She's out of my league. I need a pep talk?

[IStillHaventFound...]

I met this girl at a concert last week. I got her number and we had a date last night. She was wearing her running clothes when we met. She was pretty but no make up. When we met last night she was a knock out, prettier than before. She is educated, financially stable (actually wealthy by my standards), probably 15 years younger than me. We didn't exchange ages yet. I look a lot younger than I am and I guess it's possible that she does too. She has two younger kids, which is great. She is a pretty dedicate runner. I run and exercise too.

So I am a fairly attractive, divorced, middle aged math teacher. I'm kind of smart and stable but I think she makes more money than me but also probably gets alimony and child support and definitely got some money in her divorce.

She also is really nice. Didn't brag at all about her money. She seems pretty sweet too. We had drinks then went for a ride on my motorcycle.

I'm trying to take a laid back approach. I usually overthink things. But I'm afraid that when she finds out how much money I make and that I pay a lot in family support she won't be interested.

[TonkaTim]

It actually might turn out to be a good thing. Her having her own wealth means she does not need yours & yours becomes irrelevant.

My advice would be: be yourself, be confident, be honest, & most of all, be a man of good character because that my be exactly what she wants. As you said, she doesn't need wealth.

[DaveW]

Is she a believer? 


First and most important!

[JohnDB]

Ur first meeting got her to put forth real effort on the second meeting. IE she is as nervous about you as you are of her.

So be nice & don't goof up.

[chosenone]

If the fact that you have less money than her makes her run, then what sort of woman does that make her?
As Dave says, is she a Christian. If she isn't then don't take it any further.

[IStillHaventFound...]

Ur first meeting got her to put forth real effort on the second meeting. IE she is as nervous about you as you are of her.

So be nice & don't goof up.

OK!

[chosenone]

Ur first meeting got her to put forth real effort on the second meeting. IE she is as nervous about you as you are of her.

So be nice & don't goof up.

OK!

Is she a Christian?

[IStillHaventFound...]

I don't know. Honestly, it's not something that's really important to me right now.

[RoninJedi]

I don't know. Honestly, it's not something that's really important to me right now.

Respectfully, if you're not making that a priority, you're setting yourself up for failure.

[DaveW]

I don't know. Honestly, it's not something that's really important to me right now.

Respectfully, if you're not making that a priority, you're setting yourself up for failure.

You got that right.  Her faith (or lack thereof) should be the FIRST thing you find out about.

Are YOU a believer? (born again christian?)

[chosenone]

I don't know. Honestly, it's not something that's really important to me right now.

If you are a Christian this is something that is non negotiable. I know several Christians who made the mistake of going out with non believers, and even marrying them, and none of those relationships/marriages ended well. Plus more importantly, God says not to, so why are you ignoring Him?

[FireSword]

I think it a matter of choice whether to marry an unbeliever or not as scripture says its good to convert the spouse through good deeds. Besides this is about dating, not marrying.

[chosenone]

I think it a matter of choice whether to marry an unbeliever or not as scripture says its good to convert the spouse through good deeds. Besides this is about dating, not marrying.

That verse is referring to those who are converted after marriage.
Also why do you date if it isn't to find a person to marry? If a person is serious about being a Christian, then why would they consider a non christian to go out with?

[TonkaTim]

Also why do you date if it isn't to find a person to marry? If a person is serious about being a Christian, then why would they consider a non christian to go out with?

I think those are both excellent questions.

The flow of the conversation in this thread has made me realise that I am naive about younger folks dating habits. It just did not enter my mind the possibility of a Believer dating an unbeliever.

[JohnDB]

Guys, relax.

This guy OVERTHINKS everything.

She may be one. He hasn't asked her.
She hasn't offerred up the information either. (As most do eventually).

Water finds its own level.

If they are a match they will stay together. If not the chasm will widen once its discovered.

[Cailean]

If you think she's out of your league, all that means is you think she may not be in your league!
Only one way to find out!
C+

[LetTheLittleChildrenCome]

You don't stand a chance bud...

[DaveW]

You don't stand a chance bud...

Encouragement is such a wonderful thing .....


ETA:

I was just thinking about what the young lady in question would think of such advice.  It is possible she is waiting for him to make his move and then someone comes along and tells him  "You don't stand a chance bud..."   If it were me I would be quite offended.  Just sayin' ...

[IStillHaventFound...]

Well that situation ran its course. Then another date with another amazing girl. I met this one after a concert she was in. She is a semi professional musician with a day job too. Super pretty. No visible tattoos or anything. Catholic. Went out for dinner once then nothing. I know I care way to much about looks. I wish I could stop caring so much about that.

[JohnDB]

There is something to this thing that you are doing.

There is the "thrill of the hunt" in finding a girl to date.

Then the thrill of increasing romance with someone.

Then the lows of rejection by you or her.

Its called LIVING.

Sure you hope & seek. But if out of all of this you learn to set aside you checklists of things you like or dislike & just learn to make an actual friend out of this person you are on a date with...

You just might end up with a rich, full life filled with lots of friends that mean something to you (and vice versa) and a spouse when you least expect it.

[chosenone]

Well that situation ran its course. Then another date with another amazing girl. I met this one after a concert she was in. She is a semi professional musician with a day job too. Super pretty. No visible tattoos or anything. Catholic. Went out for dinner once then nothing. I know I care way to much about looks. I wish I could stop caring so much about that.

OK so Catholic doesn't mean much unless she is a also a Christian. My step son is dating a Catholic, who sadly isn't a Christian. Catholic can just mean that you were bought up to go to a Catholic church, or that your parents were Catholic, or that you were sprinkled as a baby. Anyway you said that you haven't met since so its not an issue now.
Do you have many girls at your church? Do you have lots of Christian friends of both sexes?

I think its sad that some men do think far more of looks than the far more important things. Often the most valuable treasure isn't the most shiny. Hopefully as you get older you will find this out. There are some amazing godly young women out there who you may well miss out on because they haven't got what the world calls 'model looks'. It is important that there is 'chemistry', but that doesn't mean that everyone we go out with has to be physically stunning. Get to know some normal nice Christian girls, and you never know what treasure you may find.