Friends with benefits - confess or not?

[Tegbryn]

I am faced with a dilemma. I attend a Church of England service on most Sundays but have a problem with the part of the service which deals with the confessing of sins. This is because I have been  separated (for 30 years) and  from time to time have "friends with benefits" relationships, which I know can be considered a sin.
My issue is if I confess I am knowingly being hypocritical because I know that this  will happen again and I would just keep repeating the confession and asking for forgiveness.
I have got around this problem so far by telling myself that the parts of the Bible which are relevant can be "interpreted" differently today as in homosexuality and non-celibate cohabiting, for example. I am sure gays and couples who cohabit do not repeatedly confess their sexual habits and ask for forgiveness. Also, other closely aligned religions allow deferral to one's conscience for judging sins. My conscience conveniently allows me to conduct these relationships on the basis that I am providing mutual pleasure and not hurting anyone. However, is using these  arguments of  convenient interpretation of the Bible and, deferring to my conscience, just an easy way out for me?

My only options for resolving this problem seem to be:

1.   Stop attending church (therefore avoiding confession). I do not want to do this because
I still consider myself a Christian and derive fulfilment from going to church.

2.   Repeatedly and hypocritically confessing and asking for forgiveness.

3.   Cease these types of relationships. I know myself and I know that this will not happen, because deep down according to my conscience I do not believe this should happen.

4.   Leave the Church of England.

5.   Conclude that I am over-thinking this issue and continue as currently (see above) by conveniently interpreting these actions as not being sinful.



I would be grateful for any advice or guidance please, because this problem is perplexing me and at times makes me very miserable. 

Thank you,

[seekingHiswisdom]

I am faced with a dilemma. I attend a Church of England service on most Sundays but have a problem with the part of the service which deals with the confessing of sins. This is because I have been  separated (for 30 years) and  from time to time have "friends with benefits" relationships, which I know can be considered a sin.


I have got around this problem so far by telling myself that the parts of the Bible which are relevant can be "interpreted" differently today as in homosexuality and non-celibate cohabiting, for example. I am sure gays and couples who cohabit do not repeatedly confess their sexual habits and ask for forgiveness. Also, other closely aligned religions allow deferral to one's conscience for judging sins. My conscience conveniently allows me to conduct these relationships on the basis that I am providing mutual pleasure and not hurting anyone. However, is using these  arguments of  convenient interpretation of the Bible and, deferring to my conscience, just an easy way out for me?

My only options for resolving this problem seem to be:

1.   Stop attending church (therefore avoiding confession). I do not want to do this because
I still consider myself a Christian and derive fulfilment from going to church.

2.   Repeatedly and hypocritically confessing and asking for forgiveness.

3.   Cease these types of relationships. I know myself and I know that this will not happen, because deep down according to my conscience I do not believe this should happen.

4.   Leave the Church of England.

5.   Conclude that I am over-thinking this issue and continue as currently (see above) by conveniently interpreting these actions as not being sinful.



I would be grateful for any advice or guidance please, because this problem is perplexing me and at times makes me very miserable. 

Thank you,

First thing you tell us is that your are separated for 30 years.  NOT divorced? I do not care what kind of document your government handed you regarding being separated YOU ARE STILL MARRIED IN THE EYES OF GOD.

then you...........

"by telling myself that the parts of the Bible which are relevant can be "interpreted" differently today as in homosexuality and non-celibate cohabiting, for example. I am sure gays and couples who cohabit do not repeatedly confess their sexual habits and ask for forgiveness."

God never changes. What was written in the bible 2,000 years ago still remains.... as does original meaning.

And you have not addressed

1Cor 6:9 from the KJV that I assume is the one you follow....

King James Version
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

From the Cambridge dictionery:

fornicator
noun [ C ]   formal disapproving old-fashioned
UK  /ˈfɔː.nɪ.keɪ.tər/ US  /ˈfɔːr.nə.keɪ.t̬ɚ/

a person who has sex with someone who they are not married to:

I have no sympathy for liars or fornicators.

The apostle declares that no fornicator can enter into the kingdom of God.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/fornicator

Quit trying to change God and change yourself before it is too late. Confess or not, I dont care as you have done so here but
stop it.

[Tegbryn]

SeekingHiswisdom, judging from your response I assume you believe that the Christian Faith should reject homosexuality also. Correct?

[Texas Conservative]

SeekingHiswisdom, judging from your response I assume you believe that the Christian Faith should reject homosexuality also. Correct?

Bible is extremely explicit about all sex outside a biological man and woman in marriage being sinful.

You want someone to blow smoke up your butt and tickle your ears.  Ya picked the wrong forum for that.

This isn't "Sin So Grace Can Abound" Forums.

[Tegbryn]

TexasConservative. Yes. I think you are right. I need to go to a more open forum and one not seemingly driven by dogma, Thank you for your views anyway.

[4WD]

SeekingHiswisdom, judging from your response I assume you believe that the Christian Faith should reject homosexuality also. Correct?

If you believe what the Bible says, then yes the Christian Faith does reject homosexuality.  It doesn't reject the person, it rejects the actions of that person. It is called sin. How can you possibly think otherwise?

[RB]

"friends with benefits" relationships,

The only true freinds with benefits are those who are God fearing freinds who speak according to the word of God~all others are your emeies that will lead you to destruction. 

Proverbs 13:20~"He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."

You are the company you keep. This well-known saying is a short and weak version of Solomons true warning. Here is one of the most valuable proverbs for our true benefit and favor with God.

Though you may be wise, foolish friends will eventually destroy you. Though you may be foolish, wise friends will show and teach you success. This is an easy way to prosper and reap true benefits.

What a simple rule for wisdom and life! Get rid of foolish and sinful friends, and choose the wise and godly for friends. You will grow in wisdom and avoid much trouble in life. Good athletes use superior competition to bring out their best, even if it means frequent training losses.

Giving up your friends is hard. You may believe the lie that certain sins are not really sins in God's eyes, but His word speaks very clear to those who desire to please HIM and NOT themselves.

The Bible declares, "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (Ist Corinthians 15:33). The warning about deception is to save us since many think friends are not dangerous. But if we allow an evil input in our life, we will lose our good and suffer God's just punishment for our sins.

Our depraved hearts will quickly help us to justify any sins that our hearts desire to do, and once we take that step, the next step becomes easier until we are engulfed in serving our own sinful lust and will take every means to labor to convince ourselves that what we are doing is not sinning but our right to happiness. A wise man would never judge right and wrong from what he thinks is right or wrong, but by the word of God, from the testimony of Him who alone his infinte righteous in all of his ways.

My only options for resolving this problem seem to be:

1.   Stop attending church (therefore avoiding confession). I do not want to do this because
I still consider myself a Christian and derive fulfilment from going to church.

2.   Repeatedly and hypocritically confessing and asking for forgiveness.

3.   Cease these types of relationships. I know myself and I know that this will not happen, because deep down according to my conscience I do not believe this should happen.

4.   Leave the Church of England.

5.   Conclude that I am over-thinking this issue and continue as currently (see above) by conveniently interpreting these actions as not being sinful.

Cease these types of relationships~If you believe the word of God and truly have a desire for eternal life, after this short life on earth. You cannot (and DO NOT) have both according to the word of God.

[seekingHiswisdom]

SeekingHiswisdom, judging from your response I assume you believe that the Christian Faith should reject homosexuality also. Correct?

What is it about the word abomination makes you think it is alright? (see below*)

Here is a list of what the bible, throughout, has to say.  If the following does not convince you......................


1 Corinthians 6:9-11 - Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,


Romans 1:26-28 - For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:   (Read More...)

1 Timothy 1:10 - For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;

Jude 1:7 - Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

1 Timothy 1:10-11 - For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine; .................

Romans 1:27 - And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

Romans 1:32 - Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

then  these two should............

*Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination.

*Leviticus 20:13 - If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them.

Do not... I repeat DO NOT use that tired argument of asking what a "gay" person should do because they are born that way.
While not every one is "born" that way, but chose that way.... they are to do exactly as I have to do.

I am not married. I have never been married. I am commanded to live a celibate life and so are they.

Yes, at times it has been pure hell. No other words to describe it, but my God expects it of me as He does those who swing on a different vine.... and also YOU who is not crawling into your wife's bed at night.

[seekingHiswisdom]

TexasConservative. Yes. I think you are right. I need to go to a more open forum and one not seemingly driven by dogma, Thank you for your views anyway.

You are thinking with your wrong head.

The goal in this life ... as a Christian... should not be to see how many notches go onto that headboard of yours from wives, friends and or conquests.

It is to live the life we were commanded to, to the best of our ability, so that in the end we may be counted worthy to accept the gift of eternal life that was offered to those who accept Jesus  and endeavor to know and understand Him and most importantly what HE did for us.

We Christians are not of this world. Unfortunately we have to abide here until our (personal) end comes.

It is not dogma when Jesus, the man, himself said

Matthew 7:21-26 King James Version (KJV)
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

You have a choice to make. I caution you to act wisely.

[chosenone]

In the end it does depend on how serious you are about your faith and whether you want to obey God or not. At this time it seems that you are not bothered about the fact that you disobey His clear teaching that sex is only for marriage. Its your decision but there are always consequences to whatever we do.

Having sex with someone that you aren't even in a relationship with and aren't committed to seems pointless.

[Jean74]

It is about not abusing your faith and also your relationship. What Jesus would do? And really should always give your wedding night the gift of virginity.

[4WD]

Having sex with someone that you aren't even in a relationship with and aren't committed to seems pointless.

I think that misses a fundamental understanding of why there are so many prostitutes in the world and why prostitution is called the world's oldest profession.

[chosenone]

I think that misses a fundamental understanding of why there are so many prostitutes in the world and why prostitution is called the world's oldest profession.

I was really saying that from a Christians perspective. For us sex should be part of a committed and loving marriage, not as an empty loveless sex act. 

[Michael2012]

I am faced with a dilemma. I attend a Church of England service on most Sundays but have a problem with the part of the service which deals with the confessing of sins. This is because I have been  separated (for 30 years) and  from time to time have "friends with benefits" relationships, which I know can be considered a sin.
My issue is if I confess I am knowingly being hypocritical because I know that this  will happen again and I would just keep repeating the confession and asking for forgiveness.
I have got around this problem so far by telling myself that the parts of the Bible which are relevant can be "interpreted" differently today as in homosexuality and non-celibate cohabiting, for example. I am sure gays and couples who cohabit do not repeatedly confess their sexual habits and ask for forgiveness. Also, other closely aligned religions allow deferral to one's conscience for judging sins. My conscience conveniently allows me to conduct these relationships on the basis that I am providing mutual pleasure and not hurting anyone. However, is using these  arguments of  convenient interpretation of the Bible and, deferring to my conscience, just an easy way out for me?

My only options for resolving this problem seem to be:

1.   Stop attending church (therefore avoiding confession). I do not want to do this because
I still consider myself a Christian and derive fulfilment from going to church.

2.   Repeatedly and hypocritically confessing and asking for forgiveness.

3.   Cease these types of relationships. I know myself and I know that this will not happen, because deep down according to my conscience I do not believe this should happen.

4.   Leave the Church of England.

5.   Conclude that I am over-thinking this issue and continue as currently (see above) by conveniently interpreting these actions as not being sinful.



I would be grateful for any advice or guidance please, because this problem is perplexing me and at times makes me very miserable. 

Thank you,

Repent unto God and faith towards Jesus Christ.

Pray to God and ask for His forgiveness and give that up for the love of God.