I need advice from Christian men

[Invictus]

Hey guys, I just joined the forum here, and I am going to be blunt. I need some help with some sexual sin in my life. I don't know what to do. I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation since I was 12. I've never gone longer than 20 days without it at a time, and usually look at porn a couple times a week. The guys in my bible study know about it, and there are many of us that struggle with it. I'm sick and tired of struggling to follow God's will and just getting back into my own sinful desires. I'm 20, almost 21 (less than a few weeks) and I want to be rid of this sin for good. Do you have any advice on something of this nature? I really could use the help.

[HRoberson]

1. Don't obsess over it
2. Learn to distract yourself for 20 minutes. Spend the time praying not to get rid of the sin, but rather, that you will be the image of God. It is better to live into the life of God rather than avoiding the not-life.
3. Learn this lesson: parts is parts, and the people in the pictures don't know and don't care about you.


If you have had this challenge for the past decade, getting rid of it will be a process. There are specialists in this area. If you want some references, PM me.

[johndoo]

Do you understand both sides of the discussion of the M topic?

Regarding looking at images, it is good that you are in fellowship with other Christian men.  Frankly, we have a hard time with full honesty and accountability.  The fact that you want to change this more than ever means that your chance of success will go up.  Restrictive blocks on the computer may help. Identify any patterns.  Is this something that you do when you are tired, bored, stressed, hungry, frustrated or at a certain time of the day?  Find a replacement or satisfy the true need.  Interupt the pattern with another activity.  See a therapist if necessary to get at unresolved emotional issues, frustration and guilt.  Even for introverts, we all have a need for fellowship with others.  Are you involved with other social activities?  Are you dating?  Do you have hobbies and can you share them / do them with others?

[Red Baker]

Hey guys, I just joined the forum here, and I am going to be blunt. I need some help with some sexual sin in my life. I don't know what to do. I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation since I was 12. I've never gone longer than 20 days without it at a time, and usually look at porn a couple times a week. The guys in my bible study know about it, and there are many of us that struggle with it. I'm sick and tired of struggling to follow God's will and just getting back into my own sinful desires. I'm 20, almost 21 (less than a few weeks) and I want to be rid of this sin for good. Do you have any advice on something of this nature? I really could use the help.

Addiction of any kind is serious.  Pornography is dangerous, for it can lead to other sins, even rape, and murder.  I am not saying that it will with you, but, we know that it can.  The key is found in Proverbs 16:32~ruling our spirits.  Be whatever it may be, it will come down to this~can I rule my spirit?  I have put a Proverb here for you to read from a friend of mine.  Even though Jonathan is speaking concerning anger, you can substitute any sin that you may be having trouble with.  The key to overcoming is ruling our spirits. 


                                                                                                            Proverbs 16:32
                                                                                               By Jonathan Crosby @letgodbetrue.com

                                                                "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."

Every real man wants to be a mighty man of valor. Every real woman wants to be a noble woman worthy of such a man. The Bible records many exploits of mighty men and noble women. But this proverb teaches a greater measure of individual glory - the ability to defer anger and control your spirit! The man who can resist getting angry or losing control of his spirit is more honorable than men with great military accomplishments.

Consider some mighty men of valor. Gideon defeated a huge army of Midianites with only 300 men, and Jephthah destroyed 20 cities of the Ammonites with a small army. Samson killed 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass, and Shamgar killed 600 with an ox goad. Joab took the fortress of Jebus, which became Jerusalem. Adino killed 800 at one time with his spear, and Abishai did the same to 300. Caleb begged for a mountain in Canaan where the giants lived, and he destroyed them and took their cities.

But you can be greater than these men! You do so by being cautious and slow in getting angry and by controlling and ruling your spirit. It takes more courage, discipline, strength, and wisdom to resist passionate emotions like anger than to take a city. Can you control the violent feelings of anger and keep your spirit calm and wise? Will you? This is how a born fool can be wise and glorious (Pr 14:29; Eccl 7:9; Jas 1:19-20)! If you defer your anger and pass over the faults and offences of others, you are glorious (Pr 19:11)!

But your spirit screams for vengeance! It hates to be restrained. It must exert itself, in full fury, now! Harsh words burn in your tongue and must be spoken. You cannot help your problem, you tell others. The world lies to you that a violent temper is the trait of mighty men, the right of free men, and the tool of strong leaders. Venting of rage brings relief ... but only to a depraved, brute soul. If a conscience remains, you are soon grieved at the violence that spewed out of your mouth with the fury of a devil's hell.

Rather than ruling their spirit, most men are ruled by their spirits. Instead of conquering anger, they become captives of their passions. The battle exceeds any military expedition of any war. A city can be taken with a single siege, but you will fight the passion of anger for the rest of your life. Wars are fought by the efforts of many, but you must fight alone. The vigilance, effort, and patience needed to rule anger causes most men to forfeit the battle and become slaves to their folly, if they even considered rage something to resist.

The world is filled with illustrations of those who could not rule their spirits. You have them in your own family. You likely have one in your own closet. Alexander the Great conquered the known world, but he could not defeat the brutish beast within that ruined him at home and among his friends. Peter the Great is reported to have said, "I can govern my people, but how can I govern myself?" If you can defeat this monster, you will have a victory over a foe that has destroyed conquerors. You will be a mighty man!

Anger marks a loser! Guaranteed! Anger blinds your mind to misread situations, causes you to say and do stupid things, never accomplishes anything good, and drives away your friends (Pr 14:17; 15:18; 21:24; 22:24-25; 29:22). If you get angry and do not rule your spirit, you cannot be compared to a great military hero; you must be compared to a city with its walls broken down and vulnerable to every kind of evil (Pr 25:28; Jas 3:14-16).

Not all anger is sin. Do not let effeminate heretics tell you otherwise. Jesus condemned unjustified anger (Matt 5:22), and Paul said to be angry and sin not (Eph 4:26). Anger is good, when it is directed against sin for the glory of God. But anger in a traffic jam, or over spilt milk, or about another's harsh words against you, or because you were slighted, or in retaliation for a wrong, or because things did not turn out as expected, are wrong!

There are more passions than just anger, and you must rule them as well. Moodiness is the mark of an immature child, not a mighty man of valor. Such a person needs a beating, not comforting. Murmuring is the complaining of a wicked heart moving a devilish tongue, which ought not to be. Critical or harsh speech is the poison that spews from an angry heart. Great men have pure hearts that result in gracious speech (Pr 22:11; Col 4:6).

What can you do to be great in the sight of God and men? Slow down! Do not ever say or do anything by impulse. Hear things out before you speak. Choose to study every matter before giving your opinion. Wait before reacting, when you hear or experience any negative event. Cut your words in half. Always be gracious in your speech, especially with your family. Let the words of this proverb motivate you to be a mighty man of valor.

But you cannot achieve this victory without help, and that help is in the Lord, His word, and His saints. Paul learned that he could do all things through Christ, Who strengthened him (Phil 4:13). The Holy Spirit, allowed to bear fruit by a holy and submissive life, can fill you with love, joy, peace, longsuffering, and so forth (Gal 5:22-23). The Bible can convert your soul by showing the folly of anger and the glory of peace. And brothers and sisters in Christ, when they are doing their duty, can encourage and warn you as needed.

Will the real mighty men of valor please stand up! Will the real noble women of the earth please stand up! You will not have to wait long to face your foe. The Lord Himself will arrange circumstances to test the rule of your spirit. Do not be surprised by anything that happens. Purpose now to be slow and cautious in responding and to rule that unruly fury in your belly and tongue. May the grace of Jesus Christ give you complete victory!


Even though anger, is the main topic, you can substitute any sin.  Learning to rule our spirit concerning, lust, money, our time, any passion/lust that may be allow or not allow, is the key to a productive and godly life.   Hope this helps.   

[nealmorsefan]

I too was addicted, brother.  What helped me was joining Celebrate Recovery at my church.  It's a ministry not just for alcoholics and drug addicts but for anyone who struggles in their life with hurts, habits and hang-ups.  There is almost certainly a meeting in your area, if you check out www.celebraterecovery.com you'll probably find one.  I've also found experience, strength and hope in attending SAA meetings as well.  There may be a meeting in your area to be found at saa-recovery.org.

I will pray for you.  I admire your courage in coming clean with your Bible study brothers and encourage you to not stop there.  The addiction is progressive and will only get worse unless you take action against it.  Trust me, I know all too well.

[nealmorsefan]

1. Don't obsess over it
2. Learn to distract yourself for 20 minutes. Spend the time praying not to get rid of the sin, but rather, that you will be the image of God. It is better to live into the life of God rather than avoiding the not-life.
3. Learn this lesson: parts is parts, and the people in the pictures don't know and don't care about you.


If you have had this challenge for the past decade, getting rid of it will be a process. There are specialists in this area. If you want some references, PM me.

Responses like this show a fundamental misunderstanding of addiction.  "Don't obsess over it"?  "Learn to distract yourself"?  As a sex addict myself I heard that advice and tried that road far too many times to no avail.  It's akin to telling the alcoholic to "just stop drinking".  Right... like we've never thought of that before!  If Invictus truly is a sex addict as I am, than this advice is worthless.  We addicts do not think properly.  Our thinking has been impaired by the chemical processes in the brain that we have indulged.  Much like the Heroine or Meth addict... we are powerless.  So, people like myself need the 12 step programs to help us out of the addiction slowly.

www.celebraterecovery.com
saa-recovery.org

[HRoberson]

1. Don't obsess over it
2. Learn to distract yourself for 20 minutes. Spend the time praying not to get rid of the sin, but rather, that you will be the image of God. It is better to live into the life of God rather than avoiding the not-life.
3. Learn this lesson: parts is parts, and the people in the pictures don't know and don't care about you.


If you have had this challenge for the past decade, getting rid of it will be a process. There are specialists in this area. If you want some references, PM me.

Responses like this show a fundamental misunderstanding of addiction.  "Don't obsess over it"?  "Learn to distract yourself"?  As a sex addict myself I heard that advice and tried that road far too many times to no avail.  It's akin to telling the alcoholic to "just stop drinking".  Right... like we've never thought of that before!  If Invictus truly is a sex addict as I am, than this advice is worthless.  We addicts do not think properly.  Our thinking has been impaired by the chemical processes in the brain that we have indulged.  Much like the Heroine or Meth addict... we are powerless.  So, people like myself need the 12 step programs to help us out of the addiction slowly.

www.celebraterecovery.com
saa-recovery.org

You apparently don't understand my reply, and thinking that you did, decided to deride it. I also suspect you probably don't grasp the continuum of human behavior, thinking that every addict is just like you. You also fail to understand the difference between an addiction and the various levels of response to it.

But thanks for playing anyway.

[Invictus]

I personally am 3 days out from my last "mess up" and I am really trying not to obsess over it. It is hard though, as I've dealt with this for so long and I hate that part of me. I feel like it is the one thing that is really holding me back in life, keeping me from maturing as a christian and an individual. I feel like it also separates me from God and allows me not to be a good christian leader, and to my nonchristian friends I am only a hypocrite.

I recently installed a program on my computer to block all internet access when I tell it to. I have it block internet access for an extended period of time if I even begin to think about tripping up. It is a pain sometimes but it has worked for the last three days.

I know the people in the pictures and videos don't care about me. It keeps me from beginning loving and lasting relationships with other wonderful people too, and that sucks!

Also, I have an internet blocker for porn sites or anything in the least bit sexual, one of my best friends has the password. I cannot unblock it without him (shamefully enough I've tried), so in the past I have just found sites that it doesn't pick up. That isn't the blockers fault, and after I feel guilty for it, I report the website so next time I get the urge I cannot access it again since that site becomes updated as a blocked one.

I found out I struggle a lot with this issue at 7:30 PM, so I've also made sure I'm not in my room at that time period. Mind you, being an introvert most people wouldn't know that. I am very outgoing, I just need my alone time to recuperate my energy. I'm also always super busy. I'm in college, an athlete, holding two jobs, obtaining two majors, and working as leadership for the campus FCA group. I keep mostly busy, I just need to do a better job of not allowing myself the procrastination of my time which in the past has lead to my sinning.

Porn and masturbation have kept me from dating for over three years, and never have I been in a healthy relationship with a christian woman. I dated a true christian woman once in high school (out of my 8 ex girlfriends) and I don't believe our relationship was healthy. I never went past making out, although now I see that something like that can actually be too far. I've read Every Man's Battle, Every Young Man's Battle, and Surfing for God. All great books and all have showed me that any sort of sexual immorality is bad. I want to be a true man of God and be able to, in time and by God's grace, date and eventually marry a wonderful christian woman.

My porn addiction has never lead to greater sins, sometimes just the weakening of my will to not conform to the world with the rest of my life. However, I want it out of my life. This is my BIG sin, the biggest of them all in my life. My other two big ones would be pride and anger, but this one reigns king in my life and definitely has had the most destruction. Part of this issue has been such a pain. I have tried my "iron will" concept and it seems not to work. I have never ever been what I would consider weak willed, I've given up cussing, video games, most tv, even gone 3 months without sugar, but when it comes to porn and masturbation, as I said before, 3 weeks has been my max. Then, when I failed, I would binge on my sin and fall deeper into it than previously.

I don't believe I am a sex addict however, as that would require that, well, I seek out sex from others (at least I think). I have never done so and want to remain "pure" until marriage, if that can even be done so when I live with this sin.

If ya'll can help with advice, that is great. Right now, I am just making sure I read my bible every day and try and stay away from a computer when I think it may be an issue.

[HRoberson]

There is more here than just your habit.

Being out of your room is a great idea. It shows some good insight and initiative. Don't obssess over the sin aspect, that will just make you feel worse. God knows both that you want to stop and that doing so is hard.

I understand that a porn habit is difficult to let go of, and that it can interfere with relationships. So, it's good you want to address it.So give yourself some space to work it.

You can always call the local SAA and talk it over with them.

I would also recommend a Christian licensed counselor. Not a counselor that just goes to church but a licensed therapist with graduate work in ministry, divinity or some such.

Your habit of sinking deeper after messing up, is not uncommon, stretching back centuries. It doesn't make you evil, it makes you human. There are people who have experience helping people with this issue. If you need help finding them, PM me.

[IStillHaventFound...]

OK this is harsh but don't be a sissy, looking at pictures. Go out and find a real girl. By that I don't mean just to have sex, either. Then again you don't want to bring porn issues into a relationship with the opposite sex.

[Invictus]

HRoberson, I know that this is more than just a habit. It may very well be an addiction, but with God's grace, all addictions can be overcome. The book Surfing for God really helped me realize that this is a much deeper issue, and I've learned how to realize that and I try to turn to God when I'm not strong enough and those personal wounds hurt the most. When I don't do that though is when I get into trouble.

If I have free access to a counselor who goes to church, but maybe isn't necessarily focused in using faith in ministry, would it be okay to go to this resource? I'm 5 days out from my last incident thus far, and it hasn't been a tough 5 days, but it hasn't been easy either.

IStill... Bringing this issue into a relationship would only make things worse. That focuses the "need" for a girl to almost be a savior in my personal issue, and that will never end well. Sex is less of a temptation for me, and part of my trap has been before saying that porn keeps me from having sex and being stupid before marriage (what a stupid idea, I know).

[HRoberson]

HRoberson, I know that this is more than just a habit. It may very well be an addiction, but with God's grace, all addictions can be overcome. The book Surfing for God really helped me realize that this is a much deeper issue, and I've learned how to realize that and I try to turn to God when I'm not strong enough and those personal wounds hurt the most. When I don't do that though is when I get into trouble.

Good. God gives us each other and professionals to help. In that view, they are tools and we can use them even if the grace of God is also available. If it is an addiction, don't let yourself think that it goes to your core. It does not. You remain the image of God even with this behavior.

If I have free access to a counselor who goes to church, but maybe isn't necessarily focused in using faith in ministry, would it be okay to go to this resource?

Sure, give the counselor a try; a focus on faith specifically isn't necessary. The expectation is that the use of professional therapy will be done with faith in mind. What you don't want is 1) a secular therapist who would likely tell you that your habit is largely "normal" and not to worry about it, or 2) a Christian counselor who might tell you that if you'd just pray enough or had enough faith, you wouldn't have a problem. What I recommend is a middle ground. Someone who can offer grace, and yet still help you with the human side of this question.

I'm 5 days out from my last incident thus far, and it hasn't been a tough 5 days, but it hasn't been easy either.

Good. Don't count the days since you had a problem; focus on your next moment and on being the person you are made to be. It's good that you have succeeded five days, but that's not the point. The point is that today, in this moment, you are being who you are called to be.

IStill... Bringing this issue into a relationship would only make things worse. That focuses the "need" for a girl to almost be a savior in my personal issue, and that will never end well.

You're right. Relationships aren't intended to be what I can get out of them - even if that thing is healing. They are intended to help us grow in humility and love toward someone else.

Sex is less of a temptation for me, and part of my trap has been before saying that porn keeps me from having sex and being stupid before marriage (what a stupid idea, I know).

Sex isn't the issue. What is the issue is not being who you are called to be. When you fantasize you are both violating another's person and your own spirit. You are focused on you; not on others. That is the problem.

I want to encourage you to remain in the grace of God; even if you end up messing up in the future (relapse is common), don't let that take you into a downward spiral. Acknowledge you've messed up, ask God to let it go, and then return to the path you want to walk. Messing up doesn't make you an evil person. It simply makes you human.

And God already knows that.

[nealmorsefan]

1. Don't obsess over it
2. Learn to distract yourself for 20 minutes. Spend the time praying not to get rid of the sin, but rather, that you will be the image of God. It is better to live into the life of God rather than avoiding the not-life.
3. Learn this lesson: parts is parts, and the people in the pictures don't know and don't care about you.


If you have had this challenge for the past decade, getting rid of it will be a process. There are specialists in this area. If you want some references, PM me.

Responses like this show a fundamental misunderstanding of addiction.  "Don't obsess over it"?  "Learn to distract yourself"?  As a sex addict myself I heard that advice and tried that road far too many times to no avail.  It's akin to telling the alcoholic to "just stop drinking".  Right... like we've never thought of that before!  If Invictus truly is a sex addict as I am, than this advice is worthless.  We addicts do not think properly.  Our thinking has been impaired by the chemical processes in the brain that we have indulged.  Much like the Heroine or Meth addict... we are powerless.  So, people like myself need the 12 step programs to help us out of the addiction slowly.

www.celebraterecovery.com
saa-recovery.org

You apparently don't understand my reply, and thinking that you did, decided to deride it. I also suspect you probably don't grasp the continuum of human behavior, thinking that every addict is just like you. You also fail to understand the difference between an addiction and the various levels of response to it.

But thanks for playing anyway.

No, I understood your response perfectly.  And, again, you still do not understand addiction.  Addiction isn't a game.  It's progressive and it will kill us.  I had more than 25 years enslavement to this addiction and am now finding serenity in recovery after stepping out of denial almost three years ago.  I almost committed suicide when I hit rock bottom.  I was living a life death up until that point as it was...social and spiritual death.  After three years in recovery and hearing hundreds of addicts stories of their struggles, I can authoritatively say that, while the continuum of human behavior may be varied (insomuch as addicts struggle with different specific acting-out behaviors), the underlying cause is always the same: the disease of self.  Or you could say rebellion against God's way of life, which is the same thing.  Hillary Clinton, for all else we might think of her, did get one thing right several years ago when she said: "it takes a village."  No addict recovers alone by himself or herself.  Regardless of whether they are a sex addict, an alcoholic, a gambling addict or whatnot.  And we are either in recovery or we are not.  As far as levels of response to addiction, I would like to hear you expound upon that, because I wouldn't want to read too much into your post.  It's not self-evident.  I am also what your personal experience is with addiction and recovery, if you could provide that.

[HRoberson]

I have no idea what you are talking about other than your own world. I'm sure you've made great progress, but really, you're not making any sense.

Rather than blowing smoke, why not just offer some help.

Have a nice day.

[thekingdomisathand]

...

[Invictus]

Thank you all for your responses. The day that I posted this so far was my last issue with it. I've had the urges and desires to go back that direction, but so far, by God's grace, I have been able to avoid it. For me right now, my goal is to grow closer to Christ, to find the little issues in my life while being aware of my big issues, and simply to be more relational with the individuals in my life. It is working so far and I will continue to keep you updated about my struggles. I pray that I am going to continue with this and hopefully will be free.

Things that have helped:
-Read Bible Everyday
-Spend a lot of time in prayer
-Read Every Man's Struggle
-Had wonderful community to support me

[HRoberson]

Thank you all for your responses. The day that I posted this so far was my last issue with it. I've had the urges and desires to go back that direction, but so far, by God's grace, I have been able to avoid it. For me right now, my goal is to grow closer to Christ, to find the little issues in my life while being aware of my big issues, and simply to be more relational with the individuals in my life. It is working so far and I will continue to keep you updated about my struggles. I pray that I am going to continue with this and hopefully will be free.

Things that have helped:
-Read Bible Everyday
-Spend a lot of time in prayer
-Read Every Man's Struggle
-Had wonderful community to support me

Sounds like you're doing the right sorts of things. Blessings.

[Jason_NC]

Might I also suggest getting professional help.  Find a good counselor to help you deal with this issue.

It helped me a LOT.

[Invictus]

I have considered it. I don't have the resources currently, and, by God's grace, I am moving further away from this day by day. I keep a count of when I mess up, but times are getting farther and further between with each one. Getting into the word is important, and not having my computer on 24/7 always helps. Just keep praying for me, I always appreciate that.

[HRoberson]

Just keep working it. If the frequency is getting less, that's a good thing. Nobody expects perfection so don't harass yourself over relapse. Just get back up and keep moving.

[Mere Nick]

Don't count the days since you had a problem; focus on your next moment and on being the person you are made to be. It's good that you have succeeded five days, but that's not the point. The point is that today, in this moment, you are being who you are called to be.

Excellent advice, istm.  Jesus teaches us to live one day at a time, not worrying about tomorrow.  When I read this it made me think of many years ago when I was listening to Rush Limbaugh talking about how he was losing weight.  The one thing I remember is his taking it one day at a time on certain foods.  He wasn't telling himself "I won't ever eat that again".  That's too long to try and do something.  He was telling himself "I won't be eating that today".  I suppose it's the "by the yard is hard, by the inch is a cinch" theory.

[WIT]

Hey Brother!

I was addicted too , to porn and masturbation and all manner of horrible thoughts and desires with strong holds on my life. I am now by no means perfect !!! and fight struggles every day with sin.

The best and simple advice I can give you is this you cannot fight sin in your own strength , nor by flesh , nor intellectually. But Brother the only way to do it is to submit your will to God's and trust in him to sustain you.

I know now you think you can't get out of it and you keep repeating the same problem but that is where the devil wants you in a perpetual state of sin , guilt and fear so you cannot break the stronghold.

How I approach it even to this day, is think in daily terms in combating this. I read scriptures pertaining to my particular issues and try or ask God to understand Gods laws. I memorize them bind them to my heart and way of thinking and act on them I pray and ask God to see me through the 1 single day each and everyday.

I don't know how your relationship is with God but try and spend more time with God in the mornings in prayer ask him to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Another aspect of fighting this particular sin is fasting yes FASTING! It really helps and begins to train you how to sacrifice things we desire such as food , Material things etc. and put our focus on the creator and learn to have a controlled spirit not subject to the whims of your desires.

Just try it for one day a week or more don't eat anything for a day/ cut out something important to you time , money etc.  then immerse yourself in scripture shut out the things that tempt you or things that can aid you in sinning that such as computer , internet , TV , newspapers , magazines , people etc.

Then just get to know God read scriptures, listen to sermons for understanding and Praise him even if you don't feel like it (praise will confuse the enemy!) as bad as that sounds because your feelings , emotions and desires are just that and God already gave you dominion over them so you have it in you to master them and control them.


I want to leave you with some scripture which I use for myself and find it helpful [first page of Peter]

13 Wherefore girding up the loins of your mind, be sober and set your hope perfectly on the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

14 as children of obedience, not fashioning yourselves according to your former lusts in [the time of] your ignorance:

15 but like as he who called you is holy, be ye yourselves also holy in all manner of living;

16 because it is written, Ye shall be holy; for I am holy.

[JohnDB70X7]

First thing: Don't underestimate sex sin. The Bible specifies it as a particularly evil sin.

Observe what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians. The Corinthians, btw, were known for their sexual activities. So Paul was not writing this to people who did not know what it was like to have indulged all kinds of sexual deviance.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20 (NIV)
12 "Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.
13 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also.
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!
16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."
17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

[JohnDB70X7]

If I were to start a disciples class... for boys and grown men who were never taught the Christian way the Godly way... or better said, who were never properly equipped to deal with sexuality, I'd begin with do not underestimate the power of sex over people, over you, and that you will be struggling with it all of your life... especially in a sex saturated society.

150 years ago guys did not have legs, breasts, bikini bottoms bikini tops or full on nudity everywhere they turn like we do today. I am not making excuses. Just identifying how much trouble we are all in. Because Paul wrote to the Corinthians who as I said previously lived in a sex saturated society where brothels of every kind were available and temple prostitution for every gender or species... sick, I know... point being our environment is no excuse. This is a matter within ourselves.

The second thing I would say to the disciples is do not fall for quick fixes, solemn oaths (Lord I'll NEVER do THAT again!)... nor fall for the over confidence ploy "Well I've finally defeated sex sin and sex temptation..." Your next test will come at you when you least expect it, and go straight to your fallen sin-natured flesh like a feast would appear to a starving man... and what you were so sure that you were past... beyond... overcome and patted yourself on the back about... has kicked your little sissy rump like a team of mules.

And you are heartbroken. Down on yourself. Disgusted... fearful... sick... dread...

God knew about all this stuff before it happened.

It's not okay... but it's no surprise either. Not to him. And he knew it when you were in his favor on good terms... which is how you viewed the favor and terms. God didn't change. You did. I did. Whenever we sin we separate ourselves from God. And here's the thing... if you really are one of God's children saved by the blood of Jesus Christ only by faith in him... then being separated from God makes you most miserable. If you weren't his... the separation would not make any difference because you were never his to begin with... and sin just feels natural to unbelievers... aside from some minor initial conscience issues, the man of sin nature sees only joy in the over abundance of sex sin and temptation in the world and in the ease with which you and I can access the most vial pornography with the click of a mouse in the privacy of our homes... no need to dress up incognito to visit the red light districts... it's all piped into your computer now.

What I am about to tell you must not / cannot be viewed as a license to sin. IF you are tempted to see it that way you may be a believer who has a lot to learn... in any case, you should be very afraid that your faith is not real and that your salvation is not realized... yet... perhaps at all. It is true that only faith qualifies us for salvation. But there is a very important word too many evangelists leave out before they dive into preaching about grace... REPENT!

It does not mean stop sinning (ironically). It means change your direction. In other words, change your thinking about sin and see it the way God sees it. God loves the world (John 3:16) but he despises sin! Each and every sin committed cost the Lord Jesus his life on the cross. Do not underestimate how much the Father loves the Son. We've all seen or heard stories about a tried and true salt of the earth type getting undeserved mistreatment by some bully or system of bullies... and we want to tear the heads off of those thugs who beat and mistreated and took advantage of that good person... how much more do you imagine the wrath of the Father is towards people who refuse to believe in the sacrifice of his own dear Son?

Do not underestimate how much the Father loves those who love Jesus, either...

John 16:26-27 (NIV)
26 In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf.
27 No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.

And if you are his child, his possession, his property that he purchased with the blood of his Son... you will sin and there will be ways to reestablish fellowship... I'll get to that... but you must understand God is no fool. You can b.s. him like you can others or even yourself. And he can and will discipline you in this life for sin... but your salvation is dealt with on the cross...

Job 36:10 (NIV)
10 He makes them listen to correction and commands them to repent of their evil.

Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV)
11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Proverbs 24:16 (NIV)
16 for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity.

1 John 1 (NIV)
1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life.
2 The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us.
3 We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.
4 We write this to make our joy complete.
5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.
6 If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

1 John 2:1-6 (NIV)
1 My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
3 We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.
4 The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him.
5 But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him:
6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.


Best confession I know of:

Psalm 51 (NIV)
1 For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Verse 11 is Old Covenant / Old Testament

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

But now if there is something (and notice the context is about a sex sin) we are just too stubborn or too stupid to quit...

1 Corinthians 5:5 (NIV)
5 hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.

God will take you out of this life.

1 Corinthians 6:12-14 (NIV)
12 "Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.
13 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also.

Romans 7 (NIV)
1 Do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to men who know the law—that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives?
2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.
3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
4 So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.
5 For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death.
6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.
7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet."
8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead.
9 Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died.
10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death.
12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.
13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law;
23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
25 Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 8 (NIV)
1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
3 For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man,
4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
6 The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;
7 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.
8 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
9 You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ.
10 But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.
11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
12 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.
13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live,
14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.
20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36 As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

There's a lot in this world we take for granted when we should be on our faces thanking God for... and he can and will take things away from us in this life when we sin and refuse to be disciplined... even ultimately our very life. Foolish minds believe they can accept those terms and sin away... but what if that death came in such a way as to be right before you succeed in business or family? What if that death brought shame and despair to your parents or family?

AVOID sexual temptation...

Get rid of the computer if that's what it takes.

Don't try to deal with it run from it like a scared cat...

Flee the sexual temptations of youth and here's a news flash of us old timers too!