How would you handle this...

[WalkItOut]

If you know that your spouse is having an affair with a Christian married woman/man...would you try to relay that information to the other spouse, especially if they are living their life for God and have no clue that they are being cheated on?

[chosenone]

Hi WalkItOut.
Yes I would. Also if I were being cheated on I would want to know. Also it may hopefully end the affair stone dead, and of course it needs to be ended. There is not much that I hate more than someone lying, cheating and deceiving their own spouse.

[WalkItOut]

Here's on for you Chosen...what if you have no way to contact the other spouse but you do know what church they attend...do you contact the church/pastor?

[chosenone]

Here's on for you Chosen...what if you have no way to contact the other spouse but you do know what church they attend...do you contact the church/pastor?

Yes in fact that sounds like a better idea than you telling them, because the pastor will know them presumably and maybe know the best way to handle it.  Either that or contact the secretary and ask for contact details. Not sure if you will get them but you may do.
The thing is that this affair has to come out one way or another, and it wont unless the two having an affair come clean, or you tell.
Does the original spouse know that the husband/wife knows?If they do, are they going to end it?

Remember this is just what I would do, being that there has been so much of the same thing in my family. It may not be the right way for everyone.

[tannic]

To soften the blow towards you. Suggesting going to the pastor and let him handled it is the best action. The problem there is whether or not he will act on it. If not, it's going to hard going to the wife/husband about the matter. I also would to like to point that a situation like that needs to be solved right away because you really don't want anything else to become a problem. I'm talking along the lines of things that will cause harm to both individuals.

[fcadcock]

Personally, I wouldn't go to the pastor.  I might ask him for contact information.  Or have him pass her my information so that she could contact me, but I wouldn't ask him to tell her that her husband is having an affair.  Why involve even more people than you have to?  This is your marriage, not his, and you will be able to answer her questions much more readily than someone who doesn't have any of the facts.

Before you contact anyone though, be SURE you have the right woman. 

Also, do a Google search for her email address or contact information.  If she has a facebook, twitter, linkedin, or any other social media account; her address is out there.  If she is in a professional job, chances are there's a website with her name and contact information on it.  Really, unless she's Amish, her information is out there. 

[Lively Stone]

If you know that your spouse is having an affair with a Christian married woman/man...would you try to relay that information to the other spouse, especially if they are living their life for God and have no clue that they are being cheated on?

Yes, otherwise you would be adding to the deceit.

[tannic]

Just a thought: Wouldn't this be partaking in the sin if they are not revealing it to the correct personnel?

[WalkItOut]

Tennic...

[tannic]

I'm saying by knowing that the person is cheating. Will be partaking in their sin for not saying anything about it? sorry for the confusion but this just came to my mind.

[chosenone]

yes, having thought about it, I agree with fcadcock in that if you tell the pastor he may not want to get involved(yes some pastors will do nothing even if a member of their church is doing something as serious as this), and he may decide not to say anything. If you can find out the address or email address, then you can contact them this way. Are you 100% sure that this person is the one who he /she is involved with?
Either way the other spouse needs to know, so that he/she can make informed decisions.
How do people do this, and be so deceptive and cheat like this? I just don't get it, its horrible and they are supposed to be Christians. Aren't they listening to God at all? Clearly not.

[tannic]

Matthew 15:8

This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me

[psalm22]

Wow!
      On one hand, I really hate to advocate being the messenger in this case because of all of the unkowns.  On the other hand I would want someone to tell me. 

      I would ask my own pastor for advice but I would not approach hers.  I called my mother-in-laws physician to inform him of my concerns about her substance abuse issues and pill shopping habits only to be chided and sent away.  If a pastor holds his congregations privacy sacred then he may not discuss it with you.  At best he may talk to the husband and try to convince him to do the right things.

      I would focus on your own end of this and avoid the other altogeahter and here is why.  If you do not know this woman or her husband you have no clue how they may react or act.  At best you may get a mild acknowledgement or thanks.  Worse you may find out she knows about it and ignores or condones it for a variety of reasons.  Worst of all, what if you tell her and she has a violent reaction or he does and someone gets really hurt.  What if she is so devistated, in a fit of grief she takes her life.

      Clean your own house and trust God to look after their's