Looking for dating feedback

[Jingles3]

Hi, I'm new as a poster but have read the boards for sometime and know there is a great deal of gentle wisdom here.... So, I thought I would turn here for your thoughts of you wouldn't mind and have the time....
I met a man online and we have been communicating for about a month and a half with three very nice dates. The dates were relaxed and long and just like we'd known each other for years. He is a great guy, with all the qualities I could hope for but he isn't a believer. I am born-again, and treasure my time in study and in the Word, etc. he and I got along so well, similar interests and dreams. I could see us together. But he's not a Christian and I realized that this was just too big to compromise on. I told him so as gently as I could.
Of course he's upset and he has every right to be. I never should have entertained this. But we just connected in so many other ways. He is a very good man, and I feel awful hurting him. He does say he'd be interested in going to church sometime, even getting to know Christ. But my concern is that I can't be the one to minister to him. I don't want to be part of his choice. I feel he needs to seek God because he wants him in his life. I've also been told it is not wise to date someone you are ministering to. Further, I don't feel mature enough to be strong enough at this time. I was only saved two years ago. And finally, I believe once we are saved, we change so much, we meet a new self. I want him to have the full experience if he does...
But I miss him. We talked every day. And I miss chatting, and sharing our dreams. Please share your thoughts...

[JohnDB]

Yep, its tough to date to begin with and actually find someone that we like and admire. Then on top of that us Christians are different yet.

The companionship of an adult friend (even an unsaved one) is always comforting. That's why when I was single I hung out at several churches & filled every free moment with friends I had made there.

Even many of those in the singles groups are there for companionship & not God though.

Take your time.

I know its tough. But if you want more resolve look in the married forums at the threads where one spouse is a non-believer. They all tell the same story. "He/she was great in the beginning and then slowly things changed" and now they are miserable. 

There are worse things than being alone & miserable. Having someone there to add to your misery.

[chosenone]

Hi, I'm new as a poster but have read the boards for sometime and know there is a great deal of gentle wisdom here.... So, I thought I would turn here for your thoughts of you wouldn't mind and have the time....
I met a man online and we have been communicating for about a month and a half with three very nice dates. The dates were relaxed and long and just like we'd known each other for years. He is a great guy, with all the qualities I could hope for but he isn't a believer. I am born-again, and treasure my time in study and in the Word, etc. he and I got along so well, similar interests and dreams. I could see us together. But he's not a Christian and I realized that this was just too big to compromise on. I told him so as gently as I could.
Of course he's upset and he has every right to be. I never should have entertained this. But we just connected in so many other ways. He is a very good man, and I feel awful hurting him. He does say he'd be interested in going to church sometime, even getting to know Christ. But my concern is that I can't be the one to minister to him. I don't want to be part of his choice. I feel he needs to seek God because he wants him in his life. I've also been told it is not wise to date someone you are ministering to. Further, I don't feel mature enough to be strong enough at this time. I was only saved two years ago. And finally, I believe once we are saved, we change so much, we meet a new self. I want him to have the full experience if he does...
But I miss him. We talked every day. And I miss chatting, and sharing our dreams. Please share your thoughts...

Hi Jingles
I met my husband on line, on a Christian dating site. My advise is never to go out with a non believer. only go onto genuine Christian sites and not secular ones. Of course there are nice people out there who arent believers, but a relationship/marriage where you cant even share God isnt much of a marriage/relationship.
Ask God for the qualities that you would like in a man, the main ones being that he is a true Christian and godly.
Interestingly my step son who is at present living over seas, started going out with a non Christian from his work who he described as 'spiritual'. Well spiritual means nothing of course, and after a while he felt convicted about it and after talking to one or two others, he told her the situation. She said some very wise words which were "if you are serious about your faith, why are you even considering going out with a non Christian?" Yep, she nailed it.
Take this as a lesson that you can learn from and move on.

[Jingles3]

Thank you for your responses.

I did meet this man online, and we communicated at length. I think I wanted to believe he was a Christian, however since all this happened he has shared that he is Christian, as opposed to "born again" Christian. He shared he was raised in church by his grandmother, however walked away when grandmother passed, he walked away from church. He is seeking and I've answered some questions, and recommended he seek counsel from a male Christian. If he didn't know any I suggested some other options. In addition, I sent him a Bible, with some scripture highlighted, which I've mailed to him. He has mentioned that he would have liked to go to church with me. I explained that this is not something he can do for me, but I intend to support him from a distance if it will help him to find Christ.

[chosenone]

Thank you for your responses.

I did meet this man online, and we communicated at length. I think I wanted to believe he was a Christian, however since all this happened he has shared that he is Christian, as opposed to "born again" Christian. He shared he was raised in church by his grandmother, however walked away when grandmother passed, he walked away from church. He is seeking and I've answered some questions, and recommended he seek counsel from a male Christian. If he didn't know any I suggested some other options. In addition, I sent him a Bible, with some scripture highlighted, which I've mailed to him. He has mentioned that he would have liked to go to church with me. I explained that this is not something he can do for me, but I intend to support him from a distance if it will help him to find Christ.

You are right in that he has to do this for himself. If he wants to go to church then he can go. You get cases where one partner has said they are interested, and goes to church etc and sometimes even says they have been converted. However as soon as they are married it all lapses and she/he stops going and seems to loose their faith. Saying that you are a Christian but not a born again Christian is sort of clear.
Have you suggested that he goes on one of these alpha type courses that are for those seeking and new believers? They can be a real help. You will see if he is genuinely interested in God if he does something about it, rather than him just doing it with you. 
Hey, you never know what may happen.

[Aahil]

If you don't date non-Christians in the first place, you won't be stuck later.  Dating isn't the place for evangelism. 

[Jingles3]

ChosenOne-- thank you so much for your feedback. I did actually mention Alpha to him and have looked into classes near him as opposed to at my church where I'm actually involved with the class.

In response to those suggesting I not date non-Christians... First I sincerely did not seek a non-Christian, and this man believed he was simply by the fact he was raised in the church. It was through a few dates and discussion that it became more clear to me. Second, I am new to dating as a Christian. I'm a bit awkward at it. I am very active in my church, involved in a variety of activities and ministries. I've walked away from my old life where meeting men and dating was very easy for me. This man is very different from anyone I've ever dated before, and very much holds the characteristics I've prayed on. And I do care about him very much and in no way want to hurt him. My intent was never to date with the intent that I'd be bringing someone towards the Lord. But I can't turn my back on this man who is asking. I guess maybe I shouldnt have asked this here- my sincere apologies.

[chosenone]

ChosenOne-- thank you so much for your feedback. I did actually mention Alpha to him and have looked into classes near him as opposed to at my church where I'm actually involved with the class.

In response to those suggesting I not date non-Christians... First I sincerely did not seek a non-Christian, and this man believed he was simply by the fact he was raised in the church. It was through a few dates and discussion that it became more clear to me. Second, I am new to dating as a Christian. I'm a bit awkward at it. I am very active in my church, involved in a variety of activities and ministries. I've walked away from my old life where meeting men and dating was very easy for me. This man is very different from anyone I've ever dated before, and very much holds the characteristics I've prayed on. And I do care about him very much and in no way want to hurt him. My intent was never to date with the intent that I'd be bringing someone towards the Lord. But I can't turn my back on this man who is asking. I guess maybe I shouldnt have asked this here- my sincere apologies.

Dont appologise. As I said this man may now seek God for himself, especially as he has a church going back ground. Keep praying and see what happens. I am sure that alpha will be good for him if he goes, and often people do think they are believers for all sort of reasons, as he did.
I am sure that God will use your meeting him for good, no matter what happens.  God is good at that.   

[Gracey]

True love is hard to find, so I would say that you shouldn't give up on this guy!  I think you should stop dating him, but be his friend, see if he will come to church and let God do the work.   If he likes church, see if there's some kind of men's sports group he can go to, just encourage him to meet other Christians and explore God for himself.  The Bible only says that we are not to be 'yoked' and in this instance, I believe that is a dating relationship and/or marriage.   Be his friend, pray and pray and pray - and you might be surprised at what God will do in his heart.   

:)