Is bdsm wrong in a marriage?

[LedbyJesus]

I briefly looked up what the bible said after someone mentioned he wasn't sure where it would stand biblically. I've been wanting to get into it for awhile and will probably wait until marriage (I'm a virgin) but I've been excited for it and then he said that and it made me really question everything. I'm not talking much physical violence more so humiliation and putting a guy on a leash. I would be on the dominant end
If need be I can do this more generically and then post a more detailed post in women's

[chosenone]

Personally I dont think its acceptable for a Christian or godly in any way. Wanting to dominate or be dominated, or give or receive pain is seeing sex in a very skewed way.  It seems to me as if someone who is into this may well be damaged sexually in some way, or has been looking at that sort of porn.
Maybe pray about why you feel the need to dominate a man in that humiliating way, or have him on a leash? Women are told to respect their husbands and to me that seems like the opposite of respecting him as a man.
How about you seek prayer and ministry and try and get help for why you want that sort of sex?

[RB]

I briefly looked up what the bible said

Obvious...Again you said:

not talking much physical violence

Any physical violence has no place in love making....and neither does:

more so humiliation and putting a guy on a leash. I would be on the dominant end

Why even have the thoughts of needing to be treating your partner in a leash type dominant manner? That's not the means of reaching the pinnacle heights of pleasure in love making, but more so, of a demonic nature, from a perverted mind, moved by not thinking according to:

Philippians 4:8~ "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Following the manner of the Song of Solomon will enhances one's love life much more than the means you have allowed your mind to vainly fantasize on for you to indulge in. Most people enjoy and desire their partner based upon their treatment of being loved, showing kindness, gentleness; and mutual love and respect toward each other, just to name some things; but a desire for dominant, and using violence are not part of it. 

[Curtis]

Just the fact you are not sure weather this is a Godly act or not tells you it is not. All the Apostles were led by their "conscience", and any disobeying it will lead you into much trouble.

Heb 13:18  Pray for us, for our conscience is clear and we want to live honorably in everything we do.

1Ti 1:19  Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck:

Act 23:1  And Paul, earnestly beholding the council, said, Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day.

[Jason_NC]

I briefly looked up what the bible said after someone mentioned he wasn't sure where it would stand biblically. I've been wanting to get into it for awhile and will probably wait until marriage (I'm a virgin) but I've been excited for it and then he said that and it made me really question everything. I'm not talking much physical violence more so humiliation and putting a guy on a leash. I would be on the dominant end
If need be I can do this more generically and then post a more detailed post in women's

I am of the opinion that anything done by mutual consent between a husband and wife (only) is ok.  I may be in the minority on that though.

[RB]

I am of the opinion that anything done by mutual consent between a husband and wife (only) is ok.  I may be in the minority on that though.

We agree with you~but the OP was suggesting, or introducing a entirely different act, that involved a certain amount of a dominant role (which she desires the dominant role being her, not the male) using pain as a source, or motivation, of bringing sexual pleasure to them, not to their partner, if I understood the post.

[chosenone]

I dont agree that 'anything goes' in a marriage if both agree. Often it can be one pressuring the other into doing something they are really not comfortable with. I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.
I do think that those things such as bdsm are a skewed version of the sort of healthy sex that God wants us to have. I think they may indicate that the one who wants them has either been watching too much porn, reading erotic books such as the '50 shades' series, or has been sexually damaged in some way. This can be healed and helped by Jesus. 

Only my opinion of course.

[Curtis]

I am of the opinion that anything done by mutual consent between a husband and wife (only) is ok.  I may be in the minority on that though.

If I remember correctly the first time this happened is when Adam, and Eve agreed to eat from the tree God commanded them not to.

[Texas Conservative]

I am of the opinion that anything done by mutual consent between a husband and wife (only) is ok.  I may be in the minority on that though.

If I remember correctly the first time this happened is when Adam, and Eve agreed to eat from the tree God commanded them not to.

The forbidden fruit was a sex thing?

[Alma1995]

Dominant role? Yes 
Pain as a source? No 
Humiliation (being scolded by a wife dressed like a teacher)? 

[RB]

I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.

Agreed.  Of course these things are NOT what I had in mind, when I said what I said above to Jason.

[Jason_NC]

I dont agree that 'anything goes' in a marriage if both agree. Often it can be one pressuring the other into doing something they are really not comfortable with. I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.
I do think that those things such as bdsm are a skewed version of the sort of healthy sex that God wants us to have. I think they may indicate that the one who wants them has either been watching too much porn, reading erotic books such as the '50 shades' series, or has been sexually damaged in some way. This can be healed and helped by Jesus. 

Only my opinion of course.

That is not mutual consent.

[chosenone]

I dont agree that 'anything goes' in a marriage if both agree. Often it can be one pressuring the other into doing something they are really not comfortable with. I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.
I do think that those things such as bdsm are a skewed version of the sort of healthy sex that God wants us to have. I think they may indicate that the one who wants them has either been watching too much porn, reading erotic books such as the '50 shades' series, or has been sexually damaged in some way. This can be healed and helped by Jesus. 

Only my opinion of course.

That is not mutual consent.

Consent after pressure.

[Texas Conservative]

I dont agree that 'anything goes' in a marriage if both agree. Often it can be one pressuring the other into doing something they are really not comfortable with. I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.
I do think that those things such as bdsm are a skewed version of the sort of healthy sex that God wants us to have. I think they may indicate that the one who wants them has either been watching too much porn, reading erotic books such as the '50 shades' series, or has been sexually damaged in some way. This can be healed and helped by Jesus. 

Only my opinion of course.

That is not mutual consent.

Consent after pressure.

Some ladies like their hair pulled.  I will tell them Chosenone said it is bad.

[Alma1995]

I dont agree that 'anything goes' in a marriage if both agree. Often it can be one pressuring the other into doing something they are really not comfortable with. I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.
I do think that those things such as bdsm are a skewed version of the sort of healthy sex that God wants us to have. I think they may indicate that the one who wants them has either been watching too much porn, reading erotic books such as the '50 shades' series, or has been sexually damaged in some way. This can be healed and helped by Jesus. 

Only my opinion of course.

That is not mutual consent.

Consent after pressure.

Some ladies like their hair pulled.  I will tell them Chosenone said it is bad.

Honestly, I believe that if both partners agree, it's not wrong (obviously taking into account that will not invite a third person). Some men like being treated badly for a change. Suffocating yourself for more "pleasure" well, that's sick.

[Curtis]

Just because two consenting adults agree on something does not make it OK, as Adam, and Eve.

[chosenone]

I dont agree that 'anything goes' in a marriage if both agree. Often it can be one pressuring the other into doing something they are really not comfortable with. I can think of several things such as anal sex, dressing up to look like someone the other fancies, using pain, bondage, semi suffocating yourself to apparently 'heighten sexual pleasure' etc etc, that we wouldnt do, and wouldnt feel right in God seeing them. You can have a very varied and good sex life without those things.
I do think that those things such as bdsm are a skewed version of the sort of healthy sex that God wants us to have. I think they may indicate that the one who wants them has either been watching too much porn, reading erotic books such as the '50 shades' series, or has been sexually damaged in some way. This can be healed and helped by Jesus. 

Only my opinion of course.

That is not mutual consent.

Consent after pressure.

Some ladies like their hair pulled.  I will tell them Chosenone said it is bad.

Then you would be lying, I never mentioned hair.

[chosenone]

Just because two consenting adults agree on something does not make it OK, as Adam, and Eve.

Yep

[Carey]

IMO.

I could never imagine humiliating my wife whom I love dearly, I just could not go there.  Perhaps for some it may seem titillating to contemplate such, but I wonder if it would be so exciting to actually follow through with the fantasy.  Further, if it is truly the humiliation one finds stimulating, consent would be a obstacle, and it may progress to a point where pressure and coercion do indeed become a part. What may seem like innocent fun in the beginning has a very real potential of escalating to something more sinister.

When it comes to pain, I do not see a bit of pain in lovemaking objectionable: tugging on hair, a nibble perhaps, but like most all things, moderation, and restraint are required (don't go full vampire on your spouse.)

Frankly, as I have gotten older, like all physical activity I am not sure making love without a substantial pain component is even possible for me anymore. 

Cheers,
Carey.

[DaveW]

Just because two consenting adults agree on something does not make it OK, as Adam, and Eve.

Ananias and Sapphira - Acts 5

[Mere Nick]

How ever a couple wants to play is their business.  If it stays between them, behind doors, no one is injured,no one is coerced, they both enjoy it, etc, etc.  If it is that way, there's no way I'd ever know about it even if it was going on next door.  I'm not one to pry.  Besides, it was kinky only the first time. 

Another way to look at it is this:  How much does my wife and I want others to know about how we play?  Zero.  Therefore, we won't be involved with monitoring how other couples choose to play.