How do I know what God wants for me? What should I do?

[OverIt]

For the past couple of months, I've known the most amazing guy. He has been nothing but interested in me. I can write an essay on all the things he does to show me that he likes me. However, I'll just list a few ...

My friends goes out of his way to talk to me, to be kind to me. He does not treat me the same as other girls. All my family and friends feel that he is interested in me.

Even so, he hasn't asked me out. Now this is the problem:

He acts like he likes me, but doesn't do anything. I do not know what to believe anymore. He's an amazing guy; I don't know what went wrong. Is it my fault for believing that he likes me?

I don't understand what to do. I pray to God to deliver me from this mess, but I end up just falling even more in love with this guy. How do I know what God wants from AND for me?

Do I just give up on this guy? I'm tired of hurting so much ....

When will God answer my prayers?

[notmyown2010]

From my current experience (see thread 'Fully Relying on Him') I think it is a great thing that it has happened over a longer period of time.  From what I have learned in the last several months, I suggest just letting it progress naturally.

I personally have a rather difficult time transitioning from talking about random things that I talk about with girls I'm interested in (now currently singular) to the things that are more relationship oriented. Another thing I suggest is just give everything fully to God. Your ambitions, your goals, your desires....everything! Pray without ceasing. I, too, am in the middle of waiting on Him. It isn't very comfortable, but I know He has a plan...and that He will reveal it eventually.

If I have learned anything, it is to be patient. Don't rush things. Rushing things causes major issues that are very hard to address and overcome. If it is in His will, He will let it happen in His time. Just keep focused on Him and ask Him what you should be doing to better prepare yourself if it is in His will that something should happen between the two of you.

I hope that this helps you. May the Lord Bless You and Keep You!

[janine]

You say it's only a been couple of months?

I can recall some people, their stories told in Scripture, who had to wait a lot longer for their own hearts' desires to come to fruition.

Abraham and Sara -- Abram and Sarai - had to wait until they were, like, really really really old.  Esther had to wait for years and years, and had to suffer humiliation and be mistunderstood, before she got what she so earnestly desired from her spouse.  And even then, when she did get it, she had to give it up in a little handful of years.

You are wallowing in the throes of infatuation right now.  The ol' hormones are kicking in, the brain is awash in a sea of endorphins.  This certainly puts a pair of rose-colored glasses on your nose, thru which you are seeing this dude.  Has he any human flaws, that you can see, or is he Practically Perfect in Every Way?

Anyway -- you are being a perfectly normal young woman.  Try to hang onto your self-possession.  If you spend time with the guy, try to do it in a context of family and friends, giving you time to chat and draw involvement from other people too.

And is there something wrong with you asking the guy to go out with you, for coffee and dessert at the bookstore cafe?  Is there something wrong with you asking him to go with you to a flea market or a museum or a company picnic or a church event?  Are you waiting on the guy to ask you because you see every possible interaction with him as a big old Capital "D" Date and necessarily romantical? 

Rather than seeing him "asking you out" as this huge indication of undying luuuuurve, try to look at it this way:  See spending time with him as simply "getting to know you" -- the same exact way you would want to get to know someone who would be your neighbor, or your pet's babysitter during your family vacation, or your lab partner on a big project at school.

The best thing to do, while walking this up-and-down road of Looking For Love, is to simply be yourself and make the most of yourself, looking to Jesus, as you go along.  That way, if/when the Right One comes along, you will be a person who is fit to be with in the first place.

[janine]

(And P.S., manna to you for thinking of all of this in terms of God still being in control.)

[chosenone]

I agree with Janine, why not mention to him that you would like to go out with him sometimes.Ask him for a coffee. Maybe he is shy and nervous about doing this. Maybe another option is for someone that you trust to have a little word with him to see if he is interested. You wont know if you dont ask.

If I hadnt contacted my husband on the internet dating site, I wouldnt be happily married now. Sometimes we have to be a bit proactive. I dont go with all this "women have to sit back and wait" thing.

[janine]

Yeah, it's not like you're tossing your semi-clad self across his lap, yelling "I wanna have your babies!"  It's just doing an activity together, something simple and wholesome... like attending a church meeting.  Or having a picnic under a shade tree in a public park.  Seeing a movie or a play.  Something uplifting is good.

[janine]

Thinking in very old-fashioned ways... the picnic idea shows him you can cook.

Well, I'm just saying...   

[JohnDB]

As a single man/Bachelor...

I can tell you that as far as a home cooked meal...

I am soooo there for that...and all about that...

[comfy]

If anyone here has gotten a Holy Spirit discernment guaranteeing you belong together, I definitely do not want to speak against what the Holy Spirit has guaranteed and called you to.

But if ones, here, are answering in general terms, I'm suspicious about someone giving you so much attention, more than others, since in Jesus' Family we are equal. And you are apparently confused and hurt about this, with no satisfying communication with him? I'd say a man you belong with will minister you into love and peace about knowing God's will; God is not the author of confusion. I think being "awesome" includes personal ability to communicate and connect and make things clear, "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

If he is making a major show of how great you are and how awesome he is, this might not be humble. We need to humble ourselves to God, not be making a major demonstration of how great we are. And there are our senior Christian examples who we need to honor, first, above ourselves. I think God's love is balanced, having us think and feeling most highly about our senior "examples" (1 Peter 5:3) who feed us how to love and obey God and how to relate with all our brothers and sisters as equals, not exalting any favorites above anyone else.

"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

You are saying he is so "awesome"; yet, you apparently do not know where he is at. This means you do not really know him, possibly. So, I'm a little suspicious of this.

But, in case ones can guarantee that God has shown them that you belong together, I'd say his being distant is giving you time to get more with God and get to know whoever knows him personally and who understands him well, so these people can help you get to know how he really is, and not only how you in some excitement and confusion are perceiving him. Take your time, get in God's peace making you clear and emotionally stable so you are more ready for Christian relating in marriage. Learn to rest in the LORD, now; "He is *more* awesome, and we *know* our Groom Jesus is interested in you " So, give *Him* your attention!

A spend time with more mature saints who can show you how to relate and make a marriage work well, so you can bring this into marriage with whoever you really belong with. And I think marriage needs to be *humble*, not so advertised and boasted like we are seeing in America with her fifty-percent divorce rate "Humble is better "

[DarrenC]

Sometimes we men need a little help, sometimes it can be hard to make the move.  Have you made it obvious that you like him?  If you have made it obvious, then this is what I would seggest:

My advice would be to talk to him about this situation.  I think that the traditional rules of men approaching women are not always the best method.  I think it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to approach a man, for this reason I think you should have a private conversation with him and tell him that you find him a very respectable and interesting man, and that it would be an honor to get to know him better and pursue a relationship if that be God's will. 

[4Jesus]

If you have to pull someone kicking and screaming to the alter...then, move on.  Wait for someone who wants to marry you yesterday.  End of story.

[DarrenC]

If you have to pull someone kicking and screaming to the alter...then, move on.  Wait for someone who wants to marry you yesterday.  End of story.

You bring up a good point, I have seen friends in this situation and it was not pleasant, nor did it end in marriage. 

[IamStefanie]

Don't get into despair just yet. If you can easily see that the guy is interested in you, then there is nothing wrong wtih asking him to spend time with you (as Janine pointed out). Be subtle, and keep it simple. And don't expect anything major, just have good convo, get to know one another, and a public place is essential at this point. (janine gave good examples on that too).
And I believe as time progresses, God will show you whether you should proceed with this young man or not.
I hope everything works out for you!