Would YOU date me?

[ponygals]

I am 27 years old, still live at home with my family, have both parents, only child, don't work, drive, or have a college education. BUT I am looking for work. I do not party, I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage to have sex. I do want to get married.

Would you date me or do I sound like a total loser? According to internet folk I do. And no one would ever date me because I have nothing to offer them and I am boring.

[chosenone]

Which internet folk are these? Probably not Christian ones I guess.
Are you a Christian?
Is there any reason why you haven't learnt to drive, or why you are out of work or are still at home? Have you ever worked? Once you get work how about being independant and getting a place of your own?  Do you have a good church? Interests or hobbies?Friends you go out with? The more we do, the more people we will meet and the broader our horizons will be and the more interesting we will be to others.     

[DaveW]

IF I were in your age group - which I am not; (you are about the age of my son) AND if I were in the market (again I am not - was married at 22) I would consider dating you ONLY after I got to know you at least a bit; first from a distance and then in person.

I would have to see you with other people and how you interact, how serious you were in following the Lord, What your interests were, your likes and dislikes; and (for me this is a kicker) are you a musician?

That may not be the way they do things today; but that was what worked for me.

(oh yeah - that audible voice from heaven did not hurt either .....)

[Alan]

Date you? We don't know you well enough to make that choice. Relationship is not created from a checklist, regardless of minimum standards.


Get out there in the world and forget the internet. Meet people at Church, in the workplace, and through social groups, and allow God to be your guidance.

[777]

I'd date you.  Don't worry about the living at home/ no work thing.  There ain't no jobs anywhere!!  Google "92 million unemployed".  I don't smoke, drink, etc. etc either...and will NOT date a non-christian, so yeah, I feel ya......its slim pickens out there & too many are just looking to party and have "relations". 

[chosenone]

I'd date you.  Don't worry about the living at home/ no work thing.  There ain't no jobs anywhere!!  Google "92 million unemployed".  I don't smoke, drink, etc. etc either...and will NOT date a non-christian, so yeah, I feel ya......its slim pickens out there & too many are just looking to party and have "relations".

Do you think that young people in their late 20s and older need to try and be independant? More and more in the uK young people of that age are remaining at home with parents even if they have jobs. When I was that age in the 70's it was very rare for an adult past about 21 or 22 to still be at home. My three closest friends all have children between the ages of 28 and 35 who are still at home. 

[TonkaTim]

You sound like a beauty & a prize to me. A woman of character!
One of the most precious things to a man of character.

Be proud of who & what you are, there are millions of good men who would love to marry a woman of virtue. I'll bet you'd love to be a mother too.

Be patient & I will also bet you'll eventually meet the love of your life. Don't settle for anything less than a man of character.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

I am 27 years old, still live at home with my family, have both parents, only child, don't work, drive, or have a college education. BUT I am looking for work. I do not party, I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage to have sex. I do want to get married.

Would you date me or do I sound like a total loser? According to internet folk I do. And no one would ever date me because I have nothing to offer them and I am boring.

Not enough information.  What are your interests?  What DO you do with your time?  What is your identity? (The guy in the thread just below this one would love to date you, if you're willing to "go geek.")

Jarrod

[Cally]

If you're concerned about being a loser for not having a job and still living with your parents at age 27, don't worry: the hate-ons for such situations are reserved for men (and yes, they most certainly come from Christians).

Surveys I've seen say that many men still find women who don't have a job to be acceptable to date. It's a man who is in your situation who is almost completely guaranteed not to be acceptable to a woman. Again, I say this according to surveys and studies that I have read.

[Alan]

I am 27 years old, still live at home with my family, have both parents, only child, don't work, drive, or have a college education. BUT I am looking for work. I do not party, I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage to have sex. I do want to get married.

Would you date me or do I sound like a total loser? According to internet folk I do. And no one would ever date me because I have nothing to offer them and I am boring.

Not enough information.  What are your interests?  What DO you do with your time?  What is your identity? (The guy in the thread just below this one would love to date you, if you're willing to "go geek.")

Jarrod

Exactly, the information provided is in no way adequate to formulate a decision to start a relationship. I would think Christian dating would require more than just a few foundational elements to feel the desire to actually want to go out with a person. I've never believed that dating is akin to shopping for new clothes.

[chosenone]

I am 27 years old, still live at home with my family, have both parents, only child, don't work, drive, or have a college education. BUT I am looking for work. I do not party, I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs. I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage to have sex. I do want to get married.

Would you date me or do I sound like a total loser? According to internet folk I do. And no one would ever date me because I have nothing to offer them and I am boring.

Not enough information.  What are your interests?  What DO you do with your time?  What is your identity? (The guy in the thread just below this one would love to date you, if you're willing to "go geek.")

Jarrod

Exactly, the information provided is in no way adequate to formulate a decision to start a relationship. I would think Christian dating would require more than just a few foundational elements to feel the desire to actually want to go out with a person. I've never believed that dating is akin to shopping for new clothes.

Also even if all of things you think that you want are there in a  person, if that chemistry isnt there, then it wont work.

[chosenone]

If you're concerned about being a loser for not having a job and still living with your parents at age 27, don't worry: the hate-ons for such situations are reserved for men (and yes, they most certainly come from Christians).

Surveys I've seen say that many men still find women who don't have a job to be acceptable to date. It's a man who is in your situation who is almost completely guaranteed not to be acceptable to a woman. Again, I say this according to surveys and studies that I have read.

Could that be because being married, having a home and bringing up children need an income?  Could it be that people would like a partner who has learnt to look after themselves and been independant before they get married?   I have seen far to many men especially jump from their mum looking after them to getting married and expecting their wives to do the same. Living independently teaches us so much, and enables us to mature as well. I have seen that in my own children when they left home.

[Red Baker]

I am 27 years old, still live at home with my family

If you do not have  a husband, then you should be living at home.

don't work, drive, or have a college education.

Why not on all three account?  This seems to be abnormal from my understanding.  Most people desire to be industrious, by doing such things. 

I am a Virgin, saving myself for marriage to have sex. I do want to get married.

That's commendable , but, what are you doing to get a husband?   Ruth was not sitting idle by hoping for a husband to fall from the sky.  Read the book of Ruth and see what Naomi's counsel to her concerning a husband, and then see what she did.

I just gave you my honest opinion.  You need to present your self as a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother.   

[chosenone]

Red why should single women well into adulthood live at home?

[DaveW]

Red why should single women well into adulthood live at home?

Many see a single woman NOT living at home under her father's authority as being rebelious.  (Bill Gothard teaches this)

[Red Baker]

Red why should single women well into adulthood live at home?

Christians live by the word of God, not by societies standard, or ways of doing things.  Being a Christian is not something that I profess, but WHO I AM, and we should be known by the way we live, not by what we say who we are. Females do not live by the word of God, without being under authority to their father or husbands, there is not one scripture that would support them doing otherwise.  Only if God leaves them without a male in their life, can they even begin to live without that authority in their life.  Here is "one way" where people's faith can be tested to see if one wholly follows God, or their own heart and this world's way of doing things.

I know too well that this is not popular, but, I am not out to be popular, but I am commanded to live by every word of God, not to please myself, or others.  I could give many scriptures to support my understand and beliefs, if you desire to see them, but, most care less, about what the scriptures said concerning such topics.  I do not expect many to like what I have said, since it goes against their nature to think this way.  It even goes against my own daughters, yet they try hard to follow their father's faith concerning such things.  I know that it is not easy for women to submit just as the scriptures commands them, yet it is the godly thing to do.    

[chosenone]

Red why should single women well into adulthood live at home?

Christians live by the word of God, not by societies standard, or ways of doing things.  Being a Christian is not something that I profess, but WHO I AM, and we should be known by the way we live, not by what we say who we are. Females do not live by the word of God, without being under authority to their father or husbands, there is not one scripture that would support them doing otherwise.  Only if God leaves them without a male in their life, can they even begin to live without that authority in their life.  Here is "one way" where people's faith can be tested to see if one wholly follows God, or their own heart and this world's way of doing things.

I know too well that this is not popular, but, I am not out to be popular, but I am commanded to live by every word of God, not to please myself, or others.  I could give many scriptures to support my understand and beliefs, if you desire to see them, but, most care less, about what the scriptures said concerning such topics.  I do not expect many to like what I have said, since it goes against their nature to think this way.  It even goes against my own daughters, yet they try hard to follow their father's faith concerning such things.  I know that it is not easy for women to submit just as the scriptures commands them, yet it is the godly thing to do.    

Women in the Bible would generally have got married in their teens.  Women now often dont marry till their 20's or 30's or even 40's and some never. There is no instruction that says they must remain with their parents well well into their adult lives, otherwise they wouldn't be able to even go away to uni or college. Also many of them aren't living with their fathers anyway.
What I see is those who leave home  in their 20's growing emotionally, spiritually,  and maturing and learning. Becoming ready for a mature relationship and marriage by learning to look after themselves first, being equipped to make that next step practically and emotionally. I see many men and women I know still at home past their late 20s and early 30s, unable to make decisions or look after themselves, or deal with money or pay bills, run a home or  be emotionally able to manage without their parents. That isnt healthy.

[chosenone]

Red why should single women well into adulthood live at home?

Many see a single woman NOT living at home under her father's authority as being rebelious.  (Bill Gothard teaches this)

I have never heard anyone who thinks that Dave. 
We bring up our children to grow emotionally and to be independent from us. To make their own decisions and make their own way in life. To pay their bills, run a home and look after themselves practically and thus mature emotionally. I never wanted to hang on to my my children when they were well into adulthood. By then, if I did my job well they would desire to fly the nest like the chicks do, and once they did that they matured no end. The eagle mother will force her chicks out of the nest when they are old enough, not try and hang onto them like so many mums especially do these days. While I don't advocate forcing anyone out, there comes a point when that time is right. When I was that age, it was rare here for anyone to still at home past their early 20's but now its very common to have kids at home 10 years later than that. Its like the generation that never grew up. All three of my close friend have children at home(men and women) in their late 20's and 30's.They dont seem to have any desire to get out there and cut those emotional ties. Often  mums make their home lives far too easy, cooking all their meals,  ironing their shirts, doing their shopping etc. Its not healthy.   

[DaveW]

I have never heard anyone who thinks that Dave.

Have you ever seen the Dugars?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/19_Kids_and_Counting

they are faithful followers of Bill Gothard.  Gothard has a lot of followers here in the US (he has been going strong since the 1960s) but recently got into trouble over sexual harassment charges.

Part of his "basic youth conflicts" teaching was that youth were to live with and be in strict obedience to their parents until they marry.  So if someone never marries and is 70 years old, they still need to obey their 90+ year old parents as if they were only 5.

http://shoebat.com/2014/09/17/cult-bill-gothard-duggars-homeschooling-cults-exposed/

[chosenone]

I have never heard anyone who thinks that Dave.

Have you ever seen the Dugars?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/19_Kids_and_Counting

they are faithful followers of Bill Gothard.  Gothard has a lot of followers here in the US (he has been going strong since the 1960s) but recently got into trouble over sexual harassment charges.

Part of his "basic youth conflicts" teaching was that youth were to live with and be in strict obedience to their parents until they marry.  So if someone never marries and is 70 years old, they still need to obey their 90+ year old parents as if they were only 5.

http://shoebat.com/2014/09/17/cult-bill-gothard-duggars-homeschooling-cults-exposed/

Wow well I think we would all do well to avoid anything that man says. 
I believe I saw that programmne once and that was enough!! Again though, their children who have got married ,married very young, as they did.
I have never actually heard anyone here think or teach that, and I dont see where the Bible says that either. Women then had to either remain at home or marry because they had no means of supporting themselves, but now women have many more opportunities and can work and study and support themselves. As I said, girls then married while very young, in their teens. People now have many more opportunities, marry far later and live far longer.
Both of my daughters left home in their early/mid 20's, as did my son, and I was very proud of them. They changed and matured so much in the few years after they left. Its what children are supposed to do. If girls cant leave home, then they cant go away to college or uni either.

[Gracey]

Wowzers...I have never heard that teaching before.  So does that mean that if a girl wanted to go to college but the nearest college was several hundred miles away, she wouldn't be able to go, because she needs to live at home?  Or maybe that teaching also suggests women shouldn't be educated.

It's certainly one way of looking at life and I respect that, but there is very little Biblically to back that up as a command.  It may well have been something that communities did a long time ago, when marriages were effectively arranged very early on, but in the days of choice where people marry for love instead of financial arrangements, then it is very different.

I am 40 and unmarried.  I have a really active job, house, car, life of my own.  I would very much like to get married but what if I don't?  If I were to live with my parents until they go to meet Jesus, I would be completely emotionally adrift when they did, with no concept of how to fend for myself. 

[Gracey]

In response to the OP however, I would ask why you don't have a job?  If I were looking for someone to date, their not having a job (unless there was a really good reason) would definitely put me off.  If they weren't working, then why were they not doing charity work or involved with church or something?   I think it's natural to want to be productive and to earn a living in some way.  I would be concerned about a person who did not have that 'drive' within them.

[Link]

I wouldn't date you because I am married.  But I don't see anything in your OP that makes you sound like a total loser.  A virgin at 27?  That's wonderful. 

There are Christian men out there who have saved themselves for marriage who are disappointed if they date a girl and find out she isn't a virgin.  There are also those who have fallen into sin who have the good sense to appreciate a woman's virginity.  There was a 1990 study by Teachman in the academic journal that deals with marriage and family issues that found that virgins at marriage had much lower divorce rates than those who had multiple sexual partners.  It's a major plus, but a lot of men don't have the good sense to know it.  Some men are foolish enough to think that being a virgin at marriage is a negative for a woman, but our culture has a lot of foolishness when it comes to sex. 

You didn't mention a lot of other details about yourself.  Some Christian men might date a woman based solely on the fact that she is Christian, a virgin, and in a certain age range.  Most men care if her looks are attractive to them personally.  Most women care about looks to some extent also. There is also personality, and other values.  One could be a virgin and still be selfish or ultra-shy or have some characteristic that a certain man may not like.  Some men like shy girls.  Some men like outgoing girls.  Outgoing girls have the advantage. 

Is living with your parents a negative?  I don't think so.  I got married to an Asian woman, and over there it was common for both genders to live with their parents before marriage.  I don't see a problem with it.  If I knew back in my 20's what I know now and think like I do now, a woman living with her parents is a plus.  She's probably not a wild party animal.  A wise man would generally look for a 'nice girl' for his wife.  If his wife is respectful and submissive toward her father, that's a good sign.  Good relationships with parents are a good sign.  At 27, I think a lot of young people who used to be embarrassed around their parents as teens start to realize that good relationships with parents are a positive thing in a potential spouse. 

If you were at home doing absolutely nothing living with mom and dad, that might be a negative.

Also, IMO, tats are a big negative. 

One thing you might do if you did a dating profile

[chosenone]

LInk I know many lovely young Christian women who are independent from parents who are not in the least party animals. I am all for adults being independant and maturing away from their parents. It prepares them far more for marriage than living with parents does.   IF I were young again I personally wouldnt be keen to date a man who was still at home well into adulthood.

[Link]

chosenone, If a woman doesn't live at home, that doesn't mean she's not a party animal.  But if she is at home and treats her parents well, she may be well-behaved in her personal life.  I still it's a plus, a small one, if she lives at home.  There is also a Biblical case to be made for it.  My wife stayed with a family that she wasn't related to by blood and in a boarding house while working on her Bible college degree.  Her parents lived far away.  Everyone's circumstances are different.

I do think men and women are different in this regard.  In parts of Asia it's the norm for men to stay at home until marriage, so I don't think that a woman should look down on a man doing that if it's a part of his culture or if he has a reason to stay home to take care of family.  But if he just doesn't have ambition to start his own life and be prepared to have a wife, then it is an issue.

[chosenone]

chosenone, If a woman doesn't live at home, that doesn't mean she's not a party animal.  But if she is at home and treats her parents well, she may be well-behaved in her personal life.  I still it's a plus, a small one, if she lives at home.  There is also a Biblical case to be made for it.  My wife stayed with a family that she wasn't related to by blood and in a boarding house while working on her Bible college degree.  Her parents lived far away.  Everyone's circumstances are different.

I do think men and women are different in this regard.  In parts of Asia it's the norm for men to stay at home until marriage, so I don't think that a woman should look down on a man doing that if it's a part of his culture or if he has a reason to stay home to take care of family.  But if he just doesn't have ambition to start his own life and be prepared to have a wife, then it is an issue.

I have seen so many young people mature and grow emotionally after leaving home, and so many young people who remain almost perpetual teenagers by still being at home in their late 20s and even 30'sand not doing anything to look after themselves.

In times past, youngsters married very young, in their teens, hence most were still at home when they married. Now its the norm for people to marry far far later, I know so many young adults still single in their 30's now, and also in times past, women had to live at home because they were financially dependant on their fathers, now that isnt the case. I dont see it as a plus that either sex are still at home so very late, but we can disagree on that. I see it as a plus that adults are able to look after themselves and not be dependant on parents well into their adult lives.Its character building to fly the nest, remember the eagles who literally make their off spring be independent by stirring up the nest?   

[Texas Conservative]

chosenone, If a woman doesn't live at home, that doesn't mean she's not a party animal.  But if she is at home and treats her parents well, she may be well-behaved in her personal life.  I still it's a plus, a small one, if she lives at home.  There is also a Biblical case to be made for it.  My wife stayed with a family that she wasn't related to by blood and in a boarding house while working on her Bible college degree.  Her parents lived far away.  Everyone's circumstances are different.

I do think men and women are different in this regard.  In parts of Asia it's the norm for men to stay at home until marriage, so I don't think that a woman should look down on a man doing that if it's a part of his culture or if he has a reason to stay home to take care of family.  But if he just doesn't have ambition to start his own life and be prepared to have a wife, then it is an issue.

I have seen so many young people mature and grow emotionally after leaving home, and so many young people who remain almost perpetual teenagers by still being at home in their late 20s and even 30'sand not doing anything to look after themselves.

In times past, youngsters married very young, in their teens, hence most were still at home when they married. Now its the norm for people to marry far far later, I know so many young adults still single in their 30's now, and also in times past, women had to live at home because they were financially dependant on their fathers, now that isnt the case. I dont see it as a plus that either sex are still at home so very late, but we can disagree on that. I see it as a plus that adults are able to look after themselves and not be dependant on parents well into their adult lives.Its character building to fly the nest, remember the eagles who literally make their off spring be independent by stirring up the nest?

I have seen many women nowadays in their early 30's who are less mature now, than they were at 19.  Don't know how that happens, but it does.

[chosenone]

chosenone, If a woman doesn't live at home, that doesn't mean she's not a party animal.  But if she is at home and treats her parents well, she may be well-behaved in her personal life.  I still it's a plus, a small one, if she lives at home.  There is also a Biblical case to be made for it.  My wife stayed with a family that she wasn't related to by blood and in a boarding house while working on her Bible college degree.  Her parents lived far away.  Everyone's circumstances are different.

I do think men and women are different in this regard.  In parts of Asia it's the norm for men to stay at home until marriage, so I don't think that a woman should look down on a man doing that if it's a part of his culture or if he has a reason to stay home to take care of family.  But if he just doesn't have ambition to start his own life and be prepared to have a wife, then it is an issue.

I have seen so many young people mature and grow emotionally after leaving home, and so many young people who remain almost perpetual teenagers by still being at home in their late 20s and even 30'sand not doing anything to look after themselves.

In times past, youngsters married very young, in their teens, hence most were still at home when they married. Now its the norm for people to marry far far later, I know so many young adults still single in their 30's now, and also in times past, women had to live at home because they were financially dependant on their fathers, now that isnt the case. I dont see it as a plus that either sex are still at home so very late, but we can disagree on that. I see it as a plus that adults are able to look after themselves and not be dependant on parents well into their adult lives.Its character building to fly the nest, remember the eagles who literally make their off spring be independent by stirring up the nest?

I have seen many women nowadays in their early 30's who are less mature now, than they were at 19.  Don't know how that happens, but it does.

Really?

[Gentleman One]

As others have said, there isn't enough information to go on.  Initial meeting would be key to get to know you; your brief description doesn't sound bad as many people are in a similar situation.
I don't have many friends (if any) as I made some awful mistakes in my youth which I am now overcoming; I haven't dated for about 2 years and to be honest I have grown to enjoy my own company, however companionship would be nice.
The Bible says in:

Genesis 2:18

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

I think the bold text is crucial; we should have companionship and I pray I will receive this soon.