mean divorce? No, not necessarily. It may mean a separation for a season to allow God to work in the spouses life. It could also mean divorce. But that is up to God.

I think one of the areas that Christians need to mature is in the area of divorce. Just because your spouse does something to you that would justify divorce, that doesn't mean divorce should be the only option. God can and will heal marriages. All of them? No, of course not. Because it takes two. God will not force his will on someone. But forgiveness and restoration/reconciliation is very possible. God can work wonders when He is allowed to.

But, you are right... A person should not be abused. They should remove themselves from it asap.

[chosenone]

mac I have 2 very brave friends who divorced their husbands due to their children being in danger (sexually) from their husbands.(One had already abused his children and one was showing serious signs that he may well do so) Was that a sin? What other choice did they have?.Where does the Bible say that divorce is a sin if is is due to sexual immorality?Where does it say that it is a sin if your spouse divorces you and you can do nothing about it?
It is what causes the divorce that breaks the covenant, and not the divorce itself. Now if a person divorced their spouse for selfish reasons or because they have someone else that is different, but it can still be forgiven if that person later truly repents.

I agree about the adultery bit.However David did this and murdered as well and once her repented he was forgiven. I hate adultery but it happens even among Christians sadly. However if that person turns around, repents and asks for forgiveness, then it is dealt with.

I did not clearly state what I meant. I was trying to say (post) that there are people who call themselves Christians, and live these lives of an adulterer/fornicator/liar. They divorce their spouse for unjust causes, and remarry. Simply because they are tired of their spouse. I have seen this many times.

And you are correct, there is nothing wrong with separating yourself (and children) from a bad situation. Does that mean divorce? No, not necessarily. It may mean a separation for a season to allow God to work in the spouses life. It could also mean divorce. But that is up to God.

I think one of the areas that Christians need to mature is in the area of divorce. Just because your spouse does something to you that would justify divorce, that doesn't mean divorce should be the only option. God can and will heal marriages. All of them? No, of course not. Because it takes two. God will not force his will on someone. But forgiveness and restoration/reconciliation is very possible. God can work wonders when He is allowed to.

But, you are right... A person should not be abused. They should remove themselves from it asap.

Thanks Mac. yes I know quite a few people (including a few Christians)who have divorced because they want someone else, and that is clearly forbidden in the bible.It is extremely selfish, wrong and disobeying God. Others divorce because they are 'bored' or have 'fallen out of love' (and I know a few like this as well) and that is also extremely selfish and wrong.

The two women I mentioned are both Christians but I would never advise anyone to reconcile with a paedophile.They are very good at repentance when they are discovered and saying that they will never do it again, but they cannot usually be believed, They are master manipulators. Both women knew that God was leading them to stay away permanently and divorce.
In the family with younger children, the father is only allowed supervised visits once a week, and in the other where the kids were much older
they never ever see their dad. He cant be trusted, as has been proven.
Somethings are just too bad and serious to be risked, I am sure many will agree.

[Mac]

Somethings are just too bad and serious to be risked, I am sure many will agree.

I agree as well.