Sexual desires completely gone and I don't really care anymore...

[Hehealedme]

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[yesult]

Wow, I'm so sorry you've gone through something so traumatic. Glad that you seem to have peace about the whole thing.

I just wanted to make a few points that I thought you might find helpful. First of all there is grounds for divorce in the bible and that's sexual sin, which includes adultary. If your husband has slept with someone else then you are absolutly free to go in Gods eyes and marry someone else. Your husband has already broken the covenant that he made before God with you.

Also sex is supposed to be a good thing. God created it and everything that he created he referred to as 'good'. If your husband has spoiled sex for you over the years to the point where you don't ever want it again, he's done something pretty bad. Sex is for both partners and the deepening of the marriage bond. For one to use the other (particularly as so often seems to happen in cases where a man has a porn problem) which is often a root of adultary - can destroy that emotional intimacy which is the core of a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Basically for you to have no interest in sex something is out of line with Gods original creation of your emotions and natural desires. From my understanding, because we women are more emotionally wired regarding sex, this kind of damage can happen far more easily then men.

I suggest you perhaps seek some counselling from a good, christian source in this area. God wants you to be happy, and enjoying every aspect of life that he created you to have. If you remarry, your disinterest in sex could provide a real obstacle in your new marriage and hurt your relationship with your new husband.

That's the last thing that I'm sure you'd want (and means your ex-husbands sin in this area could continue to follow you into your next relationship.)  - And I think it's pretty normal to find other peoples personals a bit gross  don't worry. (I've heard the same sentiments from other people who work in nursing type work, men included.)

[Quinn]

HHM -

You may not find many who feel the way you do, but I come close. 

I've been divorced for 5 years.  It was my second divorce and after two bad marriages, I have pretty much sworn off men.  I've been living without sex for quite a while, and in fact I now find sex uninteresting. 

At this point, I have no interest in marrying again.  If some miracle occurs, I feel fairly certain that I will be able to muster up sexual desire for that "perfect man

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Sometimes that's a symptom of depression.  Are you depressed?

[walker starr]

     Wycliffe of course she is depressed how could she not be.  He healed Me please don't get a cat they smell.  Both the women that I have been married to had been married before ( I married em at different times the one 13 years after the first   one died so none of you will be confused)  In bothmarriages we were happy.  I only mention it  it because I want you to know happy is a distinct possibility.  I will always be available to answer questions.

[Hehealedme]

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[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Wycliffe of course she is depressed how could she not be.

Sorry, I meant that in a clinical way.  It's the difference between "I'm really sad because bad things happened to me" and "I have an imbalance of chemicals in my brain."

Sorry HHM, I wasn't trying to be insensitive, and I guess I didn't really communicate that very well.

Anyway, if the problem is an actual chemical imbalance, then trying to "focus on the positive" or "pray your way through" isn't really a solution.

Usually, a change in diet and exercise habits is in order, and a short fast/cleanse and perhaps some maintenance medicine (ie doesn't treat an existing problem, just attempts to improve general health) can help.

Of course, if one is clinically depressed, exercise is pretty much the least attractive thing in the world, since your body is screaming to stay in bed all the time.  Nonetheless, endorphins are your friends, and exercise promotes their manufacture.

Jarrod

[Lifesaver]

I am not sure if I should post this on this Singles forum or the Marriage forum?...

........
In fact, I now find it kind of gross (sorry, but that is the way I feel about it now)...it often smells bad, especially when one has to wear a protection because they suffer of involuntary urination or defecation...(I can't believe that I am actually writing about this!... )

I don't see sexual relations as being enjoyable anymore...I don't care if I live my life without having any sexual intercourse ever again!...but like I said earlier, it is probably a good thing since I now live alone...

What bothers me the most, and what I am having a hard time to deal with, is that I am so bored living alone, no one to talk to at home except for my two cats...you know?...


Do others feel the same way?...I would like to hear your thoughts about this, if I may ask...

You are going through a traumatic time and you must accept it as that, no more.   When you begin to see there is nothing wrong with the way you feel, then your 'recovery' will be quicker.

For start, consider that your lack of sexual feelings when you have no husband to share your bed is actually a blessing from God.  God has realised that the break up of your marriage was not your fault and He has been kind to you and has not let you suffer sexual desires, for which you have no outlet to relieve it. 

Consider that God has taken your sexual desires away temporarily because he is preserving you for a better husband.  The sooner you remove this grudge you have for your ex husband (for God said we must not carry grudges) the quicker you will meet the new, better husband God has preserved you for.

As for your boring days off, fill them with learning classis on whatever subjects you enjoy, visits to musiums, art galeries, the theatre, cenima swiming lessons, keep fit classes - well you complete the endless list.  In short do not let an ex husband who  was not good enough for you  destroy the rest of your live.

Lifesaver