Son and college

[tryingishard]

I'm having a difficult time with the whole college stuff. My son will be graduating High school 2015 then starting college fall of 2015.
Sadly, my husband and I never saved for our childrens college education being we mostly have live paycheck to paycheck with the most recent years doing better. We have always told our kids that we would help them every way possible. When our daughter went to college (9mo a vocational school) she lived at home, we payed for all her needs; toiletries ect, we even mayed payments on her loans to help her out.
Our son abruptly decided he wanted to stay on campus, he says he wants to "experience" the college freshman life. My problem is, the college he wants to go to is very near to home, would be maybe 20 min to take public train (max) transperation. It's in a BIG city and he could end up in a room with anyone which concerns me. Yes I know he's an adult and I can't let that bother me which it's not the reason I'm debating helping him pay bills. We were willing to help him out with bills and necessities when he was going to stay on a local Christian college campus being his commute would be 1 hour each way, I get that. I just feel that it's not necessary for him to stay ON campus so close to home wasting good money when he has a free place here, then expecting us to pay his other needs.
What are your opinions on this? I don't want to be unfair.

[chosenone]

IF its really all about money and you really cant afford to support him if he lives there, then you need to tell him that, and he will need to get loans to support himself if he moves away. If its more about you being over protective, let him go, he will be an adult and has to live his own life and make his own mistakes. 

[tryingishard]

It's not about being over protective, it's about in my opinion wasting money to live some where when he can live at home and save money. I am willing to cover his necessities, car insurance ect IF he was staying on campus too far from home where that isn't an option. I just feel he's not being reasonable about that.

[4WD]

I'm having a difficult time with the whole college stuff. My son will be graduating High school 2015 then starting college fall of 2015.
Sadly, my husband and I never saved for our childrens college education being we mostly have live paycheck to paycheck with the most recent years doing better. We have always told our kids that we would help them every way possible. When our daughter went to college (9mo a vocational school) she lived at home, we payed for all her needs; toiletries ect, we even mayed payments on her loans to help her out.
Our son abruptly decided he wanted to stay on campus, he says he wants to "experience" the college freshman life. My problem is, the college he wants to go to is very near to home, would be maybe 20 min to take public train (max) transperation. It's in a BIG city and he could end up in a room with anyone which concerns me. Yes I know he's an adult and I can't let that bother me which it's not the reason I'm debating helping him pay bills. We were willing to help him out with bills and necessities when he was going to stay on a local Christian college campus being his commute would be 1 hour each way, I get that. I just feel that it's not necessary for him to stay ON campus so close to home wasting good money when he has a free place here, then expecting us to pay his other needs.
What are your opinions on this? I don't want to be unfair.

I would tell him he has a place to sleep and food to eat at home.  If he wants to "experience the college freshman life", that is up to him but it is up to him to pay for it.  The purpose of going to college is not to experience college freshman life; it is to get a good education that will give him a good foundation for the rest of his life.

[Red Baker]

I would tell him he has a place to sleep and food to eat at home.  If he wants to "experience the college freshman life", that is up to him but it is up to him to pay for it.  The purpose of going to college is not to experience college freshman life; it is to get a good education that will give him a good foundation for the rest of his life.

One of my girls try to pull that on me, and she did not like the results of what happen afterwards. We live within thirty minutes of Clemson University where she was accepted (this was over twenty five years ago) and I told her that I would pay for the tuition and books but she was going to live at home.  I was not going to pay for party time, and I was only paying for four years, not five, six, etc. Well as soon as I paid the first payment, she moved out into a dorms with friends.  I cut off all support, not even food money.  After two weeks, she came back home and got serious about school work and following my way.  She forgot that toothpaste cost money; toilet paper cost money;  food cost money, etc. She thought they just shown up when she needed them~forgot that dear dad was paying the bill.  To her credit, she went on and got her PhD.  I paid for four years and AT&T paid the rest, where she worked at that time.  Parents need to set rules and expect them to follow them, and if not, then they should face the consequences.  They will come around, everyone like to eat. 

[4WD]

I would tell him he has a place to sleep and food to eat at home.  If he wants to "experience the college freshman life", that is up to him but it is up to him to pay for it.  The purpose of going to college is not to experience college freshman life; it is to get a good education that will give him a good foundation for the rest of his life.

One of my girls try to pull that on me, and she did not like the results of what happen afterwards. We live within thirty minutes of Clemson University where she was accepted (this was over twenty five years ago) and I told her that I would pay for the tuition and books but she was going to live at home.  I was not going to pay for party time, and I was only paying for four years, not five, six, etc. Well as soon as I paid the first payment, she moved out into a dorms with friends.  I cut off all support, not even food money.  After two weeks, she came back home and got serious about school work and following my way.  She forgot that toothpaste cost money; toilet paper cost money;  food cost money, etc. She thought they just shown up when she needed them~forgot that dear dad was paying the bill.  To her credit, she went on and got her PhD.  I paid for four years and AT&T paid the rest, where she worked at that time.  Parents need to set rules and expect them to follow them, and if not, then they should face the consequences.  They will come around, everyone like to eat.

Good for you!!  If more parents did that, we would be seeing a lot more young people getting an education that will actually help them in the future lives.

[tryingishard]

Thank you, that's exactly what I told him, he has a place to stay and food, but he is still just saying he wants to live on campus, he claims he'll study better. I know he's not into the "party life", I do know this, I know alot of people think I'm naive but I know. Thank you Red Baker I feel much better about my decision.

[chosenone]

Most kids here go away to uni rather than live at home, and I think its a very positive experience for them to learn to be independent away from parents. I can fully understand them not waiting to still live at home once they are adults. Most of the young people in my family went away to university and did really well, got good degrees, made really goods friends who they still see many years later, and it was something that matured them a lot. I am all for it. Many get part time jobs and take out special loans to help support themselves if their parents cant afford to help them, which they pay back a little at a  time once they get work later, and that is also good for them to learn about money and managing bills and costs. 

I understand that for many mums especially its hard to let their child go,(especially sons) but its all part of allowing them to fly the nest and grow their own wings. 

[4WD]

Most kids here go away to uni rather than live at home, and I think its a very positive experience for them to learn to be independent away from parents. I can fully understand them not waiting to still live at home once they are adults. Most of the young people in my family went away to university and did really well, got good degrees, made really goods friends who they still see many years later, and it was something that matured them a lot. I am all for it. Many get part time jobs and take out special loans to help support themselves if their parents cant afford to help them, which they pay back a little at a  time once they get work later, and that is also good for them to learn about money and managing bills and costs. 

I understand that for many mums especially its hard to let their child go,(especially sons) but its all part of allowing them to fly the nest and grow their own wings.

When I went away to college, I had already held a number of jobs.  I made all my own spending money from at least freshman year in high school.  I had bought my own car, paid for the gas, paid for most of my own clothes, paid for the dates with the girls, etc.  And even before that I made money mowing lawns in the summer, shoveling sidewalks and driveways in the winter, had a paper route and raised parakeets as a business.  By the time I went away to college, I didn't need to find out how to be independent.  I needed to find out better how to study and learn.

It is unfortunate that my way of life in growing up is not really possible any longer.  The Leftists among us has nearly legislated away any such possible growing and maturing.  If one looks around at what goes on in high school and college these days, that is not good and it shows.

[chosenone]

Most kids here go away to uni rather than live at home, and I think its a very positive experience for them to learn to be independent away from parents. I can fully understand them not waiting to still live at home once they are adults. Most of the young people in my family went away to university and did really well, got good degrees, made really goods friends who they still see many years later, and it was something that matured them a lot. I am all for it. Many get part time jobs and take out special loans to help support themselves if their parents cant afford to help them, which they pay back a little at a  time once they get work later, and that is also good for them to learn about money and managing bills and costs. 

I understand that for many mums especially its hard to let their child go,(especially sons) but its all part of allowing them to fly the nest and grow their own wings.

When I went away to college, I had already held a number of jobs.  I made all my own spending money from at least freshman year in high school.  I had bought my own car, paid for the gas, paid for most of my own clothes, paid for the dates with the girls, etc.  And even before that I made money mowing lawns in the summer, shoveling sidewalks and driveways in the winter, had a paper route and raised parakeets as a business.  By the time I went away to college, I didn't need to find out how to be independent.  I needed to find out better how to study and learn.

It is unfortunate that my way of life in growing up is not really possible any longer.  The Leftists among us has nearly legislated away any such possible growing and maturing.  If one looks around at what goes on in high school and college these days, that is not good and it shows.

Yes, I agree with much of what you have said, but doing what you did you were still at home and living with parents presumably. Not quite the same as being away from home completely.