Unhappy in marriage

[Glamour]

My husband and I have been married for 7 years now, and have been unhappy the last two to three years. We don't spend time together, mon thru fri he is at work from 7am to 10pm. Once he gets home he eats sits on the couch and watch tv for few minutes and falls fast asleep. In the middle of the night he will crawl into bed. With my son in the middle. We won't even touch each other let alone have sex. I don't remember the last time we went on a date. I last time he bought something for me was on Christmas and he was so upset after that because he felt it was too much money that he didn't even talk to me on our ride home. We do not communicate with each other and when I try to talk to him he yes me and agrees with everything I say and still doesn't change a thing. What should I do? By the way Saturday and Sunday he spends all day in church and if I ask him to do anything he will tell me he needs to go to work.  God help me. I am so unhappy. I just thought I deserve better than this.

[Aahil]

Gone all day at work during the week, and at church all day on the weekends?  What job demands that much time?  What does he do at church during that time?  Is this halfway legitimate or is it just an excuse not to be home except to sleep?

Usually, men need  .  Does he have a medical issue?  Remember when you were dating and you really tried to make yourself attractive...

The secret to happiness is being content with what you have.  There's nothing wrong with wanting more.  But, try to be content with what you have.   He's not coming home drunk every night.  He's not chronically unemployed.   You might just be living as housemates, and that's not so bad.  Once you're happy in spite of your situation, the situation might improve.

[anx]

It sounds like what you describe is fixable, but it sounds like both of you have given up or when you do try don't know how to fix it.


The only way that it will get better is if you BOTH decide to fix it at the same time and BOTH put hard work into that. Get into marriage counseling ASAP and get that started. I went through a rough spot in my marriage and 2 years of counseling and 2 separations. The details were different, but the core was the same.


When a marriage isn't working (outside abuse, substance abuse, cheating, etc), it can very often be fixed, but only when both people do it at the same time. You also need some instruction on how to fix it, whats wrong, and what a good marriage should look and sound like in your situation.


From what you describe of your husband, it sounds like he has given up, feels like a failure in his marriage, doesn't know how to fix it, and doesn't try to fix it. Probably because his attempt to make things good failed for whatever reason. Your attempts to make your marriage good have also failed. Neither of you is a bad person or christian because of that. Get help from someone who knows how to make it work, how to fix it, how to figure out what the problems are so you know what to fix, and help you talk through them. Right now, if you tried to talk through the problems without help, it would only go so far. You both are hurt and caloused against the other person (even if you are trying not to be) that doing it alone is probably not possible.


I also very much suggest that while in counseling you read christian marriage books. Anything that speaks to you. There are many good authors. Start learning why marriages work, why they fail, what are your and what are your spouses responsibilities.


Have hope your marriage can be fixed. It will be hard work to open up to eachother and learn how to make your marriage work. The work is 100% worth it. The happiness or lack of it in a marriage has a PROFOUND impact on your life. It will lift you up or tare you down. It can be great. Find the strength to make it great.