Please give some advice

[j]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. My girlfriend recently broke up with me after 2 years 8 months and 2 days. We are both seniors in high school, so we are very young. We had the best relationship imaginable, though. We were both a million percent sure we were going to get married. I mean a million percent. Our relationship was founded on Christ and it was perfect. We had countless wonderful experiences together. We had promise/purity rings. I remember everything. I will never forget a moment I spent with her. She assured me for the entire time we were together that she felt exactly the same way about me. Every day. We each drew each other closer to God every day. I felt it. I could see Jesus in everything she said and did.  I think I will always be in love with her.

But I messed it all up. I don't know how it happened. It just took one big argument. It was so quick. I lost her. I just got too confident in our love and took her for granted I suppose. This is my first heartbreak. It. Hurts. I'm sure many of you understand that. I didn't realize how big of a deal it was until she said our relationship is at stake. I didn't even know I was hurting her. I was such a fool. I can never make up for it.

We talked and basically came to the conclusion that we will wait for college to see if we can get back together. I can wait that long. She is so worth it. She said she still loves me and she forgives me, but she can't just forget...  I feel infinately terrible about this whole thing but there is no way I can convey that to her in a way that she truly believes me.

It doesn't feel like she still loves me or even wants me anymore. I still can't imagine that this is all happening. All I know is that I have to win her back. I have to. This was as close as you can get to a marriage without actually being married yet. I know that sounds silly coming from a high schooler, but I mean it. Something is definately wrong with this situation. There is a lot going on right now that may have just messed with both of our minds. This can't be real.
I will just pray continuously that she remembers all of my good qualities and loves me in spite of my bad.

I am not mad at her at all. I miss her so much. I just need to post here because I know I can't go off ranting to her about it or I will come across as pathetic and needy. The break up is still very fresh and I am certain that I still have some chance with her. I truly think it was meant to be and I always have.  Now there is definately a huge hole in my heart and in my life. Please feel free to comment as you wish. I just need people to talk to. God bless!

[Orion7]

First and foremost , you have to Forgive  yourself .
You're human -and- we make mistakes ; it's through adversity where our true character comes out .
You sound remoresful for taking your former girlfriend for granted ; the thing you must do on a daily basis is pray to the LORD for strength .
Most of all put GOD first in your life , because from what you've shared here . . .  it seems like you made your girlfriend more important than everyone .

Focus on yourself -and- those who have your best interest at heart .

This is just a  " Life Lesson " . . . . learn from this experience , don't be afraid to seek the advice of an elder .
You can -and- will get pass this .

[chosenone]

It seems hard to believe that if she is the one for you, that she would break up over an argument, and one mistake on your part. In a relationship or marriage we all take each other for granted at some point., but we dont break up over it. Could it be this was an excuse to end it?

[j]

I have definately thought about it being an excuse. I told her its ok if she has fallen out of love with me she can tell the truth. But she still said she loves me. I understand that it would be hard for her to admit it, but if thats the real reason I really wish she did. Also, I have forgiven myself because I know I didn't intend to hurt her at allll. But for the fact that I put so little thought into my words and truly hurt her so deeply... I don't know. Honestly I do think she completely overreacted and took it the wrong way, but I just can't blame her. She is going through a very rough time right now. Thank you for your advice. God is definately first in my life and He is with me through this. He is the only thing keeping me calm and He is truly doing a good job. :P        I will continue to pray for her either to realize the extent of what she has given up or to at least give me the truth.  I really believe that this was no reason for us to break up. Honestly I hope more than anything that this experience will only make our relationship stronger when and if we get back together.  I praaaaayyyyy that one day we do. But above all I acknowledge that God IS in control and He will make this for the best.  Thank you again.

[chosenone]

Do you think it is possible that God is using this to show you that she isnt the one? If a person cant survive a row and a bit of a bad patch in a relationship, then that doesnt bode well for a future marriage to be honest. What would she do if you were married and you had to go through somethng much worse (and most marriage will do). Would she leave you?Would she stick around and work it through?
It may be that she is still immature, and you did say that you were still young(sorry I am British and I dont know what ages you are in High school, it is 17 or 18?). The thing she says about waiting for college sounds strange. What is going to change then?I dont understand that.You may not even be at the same college.

The thing is that my husband and I had a terrible time in the first year and a half of our relationshop and marriage. His mum tried to break us up after we  had been married for only a few months, we had problems with our children/step children accepting the other(they adore him now), his ex wife made things very hard for us even though she divorced him, and we both had lots of baggage, but we not only survived but we came through stronger. Now of course we were much much older that you,and I appreciate that this makes a big difference.Also we both knew for sure that we would marry. 

All you can do is to wait and pray and ask God to either bring you back together if she is the one for you, or to help you to get over her if she isnt. I know its very painful, but God always wants the VERY best for you, whether it is her or one day another lovely lady. If she bails out at the first big problem, then maybe she doesnt have the committment that she needs to be in a serious relationship. I have to say that if I really loved  a guy I would stay unless he had been unfaithful or something REALLY serious. She is acting as if you have done something so bad, but to be honest from what you said it doesnt sound as if you have. In a relationship we ALL take each other for granted sometimes, it happens.

[MosesTheLevite]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. My girlfriend recently broke up with me after 2 years 8 months and 2 days. We are both seniors in high school, so we are very young. We had the best relationship imaginable, though. We were both a million percent sure we were going to get married. I mean a million percent. Our relationship was founded on Christ and it was perfect. We had countless wonderful experiences together. We had promise/purity rings. I remember everything. I will never forget a moment I spent with her. She assured me for the entire time we were together that she felt exactly the same way about me. Every day. We each drew each other closer to God every day. I felt it. I could see Jesus in everything she said and did.  I think I will always be in love with her.

But I messed it all up. I don't know how it happened. It just took one big argument. It was so quick. I lost her. I just got too confident in our love and took her for granted I suppose. This is my first heartbreak. It. Hurts. I'm sure many of you understand that. I didn't realize how big of a deal it was until she said our relationship is at stake. I didn't even know I was hurting her. I was such a fool. I can never make up for it.

We talked and basically came to the conclusion that we will wait for college to see if we can get back together. I can wait that long. She is so worth it. She said she still loves me and she forgives me, but she can't just forget...  I feel infinately terrible about this whole thing but there is no way I can convey that to her in a way that she truly believes me.

It doesn't feel like she still loves me or even wants me anymore. I still can't imagine that this is all happening. All I know is that I have to win her back. I have to. This was as close as you can get to a marriage without actually being married yet. I know that sounds silly coming from a high schooler, but I mean it. Something is definately wrong with this situation. There is a lot going on right now that may have just messed with both of our minds. This can't be real.
I will just pray continuously that she remembers all of my good qualities and loves me in spite of my bad.

I am not mad at her at all. I miss her so much. I just need to post here because I know I can't go off ranting to her about it or I will come across as pathetic and needy. The break up is still very fresh and I am certain that I still have some chance with her. I truly think it was meant to be and I always have.  Now there is definately a huge hole in my heart and in my life. Please feel free to comment as you wish. I just need people to talk to. God bless!

"Now there is definately a huge hole in my heart and in my life. Please feel free to comment as you wish."


Here is your real problem.

Love the Lord thy God with all your heart.

Now that I have pointed out to you...your real problem...now you can start filling in that huge hole in your heart...with God.

Let me give you some more real good awesome advise...

Any time you love a woman or anything else more than you love God...

You will endure great sorrow or grief somewhere on that path.

[janine]

And of course there's the usual comment I make whenever someone super-young is in a romantic relationship -- "Boy, I have underwear older than you!"

In other words, you are atypically young, for Western culture anyway, to be tying yourself to a woman.  I assume she's about your age, which means I also have underwear older than she. 

Yes, the intensity of feeling is incredible, yes, there's euphoria when things are running well and frantic depressed pain when things are not going well.  I don't mean to belittle your experience.

But you're young, yet.  Try to chill.  Take the time apart to reconsider exactly why you feel you need to be paired up at this time in life.  Pray pray pray.

[j]

:) I have to say I love this forum, lol. Thank you all so much. Well, things just got a lot more complicated and then a lot more simple. Last week she called me and she was bawling and begging me to come back and she said she shouldn't have broken up with me and she forgives me for everything. I said ok, but this time we are going to have to set some emotional boundaries for our relationship because obviously we are too dependent on each other. So we did. We talked for a bit the next day and scheduled our next date and we were both so very happy. Then came thursday and she didn't talk to me or answer any messages and friday she broke up with me again and said she just didn't love me anymore, that was the real reason afterall. I don't want to try understanding her logic, lol. But now thankfully I think I will be able to get over her in a matter of time as long as I stay busy and keep praying. She really did hurt me though, we didn't get to go out afterall and she ditched me for someone else for the prom. Deep down I could never hate her but I am pretty angry at the fact that she broke pretty much every promise she ever made to me. So I'm not going to talk to her again until I cool off, for the sake of our friendship. Anyways, all of your advice is very helpful and I will take everything to heart. The underwear thing made me laugh. :)

[MosesTheLevite]

:) I have to say I love this forum, lol. Thank you all so much. Well, things just got a lot more complicated and then a lot more simple. Last week she called me and she was bawling and begging me to come back and she said she shouldn't have broken up with me and she forgives me for everything. I said ok, but this time we are going to have to set some emotional boundaries for our relationship because obviously we are too dependent on each other. So we did. We talked for a bit the next day and scheduled our next date and we were both so very happy. Then came thursday and she didn't talk to me or answer any messages and friday she broke up with me again and said she just didn't love me anymore, that was the real reason afterall. I don't want to try understanding her logic, lol. But now thankfully I think I will be able to get over her in a matter of time as long as I stay busy and keep praying. She really did hurt me though, we didn't get to go out afterall and she ditched me for someone else for the prom. Deep down I could never hate her but I am pretty angry at the fact that she broke pretty much every promise she ever made to me. So I'm not going to talk to her again until I cool off, for the sake of our friendship. Anyways, all of your advice is very helpful and I will take everything to heart. The underwear thing made me laugh. :)

Actually the Lord did you a great blessing.

He showed you the hidden Truth that you would have not seen other wise.

untill it was far to late.

My advise to you is

remember Lot's wife...

what happened to her when she looked back.

Just something you might ought to consider when the temptation comes upon you...

and it will come upon you.

[j]

Hmmm.. I like that advice. :)   I am constantly being tempted and I really needed that. Thank you very much and God bless.  Oh and if anyone was wondering about college and how that would make a difference the thing is that she and I never really got to see each other in person very often because her dad never lets her out of the house, but next year she will be living with her grandma, so we would be able to see each other in person more often than just instant messenger. And yea we are definately going to the same college. Can everyone pray with me just for the Lord to bless her?  Of course I still love her and want her to be happy.  :)