i am lost, please help

[cavegirl75]

I am a 33yr mother of three, i have been a single mother since i was 17..i had never been married until 8 months ago. My husband and i met 6 years ago and god told me many times that he was the man i was to marry. I was not in love with him and over 6 years i didn't fall in love with him. Over coffee with him he told me that god had been telling him for years that he was to marry me. This shocked me..but also made sense. God had told me many time...when i was first saved...and after.... that i would know my husband when i saw him. And he would know me.

So..with a will set on being obedient..i kind of held my breath and married him. He is a sweet man, and a good father to my children and his own daughter. he is a pastor, his wife left him after 13 years of marriage for another man, and left him to raise thier daughter. . I still know that marrying him was gods will..he assures me of this. But i am lost.
I didnt fall in love, which isn't the most important thing in the world..whenit comes to the message of christ. I feel pressure to be dutiful and responsive..but it is becoming harder and harder. We have only been married for 8 months. we are soo different. he being very quiet..and me being very passionate and expressive. I have learned over the years to control my expressive behaviour somewhat....but this is killing my heart.
I feel like i am drowning ..and he says nothing...see's nothing. I have tried to talk to him but he just gets soo sad that we are even talking about anything serious. i don't want to hurt him..he has done nothing wrong.
How?? how do i do this? i keep hearing jesus say to me....trust in me with all your heart..lean not on your own understanding. i have received words from people saying just that. bible study on this was this week..lol
It's so hard and i feel like i am screaming on the inside. i don't want attention...i simply beg someone to help me...please!

[spurly]

I believe the mistake you made was before marriage when you believed your future husband when he told you it was God's will that you get married.  If that had been God's will, he would have revealed it to you as well - which it seems he didn't.

That being said, jumping out of the marriage isn't the answer.  The answer, it seems to me, is to learn to love him with everything you have.  Treat him like you love him more than anyone else other than God and his Son Jesus Christ.  When he gives you little bits of love, let him know how much you appreciate it.  As you do this, you will probably find that passion and love come alive in this relationship.

I hope that helps.

[Charliz]

That being said, jumping out of the marriage isn't the answer.  The answer, it seems to me, is to learn to love him with everything you have.  Treat him like you love him more than anyone else other than God and his Son Jesus Christ.  When he gives you little bits of love, let him know how much you appreciate it.  As you do this, you will probably find that passion and love come alive in this relationship.

Although this may not be what you were hoping to hear, it seems like good advice to me.  I would also encourage you to begin to shift your focus.  Rather than dwelling on yourself (and how you are feeling), instead you can choose to focus on how to build up your husband and children.  It's not that your feelings aren't important or valid, but focusing too much on them may cause you to drown in self-pity . . . which won't help your situation at all.  I find that sometimes all it takes to make me feel better about myself or my situation is choosing to invest in the lives of others.  

Don't give up.  You are in my prayers.  

[Imabear]

In the Bible we are commanded to love. 
It's something we choose to do. 
It is not a feeling... It is an action. 
In our society, we fall in and out of love, but that isn't true love.
Read 1 Corintians 13. 
Keeping a marriage going is hard work, but worth it in the end. 

God Bless.

[cavegirl75]

Thankyou. all the points you have made are great..and i know they are right too. As for me just taking my husbands word regarding us being married. That's not the case. God told me clearly on 3 occasions that this was the man i was to marry. before ever having feelings for him.
I realise that my feelings are not the most important thing, i married him because of a promise that god made me and i made god. And i do love my husband. My fear is that..well being a woman..lol it's hard to ignore the need for loving feelings. this i have been able to handle so far...but i am afraid of it becoming overwhelming..as it does seem to at times. I have been praying for this not to come between gods will for us as a couple. and i do know beyond a shodow of doubt that this is god's will. I should trust in Jesus and have faith...i guess i was asking for ..well...the answers you all gave me. And thankyou for them. Your prayers are very much appreciated, as i cannot talk to anyone here about these things.  
How do i be honest with him...when he asks me questions about how i feel?..without hurting him..and without lying?... i know there may not be answers. I just feel i am at a loss here in regards to how to a good wife, He is a ver good man and deserves a good wife.
I will however say, that since posting this message the past week..i have started feeling more love for him. God is good...even when our requests seem so..well..selfish.
Any and all advice is more than welcome...and again thankyou for your help.

[TXNHFF]

as a man now facing the loss of his wife, I can tell you this...I would have much rather she told me something than nothing.  No matter how much it hurt and no matter how much I didn't want to hear it.  If she had, maybe things would be different now and we would not be in the place we are.  Pray to God about it, ask him how to talk to your husband about it in a kind loving manner.

[stewie8000]

Well it makes a nice pat answer to say, "Well you just gotta love him."
Sounds nice on paper, don't know if it works in reality.

Are you sure God says he's the one? 

The devil can use the Bible and lead us astray very well. Sometimes he'll use that, lean not on your own understanding verse, to make us dismiss common sense and thinking all together.

Honestly, if you haven't had kids with this guy and it's only been eight months, I'd see about getting an annulment.

Please don't take this the wrong way or as an insult , but it sounds like he told you first that he was the one, then you heard God saying he's the one.

Is it possible you're easily suggestible? You claim to hear God saying he's the one, but is it possible maybe you're not hearing God and might have schizophrenia?  Again please don't take this as an insult.

I'm measuring what you're saying God is telling you against reality.  I can't see God telling you to marry some guy like this and see God putting you in this situation. So it leads me to believe that maybe no one heard God and it was something else.

And remember, lean not on your own understanding doesn't mean throw caution to the wind and trust whatever situation you're in.  It just means to trust God, but not to toss your brain out the window.