Building spiritual growth in a relationship before giving a ring :)

[beal_01]

Blessings and greetings to you all...

I've got a question.. I'm dating a girl whom I'm thinking about asking to marry me.  I'm not sure if it's God's will, or not.  I'm trying to figure out if I'm unequally yoked and to be honest.. If I'm making a big deal out of this.

To sum it up, she is open to going to church with me (although not a priority like me).   We have been dating for about 2 years now.  We've been good for about a year now.  Yea I broke weak in the beginning.  I just felt convicted to stop.   That didn't go over very well with her at first.  It got to the point where I said, look I want a good marriage, both studies and the bible say "don't do that".  We have to be intimate with our hearts before our parts.

My girlfriend and I are on the same page about sex now.     From time to time she "puts the brakes on".  Which I was glad to see.. Shows that she respects me enough to keep me accountable to my faith, even if what I'm doing is what she really wants.

There are other times where I answer alot of her questions about God and the bible.  That's usually where alot of our division comes in.  For example, we had a long discussion about Abraham and Sarah.  She said that the whole kid thing just couldn't happen.  I got a response "I don't believe a book that was written by a bunch of men a thousand years ago"  I replied, well, did Jesus die for you, go to hell for you, and raised from the dead?  She said, "well yea".. I said ok.. Couldn't God do this..  That just makes her grouchy.

Basically, she refuses to read the bible.  Says there are too many versions, they are contradictory.  I try to show her things but when we get to specifics she just doesn't want to go there.

I do believe that God put her in my life.  I do know that if I'm not with her God will put another woman in my life.  Perhaps someone whom is very strong in their faith as well as beautiful.

My pastor said, you know if your unequally yoked if your born again and they are not.  You can tell if someone is born again by the fruit they produce.  Right now, she's nice to me and treats me well.  But I'm not seeing too much spiritual fruit.

I have a feeling that things like tithe, prayer, serving at the church, going on a mission will push us apart.. Which are things that I love to do.  I get so much fulfillment out of that.  I don't think that she will like and I think that if I do those things, I might end up back in a poopy marriage.  Which is not God's will for me.  I tell her how I feel, she get's angry and pushes back with statements like "If you expect me to pray out loud and read the bible now I can't do that.  Maybe in the future but not right now."  I said, "well, ok I need to think about what that means".  After I dropped her off, she called me said that she was sorry for fighting and said that she would go to church and small group with me.  I said great, ok, but I don't want you going just because you want to save our relationship.  You need to come to God on your own terms.  Otherwise it's not going to last.

But I want to love her like 1 Cor 13.. Not the whole romantic love.  But how Jesus loves.  Perhaps if I show her that love (without compromising my faith) that maybe she will come around.

Anyways.. That's the backstory, here's the important part, my question...

Does anyone know of any really cool pre-marital retreats in the US?  There's lots of stuff for marriage.  Not much for that pre-engaged / engaged space.

Also, besides the bible, any good resources?  Perhaps movies, youtube vids, audio books, etc.  Something that's not the bible that will point her there..?  She likes the movies like "The War Room", "The Song", etc..  Loves Revelation stories.  She's kinda an action buff.

Blessings to you all

[Texas Conservative]

You are asking for trouble.  Been there, done that personally.  Didn't end well.

Don't do it.

[beal_01]

That may be true.. Not going to give her a ring until I know she's born again.  Just looking for avenues to promote that growth.

I've got a timetable in my head when I have to "move on".  Not looking forward to that, would like it to be her, but I know in the end God will reward faithfulness.

[Texas Conservative]

That may be true.. Not going to give her a ring until I know she's born again.  Just looking for avenues to promote that growth.

I've got a timetable in my head when I have to "move on".  Not looking forward to that, would like it to be her, but I know in the end God will reward faithfulness.

Prayer.  You can be a good witness, but it all comes down to her and God ultimately.

[chosenone]

If she still hasnt converted after 2 years what makes you think that she will? Why hasnt she been going to church with you before now?We are told very clearly not to be with an unbeliever, and yet you have dated one all this time. Why date someone who you cant marry? Why even think of marriage to a non Christian? I think you know that you ARE unequally yoked, but dont want to do anything about it. You say that God bought her into your life, but what makes you think that? He tells us what to do re marriage and that is be with another Christian. We can be friends but thats it.   
Yes you do know if its Gods will, because He says in the Bible not to be with a non believer. WHy does He need to say it again?

You have to make a decision between God and this relationship.Far better not to begin such a relationship at all, as it will be so much harder for you to end it now, but I guess those are the consequences of going against Gods teaching.

[Alma1995]

As my lion friend said, why did you even started dating her in the first place? Are you sure you can commit to her? Also, she is not only a non-believer from what I've read she is not even agnostic. And ask yourself if you already have come to terms with the fact she has become one with people in the past because I've seen marriages fail because eventually one spouse failed to overcome that (when it was something that should been adressed way before even marrying). Listen to our advices.

DON'T DO IT.

[beal_01]

Chosenone and Alma.. Good points.  You make me think and that's good.  It's a blessing.

The day that our relationship started, I prayed to God to put someone in my life because I was lonely.  Then, out of the blue, her friend wanted us to meet.  It was that same day.  I didn't even know her friend.  We did a double date with her friend, had some things in common.  Our second date, I invited her to church with me and to meet my good friend who is kinda my spiritual mentor.  All seemed to work out well.

That's my usual test.  Take em to church. They always run after that.  The teacher, the pricipal, the pulmonologist.. Yea.. They all ran.

Anyways, she told me she like the idea that we go to church and she went with me.  Problem is, she works nights and usually Sunday mornings she's getting off of work.  Saturdays, we usually try to go but it's more of a priority for me than her.

She has told me that she does believe in Jesus.  She's just not on fire.  I'm trying to figure out, what's best.

I mean, I do love her and I want the best for her.  Just trying not to be selfish.. Trying to do God's will.

Some people say it's black and white.  Some people say it's a gray area where some are further along in their spiritual development than others.  Looking back, I was where she was a few years ago.

Not looking for excuses. Just looking for advice on how to foster her growth, and figure out the solution along the way.

Always looking for prayer though :)

[Alma1995]

Chosenone and Alma.. Good points.  You make me think and that's good.  It's a blessing.

The day that our relationship started, I prayed to God to put someone in my life because I was lonely.  Then, out of the blue, her friend wanted us to meet.  It was that same day.  I didn't even know her friend.  We did a double date with her friend, had some things in common.  Our second date, I invited her to church with me and to meet my good friend who is kinda my spiritual mentor.  All seemed to work out well.

That's my usual test.  Take em to church. They always run after that.  The teacher, the pricipal, the pulmonologist.. Yea.. They all ran.

Anyways, she told me she like the idea that we go to church and she went with me.  Problem is, she works nights and usually Sunday mornings she's getting off of work.  Saturdays, we usually try to go but it's more of a priority for me than her.

She has told me that she does believe in Jesus.  She's just not on fire.  I'm trying to figure out, what's best.

I mean, I do love her and I want the best for her.  Just trying not to be selfish.. Trying to do God's will.

Some people say it's black and white.  Some people say it's a gray area where some are further along in their spiritual development than others.  Looking back, I was where she was a few years ago.

Not looking for excuses. Just looking for advice on how to foster her growth, and figure out the solution along the way.

Always looking for prayer though :)

We can only give you advice. To show you different perspectives on your subject. In the end, it's your call. Try to ask yourself honestly what do you want and commend yourself to God when you come to a conclusion and you're lucky you found someone and I hope you find happiness.  I had the perfect girlfriend but I broke with her because she wasn't virgin, so I find myself searching.

[beal_01]

Perspective and insight are good.  Anything that get's me thinking of different perspectives is very helpufl.

Scripture is best :) 

[beal_01]

well.. we broke up :)

But I have alot of hope and faith that God will bring the  woman He want's into my life and I will probably be a lot happier because of it.