Cheating wife she filed I'm trying to be strong.

[beal_01]

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted commented in a while.  The short of it my wife of 7 years cheated, filed for divorce, wants to take my son away from me and it's a pretty nasty custody war.  We've been to court twice allready.  Our final hearing is in a few months.  At which point the judge will make the final ruling and her divorce will be granted.


No.. I don't drink, smoke, cheat, steal, lie, or treat her bad in any way.  She just didn't love me anymore and I think that she might have a Borderline Personality Disorder (at least that's what my counselor and I think).

But what I didn't do.. I didn't lead my family to God.  I didn't make God a priority in my marriage and my life after I first met my wife. 

So.. I've dove deep into scripture, videos, study, getting involved in church, serving.  Gone to counseling by myself (no she won't come).  I have a strong spiritual mentor.  Very strong and am going to a church where God is working.  I've even been working on a new website for a church plant in my spare time.

God has blessed me.  I got my old job back (I got the new job to feed her spending and to win her heart)  I've got "shared parenting" right now eventhough out of a 14 day cycle I only see my son 5 days.  But I'm fighting to get it as close to 50/50 as possible.  Also, she has made some pretty dumb mistakes in the divorce process.  Nothing that would get me more time with my son but just bad decisions. 

Through my spiritual growth I have seen miracles happen. (A little girl with Lukemia had a few strokes, we all prayed and she woke up without damage.  My pap should be dead.. We all prayed.. He's alive)


You know.. at the last court hearing the topic of the "final hearing" (which is what you go through when the judge has to decide everything) she was very animated shaking her hed yes looking directly at me while her attorney was saying no we aren't ready. 

At times I feel an overwhelming pressure on my heart to send her an email or a txt message.  Offering an olive branch to make peace.  Asking her to church..  I've done so before but to no avail.  No response.  Usually when she want's me to do something with her and my son it's because she wants me to pay for stuff.

My spiritual friend whom is basically a pastor, has told me that I'm free and I should look at this like I'm blessed.  To be out of this marriage with a cheating woman whom has not loved me in years.  That God has great plans for my life and all I have to do is keep him at the center.

I just keep wondering.. If it's the enemy making me feel like this, the connection that I feel to my ex/wife because of sex, or what.  There isn't a single person whom I've talked to that has told me I should go back or even try.  Just to let her go. (1 Corinthians 7:12-14) Also Deuteronomy 24:1-4 basically says I can't take her back.

I just don't understand why I want to.  The only thing that I can think of is the intimate bond that we had as being married God made that bond I'm supposto have it.  Hence my dilema.  Problem is she now has that bond with someone else.. The second reason, more morally relevant to me and where my real pain lies with is in missing our son whom I miss tremendously when he's not with me.  I'm also pretty terrified of her new life.  The thought of another guy around him influencing him tears me apart.

I saw her for the first time in a long on Sunday.  She asked me to go and see the Easter bunny with her and my son.  Basically so that I would pay for the pictures.   I stood my ground and didn't offer.. She didn't ask me directly just what I was going to buy.  But she was frustrated that I didn't offer everyone could tell.

I was going to send her this message:
I miss <son's name> very much when he's with you.  I'm sure you miss him when he's with me.

I've got no problem with seeing this through to the end.  However, I feel we owe it to <son's name> to make sure. 

Wanna go to the museum this Saturday and dig up dinosaur bones with the little man?  My treat.  Drive separate.

1 condition.  We just focus on <son's name>

My spiritual friend basically tells me:
She needs Jesus first.... That would be building a house on sand and not the rock....

She'll never go for it unless she sees you as strength.... She will never see you as strength sending emails like that....  Believe me...if she wants anything to do with you, she'll come to you... She left you so she needs to come back to you.....I wouldn't hold my breath, and believe me you're blessed being away from her at this point. 

Probably half the reason she asks you to do stuff is just to see if she stills has you hook, line, and sinker....  The enemy would love to keep you hooked on <wife's name> to steal your blessing....

It's obvious that she's not a Christian..  The more I went to church the faster she moved the divorce proceedings.  It's like I was driving her away faster by growing in my Faith.

So what am I asking the community..

I'm looking for affirmation that I'm doing the right thing by following through with the divorce and not trying to get her back.  Or is everyone wrong.. Friends, family, pastor, etc.  I feel God want's us to be married.. She just doesn't want to be married to me anymore..

I pray for Gods will to be done and for him to keep me strong and take away my pain

I'm just trying to figure out what Jesus would do. 

Thoughts / Prayers? 

[Mathex]

Hi there. My wife and I have no kids involved but are also on the edge of a divorce.
READ FORUM (My wife is choosing between me and another man)

Please take the time to watch a movie called fireproof. It has changed our lives, she has recently considered fixing our marriage rather than close the door on it. It had a lot to do with her watching the movie. We still got a battle ahead of us but I will never give up.

God bless you, stay strong. I will be praying for you and your family.