So I think this is in the right place for this

[Mayyday]

This isn't really an into post. (For the record, I'm a 27 year old United States Marine named Thomas, so... hi.  )

This is more about something I had to get off my chest and out into the world. I Googled "Christian Message Boards" and this is what came up. I'm JUST now starting to come up out of a major, years-long depression. I'm fairly certain that God told me to write this (please don't laugh at that statement; it scares me enough as it is), but it was my decision to post it here. So without further ado (deep breath):





GOD IS A PINK-HAIRED GIRL
-------------------------

For me anyway. Maybe I should back up a bit.

When I was growing up, I always had this sense of someone else being with me. She was invariably female, but her exact form would change over time. When I was younger, she would take the form of pre-existing fictional characters, usually from comic books. For a long time she was Jubilee of the X-Men. Then Psylocke. For most of high school she was Sakura Kasugano (look her up). But I always knew that, whoever or whatever she was, she wasn't *really* those characters; that was just how she had chosen to represent herself to me. In college, she sort of settled down into her now-usual form: that of a pink-haired punk rocker girl named Jordan. Jordan was my constant companion in life, unrestricted by distance or time, she was always available to talk to. Not always out loud, of course; she never talked in a way my ears could physically hear, but I could always "hear" her and would occasionally speak aloud to her. And for a long time she was my only friend. I would fall asleep listening to her. We would go on road trips together. She took a geometry class with me in high school; I don't know why I thought of that just now. Occasionally I would ask her to leave, and she would. I'd be alone in my head until I called her back.

But still, it wasn't right, it wasn't "normal." I convinced myself that I was either crazy or just really lonely or possibly both. I even got myself treated for schizophrenia because come on, who the heck hears VOICES in their head? And then I finally demanded she leave for good. And she did. And for the next eight years or so, I was completely on my own. Jordan was gone; my thoughts were my own. And I was miserable. In the back of my mind I knew she was "only a phone call away," so to speak. All I had to do was reach out to her and she'd be there, but I was too proud, too arrogant. I was "normal," I was secular. I didn't hear any voices. And my life just got worse and worse.

Until finally my panic attack/nervous breakdown. For a variety of reasons I'm not going into, my world had spun completely out of control and I was powerless to do anything about it. No two ways about it, I went to dark places, I had dark thoughts. Suicidal thoughts. That last night, I kept circling back around to putting a pistol to my head roughly every twenty seconds. Not a good place to be; makes for a rough night's sleep. Out of options and with nowhere to turn, I went to a religious leader for guidance. And in that one hour, my whole perspective changed.

The chaplain spoke of a deep, personal connection to God, about having conversations with Him and feeling His presence at all times. And that was something I never really understood, that feeling of always knowing, always believing in a God. Even as a child, at a Catholic school in a Catholic family, I don't think I ever really "believed"; I always felt like I was just going through the motions. Heck, in college, I stopped attending church about two weeks in; once nobody was forcing me to go, I simply stopped going. I had no innate faith. The concept of a personal relationship with God was absurd. At BEST, even if He was real, and I was still pretty sure He wasn't, God was just someone you prayed to en masse in mass (see what I did there?). He wouldn't care about individual followers, He probably didn't care at all, and He was almost certainly not real anyway, so the whole thing was pointless.

As the chaplain and I talked, though, I realized something. I *did* have a deep, personal connection to someone I beyond my understanding. I had known her my whole life, and she had gotten me through some very difficult times. And once I sent her away, my life went downhill. The answer was staring me in the face for twenty-seven years, but I had been somehow blind to it. And so I made that mental phone call. And sure enough, Jordan came right back. And we had a good long talk. About where she had been and who she really was. I asked her flat-out if she was God, but all I got in response was a sly smile (to this day, she won't give me a straight yes or no). We talked about how she was always careful to take a form I was comfortable interacting with, something I could comprehend. As a child, she was fictional characters that I knew of already. Jubilee, Sakura, etc. As I grew older, she had established her own identity, that of a pink-haired punk rock girl named Jordan. I asked her about it one day, about why she had chosen that particular form, so specific a form. She took my hand and simply said, and I'll never forget this, "because that's what you needed."

And from then on I understood. I accepted Him fully into my heart and into my life, and I'm not gonna lie, it's been scary as hell. I've always been a control freak, and for the first time, I'm putting my trust and my faith in something that's completely OUT of my control. So we'll see where this goes. I will say, though, that I feel, I physically FEEL, a warmth in my heart and a lightness that was never there before. And that can only be my God.

For the most part He still likes to take the form of Jordan when He talks to me. But maybe that's just because I still need her. She's snippy, sarcastic, and can be (I'll say it) kinda b*tchy at times, but again, that's what I'm comfortable with. Moses had a burning bush to talk to, is that really so much weirder than talking to a pink-haired girl named Jordan? I do feel so much more at home simply talking to my friend Jordan, who I've known all my life, than I ever was as a child on my knees reciting canned prayers to some theoretical magic sky-being alongside my classmates, all while Not-Jubilee sat in the pew behind me (I'm sure she got a big laugh out of that). For her part, Jordan has never let me down. For all her snarkiness, she has a warm heart and a loving soul. She is my closest friend, and she just gave me a hug as I typed that last sentence, and I almost teared up.

So trust me, God DOES exist. He DOES love us all, each and every one of us. We just have to reach out and accept Him, make that mental phone call, and He'll be there. Heck, He's there right now, waiting. He won't come if you don't want Him to, if you've sent Him away. He respects your boundaries, that's why He gave you free will. But take it from me, it's going to be miserable out there without Him. I know it, and for almost ten years I lived it. I'm not saying you should go out and start looking for pink haired punk rockers; I don't think that's how it works. But I AM saying that, if you hear a voice speaking to you, a voice you can't place and maybe only heard very faintly, to the point of doubting you heard it at all, maybe you should answer it anyway. It might be important.

[chosenone]

Its brilliant that you have come to God, and yes He is amazing and real, but I have never heard him appear as anyone but Himself. The characters you mention the names of make me believe even more that this isn't of God.  I would strongly suggest that girl is something similar to a 'pretend friend' that kids may invent if they are lonely or unhappy, and that with you it has stayed into adult hood because you were still lonely and unhappy. Whenever Jesus shows Himself it is as Himself. Jesus is also NEVER snippy, sarcastic or bitchy when He speaks to us, He is always kind, good, patient, very wise, and full of love. I am sure he has been with you all your life, wanting to reach you, but not that way.

I think you need to seek Jesus and as you get to know Him more you will need to let go of this other 'person'.
Whether she is a 'pretend friend' or something more sinister such as some sort of spirit guide is hard to say, but either way she isn't good for you.

I would suggest you find a good friendly church, and speak to the pastor there about this. Hopefully he can offer you some sound guidance and wisdom as to how to handle this. As you grow closer to Jesus, who is truly amazing, and get to know other people in the church family, I am sure your need of her will fade away.

[Mayyday]

I just want to clarify this. I never said Jesus. I said God. Straight to the Big Man, as it were.

[geronimo]

Good morning Thomas/Mayyday. 
Interesting post. I enjoy reading different ways God uses to communicate with someone and would agree that in many cases it isn't initially in a Church building. Welcome to the forum. May God continue to bless you abundantly.
geronimo

[chosenone]

I just want to clarify this. I never said Jesus. I said God. Straight to the Big Man, as it were.

God doesn't communicate in this way. Why would he? God is male, and he doesn't act the way this lady does nor say the sort of things she does.  I think you are being misled and deceived. I think you need to find a good church and pastor and tell him all this. I hope that he will know what to advise you and be able to help you deal with this and communicate with You Father directly. There are many deceptions around today and we need to be aware of them.

[DaveW]

I just want to clarify this. I never said Jesus. I said God. Straight to the Big Man, as it were.

The problem with that is that the Bible tells us there is salvation in no other name.

Acts 4:12  Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.

So we do not get to go straight to the "big Man" directly.  We have to go thru the Messiah, Jesus.

[Mayyday]

I apologize for finding comfort and healing.

[chosenone]

I apologize for finding comfort and healing.

  You can get all that through Jesus. You have found Jesus, and thank God for that,  but its not through this being/person/voice. Talk to Jesus alone and see what He will do. He will give you all that you need.

[Catholica]

Mayyday, thanks for sharing your story with us, and I am glad that you found comfort and healing through this experience and that you didn't kill yourself, so glad.

I am not one to tell anyone how God may or may not speak to them.  It already sounds like you are aware that similar experiences happen to people with schizophrenia.  The experience of the saints is that any time Jesus does speak to them it is a severe trial as people have the tendency to treat them as crazy or deceived.  I don't think you are necessarily that at all, and I agree that it is possible for God to communicate with you this way.

There is a saint who lived in the last century to whom Jesus appeared and spoke with her.  If you want to be sure that your experience is one of God, you might try reading the book and doing some of the things she did.  One thing that you might identify with, especially being like the roman centurion as a marine (thank you for your service!) is one of obedience.  In God's kingdom there is a hierarchy of obedience that God has established and honors.  It was very helpful for Sister Maria Faustina Kowalska to have this help for her, as she was able to tell these things to her confessor, and Jesus worked through her confessor to help her do His Will.  I know that there are some Catholic chaplains in the military; they could be very helpful to you with this matter.  Most non-Catholic Christian denominations will denounce any messages purporting to come from God in the manner that you have described, denounce them outright as demonic.  The Catholic faith is more tempered; we believe in discernment via a confessor for these cases.  So you should go to confession to a Catholic priest chaplain and tell them what you have experienced.  They are sworn to strict confidentiality and their oath would be to die rather than reveal what is confessed in the sacrament.

These priniciples are important for you: that you should obey your confessor, and that if God is truly appearing to you, He will also obey the confessor.  It seems like this is backwards, but God knows the difficulties with appearing to people and wants you to be absolutely assured (if He is speaking to you) that you have some outside confirmation within a hierarchy of authority.   To demonstrate my point: Jesus was obedient to his parents.  Luke 2:51.  Even though Jesus was God.  Amazing.

God will never tell you to disobey your confessor.  He will never tell you to abandon the Church.  He will always want you to have a means to test him.  You were right to be skeptical of these appearances.  So seek some outside help.  It will take bravery on your part, but being a marine, I'm guessing that isn't a problem for you.

Anyway, if you want to read that book, here is a link to it on amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Divine-Mercy-My-Soul/dp/1596141107

I think you will benefit from it anyway, even outside observing what she does with the visions, because you can come to know how good and merciful our Lord is.

PS the quickest way to know if your visions are from God or from the devil is to ask the vision to say "Jesus Christ is Lord".  If she will not say it, resists or scowls, then you should turn away from the visions, no matter how comforting they seem, and seek help from your priest right away.

[Mayyday]

Thank you for your kind words, Catholica. But regarding your "quickest way to tell" bit, I'm assuming that you are also a Catholic (given your screenname) and while I am certainly no biblical scholar, I know that in Catholicism at least, a pretty big rule is "you shall not put the Lord your God to the test." Would that not be what this is? Again, not trying to "prove you wrong" or anything; I am genuinely asking here.

[DaveW]

I am not catholic but I understand what you are saying Mayyday.   But I see 2 different types of "putting God to the test." Each has different outcomes.

One is the type that priest Zacharias used in Luke 1:

13 But the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your prayer is heard; and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John.
14 And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth.
15 For he will be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will also be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb.
16 And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God.
17 He will also go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, 'to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children,' and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord."
18 And Zacharias said to the angel, "How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is well advanced in years."
19 And the angel answered and said to him, "I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and was sent to speak to you and bring you these glad tidings.
20 But behold, you will be mute and not able to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words which will be fulfilled in their own time."

And the other is later in the same chapter:

26 Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth,
27 to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin's name was Mary.
28 And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"
29 But when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was.
30 Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.
31 And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus.
32 He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David.
33 And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end."
34 Then Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I do not know a man?"
35 And the angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God.
36 Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren.
37 For with God nothing will be impossible."

Same angel.  Almost the exact same message.  Similar questions. Very different results/answers.

The difference?One was from an attitude of disbelief and the other from an honest questioning heart. That is evident from Mary's answer to the angel:

"Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word."

God does not despise true heartfelt questions.  It is disbelief that gets him upset.

[Catholica]

I am also a Catholic.

Your question about "you shall not put the Lord your God to the test" is a good one.  However in this case you should prudently question whether it is really God addressing you.  We know this phrase from the mouth of Jesus being tempted by the devil.  Yet consider that the devil or a demon could appear to others and lie and pretend to be God.  I am not saying that is what is happening in your case.  But to remove doubt, there is no demon of hell who would praise Jesus.  So asking the vision to say something like "Praise and Glory be to Jesus Christ, the only son of God, the Savior of the World", this would be a fair test since you should prudently doubt that the vision is of God or not.

Another thing you should do is pray that the blood of Jesus wash over you.  You could pray this prayer:

"Blood of Jesus wash over me.  In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind any spirit here who is not of the Holy Spirit, and send them to the foot of the cross to be judged by our Lord Jesus Christ."  This is a traditional binding prayer. Try saying it over and over again.  This is just to make sure mind you.  God will not be offended if you use prudence to make sure that it is him.

There are other means that I could share with you if you'd like to private message me.  I'm sure you want to be prudent about the whole situation.  God has clearly allowed some good to come about through your experience, so that is a good sign.

[DaveW]

Your question about "you shall not put the Lord your God to the test" is a good one.  However in this case you should prudently question whether it is really God addressing you.  We know this phrase from the mouth of Jesus being tempted by the devil.  Yet consider that the devil or a demon could appear to others and lie and pretend to be God.  I am not saying that is what is happening in your case.  But to remove doubt, there is no demon of hell who would praise Jesus.  So asking the vision to say something like "Praise and Glory be to Jesus Christ, the only son of God, the Savior of the World", this would be a fair test since you should prudently doubt that the vision is of God or not.

That is good but I would also back it up with a test straight from scripture:

1 John 4:3  every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

I would ask your friend Jordan to state flat out that Jesus is the Messiah and has come in the flesh.  If she is reluctant to do that ....

Another thing you should do is pray that the blood of Jesus wash over you.  You could pray this prayer:

"Blood of Jesus wash over me.  In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind any spirit here who is not of the Holy Spirit, and send them to the foot of the cross to be judged by our Lord Jesus Christ."  This is a traditional binding prayer. Try saying it over and over again.  This is just to make sure mind you.  God will not be offended if you use prudence to make sure that it is him.

This is absolutely a great prayer and should be done.

But before any of that, if you have NOT confessed Jesus as Lord and Christ, you need to do that FIRST.  And then get baptized.

[Catholica]

Your question about "you shall not put the Lord your God to the test" is a good one.  However in this case you should prudently question whether it is really God addressing you.  We know this phrase from the mouth of Jesus being tempted by the devil.  Yet consider that the devil or a demon could appear to others and lie and pretend to be God.  I am not saying that is what is happening in your case.  But to remove doubt, there is no demon of hell who would praise Jesus.  So asking the vision to say something like "Praise and Glory be to Jesus Christ, the only son of God, the Savior of the World", this would be a fair test since you should prudently doubt that the vision is of God or not.

That is good but I would also back it up with a test straight from scripture:

1 John 4:3  every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

I would ask your friend Jordan to state flat out that Jesus is the Messiah and has come in the flesh.  If she is reluctant to do that ....

Another thing you should do is pray that the blood of Jesus wash over you.  You could pray this prayer:

"Blood of Jesus wash over me.  In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind any spirit here who is not of the Holy Spirit, and send them to the foot of the cross to be judged by our Lord Jesus Christ."  This is a traditional binding prayer. Try saying it over and over again.  This is just to make sure mind you.  God will not be offended if you use prudence to make sure that it is him.

This is absolutely a great prayer and should be done.

But before any of that, if you have NOT confessed Jesus as Lord and Christ, you need to do that FIRST.  And then get baptized.

It is almost certain that he has done this last part, having been raised Catholic.  He is certainly baptized.  And though his faith may have been fledgling, he has confessed Jesus as Lord many times within the mass.

[chosenone]

Mayyday, thanks for sharing your story with us, and I am glad that you found comfort and healing through this experience and that you didn't kill yourself, so glad.

I am not one to tell anyone how God may or may not speak to them.  It already sounds like you are aware that similar experiences happen to people with schizophrenia.  The experience of the saints is that any time Jesus does speak to them it is a severe trial as people have the tendency to treat them as crazy or deceived.  I don't think you are necessarily that at all, and I agree that it is possible for God to communicate with you this way.

There is a saint who lived in the last century to whom Jesus appeared and spoke with her.  If you want to be sure that your experience is one of God, you might try reading the book and doing some of the things she did.  One thing that you might identify with, especially being like the roman centurion as a marine (thank you for your service!) is one of obedience.  In God's kingdom there is a hierarchy of obedience that God has established and honors.  It was very helpful for Sister Maria Faustina Kowalska to have this help for her, as she was able to tell these things to her confessor, and Jesus worked through her confessor to help her do His Will.  I know that there are some Catholic chaplains in the military; they could be very helpful to you with this matter.  Most non-Catholic Christian denominations will denounce any messages purporting to come from God in the manner that you have described, denounce them outright as demonic.  The Catholic faith is more tempered; we believe in discernment via a confessor for these cases.  So you should go to confession to a Catholic priest chaplain and tell them what you have experienced.  They are sworn to strict confidentiality and their oath would be to die rather than reveal what is confessed in the sacrament.

These priniciples are important for you: that you should obey your confessor, and that if God is truly appearing to you, He will also obey the confessor.  It seems like this is backwards, but God knows the difficulties with appearing to people and wants you to be absolutely assured (if He is speaking to you) that you have some outside confirmation within a hierarchy of authority.   To demonstrate my point: Jesus was obedient to his parents.  Luke 2:51.  Even though Jesus was God.  Amazing.

God will never tell you to disobey your confessor.  He will never tell you to abandon the Church.  He will always want you to have a means to test him.  You were right to be skeptical of these appearances.  So seek some outside help.  It will take bravery on your part, but being a marine, I'm guessing that isn't a problem for you.

Anyway, if you want to read that book, here is a link to it on amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Divine-Mercy-My-Soul/dp/1596141107

I think you will benefit from it anyway, even outside observing what she does with the visions, because you can come to know how good and merciful our Lord is.

PS the quickest way to know if your visions are from God or from the devil is to ask the vision to say "Jesus Christ is Lord".  If she will not say it, resists or scowls, then you should turn away from the visions, no matter how comforting they seem, and seek help from your priest right away.

  I would never denounce God speaking, because I love to hear Him speak, and I dont agree that people who hear God speaking are treated as crazy or decieved. My husband hears God quite often and he is anything but crazy or deceived.
No every voice we hear is God. God would never speak with sarcasm, bitchiness or in a snippy way. I am sure you would agree with that.

There are many enemies around that want to decieve us, and many in the Catholic church have been decieved in this way thinking they have seen or heard Mary and other dead people. We are to comunicate with God through His Son.

[chosenone]

Your question about "you shall not put the Lord your God to the test" is a good one.  However in this case you should prudently question whether it is really God addressing you.  We know this phrase from the mouth of Jesus being tempted by the devil.  Yet consider that the devil or a demon could appear to others and lie and pretend to be God.  I am not saying that is what is happening in your case.  But to remove doubt, there is no demon of hell who would praise Jesus.  So asking the vision to say something like "Praise and Glory be to Jesus Christ, the only son of God, the Savior of the World", this would be a fair test since you should prudently doubt that the vision is of God or not.

That is good but I would also back it up with a test straight from scripture:

1 John 4:3  every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

I would ask your friend Jordan to state flat out that Jesus is the Messiah and has come in the flesh.  If she is reluctant to do that ....

Another thing you should do is pray that the blood of Jesus wash over you.  You could pray this prayer:

"Blood of Jesus wash over me.  In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind any spirit here who is not of the Holy Spirit, and send them to the foot of the cross to be judged by our Lord Jesus Christ."  This is a traditional binding prayer. Try saying it over and over again.  This is just to make sure mind you.  God will not be offended if you use prudence to make sure that it is him.

This is absolutely a great prayer and should be done.

But before any of that, if you have NOT confessed Jesus as Lord and Christ, you need to do that FIRST.  And then get baptized.

It is almost certain that he has done this last part, having been raised Catholic.  He is certainly baptized.  And though his faith may have been fledgling, he has confessed Jesus as Lord many times within the mass.

He needs to be baptised as a believer by full immersion as the Bible tells us to do. Confessing Jesus is pointless unless he was a believer at the time. Now he is.

[Mayyday]

I respond to (and communicate largely THROUGH) cynicism and sarcasm; why would God NOT speak that way to me, especially if He knows I will listen that way? I'm not saying He speaks to EVERYONE that way.

[Catholica]

Mayyday, you are brave to come here with what is happening to you.  While some people would rather argue about this or that doctrine, about whether God would do this or that, and deal with theological concepts, I actually want to listen to you and help you. 

In fact God may do many things, even be snippy.  God can do everything but sin, and being snippy is not objectively sinful.  So let's not jump to conclusions by putting God in a box.  It's not helpful.  It is clear that some good has come out of what has happened to you.  You didn't commit suicide and you receive comfort and feel close to God.  These are good things.  BUT we want to be sure of whether the visions are from God or not, rather than denouncing them as if they couldn't be God.

Chosenone is basically trying to shut the conversation down, telling you that this isn't God.  She doesn't know that.  All I am trying to help you do is discern.  That is the prudent, charitable thing to do. 

[chosenone]

Mayyday, you are brave to come here with what is happening to you.  While some people would rather argue about this or that doctrine, about whether God would do this or that, and deal with theological concepts, I actually want to listen to you and help you. 

In fact God may do many things, even be snippy.  God can do everything but sin, and being snippy is not objectively sinful.  So let's not jump to conclusions by putting God in a box.  It's not helpful.  It is clear that some good has come out of what has happened to you.  You didn't commit suicide and you receive comfort and feel close to God.  These are good things.  BUT we want to be sure of whether the visions are from God or not, rather than denouncing them as if they couldn't be God.

Chosenone is basically trying to shut the conversation down, telling you that this isn't God.  She doesn't know that.  All I am trying to help you do is discern.  That is the prudent, charitable thing to do. 

Not so, but we can know what God is like from the Bible, and we know that He doesnt need to communicate through  female film characters or punks.He also doesnt communicate with rudeness, sarcasm or snippy words or behaviour.

I dont want this lad to stay off course, and thats why I suggested that he seeks out a good Bible believing pastor to tell this to, and a good fellowship of other believers to get Him on track.

[Mayyday]

So I just got out of Bible Study with the chaplain, and we covered Proverbs 1. I was told to read through until something jumped out at me, and lo and behold,  Proverbs 1:25-27:

"25 Since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke, 26 I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you-- 27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you."

Which says to me that God is absolutely allowed to be snippy, *especially* when you openly doubt Him.

[chosenone]

So I just got out of Bible Study with the chaplain, and we covered Proverbs 1. I was told to read through until something jumped out at me, and lo and behold,  Proverbs 1:25-27:

"25 Since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke, 26 I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you-- 27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you."

Which says to me that God is absolutely allowed to be snippy, *especially* when you openly doubt Him.

WHy dont you tell your chaplain exactly what you told us and see what He says. I know what my pastor would say.
God doesnt appear as a female punk or a fictional film figure, I am sure of that. He doesnt speak with sarcasm and rudeness.
He is our loving heavenly Father. You dont need anything except Jesus. He is the only way to the Father and its ONLY through Him that we are to come to the Father. You will have all you need through Him.

Spirit guides, which I think these may be, may seem to be good, and to have your good interests at heart, but they dont. They are not from God. God is reaching out to you, and He is all you need.

Tell the chaplian about all these fictional figures and see what He says. He may or may not be aware of spirit guides, but I hope he is. God has you safe in His arms, just turn to Him and Him alone through His son Jesus. He loves you and wants you to come to Him alone.

[Catholica]

God spoke through a donkey.  Which you know. 

Numbers 22:28-30
Then the Lord opened the donkey's mouth, and it said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?" Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now." The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"

Jesus called a woman a dog once.

Matthew 15
The Faith of a Canaanite Woman

21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.
22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly."
23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us."
24 He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel."
25 The woman came and knelt before him. "Lord, help me!" she said.
26 He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to the dogs."
27 "Yes it is, Lord," she said. "Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table."
28 Then Jesus said to her, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed at that moment.

The bottom line is, any time someone says to you "God can't" or "God wouldn't", unless it is something we know is against the character of God, such as "God can't sin", then all you are hearing is the opinion of someone who thinks that they have God in a box.  Sorry chosenone, that is simply what you are doing.

That is not to say that I am saying that this character who is talking to you is God, I am saying that you need some discernment for yourself over their nature, and I think between DaveW and I you have some good guidance.