To leave or not

[biscuit]

  

Hi everyone!

I am new to this forum and I really need some advice.

The Situation: I have a group of friends who I have been hanging out  with from my high school days. Said friends are now married - am single. When time allows we get together and catch up on the going ons in our lives.

The problem is I feel am investing too much in our friendship. I am the only one who initiates these get together's. If and when my friends do show up the atmosphere is not  relaxed. There is always  tension and I feel my friends think they are better in some way as they always refer to my state of singleness. We are always  exchanging negative remarks to each other disguised as jokes. Picking on each other, passing rude comments all disguised as jokes.

When we go out for a meal or a movie my friends  always expect me to pay the bill as I earn a little bit more than them. I don't mind sharing, but I have a problem with being expected to pay all the time.

Last year I  hosted an engagement party for one of the couples in our group. My efforts were not acknowledged and they did'nt even say thank you. Not that am keeping a record of all thanks received but  it just shocked that they couldn't say thank you. I confronted them and they said they couldn't  keep saying thank you for every small thing I did? I was speechless

Last month I was leaving for studies abroad and organized a dinner to say farewell none of my friends showed up..... I only received a text at the airport wishing me good luck I was broken.

My question is are these friends worth keeping or it it time to move on?

[son of God]

That is a personal choice that you need to make.  Think about what is important to you, and make your decision based on those things.  Some thoughts: not all relationships are for "receiving" anything at all from others.  Christ came to give, and serve, and lay down His life.  We are to have His mind, right?  Yet He didn't "give" to all, in all things, as in the Pharisees who He called snakes and what-not.  And yes, He gave His heart and emotions, too, for when Laz died, He wept when He came and saw the women weeping.  And some people don't have what we might consider anything to give us in a relationship.  Consider newborn and mommy relationship for this.  Yet the mommy get her heart filled by being with baby, simply because she loves baby so much!  And the greatest of these is love!  The same is true for the Big Brother and Big Sister programs -- these are done for the sake of the other.  But those programs aren't for everyone, are they?

So I think that you need to decide what your values are, and what you want, and go from there.  Sounds like they are rather in need of maturity, and are self centered.  And I think that you have the same kind of mindset, and so because your positions have changed (married for all but you), that mindset is revealed now because of the different camps you are now in.  Before, you were all in the same camp, and the birds of a feather got alone quite well.  I think that this has been a good thing, for it has reveled the mindset and heart of all of you, so that you may grow and be more like Christ.  God desires to use all things for the glory of His kingdom, and to use them for refining us and purifying us and maturing us in Christ's, that we think like Him in all things.

Hope it helps.  If not, toss it in the garbage.

[biscuit]

Wow that was a hard blow.

Just a few points. Even before my friends got married I noticed these things. But now I feel differently about many issues.

Right now God is dealing with me in the area of relationships. I know that Love is the most important thing and to give and not to expect anything in return. Its more about being a blessing to my friends and to minister to them. I guess what is lacking is that our relationships are a bit superficial and we are not building each other.

I really am torn and do not know what the best thing to do is. I think more prayer and reflection for now.

Thanks for your insight

[Mere Nick]

Are you in Vienna Austria?

[phoebe]

Gee, biscuit, you seem pretty intelligent.  What do you think??   

[lightshineon]

 Stay, You want to know why I say that? I say that because if you cannot set healthy boundaries with these friends, you will never with any relationship. I suspect when you set these healthy boundaries, your phone will not ring that much from them anymore, but, it is all about you making wise decisions, and healthy ones. You can do it, and still be a good person.