I have had sex before "marriage"

[lightshineon]

Louis,

No one person on this Earth can give you the answer you are searching for. Only God can do that. It seems like you posted this topic looking for someone to give you the answer. Everyone here can offer guidance, but the answer can only come from God.

There is a binding between two people when sex is involved. It is definitely not a marriage. But as anyone who has ever had sex knows, the emotions that come attached with it are so very strong...and can be so easily misunderstood. Some people have sex with multiple partners throughout their life and can become nonchalant about it. I believe this is the main reason that God wanted the gift of making love to be within the boundaries of a marriage. There's no room for misunderstanding. Sometimes our emotions can lead us to think we feel more deeply about a person than we really do because of the sex that has been shared. If you are married to that person, there's no misleading emotions.

I can truly understand how it would be hard for you to walk away from someone that has touched your heart. But from your posts, it sounds like there are many factors that hinder the relationship. Long distance relationships are just hard....for anybody! I commend your persistence in ministering to this person. I do not believe that God would ever look at you sharing His Word with someone as a bad thing. I just think it will be a hard road for you.

I don't know if any of this helps you. I followed this post and wasn't going to post anything. But I felt a strong conviction after reading the last few posts to tell you DON'T EVER STOP PRAYING! Pray for the woman you speak of, pray for yourself. Never stop praying! I pray everyday for all those around me and for posters on this forum. The best prayer is "Thy will be done." If you pray for this, God will show the way. Sometimes he does hit us over the head with a sledgehammer if we need it.

Marie, I agree nothing is impossible with God, and I will pray for her also. Now, the advice from what I read is Biblical, which is our road map. Marie I also, think you are such a wonderful person and the way you pray. Thank God, for Christians like you. I will pray Louis, you just be obedient to God, and he will hear our prayers. Louis I know it is hard, but, God's way is always right. The good news is God is good, loves us, and wants to bless our lives.

[chosenone]

However, God can forgive anything is the person is truly repentant.

[happypromises]

I think this is a really interesting discussion because it came up in our church some years ago.  A new couple started coming to the church, they weren't Christians, weren't married and had four children.  Had been together for over 15 years but had just never gotten round to getting married.    Neither of them had seen the need to get married, they were committed, had a mortgage together, they really WERE essentially married, just minus the piece of paper.

They also genuinely couldn't afford a wedding - but the interesting thing was that, probably, in the eyes of God, they were already married, BUT, once they became believers, it was like a lightbulb switched on and all of a sudden, for the first time, they wanted to make it official.  

The guy said that he'd never before seen the need and though he still believed that they were 'married' in every way,  now he wanted to honour his church, new community and partner, by making it legal too.  His view was that perhaps God doesn't 'require' a legal ceremony in that sense, but it WAS the right and honourable thing to do, to truly please God and to also, make sure that other believers weren't offended or led astray.    

They had pretty much no money but he went down to the registry office, made an appointment for 2 weeks later, told his partner that until it was official, he'd move into the spare room - two weeks later, with no fuss or fanfare and 2 witnesses, they made it legal.

And he still says to this day, that it was 100% the right thing to do.  So that is how I would see it, maybe God doesn't DEMAND that we make this legal, after all, marriages in the Bible were usually just a verbal contract...but the point is that, it is still the right and honourable thing to do.   And not only that, it affords each party legal rights in wills and benefits etc, that wouldn't be available otherwise.    

[chosenone]

happy promises, I think that the lightbulb going off was God clearly speaking to him, and well done him for obeying. No matter how long they had been living together, they still werent married, and he did the right thing by obeying God. We dont just become married by haivng sex with someone, or by living with them, we become married when we get married.

[happypromises]

Agreed!

And afraid I think that Louis is making excuses to not commit legally to this woman.   If marriages/weddings are not that big a deal, then why not simply honour the lady (and God) and just do it?  That's the way I see it!   Wedding licences cost around £50 and if you can't afford it, initially, you don't even have to buy rings - just get the paper, and then the rings will follow.   

I think the fact that he is here, posting this topic (even though it was a while ago) says that deep down, he's not cool with what he has.   

[DaveW]

Common law which is a marriage without a ceremony has been recognized by most states for years.  All is required is a public declaration and consumation as man and wife.

Actually there is more to it than that, and it varies by state.  Only a few states allow it and their requirements vary:

Alabama: The requirements for a common-law marriage are: (1) capacity; (2) an agreement to be husband and wife; and (3) consummation of the marital relationship.

Colorado: A common-law marriage may be established by proving cohabitation and a reputation of being married.

Iowa: The requirements for a common-law marriage are: (1) intent and agreement to be married; (2) continuous cohabitation; and (3) public declarations that the parties are husband and wife.

Kansas: For a man and woman to form a common-law marriage, they must: (1) have the mental capacity to marry; (2) agree to be married at the present time; and (3) represent to the public that they are married.

Montana: The requirements for a common-law marriage are: (1) capacity to consent to the marriage; (2) an agreement to be married; (3) cohabitation; and (4) a reputation of being married.

Oklahoma: To establish a common-law marriage, a man and woman must (1) be competent; (2) agree to enter into a marriage relationship; and (3) cohabit.

Pennsylvania: A common-law marriage was established if, before 1/1/2005, a man and woman exchanged words that indicated that they intended to be married at the present time and they also held themselves out to the community as married (introducing eachother as husband and wife, filing joint taxes, etc.).

Rhode Island: The requirements for a common-law marriage are: (1) serious intent to be married and (2) conduct that leads to a reasonable belief in the community that the man and woman are married.

South Carolina: A common-law marriage is established if a man and woman intend for others to believe they are married.

Texas: A man and woman who want to establish a common-law marriage must sign a form provided by the county clerk. In addition, they must (1) agree to be married, (2) cohabit, and (3) represent to others that they are married.

Utah: For a common-law marriage, a man and woman must (1) be capable of giving consent and getting married; (2) cohabit; and (3) have a reputation of being husband and wife.

Washington, D.C.: The requirements for a common-law marriage are: (1) an express, present intent to D.C. be married and (2) cohabitation.

Source: http://www.unmarried.org/common-law-marriage-fact-sheet.html which was last updated 2006. 

[JohnDB70X7]

Marriage is a life commitment.

Love is the fuel but the engine is the commitment.

Human sexuality can be such an awesome thing. Or it can be cheap, dirty.

Sleeping with a sexually active person is like sleeping with all their partners. 

This involves spreading many germs and disease and viruses. It also involves the soul  more than is realized.

I realize most subscribe to the gender protocols (women being nesters and men being hunter-gatherers and broadcasters of seed)../

But think how devastated you'd be to hear your father stepped out on your mother or had many sex partners in his life.

You see as a male, you can ease your guilty conscious about your own sexual ventures through selfishness. But as a child you see how wrong it was of your father (speaking metaphorically and not accusing anyone's father of anything) to be selfish like you are being... (again speaking metaphorically.

Put yourself in your son's shoes...