29, zero non-platonic interactions with women, frustrated

[twentynine]

I turned 29 this July.

I have never had a girlfriend.

I have never been on a date.

Needless to say, I am a virgin. I'm sure non-Christians would give me huge beef about this, but to be honest it doesn't really bother me. However the fact that I've had absolutely zero non-platonic interactions with women does.

Up to a couple years ago, I wasn't very worried or upset. I figured something would happen eventually. Then the years started going by. I first started to pray seriously for a girlfriend around 2006. It is now 2010.

I've been a good person. Obviously I am human, and I cannot be perfect or free from sin. But I do honestly feel I've tried my best. I've served at church, sometimes irrationally so. Barring a handful of occasions, I've kept tithes ever since I started working, sometimes irrationally so. Heck, I even beat myself over trying to refrain from masturbation or porn, which I think is ludicrously difficult for someone whose record with women is as bleak as mine.

I'm short.
Facially I think I'm average, but I think my hairline is starting to thin. Which adds even more urgency/desperation.
I'm relatively fit, certainly not overweight.
I am most definitely not charming, nor is my sense of humor the greatest.
I have a good job and own a home. Furthermore God has blessed me with what is essentially my dream job recently.

Basically I am going crazy over the lack of a girlfriend. It's like a fog or haze that envelopes every thought in my mind. I don't want to be like this, but I can't find a way out.

I've prayed and prayed to God to bless me with a girlfriend. I've fasted. I've dragged myself out of bed at 4 or 5 AM to go to early morning prayer sessions. I've cried and pleaded. It hasn't happened.

Barring that I've prayed to God to totally kill off any trace of desiring a woman, female companionship, sex drive, anything to do with my attraction to women. It hasn't happened.

I've even prayed to God to just let me look at porn and masturbate. But I know that's not going to solve anything. I've considered going to a prostitute. If I wasn't Christian, I probably would have gone a long time ago. But again, I know it's not going to solve anything.

I've even researched becoming a eunuch. Apparently modern (or ancient? lol) medical science can kill a man's sex drive, but it still cannot purge a man's desire for female affection and companionship. Maybe that's why some ancient eunuchs still had wives.

I can't concentrate. I can't do the things I need to do, I can't study the things I need to study, because this overwhelming desire for a girlfriend/wife is buzzing away at the back of my mind constantly. I can't live my life.

[comfy]

I've been a good person. Obviously I am human, and I cannot be perfect or free from sin. But I do honestly feel I've tried my best. I've served at church, sometimes irrationally so. Barring a handful of occasions, I've kept tithes ever since I started working, sometimes irrationally so. Heck, I even beat myself over trying to refrain from masturbation or porn, which I think is ludicrously difficult for someone whose record with women is as bleak as mine.

I will offer from experience, that God's love can easily give us self-control and we are better off without. So, even if I fail in this, I do well to keep after God to make me better. And as I keep clear of the pornography *in my mind* and eyes on the street, I am in a better spirit for relating in love with different people. It is very fulfilling to be loving, instead, Twenty-nine ! So, if we are struggling . . . we need to be stronger in God's love with self-control. But it does say what it says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2. But I think this means with loving each other, and having many healthy relationships with other Christians, not with isolating ourselves in lust with some one person.

I'm short.
Facially I think I'm average, but I think my hairline is starting to thin. Which adds even more urgency/desperation.

Then may be a girl who is short and average but I would not say to waste too much time finding one whose hairline is starting to thin. Don't be too specific, in that matter

I'm relatively fit, certainly not overweight.

Not overweight can be good; but some people's weight of sin can be a much bigger problem than their weight.

I am most definitely not charming, nor is my sense of humor the greatest.

Ok so, again . . . maybe a lady who is not so high on the humor. She might be humble, not trying to make a show of herself. How about that?

I have a good job and own a home. Furthermore God has blessed me with what is essentially my dream job recently.

Ehhh!!! That's what can attract a woman who wants your money. And if you have been getting taken crazy about pornographic items, it could be a number of ladies have knowingly been doing things to turn you crazy so they can fish you like a sucker for you know what, because they want your you know what. So, don't let fools for money play you for a fool for sex, or you both "might" end up wondering how you got married to such a foolish spouse.

Basically I am going crazy over the lack of a girlfriend.

And, like I'm saying, this evil world is set up to train you and play you so you go crazy. And if you *isolate* yourselves in "dating", this can put you where you will be struggling, at best, and not snuggling with God in His love. I'd say share more in groups with mature Christians who are good for you, by example, and see how they relate with their wives. Loving with more mature people can be more pleasing, even, than struggling and being confused about if someone wants you, etc. Well, I'm speaking for myself, here, just sharing this in case it goes for you, too.

I've prayed and prayed to God to bless me with a girlfriend. I've fasted. I've dragged myself out of bed at 4 or 5 AM to go to early morning prayer sessions. I've cried and pleaded. It hasn't happened.

obviously His answer is "no" or "not now" or "not until you learn better how to relate in love with a variety of people Matthew 5:46 . . . 2 Corinthians 12:15 . . . Philippians 2:14-16

I will offer > being in a prayer group with Christian people is not for getting what we want, but for sharing with one another in the closest most intimate thing we can do together with God. If you're not getting intimacy, "here", this is what you need to deal with. In my case, when I fail to get companionship that I would like, and if I get nasty and frustrated etc., first I do not keep asking for what I am not getting, but I *confess* how I am being the wrong way about not getting my own way.

I've even prayed to God to just let me look at porn and masturbate. But I know that's not going to solve anything.

You got that right - - - it won't solve anything. It will get you in a wrong spirit with worse and worse emotions, by not being in God's love while we pursue pleasure things and allow ourselves to be dominated by dictatorial and nagging drives; however, Your love, LORD God, has Your almighty power against the tyrannical torturing of Satan's cruel spirit driving us for the false relief of pleasure.

I've considered going to a prostitute.

Guess what A prostitute can't even do it right. In sin, we are degrade so we are incapable of doing God's so-beautiful a thing as marital intimacy. Jesus says, "for without Me you can do nothing," in John 15:5. I know from experience and from the Bible. Give it a rest.

If I wasn't Christian, I probably would have gone a long time ago. But again, I know it's not going to solve anything.

All right . . . thank you for reminding me ! ! ! You can help me, as a Christian, even while you are finding your way, yourself. Thanks, and God bless you, Twenty-nine

I've even researched becoming a eunuch.

I have no experience with this . . . sorry  So, I can't tell you if that would work. It "might" change your body, but not how you are, inside. Physically reforming and "methods" are not what really work. We need how only You, O LORD, can transform us deeply with Your love curing us.

Apparently modern (or ancient? lol) medical science can kill a man's sex drive, but it still cannot purge a man's desire for female affection and companionship. Maybe that's why some ancient eunuchs still had wives.

Really? I wouldn't be surprised.

I can't concentrate. I can't do the things I need to do, I can't study the things I need to study, because this overwhelming desire for a girlfriend/wife is buzzing away at the back of my mind constantly. I can't live my life.

James 5:16 . . . now you have us and our prayer for you Twenty-nine; we hope to see you, some more. God bless you ! ! ! I have more joy, now, as God has corrected me from the crazy stuff to loving, "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, I know You can do this for him, LORD. "There is no other investment but to learn how to love, that is our main worthwhile investing to do, to keep on doing." Thank You, LORD our Father, in the name of Jesus our Groom ! ! ! (c:

[JohnDB]

Being short is a challenge to overcome when trying to date.

So is being extra tall when you are a woman. (no I ain't a girl....but I have known a few)

Suzette was a friend of mine...she was drop dead gorgeous. Lovely personality too. Extremely hard coworker to boot. She liked body building for women.

But she was six foot two inches tall.

Great to have on a volley ball team but no guy would even think of her romantically without wanting her only for "one thing"

It kinda drove her nuts too. the same as your height drives you nuts.

Usually, most of the time, when it comes to expressing your feelings for another it is a shock to the other person...something that they will not have time to really consider when it is brought to them.  So...warm up slowly and flirt a lot. Over a period of a several weeks. Then ask them out.
I think then you will begin to see a bit more success than what you have.

[dh1746]

I'm pretty much in the same boat, except I'm a female.  I am 30, single and a tad overweight which to some people is why I haven't made any progress in the love department.  Just like you, the beef doesn't bother me.  10 years ago, if you asked what I would be doing in 10 years, I would have said, "married, with at least 1 child, etc" but this has not happened in the slightest.  At my church, we have an adults group (early 20s to mid 30s) which is like a home group and most of them are married or with someone seriously.  I have no idea what to do because like you, I have prayed and done this thing and that thing in the hopes that it would help.