this ever happen to you???

[motormouth]

Heres a funny  slightly hypocritical thing that happens i wonder if its only indigenous to my country/culture or Chrsitians in general.

The principal of waiting on the Lord is presented by others- (Psalms 27:14-Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD )
In short wait for the Lord to provide what He has for you, as He wil do so in His time. (A sometimes frustrating but totally understandable principle)

BUT
When you're of certain age and not married (late to mid -20's) or not in a stable relationship, other Christians  (ofter married) start doing stuff to encourage to to get married. As well intentioned as it is, it's hyporicitcal (you told me to wait on God) and often hilarious. These can include (but not limited to)

1) Asking this- what happened? Why arent you married yet? Logical Answer- Obviousl, you need a spose to get married. If God hasnt decided to send that person he has for me in my life, i wont be married until they come and i've had time to assess them via a relationship ( Im tempted to  one day just put a picture of an unchristianlike -dressed young lady in my phone  and tell them shes my new girlfriend, just for  the next time some one asks me that.)

2) Praying for you to get married, sometimes in open so others can hear, even if you didnt ask them to do it. Logical answer- Doing that to a person can embarass t them and it shows that YOU think you know what they need moreso than themselves

3) Making suggestions- Why not Sister x or brother Y. (another Christian who happens to be single. Often who you show no interest in ).
Logical answer- Christians aren't dogs, as in during mating season a male dog willl want any female dog that is available. Just because shes single and shes a Christian doesnt mean i'll be attracted. If i was I'd be approaching her.
It got so bad someone suggested a young lady who didnt display much spiritual traits. Sure she seriously need growth,  and may hinder your walk but hey, forget that she's available

As funny as it is, i think it could have a serious problem because by doing that, it can make people feel inadequate for not reaching that stage (even if their Christan life or walk with God is  on par- Sure you have a stellar ministry, you witness regularly and God's light is shining in you- BUT you're not complete because you're not married) and could lead people to get frustrated and rush into it. As in if i'm getting impatient and then you're doing this stuff, i can feel worse and just rush into things.

[wolflet7]

I notice that married couples often want another couple to go on double dates with them.  This could, or could not, be the case.  Either way, it sounds like your friends need to reassess their motives and actions - what they are doing IS pretty hypocritical and could be very annoying.

[Carey]

 

Misery loves company. 



Sorry couldn't resist, hope my wife don't read this.

[Lavender]

Misery loves company. 



Sorry couldn't resist, hope my wife don't read this.

     I'm going to call her and tell her about this!  You'll be sorry........          

[Lavender]

motormouth,
I'm sorry people do and say these things to you.  It's rude and inconsiderate of them and frankly, none of their business, unless you invite their input.  Many people are quick to pry into other people's private affairs. 

[chosenone]

I am sorry that people do these things. They are clearly insensitive.
I am all for people being proactive in finding their partner, if I hadnt been I would probably have never married again, but those things are just not right.

[Gracey]

Oh yes, I know this well.

I go to a small church and most of the congregation are older and married.  There is one guy there, who is a Christian and the same age as me.  He has mental health problems and takes strong drugs to keep it under control - someone told me recently that he liked me and suggested that as we were both Christians, opposite sex and the same age, perhaps we would make a good match.  I pointed out that not only is he on anti-psychotics but I also had no attraction to him.   Apparently this should not be an issue for me...if God wanted me to marry him, then I should.

Bangs head on table!    Like, seriously....this kind of crazy attitude drives me nuts.   I wanted to ask her, and if you were single, would you marry someone emotionally unwell, who you did not fancy?!    I suspect NOT!

[DaveW]

I have seen this done and (to be honest) have fought the temptation to say the same thing myself. I do think about it at times.

I do understand how frustrating that can be by seeing it in some of my single friends. I also understand that many do not feel they are ready to marry yet.  Others desperately want to be married but find no one they find acceptable.

The bible is written from a viewpoint that almost everyone gets married in their teens. That is why there is nothing about how to deal with the sex drive between puberty and marriage.
"It is better to marry than to burn" (1 Cor 7) does not help a 14 year old of either gender.

Even though no one I know advocates getting married at 14 or 15, early 20s is another story altogether.  IMO our culture that supports individual "fulfillment" via education and career tracks that discriminates against being married is entirely wrong as is the mentality behind it. Being considered a "kid" well into your 20s does no one any good. (except perhaps the video game industry)

Parents need to understand that young people can and do fall in love and that love (if properly managed) can grow into a lasting marriage. Young people need to be educated that the date/breakup cycle is not healthy and should be avoided. Neither is the trend for avoiding responsibility until later in life.

MM - I do absolutely agree with you that such a HUGE decision as marriage should never feel compelled or rushed. If you are not absolutely convinced this is the person for you BEFORE your "I Dos," you WILL  have commitment issues later on.

That said, if you WANT a spouse, do not hold off until a more opportune time. Start a search now.  The web has some pretty awesome tools not available back in my day. (1970s)

[OnFireForHim]

ALL my friends are married with kids.  And they're always trying to set me up with men lol.  This is the way I see it....as long as I'm single, I don't have to do extra laundry, extra dishes, extra cleaning and I have more time for reading, more time to geocache, more time for the church. 

[Natasha]

I would never push someone towards marriage. 

Marry in haste, repent in leisure.......there's always time to marry the wrong person 

[Avalanche]

Oh, yes!!! And actually, non-christians do the same, but then ask you why you don't have a 'partner' yet.

The only appropriate answer really is
'Why? Should I be married?'
hehe


Dave: Christian dating sites over here are full of rather dull looking guys, and I'm really opposed to selling myself on a dating site... that's how it feels to me!

[chosenone]

Oh, yes!!! And actually, non-christians do the same, but then ask you why you don't have a 'partner' yet.

The only appropriate answer really is
'Why? Should I be married?'
hehe


Dave: Christian dating sites over here are full of rather dull looking guys, and I'm really opposed to selling myself on a dating site... that's how it feels to me!

I met some lovel  guys on line, including my amazing husband, so I have to disagree, but of course I dont live where you do. I know 5 other Christian women who met ther spouses this way, all really lovely guys. People who go onto Christian sites arent 'selling themseves', any more than people who look for a spouse anywhere else are.

[Avalanche]

Oh, yes!!! And actually, non-christians do the same, but then ask you why you don't have a 'partner' yet.

The only appropriate answer really is
'Why? Should I be married?'
hehe


Dave: Christian dating sites over here are full of rather dull looking guys, and I'm really opposed to selling myself on a dating site... that's how it feels to me!

I met some lovel  guys on line, including my amazing husband, so I have to disagree, but of course I dont live where you do. I know 5 other Christian women who met ther spouses this way, all really lovely guys. People who go onto Christian sites arent 'selling themseves', any more than people who look for a spouse anywhere else are.

To me, it just feels wrong.
I'm sure most of them are decent men. And I hope they find decent women. And I'm actually pretty sure I'd get a lot of responses... it's just that in many areas we would be unequal... and it would frustrate me.

[chosenone]

Oh, yes!!! And actually, non-christians do the same, but then ask you why you don't have a 'partner' yet.

The only appropriate answer really is
'Why? Should I be married?'
hehe


Dave: Christian dating sites over here are full of rather dull looking guys, and I'm really opposed to selling myself on a dating site... that's how it feels to me!

I met some lovely  guys on line, including my amazing husband, so I have to disagree, but of course I don't live where you do. I know 5 other Christian women who met their spouses this way, all really lovely guys. People who go onto Christian sites aren't 'selling themselves', any more than people who look for a spouse anywhere else are.

To me, it just feels wrong.
I'm sure most of them are decent men. And I hope they find decent women. And I'm actually pretty sure I'd get a lot of responses... it's just that in many areas we would be unequal... and it would frustrate me.

I suppose that meeting a guy in a bar or similar doesn't seem right to me, so being that there weren't any single guys in my church anywhere near my age, that's where God led me.
There are all sorts of guys there from many different backgrounds, ages, with widely varying careers, levels of education, hobbies, interests, characters etc, just as there are in life generally. I am not sure how you can say that you would be unequal. You are making assumptions about people and dating sites with no proof.
You may or may not get interest, you cant say till you do it. There are usually far more women than men on Christian sites, because there are more women than men in the churches. This gets more pronounced the older you get. So women have a harder time getting any interest than the men do.

My son, who only came back to God in his late 20's, got 30 replies in a very short time(he is very good looking!)and has been very happily married for 2 years now to the first lady who replied. She is a truly lovely girl, and they have an amazing marriage.

For Christians it can be the only way of meeting a spouse if your church is small(as many of ours are here) or there are no single available guys there. God has used it in amazing ways for many who I know. Some people seem to think that God doesn't know how to use the internet. 

[Avalanche]

Oh, yes!!! And actually, non-christians do the same, but then ask you why you don't have a 'partner' yet.

The only appropriate answer really is
'Why? Should I be married?'
hehe


Dave: Christian dating sites over here are full of rather dull looking guys, and I'm really opposed to selling myself on a dating site... that's how it feels to me!

I met some lovely  guys on line, including my amazing husband, so I have to disagree, but of course I don't live where you do. I know 5 other Christian women who met their spouses this way, all really lovely guys. People who go onto Christian sites aren't 'selling themselves', any more than people who look for a spouse anywhere else are.

To me, it just feels wrong.
I'm sure most of them are decent men. And I hope they find decent women. And I'm actually pretty sure I'd get a lot of responses... it's just that in many areas we would be unequal... and it would frustrate me.

I suppose that meeting a guy in a bar or similar doesn't seem right to me, so being that there weren't any single guys in my church anywhere near my age, that's where God led me.
There are all sorts of guys there from many different backgrounds, ages, with widely varying careers, levels of education, hobbies, interests, characters etc, just as there are in life generally. I am not sure how you can say that you would be unequal. You are making assumptions about people and dating sites with no proof.
You may or may not get interest, you cant say till you do it. There are usually far more women than men on Christian sites, because there are more women than men in the churches. This gets more pronounced the older you get. So women have a harder time getting any interest than the men do.

My son, who only came back to God in his late 20's, got 30 replies in a very short time(he is very good looking!)and has been very happily married for 2 years now to the first lady who replied. She is a truly lovely girl, and they have an amazing marriage.

For Christians it can be the only way of meeting a spouse if your church is small(as many of ours are here) or there are no single available guys there. God has used it in amazing ways for many who I know. Some people seem to think that God doesn't know how to use the internet. 

I'm 27, graduated med school. I have a complex history, and I am South-African. I am 5'10 tall. I want to see the world. I want to have a career, because I did not go through all I did to graduate JUST to change nappies. I am going nowhere near the Dutch countryside, the big cities are the only bit of Holland I can bear to live in. I am stuck here for now, but the first possibility out and I'm gone: adventure beckons. Regardless of that: I am not a Dutch girl, nor will I ever be. I am honest about what I stand for.

A quick search of men aged 25-35 on Christian dating sites reveal none with a college degree (Not that the degree counts, but a big difference in intelligence WILL lead to problems, either way round), most either living in or dreaming of the countryside, most belonging to either side of the strict churches... and most actually fill in 'I don't talk about it' when asked if people around them know they're Christians. And, er, many profiles are inactive.

[Truthlady5]

motormouth,
I'm sorry people do and say these things to you.  It's rude and inconsiderate of them and frankly, none of their business, unless you invite their input.  Many people are quick to pry into other people's private affairs.

   I agree!

[chosenone]

Oh, yes!!! And actually, non-christians do the same, but then ask you why you don't have a 'partner' yet.

The only appropriate answer really is
'Why? Should I be married?'
hehe


Dave: Christian dating sites over here are full of rather dull looking guys, and I'm really opposed to selling myself on a dating site... that's how it feels to me!

I met some lovely  guys on line, including my amazing husband, so I have to disagree, but of course I don't live where you do. I know 5 other Christian women who met their spouses this way, all really lovely guys. People who go onto Christian sites aren't 'selling themselves', any more than people who look for a spouse anywhere else are.

To me, it just feels wrong.
I'm sure most of them are decent men. And I hope they find decent women. And I'm actually pretty sure I'd get a lot of responses... it's just that in many areas we would be unequal... and it would frustrate me.

I suppose that meeting a guy in a bar or similar doesn't seem right to me, so being that there weren't any single guys in my church anywhere near my age, that's where God led me.
There are all sorts of guys there from many different backgrounds, ages, with widely varying careers, levels of education, hobbies, interests, characters etc, just as there are in life generally. I am not sure how you can say that you would be unequal. You are making assumptions about people and dating sites with no proof.
You may or may not get interest, you cant say till you do it. There are usually far more women than men on Christian sites, because there are more women than men in the churches. This gets more pronounced the older you get. So women have a harder time getting any interest than the men do.

My son, who only came back to God in his late 20's, got 30 replies in a very short time(he is very good looking!)and has been very happily married for 2 years now to the first lady who replied. She is a truly lovely girl, and they have an amazing marriage.

For Christians it can be the only way of meeting a spouse if your church is small(as many of ours are here) or there are no single available guys there. God has used it in amazing ways for many who I know. Some people seem to think that God doesn't know how to use the internet. 

I'm 27, graduated med school. I have a complex history, and I am South-African. I am 5'10 tall. I want to see the world. I want to have a career, because I did not go through all I did to graduate JUST to change nappies. I am going nowhere near the Dutch countryside, the big cities are the only bit of Holland I can bear to live in. I am stuck here for now, but the first possibility out and I'm gone: adventure beckons. Regardless of that: I am not a Dutch girl, nor will I ever be. I am honest about what I stand for.

A quick search of men aged 25-35 on Christian dating sites reveal none with a college degree (Not that the degree counts, but a big difference in intelligence WILL lead to problems, either way round), most either living in or dreaming of the countryside, most belonging to either side of the strict churches... and most actually fill in 'I don't talk about it' when asked if people around them know they're Christians. And, er, many profiles are inactive.

It seems your options are very limited there. On the ones I was on in the UK, loads of guys had college degrees. Not that it should matter. I know some who have degrees, who are quite honestly useless, and others who haven't, who are doing really well and are very intelligent. In fact the most intelligent guy I know has not got a degree.
My husband (who I met on line) has a doctorate. I chose not to go to uni, and actually married at 19 and had my first child at 21(believe me, having children teaches you far far more than any educational qualification!),yet we are very equal intelligence wise, and have a brilliant marriage. It really makes no difference, and if you are going to be too dogmatic in what you are looking for in a man you may well be disappointed.

[Douglas]

I'm also single and am waiting for the Lord to act in my life.  I don't know if anyone else has been in the same situation that I am in now, but right now I actually KNOW who my future-wife is (I could show you on Facebook who she is at this very moment).  However, at this time she is not saved.  No matter though, because I know that she is GOING to be saved someday, otherwise the Lord would not have revealed to me that she is my future-wife.  This is an Abraham-like experience in that I just have to trust the Lord, despite what it looks like.  ("The just shall live by faith, not sight").

[chosenone]

I'm also single and am waiting for the Lord to act in my life.  I don't know if anyone else has been in the same situation that I am in now, but right now I actually KNOW who my future-wife is (I could show you on Facebook who she is at this very moment).  However, at this time she is not saved.  No matter though, because I know that she is GOING to be saved someday, otherwise the Lord would not have revealed to me that she is my future-wife.  This is an Abraham-like experience in that I just have to trust the Lord, despite what it looks like.  ("The just shall live by faith, not sight").

Just be careful because I have heard of several cases where one person has told another that the Lord has said they are to be their wife/husband. The other person has relied "well He hasnt told me that". Sometimes if we really want something to happen, we can attribute our desires to being Gods will.
What I have learnt, is that God rarely tells us things too far in advance. Just keep an open mind..