Being in love, or being in "lust" with someone

[dougk1971]

One thing I've learned, the hard way of course, is that it's important to realize the existence of two forms of interest in the opposite sex:  love or lust.  I've lusted for hundreds of women in my life, I've loved two.  One of them left me for good, and the other is already in a relationship.  I would "agape" love this woman if I had the chance.  I'd give my life for her.  She is so precious to me, I can't begin to describe how she moves me.  Luckily I see her often, we play in a music band together.  I'm being her friend.  BEING is important.  I'm walking the faith and enjoying her friendship day by day.

But the lustful relationships can go out the window.  You can get it anywhere with anyone, and no real meaning is found.  Plus it leads to temptations to have premarital sex.



True love hurts when you have to wait your turn.  That's when I turn to Christ to give me what I'm looking for in that girl I think so highly of.  God's love is agape love, and he satisfies the needs I have.


Doug

[Fem2009]

One thing I've learned, the hard way of course, is that it's important to realize the existence of two forms of interest in the opposite sex:  love or lust.  I've lusted for hundreds of women in my life, I've loved two.  One of them left me for good, and the other is already in a relationship.  I would "agape" love this woman if I had the chance.  I'd give my life for her.  She is so precious to me, I can't begin to describe how she moves me.  Luckily I see her often, we play in a music band together.  I'm being her friend.  BEING is important.  I'm walking the faith and enjoying her friendship day by day.

But the lustful relationships can go out the window.  You can get it anywhere with anyone, and no real meaning is found.  Plus it leads to temptations to have premarital sex.



True love hurts when you have to wait your turn.  That's when I turn to Christ to give me what I'm looking for in that girl I think so highly of.  God's love is agape love, and he satisfies the needs I have.


Doug

IMO That is a bit twisted. This woman is in a relationship.

[dougk1971]

I can't look forward to being her friend?  We will be for life.  This woman is in a relationship.  So, I have removed myself from pursuing her in the boyfriend/girlfriend realm.  I can't help how I feel about her.  But I've given her freedom to do what she wants.  We are in a professional touring band, and she needs me there, not only musically but as a friend.  And I'm willing to be there for her.

Where's the twist?

Doug

[yesult]

For girls I think it's more - I was about to say 'puppy' love but that's not really it. It's the swoon, squee thing. He's just so fineee, he so niceee, he's so stronggg, he's so handsome/cute/adorably wonderful. (He has a nice carrrr (if you're that way inclined) or eyes, muscles or whatever.

And maybe some lust in there too, but I know what you mean. Its totally fleshly. It's not sacrificial love, it's crushing. And just as dangerous. It's what that person could add to your world, instead of do you love them for who they are?

Is it for them, or what they have? (looks, job, success, popularity whatever.)

Are they a companion or a trophey?

I've been just as guilty. I had a crush on this boy I grew up with as a kid because he was just over the top good looking. I mean I've probably seen perhaps one other person in real life that could even match or come close. He was also kind, fun, great company and one of the most ethical people you'd meet (being a good church kid) and I crushed on him for years. Then one day I asked myself if I'd want him if he wasn't that good looking and I was absolutly horrified to find the answer was no.

LOL    I was convinced that I just wasn't that sort of person. And he liked me a bit too which made it even worse. (Being a fairly un-superficial type was another one of his virtues.)

Anyway.

Just saying that I know what you mean.  


PS. And not that I consider myself super ugly or unattractive, (just had to clarify that) but this guy was in a league of his own, and I wasn't in it.  (Brad Pitt on a good day - better as a teenager, and spent his life from puberty up having to run away from people who all wanted a piece of him because of it. I've only ever known him as 'edgy' because he's never really been treated as a normal person.) - That good looking.

PPS. And I've crushed on and swooned over other guys as well, but hopefully I'm over all that now

[Fem2009]

I can't look forward to being her friend?  We will be for life.  This woman is in a relationship.  So, I have removed myself from pursuing her in the boyfriend/girlfriend realm.  I can't help how I feel about her.  But I've given her freedom to do what she wants.  We are in a professional touring band, and she needs me there, not only musically but as a friend.  And I'm willing to be there for her.

Where's the twist?

Doug

That you are obviously IN LOVE with her. Not being hard on you. To be typing about it here, it bothers you. My opinion? It's bothering you bc you aren't doing the right thing. You need to let her go. Let go-emotionally.

[Fem2009]

True love hurts when you have to wait your turn.

Quit waiting around. Plan to let her go and move on to find a wife you can love that way. Isn't that what you want? Or you want this watered down "waiting your turn" idea of love?

[dougk1971]

I've been praying that God would help me let go of her emotionally, really.  In fact, today at church I had several people pray about this, that healing occurs.  You're right, I'm in love and I shouldn't be burdened this way anymore.  But regardless, I will keep friendship ties  because our profession demands it and we're great friends.  It's possible.  I'm a best friend to my first love, who left and is living with a guy now, after about 6 boyfriends and one marriage.  We're inseparable friends.  But I'm not in love with her no more, and God will help me not be so emotionally tied to this second person too.  Thanks for helping me realize these things.

[Fem2009]

I've been praying that God would help me let go of her emotionally, really.  In fact, today at church I had several people pray about this, that healing occurs.  You're right, I'm in love and I shouldn't be burdened this way anymore.  But regardless, I will keep friendship ties  because our profession demands it and we're great friends.  It's possible.  I'm a best friend to my first love, who left and is living with a guy now, after about 6 boyfriends and one marriage.  We're inseparable friends.  But I'm not in love with her no more, and God will help me not be so emotionally tied to this second person too.  Thanks for helping me realize these things.

aaaawww you're welcome 

So, you're one of those guys, huh? Can't let go...

I'm a best friend to my first love, who left and is living with a guy now, after about 6 boyfriends and one marriage.  We're inseparable friends.

Don't be surprised if you can't find true love. Situations like yours typically get in the way of new relationships. Don't take my word for it, though.  I don't know the situation well enough to give you more advice. I do know that I've experienced this from the inside and out.  Do you believe in a "love bank?"

[dougk1971]

Love bank?  No, I'm thinking I don't know what that is.  Is that when you marry a rich chic?   

No, I live with forgiveness for all situations.  God heals all relationships in my life for me.  It's amazing.  To be friends and hold no grudges toward my first love is a God thing.  I'd have no peace of mind if I couldn't do it any other way. 

The same faith that believes I can be friends with my loves, even though they're not mutual maybe, is the faith that believes God will provide a perfect mate for me.  You're right, I couldn't ever have a normal relationship.  But with God, all things are possible!!!!   

Your friend,
Doug

[Richard]

Love is a choice. Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

[dougk1971]

Love is a choice. Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

Very well put.


Doug

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Love is a choice. Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

If I may...

Love is an ongoing choice.  Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

[Richard]

Love is a choice. Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

If I may...

Love is an ongoing choice.  Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

Agreed.

[jegabramaca]

Love is a choice. Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

If I may...

Love is an ongoing choice.  Lust is psychological response to a biological impulse.

You've got that right!  ONGOING choice is real love.  I wish I would have understood that concept as a young person before marriage.