Wondering if God wants it to be

[LP0468]

Hi, I am new to this board but i was looking for some Christian opinions and guidance on my situation.

I met and fell in love with a guy two years ago and we broke up after a year.  For the past year we have had on and off contact.  We broke up do to family problems and the fact that he joined the military.  In the past year we have cut contact with each other for good (or so was the plan) on four occasions.  Each time we have been brought back to eachother,  each time was him contacting me.  People keep telling me that either its a coincidence or that he's trying to play games, but I'm not sure.  He is a Christian as well and I know he believes in fate, as do I.

My question is do you think there is a reason that we kep coming back to eachother? If God didn't want someone in your life wouldn't he remove that person for good if they were bad for you?  Could he be trying to tell us that we are meant to be in eachothers lives?

This last time we got in touch was yesterday.  I've been having dreams about my ex for the past week and it got me to praying to be able to make peace with him. And then he calls. Is this just a coincidence or is it God trying to tell me something? Also my ex is going to be overseas for two years, and while I love him still very much I am unsure of his feelings for me, other than he want to keep contact with me, but I don't know if I should wait for him or try to move on or what.

[MrQuietGuy]

Hi Lauren, and welcome to the group.

I must begin by letting you know that I do not believe in fate. I believe God has given us free will; otherwise we would be nothing but robots or pieces on a chessboard, and that wouldn't be very satisfying to God. However, I do believe that God gives us guidance, if only we know to listen to it and to discern that it is really from God.

It seems to me that you have the same problem of indecision with both this past boyfriend and your ex. Your past boyfriend also seem to suffer from confusion about what he wants.

I would suggest that you move on from both relationships. They didn't work out the first time and unless something has seriously changed, they probably won't work out in the future either. There's an old saying that one definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions over and over and expecting different results.

Instead of trying to rekindle past relationships, I would suggest that you concentrate on the future and be open to new ones, with an eye out to make sure you don't repeat past mistakes.

I don't mean for this post to sound negative, and I truly hope and pray that you will be led to the answer that God would want for you personally. Only you know all about your situation, and only you can make the decisions.

[LP0468]

Thank you for your advice. Also, the past boyfriend and the ex are the same person, I guess I just referred to him two different ways.

[MrQuietGuy]

Oops. I apologize for making the assumption that ex meant an ex-spouse. My bad.

That changes the tone of how I understood your situation. I now understand that this has happened not with two different relationships, but only with one. Although I still stand behind what I said, it puts you in a much better light than I first assumed.

I don't really think he is playing games, but I do think he is confused. I think you should not renew the relationship at this time, but give him more time to resolve his confusion. If and when you do choose to continue the relationship, be careful and look for the warning signs that the past may repeat itself.

[Imabear]

What is causing the break ups?  Are you getting into fights?  Just wanting to check out the other fish in the sea?

What's up with that?

[LP0468]

Well we broke up last summer, a week after talking about getting married because there were problems between him and my parents.  He's been questioning marraige a few times since then, but now that he's in the military it complicates things, at least for the next two years.  I was willing to leave everything and go with him, but because of the family situation he decided against it.  Just yesterday he met up with my mom and they made their peace. He also doesn't think a long distance relationship can work. 

I tried to check out the "other fish" but it hasn't worked out since I am not over him.

[Pokhara]

Marriage is a fragile thing.  They can damage very easily, even when they begin with good intentions.

If there are obvious problems (like distance) with a relationship, then maybe it's better to walk away.  The fact that you have not found anyone else (yet) does not mean that there is no one else out there for you.