What I've Learned

[Penguin]

It doesn't seem to be busy in this part of the forum, which is something of a shame. In my experience, singles are often viewed by the Church the way Millennials are viewed by certain portions of society at large. I've seen where singles forums devolve into a "whine-fest," with each bemoaning their single status, and I've seen them devolve into something of a "creep-fest," where the desperation is nearly tangible.

I'm thirty-two, and wasted a lot of time mired in my lust for a wife. It wasn't love, or Godly desire, because I was focused on what I wanted. My desires were focused on a wife as a status symbol, as a person who would make me feel good, and love me without changing me. Looking back, it was a disgusting mindset.

Then, through the school of hard knocks, I learned love isn't about me. I learned that unless what I wanted what God wanted, there was no chance I'd get what I wanted. It was a hard pill to swallow, but once I got it down, it was healthy. I suddenly saw people as "image-bearers" of Christ to be loved, not tools to be used for my own gain. I also saw myself as an image-bearer, whose love isn't meant to be cheapened.

Suddenly, being single wasn't horrible. It is, in fact, an asset. Singleness is a great opportunity to love others, because we can't be loved by a spouse until we're active participants in loving our fellow image-bearers. Now, I have my doubts as to whether I'll meet my Ladybird. I'd like to. That desire is still there, but it's no longer an ache to be lamented. In fact, I don't worry over whether or when I'll have a spouse.

All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. So this time of being single is good, or will work together for my ultimate good. I don't need a wife, but if and when God has her waddle into my life, I know it will be blessed, because it will be at a time when all that has come before it works together for our ultimate good.

There's often a lot of talk about women being Daughters of the King, and that's true, but it's equally true we men are Sons of the King. Princes and Princesses, all of us who have been adopted into His family. What a privilege we have to learn at the feet of the King who knows when we're ready to take on the roles He has for us. He comforts us in the meantime with His truth, like children nourished by healthy food. So often we want the sweets, but our Father knows we'll be and feel better by taking the nourishment He offers.

In that light, I encourage my fellow singles to press in to their singleness, to seek out the proper nourishment, and spurn the unhealthy selfishness we're accustomed to. It won't feel good or taste good at first, but as you grow, you will find you love the benefits, and will wonder how you ever desired what isn't healthy for you.