I met this single mom in a Christian Dating Site for about 3 months

[vendetta041990]

WARNING: Extremely long read ahead... so for those who aren't wide readers, read at your own risk. Otherwise, go and have a read.

So I met this single mom in a Christian Dating Site for about 3 months now... in her profile, it reads "I want to be with someone who loves God more than himself and eventually, Love God more than me"... so I was guessing that she is a Christian... or maybe a church leader even. When I visited her Facebook page,  she was actually a single mom and that she was still very new in going to church. Our initial conversation was just chatting and after two weeks I started calling her and eventually her calling me sometimes.

When she knew I was a Christian, that was the time she stopped on Tinder and said: "ahh finally someone who is Christian."
She hasn't read the Bible yet so I at least tried to help her with Bible reading and even stating she should read John first... and every time she finishes reading a chapter, I would give a short summary about the verse... after around 3 weeks we finished with John and I gave a whole summary about it.
Around 2 weeks ago we also finished Matthew as well.

So after all this time, I still didn't court her yet but we had a lot in common and talk to the phone for like every day and eventually did video calls as well. I tried to be as honest as I can be in our conversations and even told about my pasts and negatives... she somehow still accepted for what I am and am sensing attraction in our conversations as she is always happy to hear from me or even call me (I think?). Sometimes she would be the one to initiate the call as well.

I told her everything about me being kind of a shut-in (or NEET), and that I am a bit weird which she still does accept for who I am. I sing songs for her every day (in the phone because she requested it) and even write poems although not really hinting that it's directed to her I also have a feeling that she kinda gets the signal (or so I think?)... she even records them in her phone and sometimes let her child listen to it (who I also talk on the phone sometimes in calls and video calls listen to my poems and me singing).

After around 3 months we decided that we will meet each other since we only have a 45-minute distance to each other... She did ask me if anything was going to change after we meet and I was confused and asked even further. And then she was even worried that if my parents found out that I am talking to a single mom, she might get judged by them and even asked me:

"so will there be changes after we meet I wonder? Like maybe old habits will die... The way we used to do every day, every night, every now and then... The chats, late convos... I am really just afraid your parents will judge me just because I am a single mom... it happened with my ex before and is the reason why we broke up.... depression is no joke at all and it really affected me before... but I am strong after all... and I am willing for that to happen all over again."

I don't know if I was too assuming? But the way she texts... the way her voice sounds during calls... it feels like she is attracted at least? Or is this all in my imagination and I am just assuming she is attracted to me?

During the day when we were meeting, her daughter was confused why all of a sudden she was going to go somewhere without her as she always is with her every time she goes to the city. Also, she created an alibi to her mother (which takes care of her daughter while she is away). I forgot to mention that they are 1 hour apart from travel with her daughter and is living in an apartment near her workplace... she works 6 days a week as a sales clerk and only has 1 day off a week. In 1 month, she can only afford to go home twice in every 2 weeks as a travel fee is costly for her.

I was kind of hesitant as I did have phobias in past meetups with women because it's either I get ghosted or get slowly faded... the good thing on those women was I did not invest that much feelings for them so I didn't even get hurt. So we met in person, shaken hands, talked a lot about what we usually talked on the phone and This case, on the other hand, I do have feelings for her, though I did not tell her about it yet at that time. When we did meet, it was kind of awkward at first and then I acted a little weird due to anxiety. We had a little Bible Study after that and even prayed together before leaving.

I always checked to see if some behavior has changed after our meeting... just right after the meeting, it all felt fine until the way she texts kinda changes... there's no usual smiley or that her texts felt kinda bland (or at least I thought it was kind of bland). During our conversations, we were always as honest as possible... though we never really opened up about what we feel for each other. But she did compare me to her ex a lot of times but she also assures that she has already moved on as it was already 2 years ago and they never spoke again...

So in the first day after the meeting, I sensed a small change in her behavior and I was asking what was wrong... she felt guilty that she lied to her mom and left her daughter having to spend some time with me. She had a heavy heart already even before we met. I told her that we are never doing things like this again.

She also told me about why she is afraid of my parents. It was because of her ex's parents that told them to break up with her because she is a single mom. And that because she was a single mom is what caused her parents and relatives to ultimately cause their relationship to break up. So she is afraid at some point that my parents will know that I am communicating with her... but she did say that she is "strong enough to fight it and is willing to go for it all over again if she has to"... I am not sure what it means... maybe you guys can translate?

So the next few days, the texts and calls got lesser and lesser as I was expecting and I was asking her about it again... and this is where I got a taste of how she is when she is angry:

(COPIED TEXT FROM HER)
"Why are you acting like this? you treat me like I am not your friend anymore and I came to the thought of "what are we?". Every day, I feel like you oblige me to respond to every message and call. Which is I don't know what you want to happen between the two of us? You care for me so much that I don't even know how to label it. If you don't have plans for me then put please put some boundaries."

It is annoying to the point that you are acting like a boyfriend which in fact you are not. I won't say it's okay because it's really not. It's almost getting creepy like you will ask how busy I am, what time this and that, you are acting like my ex when we were together... not when he was still courting me. He is acting like you are right now when we were together and it became worse day by day.

It's almost I can't breathe... It is suffocating. It's like I don't have a will of my own... It's like every hour and every minute I have to update. I mean you are not even in a relationship yet and you are acting like that... how much more if you do get a relationship?

We have our own world... there are things that need privacy. Even husbands and wives should put a little space that respect and trust remains. We can't evolve our attention to one thing only. Everyone has their own life. The more you hold on to something, the more it slips, The more it loosens... and You are too innocent to realize that.

That doesn't mean that you cut the connection, you have just let them breathe. If living a sheltered innocent life is what you chose, then live with that if you are happy with it. No need to change yourself just to please everybody. I hope in a way, you get my point. Anyways... what's bygone is bygone... May God bless you and your holy mind.

was speechless because I thought she was okay with it... I didn't notice that I was getting annoying... or maybe I was just basing it to the tone of her voice from the calls/video calls, I posted a long list of "sorry for not noticing" and eventually told her what I felt for her but she just said, "just sleep".

After a few days, it felt like it was unfair on my part and told her that maybe all of this could have been avoided if we already did set boundaries for firsthand and maybe had a talk about our rules before you blew up like this? So what started as a calm reasoning turned to rant at her. And then she told me:

"Ven I apologize... it looks like you took some meaning over to what we have been doing. But I hope you are at peace now. I am still here... I have not ghosted you."

I ignored those parts of the text and I kept saying things like, well maybe before we met you were having fantasies about what I really am and when you actually saw that I wasn't this Knight in Shining Armor, you started being cold.

I told her how paranoid I was because all of the blame was on me and why she blew up like that with no warning since it was the first time she ranted like that...I even told her good thing I have my meds with me and was taking in my anxiety and kept it a secret to her so that she doesn't worry about me. And then I blamed her for making all worked up making me think where I went wrong.

She then asked if I was a Christian myself and told me if I am, she told me to pray like she always has in her prayers and told me to please ask for forgiveness from God because it feels like she doesn't know me anymore.
What's worse is that she told me this:

"Ven, as of right now only two things will happen... it's either I go back to my old life or that I continue pursuing God... I prayed so hard that night and I knelt praying that you will be okay... but it looks like God didn't answer my prayer... so maybe he isn't real after all... so... to my Christian friends, including you... please don't bother me anymore."

I then saw myself as a hypocrite which caused her possible route to atheism and blamed myself for death over that night... I couldn't sleep because I felt I was responsible for her shattered faith. I prayed so hard that night that I was desperate for what to do... panic attacks came and I had to take another Xanax again to make myself calm.

My real goal was: "Since I love this woman, I want her to be saved... I want her to be near to the Lord. She already has so many emotional traumas in life that I would want to help her... which is why I did Bible study sessions with her in the first place...I prayed to the Lord that even if she won't become my girlfriend, I at least want her to be a shining light of beacon to those who don't believe... like a Church Leader, a Missionary or better yet... a Pastor... her becoming my girlfriend will just be a bonus."And for her to not believe God anymore would be my worst nightmare.

That night...I just had to press the emergency button. I called out to her best friend which was the reason why she was interested in becoming a Christian in the first place... I told her all about the story between us and she also told me she had stopped going to church for a month now and she was very disturbed about it. She thanked me for the info and that she knows what topic she will be speaking this time in their cell group... so at that time she just told me to pray and forgive myself which I did and she also prayed about the situation as well and told me not to tell her that I and her best friend were talking about her situation.

I woke up too early in the morning probably because of anxiety attacks and I kept on texting her about how sorry I was and then it felt like she was annoyed and called me instead:

"Why aren't you sleeping? Have you been texting me all night? My God it feels like a Demon is entering me because of you! It's a good thing I didn't block you! No matter what you do, whether or not I will be pursuing God or not, it's up to me and you can do nothing about it! I also am not looking for a boyfriend right now! You have said it all last night and you can't take those words back anymore!"

"I can't believe you are like this! I don't like weak men. Also why did you keep your meds a secret? Does this mean that whatever happens to you, I will be the one to answer for that? I have a child! Don't you feel sorry for me? Your problem right now is so small, there are other things you are supposed to be worried about."

So I just stood silent until she finished her sentences and I said "I'm sorry... I'll pray for you and anything that has happened between us."

"That's a lot better! My God! You and my best friend are the only Christian friends that I have! I should be influenced by you guys! And to see that you are this weak makes me weak as well!"

I stood silent until she spoke after a few seconds: "I am going to the cell group this time...  I hope God will listen to me this time"... and so she did.

Later that night she then gave me her last chat before I went no contact:
"I can't sleep. I'm thinking of all the people I've hurt unintentionally. Including you, I hope in time... you will give me peace of mind and forgiveness" and then she deactivated her Facebook.

So this is basically it... after around a week she reactivated her Facebook and have been going to a lot of events, like beaches, parties, karaoke... I can see that she is having a good time... I, on the other hand, have been more active in church and prayer and gave my family more time as well... we have been in no contact for a month.

So if you went to read all that, Congratulations! And Thank You for listening. I hope I have not wasted your time too much and if you did read all of that, I want you guys to also pray for her and for me that hopefully, she will not stray from her path.

God Bless.

[Texas Conservative]

Run away.  She's a nut.

[chosenone]

To be honest this lady sounds very messed up and mixed up. She clearly isn't over her ex either and in no way ready for any new relationship.
As for her new faith, if she is going to turn her back on God every time she He apparently hasn't answered her prayer, then she wont last long. You are not responsible for her or her faith, you did your best with a woman who seems very high maintenance and hard to cope with.

[Rella]

I am with Tc.

Run now, and run far.

She is so mixed up and bound to make your life miserable.

[Stronger]

I think it sounds like you have some issues you need to get help/support for, including anxiety, phobias and in acting in an intense way in relationships.  I wonder if you perhaps have Aspergers or something along those lines, which can it difficult to read situations correctly.  Even if you do, it's totally ok...there will be ways to manage that and live well.  But for now, I would say it's best to avoid her and focus on fixing yourself.

[M Luther]

I don't think the guy ever came back to read the responses. Don't date single women.  Be happy being single.