Raising Kids Without TV

[ConnieLard]

Raising Children Without TV - Notes from the frontline

One day about two-and-a-half years ago I decided that my children weren't going to watch television anymore. Yes, you read that correctly. No more TV. At the time, I had no idea how staggering an effect this change would have on our lives. Today I know that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but it hasn't been easy.

It was on a November afternoon — peak season for holiday wish lists — I overheard my then 3-year-old daughter say, \"I want that,\" about some piece of pink plastic that was being advertised on television. My overly-generous 5-year-old son turned to her and replied, \"OK, you can have it.\" That was when I knew the commercials had to go.

So, I made the proclamation that there would be no more TV. \"If you want to watch something,\" I said, \"it has to be a video.\" Then came the arguments about which video to watch, and the proclamation changed to: \"If you want to watch a video, you must choose one that you agree on.\" Pretty soon, the kids just stopped asking to watch altogether.

That's when I began to see the changes in our lifestyle. At first, they were subtle. My children began to play together more and fight less. Instead of acting out familiar movies or TV shows, they started creating stories of their own. My son had fewer tantrums. We lived through entire weekends with no TV — and didn't miss it.

Keep in mind, I was never a fanatic about this. If my kids were sick, or if the weather was terrible for days on end, we'd put in a video. And this winter, when the coldest weather hit, we rented a movie as a family, and my children thought that was the greatest treat we'd had in months.

Apparently, my anecdotal experiences with limited TV-viewing are supported by many childhood development experts, who agree that children should watch less television. One recent study conducted by Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a researcher at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, makes the case that the speed at which the images change on TV causes a child's brain to respond so quickly that children's brains are actually \"re-wired\" after prolonged exposure. As a result, Christakis reports, children who watch a great deal of TV are more likely to be diagnosed with attention disorders.

Of course, I didn't know any of this when I cut off the TV in my house. But the changes I've witnessed certainly support those research findings. So, too, do the comments of other parents (and the guy at the video store) who lament that today's children can't seem to sit through older movies because they move too slowly and don't hold a child's attention. Now that TV is a rare and special treat in my house, my children are fascinated by it. They can, and will, watch the oldest and slowest of children's movies, eyes aglow with wonder and awe.

Other benefits emerged, as well. My children aren't interested in fads the way they were when they saw TV commercials every afternoon. They're aware of what's out there — they hear about toys and food and fashion from friends — but they don't seem to care. Now, when they talk about something they want, I know they are motivated by something more substantial than a savvy marketing plan.

Most important, I feel like, in some small way, I am protecting my children. The evening news is not for children; breaking news is especially not for children. The trials and tribulations of the world will find them soon enough. For a little while — just a little while — I want them to be shielded from the very adult concepts of war, crime, hatred and sex. I can't keep the world at bay forever, but maybe we can make it through kindergarten and first grade.

I'd always been a vigilant TV mother. My kids watched mostly what could be described as \"educational programming.\" Now I know that I'd used those programs as a parenting crutch. If I wanted to talk on the phone or read a book or cook dinner without the \"help\" of my children, the TV had occupied them.

When I unplugged the babysitter, I needed a new plan. The one I came up with was simple: Encourage old-fashioned play. That's right. Non-structured, super-messy, don't-read-the-instructions play. We didn't fill the time with lessons; we set up an art table with coloring books and reams of plain white paper. Now, imagination rules the roost.

My daughter lives in a princess world of pink. A world full of dolls and dress-up and adventures of her own making in which she is the smartest and most beautiful girl in the world. My son lives in LEGO-land, a smallish territory just across the border from skateboard country.

We make the backyard a jungle or an ocean or a volcano, complete with hose-powered waterfalls and mudpies. We paint and we glue. We make birdfeeders and catch bugs and dig for worms. And, yes, I do tons and tons of laundry.

I can't wait for the summer! I know that we will use more bug spray than every other family in my neighborhood — possibly put together — because we will be outside counting flowers, growing vegetables and watching to see how long it takes the ants to find the breadcrumbs. My house will be dirty, and my children will be messy. But we will be a closer, more active family for it.

I don't know if the no-TV rule would work for anyone else. But it works for us. I rest at night knowing that my children are making memories that don't have anything to do with whoever the popular cartoon character of the day is. And I rest at night knowing me and mine are just plain tired. And that's a good feeling to have.

(Greer Bowen Beaty is a working mother of two and lives in Cary, North Carolina. This article first appeared in Carolina Parent, www.carolinaparent.com in June 2005. Reprinted with permission.)

[Jimbob]

When we were foster parents we decided to limit TV because we immediately noticed they (this is two separate sibling groups I'm thinking of) had been raised by the TV.  You might say we put them through TV-detox.  We let them have just one show a day, supervised.  The kids complained a day or two, then didn't care because they were too busy doing what they should have done before...playing outside, building with Legos (one child was a Lego genius, no exaggeration), etc.  We saw nothing but positive.

Our daughter now is limited to a Dora a day and maybe Sesame Street now and then.  She's 18 mo. and already loves books, TV she mostly ignores.  She's got quite an attention span, too.  Not that I'm biased or anything. :)

[ConnieLard]

Sounds like you're getting her off to a great start, JMG!  I'll bet you're a great dad!

[Jimbob]

By every good dad is a great mom.  I married over my head.

[ConnieLard]

I remember reading an interview with Jacqueline Kennedy years ago.  The interviewer remarked about the time she took with her children and how important they seemed to be to her.  Jackie answered with something like:  \"Well, if you mess that up, nothing else much matters.\"  That really resonated with me.  Looking back, now that my children are grown, I still feel that way.  The most important thing I have ever done is to raise my children.  Made lots of mistakes, but did the best I could at the time.  I get all misty-eyed hearing young parents talk about their children.  These are some of the sweetest times of your life, as I know you are well aware!

[kalen]

Your post inspired me this morning:  I turned off the T.V., grabbed my children and headed to the Kitchen table with the Legos.  Thanks Connie! :)

[ConnieLard]

That is great to hear! :clap:

[Jim Abb]

We are your average US television household. Our now 17 year old son watched a fair amount of TV and videos. But a few years ago that began to change for him. The actual TV shows he watched got fewer and fewer. Mostly it became movies when he was watching or DVDs of TV series (without commercials, he's a West Wing fanatic). Another thing that pulled him away from the TV was the computer and activities with friends.
We almost exclusively watch movies on TV these days. As some of the shows that we watched regularly have gone off the air, we have not replaced them.
We all spend more time on the puter, which I'm not sure is all that much of a good thing either, but for my sake, it is mostly reading (and Fantasy baseball and football).
Oh...my son and I still watch two or three football games a week in season. That's one part of TV I have no wish at all to stop watching!!

[Bon Voyage]

Don't you get so mad at the Lions sometimes though?

I know I do.

[CDHealy]

I'm a father of a nearly-two-year-old (in about two and a half weeks), and a three-and-a-half-week-old, both girls.  And as someone else has described, I most definitely married up!

My wife and I have never really been that into TV watching.  Partly because neither of us ever were as children.  Neither of our parents forbade TV, in fact, I had a very small one in my bedroom when I hit eighth grade.  I mean, we probably watched our couple of hours of TV a week, but not much more.  I was a book-a-holic, though my wife wasn't much of  a reader growing up--and both of us were extremely active in school activities, both of us in sports, and I also did school plays.  My wife is also pretty much hardwired extrovert.  (I'm the nerdy geek.)  In short, we just didn't have much time for TV.

In our married life pre-kids, we probably watched more TV than we did growing up.  But even so our TV habits were to watch shows we were intrested in, and not much else.  Since there were only a handful of shows that interested us (mostly sitcoms), that only meant a couple of hours a week.

But even the shows we watched began to trouble us more.  The content became even more and more sexualized, the humor became more and more oriented around putdowns and insults.  Husbands and wives in the shows were just plain rude and mean to one another.  Every thirty seconds there was some reference to sex, and that mostly crude references.  We just simply stopped watching the shows we had once been pretty faithful about seeing.

Then came our first daughter.  She was born into a pretty-much TV-free environment, to two parents who love books.  We didn't give TV much thought at first, when she was real little.  We used some Baby Einstein videos every once in a great while.  But we noticed, about one year old, that when we had the news on, she would stand there and watch it transfixed.  And if the news  happened to show explosions in Iraq, or people on TV crying, her facial expression took on a certain anxiety.  That began to worry us quite a bit.  But one night we happened to watch an early re-run of Law and Order.  In the opening sequences, they showed the results of a bloody murder.  Our daughter watched it but had no reaction to it.  I doubt very much she had any idea what was going on.  But that did it for me.  No TV without Mommy and Daddy, and no news or \"adult\" shows will even be on if she's up and able to walk through the room when the TV's on.

Thankfully, she's a book freak like her mom and dad.  She is read to every day, and she is always playing with her books, pretending to read them, stacking them like blocks, etc.  And thankfully we already have some decent TV habits.  I'd hate to wake up eleven years from now and confront weaning a teenager off seven-eight hours of TV watching a week, computer and video games, AND try to turn them on to reading.

[Miracle]

Connie,

That article was truly an inspiration!  When I first read the title about no TV, I'll admit, I did a double-take.  It seems so impossible to live without TV, cell phones, and computers.  But then, while I read the article, I started to think about my own experiences as a kid growing up in the late 80s, long before there was a TV in every room and a computer for every child.

I did a lot of playing and using my imagination as a child.  I was limited in my TV intake to Pinwheel (old show on Nick when shows were still worth watching on there) and Disney Mickey Mouse classic cartoons.  My sister and I used to write books and draw pictures and then run our own business selling them in my sister's bedroom.  We played outside, climbed trees, played Barbies, and made up lots of stories together.  Looking back, my childhood days were some of my happier days in spite of ANY hardships I went through.

I am an elementary school teacher, and let me tell you a few conversations I've had with parents.

One mother's daughter was really hyper (though not AD/HD, at least not yet, anyway).  The little girl didn't listen to what questions she was asked, so if I asked her a why question, I got a where answer, for example.  I asked the mom how much TV the child asked.  \"Oh, about four hours a day,\" was the mom's answer.  We had a good talk about TV, and the mom agreed to limit the TV watching to 30 minutes a day.  I saw a huge improvement in the little girl's attention skills.

I took a class this summer on Special Ed.  Of course, textbook makers all claim that TV watching and video games do not cause AD/HD, and yes, that may be in true in SOME cases.... but think of all the kids who are incorrectly diagnosed, stuck on Ritalin all because their parents let them watch TV and play Play Station 2 all day?

We need more parents like you guys in this world!!!!  If/when I ever have or adopt kids, I am going to limit their TV intake to only a half hour a day, and then it's bye!  Off to play something! :)


Miracle

[pdwblw]

Good discussion.  Thanks for the article and discussion.  My wife and I limit our kids viewing habits.  It seems a majority of their friends are video game, T.V. \"types.\"  We don't have cable or a dish or anything like that.  We went to my in-laws for vacation last week.  They have a dish.  My son was glued.  We did lots of fun outdoor stuff but when he had the chance it was the Animal Channel or Nick Jr.  I am glad we don't have that to fight all the time.

My wife and I watch a limited amount of T.V. usually PBS and definately football in season.  We also like to rent videos from the local library, though it is hard to find unobjectionable ones.  

Thanks for the thought provoker.

Patrick

[nightowl]

i can definitely testify that having no t.v. is a blessing in disguise. i lived around the corner from my mom until my son was 3 1/2. during that time, i would go over to her house to watch one or two of my reg. shows, but if i was there earlier, i might let my son watch something on p.b.s. then we moved and was only there on the weekend. he might've got to watch maybe 30 min. he was just happy to be there and was always out in the yard helping, he wasn't even worried about the t.v.!
  i truly believe that not having a t.v., not only helped my son learn pre-school stuff when he was 2, but it also helped me to not be occupied to teach it to him.   when we moved, we still had no tv.  i then met my recent bf and t.v. started creeping back into our lives. he would let me come to his house to watch my shows, and he and my son would be in another room watching the game, learning channels or disney (and certain shows on that were starting to become questionable). but i put a limit on it. for every 30 min. of t.v. there has to be an hr. waiting period.  since i homeschooled, time was no issue.  i grew up with restrictions, my bf didn't and in between commercials, he would flip, while my son is in there and my son ended up seeing some stuff i did not allow. so i had to ban them being alone during t.v. time unless he warn my son to turn his head or leave out until the show came back on.   we got that straightened out, and plus 2 yrs. ago, he became a christian, and he has seen the light and totally agrees with me now.
i truly believe that my son would not be who he is if he'd been allowed to watch unnecessary t.v. he is the most creative, energetic child i know. t.v. is a gimmick to get kids to be lazy and greedy.  that is why there are so many obese children,  and plus 1/2 the time the parents aren't aware of what they are even watching, or don't care.   recently my son's classmates were talking about t.v. and he told them he didn't have a single t.v. and they were SHOCKED!  i told him to tell them, " i'm not trying to sit around and get fat. i got books to read, things to learn, to build, games to play.  i don't NEED t.v."   still waiting for their reaction to that!   of course, we have access to internet, and we look up learning videos, or even check out some to watch on bf's vcr. but that's it.