Husband posting here

[JesusisKing]

I'm posting here because I know what the men will say, I'm one of them! My wife and I have been married 21 years, 4 children and both of us Christ followers for that entire time. For me sex (shock) has been our biggest issue and she would most likely say communication/spiritual has been our biggest problems. Just bluntly here. Do Christian wives not understand but truly accept how important our physical/sexual relationship is with our wives? My wife has said it's an idol and I put too much importance on it. I don't and haven't struggled with pornography, I've always said I would like to have sex with my wife on avg. 2 times a week but with us it's more like 2-4 times a month. I want sex with my wife and no one else! She pours herself into spiritual things and others and I feel like I get the leftovers not to mention our children drain her emotionally many days and I'm left with nothing. I realize and understand my own selfish desires but am I just totally wrong here?!?! We have no physical problems and I probably have a higher than normal testosterone level from all my years of working out and still doing it. When we do have sex and she's genuinely into it it's amazing. I could go on but I really want to know other Christian wives thoughts here. If all this is inappropriate just tell me and I'll be gone. 

[chosenone]

I do understand that sex is very important for a man, and also that it enables a man to emotionally connect with his wife. God does say not to refuse each other, and that our bodies are not ours but our spouses.   
In your situation thinking practically, maybe a compromise would be best where you can meet in the middle? So say once every 5 or 6 days? Also have you thought about going on a date night regularly so that you can both connect?

[JesusisKing]

The 5-6 day thing is a good thought but when that time of the month comes (.) and it always does then it gets extended another 7-9 days. That's obviously a natural thing that she can't stop but it's nothing during that time. She is so smart and thoughtful but on this one topic I really think she believes I want it too much. In other words I think she comes at it only from the female perspective.

[chosenone]

The 5-6 day thing is a good thought but when that time of the month comes (.) and it always does then it gets extended another 7-9 days. That's obviously a natural thing that she can't stop but it's nothing during that time. She is so smart and thoughtful but on this one topic I really think she believes I want it too much. In other words I think she comes at it only from the female perspective.

If she knows when the time of the month is going to happen then plan round it. There are other things that can be done in that time.
I wouldn't say that twice a week is too much at all, but I am not sure how you can help her to understand that. Maybe investigate some good books on the topic.
God does tell us not to refuse each other after all.