Is it Ever TooSoon to Get Married?

[angeleyes]

For starters, let me be the first to say that I have no intentions of just running down the isle any time soon. However I often wonder if it really does matter how long you wait to get married. Yes you must know each other inside and out, but in the Bible things were a lot different because marriages were arranged and they seemed to last for the most part.

Most say to give it 6mos to a year while I am seeing more and more people getting married after a few months. My mother for an example got married after only like four months of dating and ended up regretting it.

Is there really a such thing as knowing someone completely before you get married?

How long would you say the average person should wait to get married after they start dating an individual?

For all of the married folks how long did you wait before you  got married and are you still happily married?

[janine]

I knew my husband from when I was in junior high school, and we married three years later.  We've been married almost 27 years and haven't killed each other yet!  Lots of rotten bad times for us along the way, but many many nice times and several special fantastic times... definitely seems to have been worthwhile for us top marry.  Even when I'm totally disgusted with him I still value him and consider him a very good man.

I wouldn't say so much that you need to know your guy  a particular amount of time before you marry -- I'd say it depends on HOW you know him.

If you spend as lot of time around him in the context of his family and you get to see how they all interact and how he treats everyone (especially his mother), maybe six months courting is enough.  If it's just you and him and not even the two of you in a casual longterm situation -- even two years' engagement ain't enough.

You need to create the chances for long spontaneous talks and interactions with other people so you can see how he really is under that "date veneer".

[MarkHooper]

Bible things were a lot different because marriages were arranged and they seemed to last for the most part.

I'm not sure that is Biblically correct.

[Pokhara]

Lots of marriages come unstuck, and often they involve people who had known each other for ages before they tied the knot.

There is no formula for a successful marriage, but it makes sense for you to get to know your spouse in advance of your wedding day.

[janine]

Bible things were a lot different because marriages were arranged and they seemed to last for the most part.

I'm not sure that is Biblically correct.

You got some examples of Bible couples & how they came to be married?

[angeleyes]

Bible things were a lot different because marriages were arranged and they seemed to last for the most part.

I'm not sure that is Biblically correct.

You got some examples of Bible couples & how they came to be married?

Yes, Jacob and Leah, Jacob and Rachel, Samson and his wife.

[angeleyes]

One thing that I've noticed is that there are never any time spans as to how long the couples in the Bible knew each other before they got married except for Jacob and Leah and Rachel because we all know that he had to work for 7 and 14 years for initially Rachel, but ended up with Leah and then he received his desire who was Rachel. What about Hosea and his wife. Wasn't that arranged by God?

[MarkHooper]

These scriptures tell me things didn't aways work out!

Deuteronomy 24:1-4: When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter husband dislikes her and writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled.; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring guilt upon the land which the Lord your God gives you for an inheritance.

Isaiah 50:1: This is What the Lord says: "Where is your mother's certificate of divorce with which I sent her away? Or to which my creditors did I sell you? Because your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away."


Ezra 10:3: "Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such that are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law."


This passage is well you figure it out.....

Ruth 3:7-11
7When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet. 9"Who are you?" he asked. "I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer." 10"The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask

[janine]

God arranged the very first marriage, and we all know what a mess that one was.

[JoyInHim]

Lol.

God arranged the very first marriage, and we all know what a mess that one was.

I'm rather a fan of arranged marriages.  My grandparents had an arranged marriage (he 25, she 14 and didn't know the birds and the bees on her wedding day), and were loyal and faithful till death, 7 children later, my grandma in her 90s.  Her first child was born when she was 15 and died of an old age, the year before she did.

I have several Indian neighbors, couples in their 30s and 40s, who are joyfully and wonderfully married.  All of them have had arranged marriages.  My own marriage is somewhat 'arranged,' as I watched my own parents like a hawk, gaging their reactions and not marrying until they (tried not to but) could hardly keep from bursting out, 'MARRY this guy!'

My dh and I believe that the MOST important things in marriage are, solid faith in Christ, same values (the Word and how we view it) and a commitment to marriage for life.

Personally, I would say, if you haven't gone through a few differences and resolved them - you do not know the person well enough to decide about marriage for life.  Resolving conflict is HUGE in marriage. 

If the person is considerate to others (not the date he/she is trying to impress), that is a great sign!  My dad used to say, 'watch how he treats the waiter and the gas station attendant,' because that is how he'll treat YOU some day.  VERY true.

Evaluate him/her in the context of family.  We can choose friends, so they may not be the best gage (group dates) - but family is the real mc coy.  How siblings and parents interact is indicitive of what he/she considers 'normal.'  If they are loud and obnoxious.....he will consider that normal home life.  If they are formal and uptight....he may expect perfection all the time.

Great topic AngelEyes.   Wondering how old you are....?

[angeleyes]

Hi JoyInHim, I am 27 years old and like I mentioned before I am in no rush to get married...then again maybe in a way I am. I have mixed feelings about marriage because of the divorce rate and how my father treated my mother and then again I do realize that not every marriage turns out the same. I just keep praying that God will lead and guide me into choosing the right man for a husband and that He will show us how to stay married happily til death do us part.

I want to get married and in a way God told me recently something about an upcoming marriage proposal and otoh I am scared about marriage especially if it is to who I think it is because he has a child and his mother doesn't like it when he talks to me on the phone. So you can only imagine how this makes me feel now, but I haven't met his mother yet and he hasn't met my mother yet either and I haven't met his son either. So I guess I'm a little nervous about when and if that time comes.