Single, no desire to marry, abstinent, I hate it

[PCM85]

I need to vent. This struggle is real. Currently I have no desire to get married. I could be single for the rest of my life and be fine. I can even imagine going the rest of my life without sex and be fine. But it makes me sooooooooo frustrated and even sometimes angry that I can't even masturbate to cope with the abstinence. I keep feeling if I could just masturbate to relieve the pent up tension I would be okay. I usually go as long as a month or two months without masturbation but I feel like a ticking time bomb. It's only a matter of time before the urge becomes too strong. In those moments I try thinking on positive things but sometimes the urge is so strong that the last thing I want to do is pray or read the bible in order to stop myself. I've tried convincing myself that it may be okay to try to masturbate without thinking about anything so as to avoid lust. No matter what the guilt practically kills me. I don't want to get married and I hate that people keep trying to shove dating and marriage down my throat. I get angry because I was created with urges that I can't fulfill. Urges that can feel as strong as drug addiction. Urges that are natural but I have to behave in a totally unnatural way and act like I don't have them. The thing is, I'm not some sexual deviant. I'm not addicted to porn or entertaining sick thoughts. I'm just human. Honestly the ONLY reason I don't have sex or masturbate is out of obedience to God because this is not a choice I would have EVER made for myself. I feel like I'm serving a life sentence and the thought of never being able to feel sexual pleasure again for the rest of my life is more than overwhelming.

[chosenone]

Thats why God gave us marriage so that the sexual urges can be focused in the right direction.

Why is it that you hate the idea of marriage?

[PCM85]

I am able to masturbate without thinking about another person. I can't figure out why this would be wrong but I'm not sure.

[PCM85]

 I didn't say I hate the idea of marriage I simply have no desire to be married and I certainly don't want to marry just so I can have sex.

[chosenone]

I didn't say I hate the idea of marriage I simply have no desire to be married and I certainly don't want to marry just so I can have sex.

Well thats what Paul tells us to do if we cant control our lusts. Of course you dont want to marry for that one reasons but thats one major benefit of many that marriage brings.   

[chosenone]

I am able to masturbate without thinking about another person. I can't figure out why this would be wrong but I'm not sure.

I dont think that the Bible forbids it if you dont use porn or fantasy.