How to deal with sexual abuse?

[Amherst]

Here's my situation: my girlfriend recently told me that she was sexually abused as a child. She is technically a virgin, but she was forced to do just about everything except intercourse. I love her dearly, and hearing about her past doesn't affect how much I love her. I just want to know if anyone has any ideas on how I can, for lack of a better term, "deal" with this? Are there any Bible verses that deal with this sort of thing? It would be very helpful.

[Charles Sloan]

Just some quick advice, don't push her for physical affections. For one you shouldn't do that unless you married, but also that could be a trigger for her. Also don't press her to talk about it, but be open to her if she is willing to talk. Be a good listener and try and be there for her. I've never been there, but that's how I would handle it. There are some Bible verses, but I don't think you should handle it like Absalom did.

[Serenity432001]

It's good she felt comfortable enough to share this with you.  I was 30 something before I could share something similar that heppened to me 20 years before that. 

My recomendation would be to reasure your love for her.  Let her know without an absolute shadow of a doubt that she did NOTHING wrong.   I would also keep her confidence if she asks you to but would encourage her to get profesioanl help to deal with it for herself.   Its up to her who she decides to share this with, not you. 

I had kept that deep dark secret far too long and when I did tell it to my husband of 9 years, he chose to blame all of our problems on this and to share it with various people including my father even though I specifically asked him not to so needless to say that marriage didn't last long after that. 

Even though I felt betrayed by my husband, I don't regret finally sharing what happened because it does seem to release the power it can have over you. 

She is a lucky girl to have someone who really wants to do the right thing in this situation.  Bless you for that. 

[Thunder]

The previous posters are right on target.  Even if you don't push for physical affection, sometimes the slightest gesture can trigger a memory - brusher her hair away from her face or something similar like that.  When/If this happens, don't get upset; try to remember that she is still dealing with this.

I have no bible verses to help, I'm not good in that area.  What I CAN tell you is that God will take these bad experiences and provide insight and strength she would not have otherwise had, making "good" come from the "bad".  She will come through this a stronger person, and you will be surprised how much you will learn as well.

Beyond that, if she hasn't already she should consider a good counselor.  It really does help.

[Amherst]

Thank you so much, everyone. It means a lot to me that I can talk with fellow Christians on this matter. God is so good! I am being sensitive about this with her, as I do not want to pressure her into doing anything. I have been letting her know how much I love her and care for her, in accordance with what you all have basically said. Thank you for your encouraging words!

[decreeit2b]

First I want to say its a blessing that you care enough about her to want to help her and not take advantage of her situation so God Bless You for that. My Pastor just recently has had a Christian Psychotherapist come to the church to do a teaching at Bible Study called "Lets Talk About Sex" and the Doctor shares his testimony of how he was sexually abused and how the Lord brought healing to his life and deliverance. He talked about how its important to grieve when you experience something so traumatizing. Most times people like to act like it doesn't affect them when really it does. He talked about really being honest with yourself and acknowledging how what happened still affects you presently for example sexual urges, fear of intimacy with the opposite sex depending on if it was a male/female who abused the person, battling with thoughts in your mind. He also said its important to have someone that can be an accountability partner to the victim, and for the victim to really pray and ask God to help them forgive the person in their heart and mind. This has happened to me so I know how she feels and I know the affects it can have on a person. Most of all pray for her and let her know that you are there for her and I'm quite sure you are doing this because you posted this question. Its important for her to draw closer to the Lord and not run away from the memory of what happened because if she doesn't deal with it now then it will manifest in the next generation of her children in some other form. God is a healer I know for myself so you both can be encouraged. A good scripture to read to her is Isaiah 61:3. God gives beauty for ashes! I'm glad you were bold enough to bring this topic up because its always swept under the rug and ignored but its a painful thing attacking so many youth and they are hurting. God Bless You

[Amherst]

Thank you for your thoughtful response, decreeit2b. The points you made make sense, and I'm thankful that you were able to share some things from your experience. Thank you so much, and God bless!