what makes a good

[Cally]

There are many ways to "skin a cat". (To borrow an expression)

What we are talking about is the method you used today to get your desires across.  

What "method"? You expressed your opinion regarding the OP and so did I. Mine was just two sentences long until this little debate ensued, but you sound like you're seeing ten others that aren't even there.

[yesult]

By the way, yesult, Solomon did not "die a heathen."

He did actually, look it up. Solomon turned from God to idol worship because of his marriage to so many heathen wives, the bible clearly records it. The bible never records his repentence from that sin and any turning back to God afterwards. If he had of it would be there.

He wrote Proverbs firstly, apparently he knew what he was doing in "Song of Songs,"

yes, he wasn't always a idol worshipper. He turned. Because of his greed for women and the results that brought on his head.

and then he wrote Ecclesiastes which chronicled his hit or miss lifetime and concluded: obey God and keep his commands, for this is the entire duty of man.

Not hit and miss. Obedience and disobedience. Solomon had more wisdom then any man who had ever lived. God gave him that gift. God tells us that his gifts are irrevocable. Solomon knew that God was God. But he chose to sin and turn from him anyway.

I might also add, that in in the book of ecclesiaties (which scholars tells us was written when he was an idolator, he also writes -

Ecc 2:13
Then I saw that wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness. The wise have eyes in their head but fools walk in darkness. Yet I perceived that the same fate befalls all of them. Then I said to myself, 'What happens to the fool will happen to me also; why then have I been so very wise?" And I said to myself that this also is vanity. For there is no enduring remembrance of the wise or of fools, seeing that in the days to come all will have been long forgotten. How can the wise die just like fools? So I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me, for all is vanity and chasing after the wind.

He married crazy women

No he married heathen women. Clearly and deliberatly.

who got him to build shrines to foreign gods

He could have said no.

--he gave in to the women,

Because he chose to.

though there's no reason to believe he actually worshiped those gods.

1 Kings 11
As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech  the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done. On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods. The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord's command.

Moreover, I have heard plenty of "rules" and judgments and criticisms for men from Phoebe and yesult, only you don't have any scripture to back yourselves up.

lol. Prove it. I'm pretty careful about my scripture use, and so is Phoebe from my observations. But an unprovable accusation is easy to throw about isn't it.

[IamStefanie]

What makes a good person an asset to a relationship? First, being a lover of Jesus.
Next, being a loving person. Loving someone outside of yourself but with the love of God.
And the rest usually falls in line (for me, anway)...

[arleigh]

I've spent years over this subject ,it is almost a countrodiction in terms.
Both Jesus, and Paul recomend being single. A person is not a complete person getting married . Getting married Just made it twice a complicated, to immature people spiritually, trying to find God's perfect will ?
   Truth be told, what people want, is a person not too dedicated to the Lord, so that they can share some devotion to one another as well. split loyalties. boy is that complicated.
  Ideally,
a person trusting and obeying God, will have what He needs when he needs it .Running ahead of God always produces a snag. every time there are no exceptions, of course no one listens , "But I'm the exception" don't fool your self.
  Has God instructed you to get a mate ?
or is it social pressure.
If the thing we are pursuing is not directed of the Lord why do it?
We are not comissioned to blend with the world, but live on an eternal plane under Jesus Lordship, His direction . Get that part right in our life ,then if a tiime comes some one equally obedient arrives , you will know God's will.

[Josiah]

What makes a good guy or girl in a relationship?

Of course I'm only interested in guys but guys give your opinions on girls too! If you wish :)

Examples: Christian :P

Well, here's my "list" but I gotta say, I think I'm typical "guy" in that I don't "micro manage" this - just as I can't tell you what my s/o wore last night, I can't give you the exact list - in order - of why she is my s/o.  But...  Except for the first, these are in no specific order (it's a package deal).


* Christian.   It's such a BIG part of who I am that I just find it hard to "connect" and truely relate to one who does not share this.  And, IMHO, it suggests a lot in terms of humility, forgiveness, service.


* Positive.  Attitude and focus is very compelling, very sexy.  I'm turned off by someone who is always "down" or who just seems too critical.  On the other hand, I'm attracted to one who smiles, who just seems cheerful and positive, to one who speaks well of others, who sees the glass "half full."  One of the first girls I was attracted too was actually pretty "average" in looks and a bit over weight, but I so liked her heart, her attitude, her smile, how she was so supportive and helpful to others.  It matters more than most girls think it does.


*  Interesting.  A pretty dumb blonde is great for about 10 minutes.  I like a good conversationalist, someone who is interesting, who can talk about many things.  Lots of different interests and likes.


* Physically attractive.  I KNOW this gets me in trouble with the girls, and it's NOT #1 on my list - but it IS on my list. When other guys say it's not on their list, I kinda think they're lying.  I'm attacted to a very cute girl.  I have my own "tastes" - I tend to like the athletic types and smaller girls, and yeah, I'm a sucker for the blonde/blue's.   Think Hilary Duff, Kristin Dunst or Kate Hudson.  My favorite spectator sport is women's beach volleyball, lol.   Okay, start trowing tomatoes.  


*  Good manners and hygiene.  Honestly, this matters!!!  I like girls that are polite, know how to handle social situations, can eat at a nice restaurant.  And there's no substitute for baths, mouthwash.   Oh, and related to this:  one of the biggest "turn offs" of all - smoking.  


*  Not controlling.  Some girls just seem to be very into the game.  They have huge agendas - and they are very skilled at getting what they want.  This scrares the _________ out of me and causes me to run (not walk).  I'm actually okay with agendas, but be open and honest about such - and discuss it.  I don't like to feel used, conned.   No one does.


*  Respectful.  I'm weird.  I admit it.  I have some pretty strong core values.  I don't always ask others to share them, but I want them to respect them.  Trying to get me to violate my own values is related to the issue above.  Again, I'm actually very open to discussions - but that's different than disrespecting me or trying to controll me.  Related to this is Truthful.  It's just an aspect of respect.  I don't need to know everything (and I don't WANT to know about your 'ex') but don't hide or mislead.   I had a pretty long term relationship SUDDENLY - out of the blue - go VERY south when, after all that time, she chose to "tell me" something.  I"m now super sensitive to this.  To mislead is to disrespect - and it fundamentally destroys the relationship (and people).  



That's my GUY list.  BTW, if you were to ask my s/o, I sincerely doubt it would be any different.  Fundamentally, guys and girls aren't THAT different in what we seek.




That's MY $0.01


Pax


- Josiah




.

[comfy]

Well, I would say a lady needs to not be about control and independence.

A Christian guy obeys how the Bible says to relate, "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, if he is not controlling, but living by example, then she needs to become undominating and uncontrolling in order to be able to connect with a guy who is humble and able to share personally instead of being independent.

And a lady needs to be committed to being all-loving. And God's love makes us deeply strong and sound enough so we can be closely involved with people, in loving them, not just keeping them at a distance and giving them handouts of attention and affection. So, I'd offer that a man who is all-loving and secure expects his lady to be loving with any and all people: she is his helpmate to help him to reach and love all different people; and because he loves all people, he wants to share his lady with others so she can be good for them like she is for him; he loves others as himself, by encouraging and welcoming her to share with any and all people however God leads. I know wives like this, and they seem to do very well with their own husbands. And this "love of God" (Romans 5:5) is the most beautifully intimate love there is; so while we are being all-loving in this love, we have such sweet and tender intimacy with each other - - better than superficial intimacy, and with nicer pleasure (Psalm 63:3).

So, a woman needs to get into this so she can connect with a man who is like this. But I am seeing how ones appear to be judgmental lovers, picking and choosing who they decide is good enough for them and who they can use for what they want. And so, if I start off with how I intend to first be a Jesus brother with a lady and really get to know her, I can get dumped pretty quick, and not even be told why. Now, I would say that a woman can not be rude and judgmental and be able to connect with a real man in God's love while she is capable of behaving like this. Selfish love is where loneliness dwells and yells.

[comfy]

I know a number of women who are like Proverbs 31 describes, and each one is unique, not all just clones of how certain people would expect this to be. Love makes it work the way God means what He says; it's better than what a lot of people are thinking and then stinking about it LOLOL

The scriptures mean how love makes it work while God's love is perfectly satisfying us. And God's grace gives us balance so we are not tearing ourselves apart and stressing out, etc. Our Apostle Paul, because he was laboring in grace, did all his ministering plus he worked enough to support not only himself but others who were with him (Acts 20:33-35). And all this was while, at times, he was tortured and put in prison, and shipwrecked, etc.

[Lumpee]

Christian.

Hot. Gorgeous. Beautiful ( I don't care what people say...it matters).

Knows when to not talk and how to submit (no man-haters).

A hard worker at home and on the job, but no 'career'. I want one who's career is her home and family.


That's all...I'm not picky!