If Your Wife Did It . . . . .

[AtlasBurden]

I lately have been convicted by the Holy Spirit that my use of porn is a sin.  I have habitually been viewing porn for as long as I can remember (as an adult) even though I am a Christian.  I have read several posts on this site by men who seen porn as "no big deal" . . . . .

One of the things that helped convince me that its sin is the fact that I am horrified at the thought of my wife engaging in and getting turned on by porn.  Not both of us watching together . . . . . but the thought of her viewing it as I have, by herself, imagining herself doing the things in the videos, with other men. . . . and then masterbating to it.

The thought sickens me.

So, I guess I'm wondering, if you are of the mind that porn is no big deal and view it yourself, would you also be comfortable with your wife's solo activity in this regard?

Thanks,

[bayou boy]

Excellent post.That's a big     for you.

[WarriorsofChrist]

When I was younger, around 15 until I was 18, I had a terrible addiction to pornography, It warped my views of women, and caused my relation with my mother to falter. I must add also through this time in my life I had stepped away from Christ, as I was rebelling and angry at everyone.

The summer of my 18th year, I was at a camp with my family, It is called Wesleyan Woods, here being Michigan, Well I heard the praise band and decided to go over and listen, it was for those my age 15-21, and I like what I was seeing, suddenly a song begin, and I was overcome with absolute conviction and then and their my life begin to get back on track.

I stopped viewing porn and stopped masturbation that day. However it has been a tough fight and I have been attacked many times by Satan, he has beaten me down once since then, and I am now stronger than I have ever been in my faith, and I am so blessed in my life I cannot begin to give him enough praise.

Also, My relationship with my mother has healed greatly, and I thank the lord for this everyday!
 

I tell you, to be a Christian man and Not think Porn to be a evil, and adulterous sin is to lie to yourself, and to walk away from Christ, God bless my brothers, I hope my words help you, and may The lord watch over each and everyone of you.

[Memphis Dwight]

Lets say that you believe that looking at erotic images is equal to fornication.   What is the only way that our dear Lord prescribed to get away from fornication?
MARRIAGE! 
Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Cor 7:2

This is something else that the modern evangelicals have screwed up.  They have substituted earnest abstinence for marriage. 

In the mind of the evangelical, they believe the bible says:

Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man try harder not to masturbate or even think about sex. 

The bible does not call for more and more earnest self discipline and abstinence when sexual temptation is in the way.  The bible calls for marriage.

But wait a moment.  The youth have been told that they need to put off marriage so that they can go to college and acquire material possessions. 

[p.rehbein]

Hard to be committed to a "spiritual life" if one is so absorbed in the "worldly sins".

But, that's just me I guess............

Porn? 

[AtlasBurden]

MDwight,

So, I guess because the world tells us to wait until after college in order to marry, that means that what the Bible tells us is somehow obsolete?

I'm having a hard time with the porn issue.  But, I have a compelling conviction to be the husband that my wife deserves (even if I've never been that person before).  So I will press on.

. . . . . I really was hoping that someone (married) would be able to answer my original question honestly.

Thanks,

[p.rehbein]

I lately have been convicted by the Holy Spirit that my use of porn is a sin.  I have habitually been viewing porn for as long as I can remember (as an adult) even though I am a Christian.  I have read several posts on this site by men who seen porn as "no big deal" . . . . .

One of the things that helped convince me that its sin is the fact that I am horrified at the thought of my wife engaging in and getting turned on by porn.  Not both of us watching together . . . . . but the thought of her viewing it as I have, by herself, imagining herself doing the things in the videos, with other men. . . . and then masterbating to it.

The thought sickens me.

So, I guess I'm wondering, if you are of the mind that porn is no big deal and view it yourself, would you also be comfortable with your wife's solo activity in this regard?

Thanks,

Just a thought but it might be that no one here views "porn" as no big deal and that is why you haven't had an answer to your question about their wives doing it?  Possible?

[tennman]

Ok, I'll venture in. First of all, there are plenty of women who do look at porn. The studies are saying around 40% of porn on the Internet is viewed by women. Yes, they like to look at a well put together man with his clothes off and are turned on by the idea of sex. So wives do do it.

Secondly, I know that looking at porn is not good. But (yes people, when we use our brains sometimes there are some buts) at the same time, let's put it in perspective. People try to act like it's mysterious why guys want to look a porn. Are we too intelectual to simply admit that guys like looking at pretty naked women? Does that surprise or disturb anyone?

And just like sugar brings us back to sweets over and over, wrecking our Temples, a pretty naked woman brings some of us back over and over. It's not good, but it doesn't mean we have some terrible wicked heart that hates God anymore than a bad diet does.

We were created to be intensely attracted to the look of beautiful women and to crave sex. And it doesn't go away once we get married and have "one of our own."

Does anyone not see a built in problem here? So yes, looking at porn is bad, but making it out to be a sick crime doesn't help anyone to stop. That's a fact. Self loathing only casuses more looks at porn. That was proven by some research I read about a couple years ago.

Anyway, just my two cents. No need to slam me for it.

[Nathanael]

I am seperated but have been married for 15 yrs and am hoping to re-marry

I personally would be sad and disturbed if my wife used porn to get some sexual kicks. I would expect my wife to feel the same and therefore that LOVE would cause us both to fiercely resist its intrusion into our maraiage. I would probably get to the point of it being like 'real' unfaithfulness if she persisted. I don't think that I would immediately consider a one time event of it as equal to aldultery with a person in full physical reality. That may well be something others feel different about. Just trying to put down my view/feelings.

Makes me think of another issue/dilemma... just about every one of us will see and meet people of the opposite sex to whom we are physically attracted. some will be people we walk by in the street, others may be colleagues, fellow church members, etc etc... even though we are married we will still find that sexual attraction fpr people other than our wife/husband rising up. It seems to be how we are wired post the Fall.

I would be far happier if my wife never had those moments of attraction, and delighted if I never had them too. But I accept we all seem to suffer from that, and so the act of devotion and exculsivity to one another in marriage is not because our spouse is the only person on earth we are sexually attracted to, but because love calls for faithful devotion and that act of commitment is something beautiful.

We who are married especially need to make that same covenant with our eyes that ol Job made..not to look upon others lustfully. Desire/attraction is 'natural'. Acting on it with porn or otherwise is not natural as far as life in the Spirit is concerned. So much damage can be done. We should all flee it.

[Michigan Mike]

I can quickly say that I would have a hard time if I found out my wife was watching porn.  Porn is wrong on so many levels even without the factor of sin on the viewer.  I would think the drugs, pedophilia, trafficking of prostitutes, etc. that is associated with it really makes it horrible to even a non-believer, let alone a Christian. 

I can't profess to be completely innocent of this.  The temptation seems to come in cycles, but really for the past few years, it hasn't been an issue.  I have other things to be ashamed of now.

I've thought about porn, and (hoping this doesn't derail anything) I wonder if there are two reasons why many Christians look at it on the net, for example.  If your mother was standing right behind you, I mean literally right behind you, do you think you would EVER click on something like that?  Magnify this X a million and try and picture Jesus literally, in the flesh standing there behind you.  Besides the obvious understanding that we would be seized with joy or fear or whatever, no Christian could say that we'd click on that stuff.  Yet we do, and we know that He is always with us.  Why?  I propose two reasons:

1.  We don't truly, TRULY grasp and FULLY embrace the Omnipresence of God.  We know and say it is true, but we can't get that knowledge from the head to the heart 100%.

OR

2.  We rationalize that we will repent when we're done, so "He'll understand.  I have my weaknesses."

Just two things I've thought of that explain the inexplicable. 

[AtlasBurden]

I'll be honest.  Part of the comfort that I've taken in the past is the smug (almost) realization that watching porn is something that my wife would never do; never be interested in. So, it was easy to simply not think about it or to excuse it away (all men do it) or to simply dismiss it as something that she would never find out about and that it wouldn't hurt her ---- after all I love her not the girls I see on the internet.

Then I had a scare, that put things into perspective. I read that some 30% or so of porn viewers are women. Couple this with the fact that a few weeks ago I logged onto our home computer and in the history was a porn sight that *I* dont ever remember viewing -- this scared me.  I began thinking about that statistic z(women viewing porn) and thus, began thinking more and more about how I would feel if my wife were viewing porn.  Now -- I highly doubt that she has (because, frankly, I was viewing porn on that date and probably forgot about that site or it was one of those pesky pop-ups that come up while  you're searching for porn . . . . and I missed clearing it from the history).  But the sick feeling in my stomach, the sweating and ache that came with the thought of MY WIFE viewing those things . . . well, it really convicted me of my habitual sin.

Jut wondering if, for those guys who are viewing porn (and quite possibly making the same excuses I was), would you be ok if it were your wife doing that?

[Carwhisperer]

How about viewing yourself as a pathetic loser who looks at pictures of women because he can't have the real thing? If not doing it because it is wrong isn't enough maybe that will help. I understand that many married guys are getting the real thing but still there is something pathetic about looking at pictures. On the other hand, I initiated divorce procdeedings with my wonderful wife because she wasn't enough for me. Didn't have a porn problem because I didn't want to be pathetic. I suppose porn would be preferable to what I did.

[WarriorsofChrist]

You are not a Christian if you think looking at Porn is ok, you are a scumbag and a worthless man, especially if you are married, I was once this person, I had a terrible addiction to porn and masturbation, I now have conviction from the lord, and it is no longer an issue.

You cannot honestly be a Christian and ever say Porn is not a big deal, for the love of god, Soddom and Gamora ppl, destroyed for what reasons?

Yea, I don't get people these days, to be a Christian is to live Christ like, Not Ron Jeremy like.

[nmemmerl]

I'm married, so I'll weigh in. I have stepped away from Christ many times, and I am a new Christian in regard to the rededication of my faith in our Lord. When I was away from my Lord, but engaged to my wife, I suggested that we watch pornography together to bring new dimensions into our sexual relationship (which in an of itself was a sin). As I continue to draw closer to Christ I can not never see myself viewing pornographic material by myself, let alone with my wife. I agree with the other posters who reasoned that you can't be a true Christian and believe that it is ok with the Lord that you watch porn.

[Michigan Mike]

So you can't be a Christian and believe it's okay to watch porn?

Where does "porn" begin?  Can a Christian watch an R-rated film that has graphic nudity or sexual content?  That's likely going to lead to adulterous thinking.  What about the guy who watches something non-sexual and hints of lust after an actress?  Can he be a Christian?

What about men and women who feel it's okay to lie or steel or gossip or chase after money or hate other people, etc.?  Can they be Christians?  If you feel it's okay to take an extra pen home from your employer's stock room or waste time when you should be working, technically, you are stealing from your employer.  Would this mean you're not a Christian? 

As much as I hate what porn has done to the Body of Christ, I have to say I'd rather stand shoulder to shoulder with a guy who watches porn and has compassion in his heart than a guy who will tear me up behind my back with malice in it.

None of these are traits of someone we would deem firm in their faith, but many can find room to justify their actions in at least one of the examples.  You could argue that they are not loving the Lord with all their hearts, but they might just be missing the mark.  Hard-core porn is easy to call out, but I believe we need to avoid blanket statements about one sin.  We could throw a similar blanket over all of them, and many of us would be on the outside looking in.

[nmemmerl]

I agree Michigan Mike, I was referring to obvious or hardcore porn, or specifically watching porn for porn's sake.

[INJ]

It might be interesting to learn that porn comes from the Greek pornia which in turn represents such things as fornication, adultery and other explicit sexual acts. Jesus said that if we have lusted in our hearts then we have committed the sin. It is also rendered unclean. So let us all turn away from uncleanness and be washing in the blood of the lamb. Set apart and holy unto him.