Can you help me understand life and singleness

[savedbygracedaily]

Let me start by saying I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to reply. Here's the situation I see myself following down the same path of my father everything is similar from our appearance demeanor and even the career choice. My mother who I do love was never in the picture really and always had different men during my adolescent years. While my father I always saw single/lonely and still is to this day. I mean for the most part he appears happy but I can tell he's missing something because he spends so much time helping others which is a great thing and I find myself doing the same thing but a lot times I feel for the wrong reasons of receiving love or appreciation. (Maybe He does it for different reasons) I'm 23 just finishing college I do believe in God and that everything is possible through him, Yet I'm wondering how am I going to meet my soul mate I think about this so much it's crazy because everyone around me is dating or in love. Even when I hang with friends I'm always the person who's the third, fourth, fifth wheel or asking do they have a friend. I can't figure it out because I'm intelligent, attractive, work and family oriented but it's like no woman sees it.  It's like subconsciously I believe singleness equals loneliness and I can't understand why. I do a lot of different things just to keep myself busy and my mind off of this but when it does come I spend countless hours on dating sites posting trying to convince someone I'm worth the effort or watching pornography just to get the feeling of being loved/wanted. I've had a few girlfriends in my life but honestly I chose them because I was settling though they were great people they weren't right for me and I knew that before I got involved with them. It's so nerve wrecking because people constantly come to me for advice and I usually give them good answers. Yet, how can I solve the worlds problems when I can't solve/figure out my own. Like honestly I don't know where to start here or in the bible? It's confusing because I go to church and I still feel this way...Any advice is appreciated

[chosenone]

Hi there

Firstly does your church have lots of young people? Are you involved with the young peoples groups? Do you help out in what the church does?
On the internet do you stick to merely sites for Christians only?

Secondly, people meet their partners and marry so much later today. Just in my family, my son didnt meet his wife till he was 30 and married at 33. My older step son is marrying this year age 30(met his fiance age 29), my other step son is 27 and has only had one girlfriend 3 years ago, I have three close friends who all have single children in their late 20's and 30's who are not in a relationship, so at 23 you are still so young. Dont go out with a girl just for the sake of having a girlfriend, its not fair on you or her.

Thirdly the porn needs to stop. God may not want you to meet a girl till it does, because porn is evil and destructive. I know 2 marriages personally that ended because of the husbands porn use, and it will give you a damaged and skewed picture of relationships and sex and women, which will not be helpful for the marriage, and it makes the woman feel unloved and rejected and 'not good enough'. Many Christian women wont be interested in a guy who frequently looks at porn either.

Apart from all that, carry on doing what you feel God wants you to do, spend time with Him, and when the time is right it will happen. It may not be for some time, who knows, but surely a precious Jewel is worth waiting for? Socialise with groups of young believers, make new friends and get out there.

Maybe your dad is quite happy helping others, not everyone wants a relationship.

[Charming Anarchist]

Like honestly I don't know where to start here or in the bible? It's confusing because I go to church and I still feel this way...Any advice is appreciated

Next Sunday, make sure that you sit beside a pretty young lady.  Ask her out to tea.  If she does not say "Yes." within a second, then try again next week sitting beside a different young lady.  Wash and repeat. 

You are young.  What you describe is experienced by a lot of folks too.  You are not alone.  However, you are still young.  Do not give up. 
Take strength in knowing the following:  There is a young woman out there who is too timid to ask you out.