Boyfriend spends time with ex and her family

[Link]

If I were a young woman, and I found out the fellow I was dating had slept with someone his brother slept with, I think that would be enough to call it quits. 

If there is no real reason to be with him besides feelings, the break up may have been the best thing.  This is just totally messed up.  He wants to be friends with his friend and his family, and his brother has a connection with them.  These people could be a part of your life and a constant source of temptation if you marry this guy. 

Some people think soap operas are entertaining, but I'm pretty sure it won't be fun living in one.

[Addie]

It is very messed up and it almost made me sick finding out about the brother. Plus her being 15 years younger and just out of school.  I debated trying to accept it if it were left in the past. But it's way to close a family situation going on there. His closest friends. I've definitely never been interested in soap operas.

[Alan]

It is very messed up and it almost made me sick finding out about the brother. Plus her being 15 years younger and just out of school.  I debated trying to accept it if it were left in the past. But it's way to close a family situation going on there. His closest friends. I've definitely never been interested in soap operas.

Good for you Addie, prayers for you for continued strength to succeed and prosper in keeping with God's plans for your life. 

[Deidre]

I'd cut your losses and end it. He is already lying, and things can only get worse from there. If he has nothing to hide, why lie? It is the lying that to me, seems more problematic than anything. I just realized this is an old thread, I hope it's okay I'm posting in it. 

[Addie]

It's ok that you're posting. I completely agree about the lying being the bigger issue. We broke up 6 months ago but it has been a mind game ever since. I suggested we give things time if he had some things to figure out since he came into it soon admitting he had a huge phobia of marriage and trust issues. Maybe because he lies himself? Anyway the past 6 months he has gone from admitting he messed things up to pretty much yelling at me, blaming me for his anger, running me down, calling me horrible names, saying he never loved me... and contradicting all of these on and off to the point of saying he hates me to trying to be intimate with me within a day's time. Then apologizing. There is far more wrong here than I realized. It feels very abusive and I think there is a serious mental issue going on that was hidden. I'm not in a very good place as this really has been going on a year and I feel it's done a lot of damage to my spirit but I'm trying to see my pastor and have support from friends.

[chosenone]

It's ok that you're posting. I completely agree about the lying being the bigger issue. We broke up 6 months ago but it has been a mind game ever since. I suggested we give things time if he had some things to figure out since he came into it soon admitting he had a huge phobia of marriage and trust issues. Maybe because he lies himself? Anyway the past 6 months he has gone from admitting he messed things up to pretty much yelling at me, blaming me for his anger, running me down, calling me horrible names, saying he never loved me... and contradicting all of these on and off to the point of saying he hates me to trying to be intimate with me within a day's time. Then apologizing. There is far more wrong here than I realized. It feels very abusive and I think there is a serious mental issue going on that was hidden. I'm not in a very good place as this really has been going on a year and I feel it's done a lot of damage to my spirit but I'm trying to see my pastor and have support from friends.

Can you tell me why you are still having any contact with this awful man? You say you broke up 6 months ago so why are you still seeing him? Dont let him treat you like this, you dont need to have any contact now.

[Addie]

I guess it seemed we still loved each other and maybe he just needed some time but I think I was very disillusioned by the man he appeared to be. It's been a very crazy cycle of angry then nice or remorseful and it's just done a number on my self esteem to the point I likely haven't even seen things right or I was trying to believe the best and see the good

[chosenone]

I guess it seemed we still loved each other and maybe he just needed some time but I think I was very disillusioned by the man he appeared to be. It's been a very crazy cycle of angry then nice or remorseful and it's just done a number on my self esteem to the point I likely haven't even seen things right or I was trying to believe the best and see the good

WHat good?

[Addie]

Good point. I guess if the good had been real it wouldn't have disappeared

[chosenone]

maybe time to cut off all contact. It will give you a chance to heal and move on.

[k-pappy]

Addie, please listen to chosenone.  For your own health and even safety, cut off all contact with this man.  Change your phone number if you have to, but make a clean and complete break from him.

[Addie]

That is what I am going to have to do. I feel like I am going crazy with confusion over some twisted mind game I can't understand. I prayed last night on my way home from work that someone here might have some insight as to whether this is abuse or just advice since I'm not trusting my own instincts right now. And I saw this this morning so I think that is my answer. Thank you.