Is It So Weird To Just Want to Be Alone?

[writermama]

My friends find me weird because I literally have no desire to date, meet people, etc. @ this point in my life.

I'm still in love with my former boyfriend and I need to move through that before I feel ready to try this "dating" thing again. When my marriage ended I was committed to being on my own for a long time before I even thought about dating and my former love and I gradually grew together through our friendship. It happened naturally.

On Dating sites guys only want one thing. My congregation is much older, I'm the youngest person there and I don't want my friends to keep asking me to set me up. Basically, I'm really scared of introducing my girls to another man who may not stay with us. They still ask for the last guy I dated and his daughter every day. There was no weird introduction because they knew him and loved him already.

But I feel like I should be focusing on myself and my girls and healing from all of this. Why does everyone seem to think if I just meet someone new, it'll all go away?

[Carey]

No it is not weird, rather reasonable, and you are not alone IIRC you said earlier how you feel at ease on a path with God at your side.

Your friends want you to be happy, the happiness they share in their relationships they want for you.  Be thankful for that want, even as you dismiss it for now.

I would caution to not let your experience influence too severely your perceptions of the experiences your children may encounter, there are many good men out there.

God has a plan for you, for now that plan may not include a partner, that is not weird.

[fassopony]

I have never married, no kids, and most likely will never get married.

I like doing my own thing.  And, at 41, there aren't a whole lot of "good catches" left out there LOL!!  I realize that I am a good catch and I have very high expectations so that really narrows it down.  I would never settle, and I certainly wouldn't have anything to do with a non-Christian.

I like being able to do whatever I like when I like it.  I make my own money and choose how I spend it.  I choose what I do :) 

Stand firm until you are ready to meet someone, and then don't settle!  The biggest reason females settle for schlumps is money and we can make our own money so don't find yourself involved with a schlump :)

[chosenone]

Dont think of meeting anyone else until you are ready. It was 6 years after my marriage ended before I met my second husband. For 4 years I just wasnt ready to even think about anyone else, let alone go out with anyone.

BY the way, if all the men you meet on dating sites only want one thing, you are on the wrong dating sites!

[writermama]

Thanks.

The truth is that I'm still completely in love with my former boyfriend. I'm still reeling from his complete 180 and continued determination to be near me...until I mentioned it and now he's nowhere to be found. I've never held onto love like this before. Truthfully, once the relationship is over, I'm pretty much ready to move on, but this man, even when I don't talk to him for months, I just keep on loving him, his child and wanting to be near him.

I deleted my online dating account when I prayed that God help guide me to find whom I belonged with, and I got an email saying based on the compatbility testing results...he was my ideal match! I didn't know if it was a sign from God or just a freaky coincidence, but I didn't want to see him. It seemed odd because he was totally against online dating (as am I, I only signed up to shut up my friends) and he considers it where desperate people go to find someone to "sub in" for the person they really want. But regardless, no more online dating.

So, I'm on my own and for some reason, my refusal to look at other relationships is odd. I don't really want anyone else. I tell them I have a great life. I have my girls, my friends, my faith, my job, my education and if the closest thing I have to "true love" is one year with this man, then that's what God chose to give me. Otherwise, God will work it out for me and this man & I will figure it out. But they seem to think a new boyfriend will cure everything, but it wouldn't be fair to just date someone for the sake of dating.

[Gracey]

It's not weird at all.  Your heart is simply not in the right place for a new relationship - and you shouldn't force it to be!

Do what you're doing - focus on your family, on healing, on looking after you.  If people ask, tell them that you're just concentrating on being a mum for now and that is all you want.   If you go into another relationship, with all this love in your heart for your old boyfriend, you won't be able to love someone else in the way they deserve to be loved.

At some point, your heart will heal and your feelings may change - and when that happens, you will know that you are ready.   

Ignore everyone else!   

[writermama]

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm more depressed about this than I thought.

I don't want to date, I still feel like I would be unfaithful somehow, even though we are not together, but because that's where my heart is, it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. It's not fair to some poor guy, who might even be a great guy, but I wouldn't see it because I'm still so sad and in love and sad. Not to mention I don't know how to trust any man after my marriage and him just walking out on me the way that he did. So, I focus on school and other projects, but all my friends say a new relationship is the only way to move forward. I'm not sure I feel that way. It feels like I'm just filling a spot.

[MyFathersGirl]

I agree, there is nothing wrong with it at all.  You still love this last guy so it is understandable that you don't want to date anybody else. 

[chosenone]

Thanks.

The truth is that I'm still completely in love with my former boyfriend. I'm still reeling from his complete 180 and continued determination to be near me...until I mentioned it and now he's nowhere to be found. I've never held onto love like this before. Truthfully, once the relationship is over, I'm pretty much ready to move on, but this man, even when I don't talk to him for months, I just keep on loving him, his child and wanting to be near him.

I deleted my online dating account when I prayed that God help guide me to find whom I belonged with, and I got an email saying based on the compatbility testing results...he was my ideal match! I didn't know if it was a sign from God or just a freaky coincidence, but I didn't want to see him. It seemed odd because he was totally against online dating (as am I, I only signed up to shut up my friends) and he considers it where desperate people go to find someone to "sub in" for the person they really want. But regardless, no more online dating.

So, I'm on my own and for some reason, my refusal to look at other relationships is odd. I don't really want anyone else. I tell them I have a great life. I have my girls, my friends, my faith, my job, my education and if the closest thing I have to "true love" is one year with this man, then that's what God chose to give me. Otherwise, God will work it out for me and this man & I will figure it out. But they seem to think a new boyfriend will cure everything, but it wouldn't be fair to just date someone for the sake of dating.

NO you are right, dont do anything just to keep your friends happy.
His attitude to online dating is sad however, as its extreemly common to meet your partner this way now. Did you know that 1/5th of couples now meet on line?? Thats an awful lot of people, and I cant personally cant see how it is any different from meeting someone at church, or work, or anywhere else. My daughter, who met her lovely husband on line, has 4 very close Christian friends who met their partners this way. If it wasnt for the internet I doubt I would ever have met anyone at the age I was(mid 40's) and I have the most amazing husband.

However if you are still in love with someone it isnt the time to be thinking of anyone else. In time you may be.

[writermama]

His attitude to online dating is sad however, as its extreemly common to meet your partner this way now. Did you know that 1/5th of couples now meet on line?? Thats an awful lot of people, and I cant personally cant see how it is any different from meeting someone at church, or work, or anywhere else.

I find it doesn't work for me, as most of the guys on the sites I was on were creepy weirdos, or I would forget to log in lol.

[IStillHaventFound...]

I belong to a dating site and I hear over and over again that there are lots of weird guys. But there are some normal guys. ME for example. lol.

[chosenone]

I belong to a dating site and I hear over and over again that there are lots of weird guys. But there are some normal guys. ME for example. lol.

In my experience on good Christian sites there are many decent guys. My husband was on one and he is an amazing godly man. My son was on one and he is a very good looking, godly, funny and special guy. He had 30 girls send him a message who wanted to get to know him. His wife who he met on there adores him. My son in law was on one, and he is a  lovely man also.
I think that there will be far more weirdos on secular sites.