Question bout very young wife.

[stanly]

Hello, I am new here. I have a marriage question. I am married with children and love my wife dearly and I know she loves me so much to. I just have two questions, whether I married her when she is to young and a disagreement on how many children we should have. She is only 18 and a half, and I just turned 26. She absolutely loves being a stay at home wife and mom and I make more than enough for her to be that. Her parents raised her very conservative to be a mom and wife. She made a mistake when she was 15 and had a lil boy who is now 2 and a half and whom I have adopted as my own son. He calls me daddy. We started courting at 17 and 25 and married when she turned 18 and me almost 26. We met at church. She got pregnant almost immediately after our wedding and is now in her sixth mos. I am very excited and cannot wait for my son or daughter to be born. Thing is she has told she already has plans to have our second baby right before she turns 20 and our third in her early 20s and our fourth middle 20s and fifth later 20s and three more in her 30s someday. She herself has 9 siblings and her mom started young to and has a great marriage. I love my wife and children so much and absolutely love the intimacy with her and to hold her and my kids in my arms and serve god together. I just dont know if I married her to young and dont want 9 children. I was thinking three at most. I do think her parents were looking to marry her off young like this to a young eligible bachelor and they found me. She was homeschooled and our children will be to. She is a wonderful mature wife and mom and partner for an 18 yr old girl.

[Buster D Body Crab]

Well, you're married now. So wondering if you did that at too young an age is a bit late when you've done it. Unless you're contemplating divorce and I don't read that as peppering your questions.

With regard to her plans for the many children for your future, a major positive in any marriage is free and open honest communication.
Your wife has told you what she wants for the two of you. Now you have to tell her how you see things. And then that second positive attribute to a great marriage will kick in; compromise.   

[Buster D Body Crab]

We don't have any friends that were divorced and are now remarried. However, if we did have friends that went through that then yes, we'd remain their friend.

[chosenone]

stanly, why do you ask if you married too young? I know some young people in Texas, and they seem to think nothing of marrying at 16 or even 15 there. In the UK no one marries before 18 as its illegal and rightly so in my opinion.

As far as children are concerned did you not discuss this before marriage? You may need to suggest that its not all about what she wants, but also about what you want. Nine children is an awful lot, and unless you are wealthy and have a very large house and vehicle, I would think that is far far too many. For most people, 2 or 3 is quite enough. 

 

[chapmic]

Wow I will be praying for you and your wife. I think you will be alright in the long run God will give you as many as children as you and her can handle. It may be 3 it may be 9 but in a way its out of your hands. I think God will provide as he sees necessary and I pray the number of children each of you want will not cause a rift in your relationship! God bless!

[chosenone]

Wow I will be praying for you and your wife. I think you will be alright in the long run God will give you as many as children as you and her can handle. It may be 3 it may be 9 but in a way its out of your hands. I think God will provide as he sees necessary and I pray the number of children each of you want will not cause a rift in your relationship! God bless!

Its not out of their hands, his wife is very precise about when and how many children she wants, that takes family planning, as does having three children.

[stanly]

No, there won't be any rift in our marriage. You see, I married her six months ago knowing she dreamed of a big family. I knew it, but didn't take it seriously, but she wanted to get started soon as she turned 18 and we wed, and told me what she seriously dreamed of, which is why she is now six months pregnant planning our second together for next year. I will just put it in God's hands and if we end up with many or just a few, it is in his hands, though something tells me we wont ever have a problem getting pregnant again. God blessed me with a very pretty petite bubbly wife and adopted son and love cuddling with them and our future children.

[chosenone]

No, there won't be any rift in our marriage. You see, I married her six months ago knowing she dreamed of a big family. I knew it, but didn't take it seriously, but she wanted to get started soon as she turned 18 and we wed, and told me what she seriously dreamed of, which is why she is now six months pregnant planning our second together for next year. I will just put it in God's hands and if we end up with many or just a few, it is in his hands, though something tells me we wont ever have a problem getting pregnant again. God blessed me with a very pretty petite bubbly wife and adopted son and love cuddling with them and our future children.

There is room for compromise, I am not sure why your wife is the one to say how many children you have, that is for you to talk about together and you should have your feelings listened to and respected as the Husband.
Unless you dont ever use family planning, you dont need to have child after child after child. Unless you are rich and have a very large home you will need to limit the family. We shouldn't have children we cant afford to clothe, feed and look after.

[DaveW]

Did you guys have any pre-marital counseling?

[LTS1968]

stanly, why do you ask if you married too young? I know some young people in Texas, and they seem to think nothing of marrying at 16 or even 15 there. In the UK no one marries before 18 as its illegal and rightly so in my opinion.

As far as children are concerned did you not discuss this before marriage? You may need to suggest that its not all about what she wants, but also about what you want. Nine children is an awful lot, and unless you are wealthy and have a very large house and vehicle, I would think that is far far too many. For most people, 2 or 3 is quite enough. 

Actually the age of marriage in the United Kingdom is 18, but as low as 16 with parental consent (as in most of the United States)... except in Scotland where the age of marriage is 16. In Texas the age of marriage is 18, with parental consent can be age 14-17.

My wife and I married at age 18 and have been married now for over 45 years and have 4 children (5, however our first died shortly after birth) and 13 grandkids.

Biblically, and for a long time thereafter, females traditionally married early, generally soon after puberty, generally between 13 and 16, and to males in their mid 20s or so (as they had to be established financially enough to provide support). Until relatively recently, parents had a large number of children as on the norm only a few survived into adulthood. Into today's Western world and First World countries, survival rates are such that this reasoning no longer applies, and one should consider the ability to provide a sufficient quality of life... however that depends on finances, future earning potential, etcetera.

But bottom line is that is something that they need to discuss and (IMO) comprise on.

But, no, I don't believe you married too early.

BTW, by age 26 I had done an enlistment in the Marines, been a cop for over 5 years, and fathered 4 of the 5 kids with the 5th on its way. So to a large degree it's a matter of personal maturity.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_marriage_in_United_States_of_America

[chosenone]

stanly, why do you ask if you married too young? I know some young people in Texas, and they seem to think nothing of marrying at 16 or even 15 there. In the UK no one marries before 18 as its illegal and rightly so in my opinion.

As far as children are concerned did you not discuss this before marriage? You may need to suggest that its not all about what she wants, but also about what you want. Nine children is an awful lot, and unless you are wealthy and have a very large house and vehicle, I would think that is far far too many. For most people, 2 or 3 is quite enough. 

Actually the age of marriage in the United Kingdom is 18, but as low as 16 with parental consent (as in most of the United States)... except in Scotland where the age of marriage is 16. In Texas the age of marriage is 18, with parental consent can be age 14-17.

My wife and I married at age 18 and have been married now for over 45 years and have 4 children (5, however our first died shortly after birth) and 13 grandkids.

Biblically, and for a long time thereafter, females traditionally married early, generally soon after puberty, generally between 13 and 16, and to males in their mid 20s or so (as they had to be established financially enough to provide support). Until relatively recently, parents had a large number of children as on the norm only a few survived into adulthood. Into today's Western world and First World countries, survival rates are such that this reasoning no longer applies, and one should consider the ability to provide a sufficient quality of life... however that depends on finances, future earning potential, etcetera.

But bottom line is that is something that they need to discuss and (IMO) comprise on.

But, no, I don't believe you married too early.

BTW, by age 26 I had done an enlistment in the Marines, been a cop for over 5 years, and fathered 4 of the 5 kids with the 5th on its way. So to a large degree it's a matter of personal maturity.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_marriage_in_United_States_of_America

Yes I know its 18 in the UK and 16 with parental consent, but I doubt that any parents with any common sense would agree to their child marrying at age 16. I have never known it in any case.

When I married at age 19, in the 70's, it was common to marry late teens and early 20's, its now extremely rare here to marry before about mid-late 20's.

Ideally I think mid 20's is a pretty good age to marry.   

[Link]

Well, you shouldn't have married a woman who wants 9 kids if you want 3 without telling her.  That's bait and switch.  But you already did, so you need to talk to her about it and come to some kind of understanding.

Did you marry her too young?  What does it matter?  You are married now.  I'd imagine there are disadvantages to marrying a young woman, such as her lack of life experience.  But there are advantages, her energy, enjoying the attractiveness of her youth, and the fact that it may be easier to establish yourself as the leader so you have a headship and submission relationship, which is a lot better for both of you emotionally. So enjoy your marriage and be a good husband and father.

[sojourner4Christ]

Hello, I am new here. I have a marriage question. I am married with children and love my wife dearly and I know she loves me so much to. I just have two questions, whether I married her when she is to young and a disagreement on how many children we should have. She is only 18 and a half, and I just turned 26. She absolutely loves being a stay at home wife and mom and I make more than enough for her to be that. Her parents raised her very conservative to be a mom and wife. She made a mistake when she was 15 and had a lil boy who is now 2 and a half and whom I have adopted as my own son. He calls me daddy. We started courting at 17 and 25 and married when she turned 18 and me almost 26. We met at church. She got pregnant almost immediately after our wedding and is now in her sixth mos. I am very excited and cannot wait for my son or daughter to be born. Thing is she has told she already has plans to have our second baby right before she turns 20 and our third in her early 20s and our fourth middle 20s and fifth later 20s and three more in her 30s someday. She herself has 9 siblings and her mom started young to and has a great marriage. I love my wife and children so much and absolutely love the intimacy with her and to hold her and my kids in my arms and serve god together. I just dont know if I married her to young and dont want 9 children. I was thinking three at most. I do think her parents were looking to marry her off young like this to a young eligible bachelor and they found me. She was homeschooled and our children will be to. She is a wonderful mature wife and mom and partner for an 18 yr old girl.

I was a self-made rich man, an entrepreneur, a very successful businessman -- a selfish pig, living the selfish life, unmarried...And then God...

I went through the whole peer pressure, conditioned thing:

LIE #1: Be sure to stay childless for the first couple years of marriage, because the two of us wanna have some fun first.
TRUTH: The FUN is in bringing a child into your life! It doesn't get any better in this sick world than holding a newborn in your arms! They (and we) are created in God's image! OF COURSE Satan lies to you about this!

LIE #2: It's ok to use BC (birth control).
TRUTH: Those who use BC are also selfish jerks. Using BC is a mockery of God's purpose for putting you and her together in the first instance. We won't get into the abortion-factor connected with BC, but trying to prevent a birth, via WHATEVER method, is not your decision to make. You chose to get married, to become one flesh with her; accept the responsibility of your HIGH CALLING as a minister, a priest of your home. The deal is done, now ENJOY THE BENEFITS i.e. children!

LIE #3: Be sure to have no more than 2 children (or even less), because everyone else will look down on you as being irresponsible and your lifestyle as unsustainable.
TRUTH: God tells us to 'be fruitful and multiply,' and "blessed is the man whose quiver is full of children." Did you get that??? A quiver holds arrows, and it's your privilege to raise up Godly seed that you will then fire out into the world as light-bearing witnesses for the King. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." GOD PROMISES YOU WILL BE BLESSED WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN -- AND THE MORE ARROWS, THE MORE BLESSINGS FOR YOU!

LIE #4: Be sure to have lots of money saved up first, because raising children costs a lot.
TRUTH: There's no faith in trying to hedge your bets. Rather, 'Give no thought for tomorrow, for your food or clothing, because the evil of today is enough already. God knows you have need of these things, and he will provide.' STEP OUT IN FAITH, BROTHER, AND GOD WILL PROVIDE! You have his word on it!

I have three daughters and a wife 20 years younger than me. Every time I come through the door, I get LOVE BOMBED by four females! God KNEW I needed that, and he has provided that! I AM BLESSED. It's your turn now.

You say you trust the Lord; do you? It's time to walk the talk, brother. Check out the walk of faith laid out before you. Step out in that walk and HAVE MAX FUN, dad!

Edit:  Ok, I had to come back to this post, because the Lord put it on me to do so.

This is a testimony.

My wife and I did not want to have children the first year or so, because we wanted to do our own thing first (which frequently involved bedroom fun, of course).

We would never use birth control pills (we had thoroughly researched the wicked things), so that did not leave us a lot of options! We tried EVERYTHING except the pill.

One day (after one year into our marriage), in the bedroom, we just got sick and tired of being sick and tired over this "trying to prevent pregnancy" thing. Immediately, conviction fell on me heavily. I sprang out of bed, called my wife to join me at the foot of the bed, we got down on our knees and I repented to the Lord for trying to manipulate our reproductive future. I hadn't even gotten the "amen" out of my mouth yet when instantly the room became visibly brighter. It was almost as if a light switch had been thrown on (and it was not yet night time). I did not know it then, but I was since shown the following: Because I had been operating in self-will with this BC issue (rather than in God's will), I had given a devil a LEGAL RIGHT to access my/our life. When that light shone in the room, I felt a weight being removed from my back. It was as if I had unknowingly been carrying a 10kg/25lb backpack and it had just been removed from me!

When I repented, that particular devil no longer had a right to operate in my life. So that devil had to leave -- it's kingdom law! At that moment, my wife and I agreed that we would NEVER AGAIN attempt to push our own will over God's will for us. TWO WEEKS LATER, my wife was pregnant with our first, and we've never looked back.  THANK YOU, LORD!

This is a part of spiritual warfare. The battle is real, brother, and God wants you to be VICTORIOUS!