Why do some women insist on posting photos with skimpy clothes?

[Cally]

I recently did something that was no fun at all. I got to know a Christian lady online through forums many years ago, and she friended me on FB, just someone who wrote the occasional thing from time to time.

My girlfriend a while back found out that she had some blatantly provocative photos on Instagram, with captions specifically calling attention to her "stuff" I'll just say. She actually unfriended me before that anyway because my girlfriend was upset about a few pics that I thought were on the relatively mild side when she showed me (from her FB profile). After I found out about the Instragram pics and I really felt my naivete shattering, and I didn't think I was the kind of guy who fails to know when women's intentions are less than great (generally speaking).

Later on she sent me a friend request again. This time, I tried to think of a way to confront in the most graceful way I could think of because her profile was full of extremely revealing pics which I found out when I just looked at her profile after a little bit (like right on the top of her profile page, not just buried in her photos). So I did, and ended up unfriending her. She's married, too (she wasn't when she first messaged me way back).

I tried to appeal with what I thought from Scripture where it says to "dress modestly" but also saying that a Christian woman can indeed "show herself off" in a good way (1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3 "quiet and gentle spirit"), not physically -- trying to urge her to think about doing that instead, like THAT is how a woman should show herself to the world. The physical stuff should stay between her and her husband. But nope. I didn't go the route of talking about causing other men to stumble, but there is that, which I'm sure she's aware of. I was focusing more on how to appeal to a woman who wants to show herself off. But, that was it, no reply after that. We're going our separate ways now afaik.

So, I don't really get it. Do some women do this for attention, and to help themselves feel relevant in some way? I'm still kind of reeling that that is something she just couldn't be persuaded to quit doing. Generally speaking, what's the best way to (try to) convince a woman to quit doing this?

[Jaime]

I don't know how one would convince a woman to stop things like this. I DO believe it is a case of them thinking their own worth is only in their own physical attributes, sadly. As a father to 2 and a grandfather to 2, I think it has something to do with  the cheerleader mentality. No one of the aforementioned females in my family were ever cheerleaders. They were incessantly pressured to hiwever being very pretty, but opted for girls sports. To me cheerleading promotes the notion that girl's only have value in supporting or augmenting what guys are doing. And mothers tend to push that by even fighting dress codes on cheerleader skirt lengths (as in they usually demand shorter rather than more modest). My wife battled that for years as part of the campus ministry for a private school. In one case where modesty of cheerleaders was an issue, one of the mothers showed up to a meeting with tight hugger jeans, a bare midriff and a red thong strap showing above the jean's waist. It's not just young girls of today, it is promoted by their mothers apparently. A great mystery in my view for sure.

[Cally]

I don't know how one would convince a woman to stop things like this. I DO believe it is a case of them thinking their own worth is only in the own physical attributes, sadly.

One thing I did say was that I told her, I think she is a very nice person and could be a blessing to others that way. When we used to talk (occasionally) way back, I used to say an encouraging thing here or there a time or two when she felt distressed.

I suppose the classic equivalent for men is to take pride in their bank accounts.

[Jaime]

One thing I did say was that I told her, I think she is a very nice person and could be a blessing to others that way. When we used to talk (occasionally) way back, I used to say an encouraging thing here or there a time or two when she felt distressed.

I suppose the classic equivalent for men is to take pride in their bank accounts.

Could be. I just think it is extremely tragic for a female to think her ONLY value is as an object of visual sexual attraction to a male. It's almost impossible to defeat that inclination, but a woman's value is way more than their looks only. And I am NOT in anyway advocating woman to strive for overt homeliness. But guys ARE attracted to natural and modest beauty that leaves a bit to the imagination.

I did like your  comparison to guy's bank accounts, though I failed in that AND looks!

[4WD]

The simple fact is that men are naturally attracted to the female through the visual presentation of the female body. That is the way the male was created. The reverse, thank goodness, is not the case. However, the female is well aware of that natural functional attraction. That is the reason for the makeup that women use.  It is the reason for the way the female dresses.  It is the reason why some females go to the excess of revealing their bodies.

Pro 5:18  Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
Pro 5:19  a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Son 4:1  Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
Son 4:2  Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young.
Son 4:3  Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil.
Son 4:4  Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.
Son 4:5  Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies.

You can check out Song of Solomon 7 also.

Is it wrong?  Only, I believe, when it does go to an excess.

[Cally]

The simple fact is that men are naturally attracted to the female through the visual presentation of the female body. That is the way the male was created. The reverse, thank goodness, is not the case. However, the female is well aware of that natural functional attraction. That is the reason for the makeup that women use.  It is the reason for the way the female dresses.  It is the reason why some females go to the excess of revealing their bodies.

Pro 5:18  Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
Pro 5:19  a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Son 4:1  Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
Son 4:2  Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young.
Son 4:3  Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil.
Son 4:4  Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.
Son 4:5  Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies.

You can check out Song of Solomon 7 also.

Is it wrong?  Only, I believe, when it does go to an excess.

Song of Songs quotes plenty from the wife admiring her husband's body too, so I'm not sure what's the point with that.

I've been approached by women who were total strangers in my life, fairly recent years too, clearly showing interest and making advances, so they couldn't have known anything about me beyond what they saw. Many other men have similar stories. I think men tend to have more drive to initiate, though.

I actually think part of the problem is that, I can see, for as much as women complain about men being shallow and vain in their attraction to physical beauty, they despise men having other standards even more. I've been beating this drum for a while: how many believers are even telling men that Proverbs 31 was written for a man? It's primarily there to infuse a man with a sense of standards for a woman. Of course, other Scriptures command, or allude to commands, specifically directed to women also.

Here's what I often wonder: Christianity (especially) and the secular world are always trying to soothe women's self-esteem almost to the point where there's practically no way a woman is genuinely guilty of actual sin (like the same way we bring down the hammer on a man), that maybe the solution is to apply pressure on women in the ways that we normally only do for men. Likewise, infuse men with a sense of standards for women in the ways that we do for women towards men, with the same sense of severity. Of course we should also build each other up in the process of our growths. In that case, I think we could all learn to develop a sense of what women bring to the table both for their husbands and the world in general.

[4WD]

I didn't say women weren't attracted by a man's looks.  But they are not nearly so as men are attracted to a woman's looks. That is a fact of life. And it is the way God created mankind.

[DaveW]

I tried to appeal with what I thought from Scripture where it says to "dress modestly" but also saying that a Christian woman can indeed "show herself off" in a good way (1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3 "quiet and gentle spirit"), not physically -- trying to urge her to think about doing that instead, like THAT is how a woman should show herself to the world.

Actually, the "dress modestly" in scripture has very little to do with showing off skin.  Rather it is not showing off how rich you are.

So, I don't really get it. Do some women do this for attention, and to help themselves feel relevant in some way? I'm still kind of reeling that that is something she just couldn't be persuaded to quit doing. Generally speaking, what's the best way to (try to) convince a woman to quit doing this?

Yes, I am sure it is for the attention. 

[Cally]

Actually, the "dress modestly" in scripture has very little to do with showing off skin.  Rather it is not showing off how rich you are.

I know that, but the point that I think stands is to avoid focusing attention on appearances more generally, noting that it's directed specifically to women (men can wear expensive clothes too).

[DaveW]

Song of Songs quotes plenty from the wife admiring her husband's body too, so I'm not sure what's the point with that.

Actually, most of the Song is written from her perspective and experience. 

In eastern cultures (especially ancient ones) women were considered to have a much higher sex drive than men and were very stimulated visually.  Consider Ezekiel 23 where Israel and Judah are compared with women going after men "whose flesh [size of male genitals] is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue [volume of ejaculate] is like the issue of horses." v20

IMO the lack of western women who are visually stimulated is entirely cultural. However that may be changing.  I read somewhere a few years ago that a leading internet porn site queried the age gender and orientation of those who logged in and then tracked their viewing.  It seemed the largest group by far watching male on male gay porn was straight women in their teens and 20s.   I guess some still want to see "whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses. "

[4WD]

I know that, but the point that I think stands is to avoid focusing attention on appearances more generally, noting that it's directed specifically to women (men can wear expensive clothes too).

You want to ignore how God made us?  I think not.  He knew what He was doing.

And it is not about expensive clothes; it is about what is in the clothes, expensive or inexpensive.

[DaveW]

BTW - the sexual attitude in Jewish culture going back to at least the first century bc is "Sex is a wife's right and a husband's responsibility."

It was based on Ex 21.10, which is for slave wives.  If sex was the right of a slave, how much more a free wife?  This was the attitude our Lord and the Apostles were raised with.

[Texas Conservative]

Women like attention.

How do you deal with such a woman?  Especially online?  Block em/ignore them.  Pretty easy.

In real life?  Grey rock method.

[Cally]

Actually, most of the Song is written from her perspective and experience. 

In eastern cultures (especially ancient ones) women were considered to have a much higher sex drive than men and were very stimulated visually.  Consider Ezekiel 23 where Israel and Judah are compared with women going after men "whose flesh [size of male genitals] is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue [volume of ejaculate] is like the issue of horses." v20

IMO the lack of western women who are visually stimulated is entirely cultural. However that may be changing.  I read somewhere a few years ago that a leading internet porn site queried the age gender and orientation of those who logged in and then tracked their viewing.  It seemed the largest group by far watching male on male gay porn was straight women in their teens and 20s.  I guess some still want to see "whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses. "

A lot of it comes from the "carrot on the stick" effect, which is also timeless. Like just look at what Lahan did with Leah and Rachel: he got work out of the man. And that's a HUGE aspect of culture to harness a man's productivity, which women themselves will take advantage of. However, Leah and Rachel sure didn't like it from what they said afterwards; they took a lot of offense at it.

Again, what I think needs to be confronted, but isn't, is the fact that the alternative isn't easy for women: be held to a standard beyond just existing as your precious female self in similar ways that men are. Many women will eagerly sign up for that, actually, but many (probably most) others don't. I mean, the Proverbs 31 woman is USEFUL, and the high standard for her scares even me. How many women want to be held accountable for falling short of that -- albeit quick to show grace also, to be sure -- or for men to have that on their minds as a standard? If we did, that's a way that we can get our minds on track and maybe more women could be persuaded to find their value in those other, better ways.

Other than that, you're right that Scripture alludes a great deal to women initiating the scandals (such as Potiphar's wife on Joseph). Paul makes a lot of acknowledgement of it too.

[Cally]

Women like attention.

How do you deal with such a woman?  Especially online?  Block em/ignore them.  Pretty easy.

In real life?  Grey rock method.

Yeah, I dunno, MAYBE me unfriending this woman made some kind of impact. She obviously thought about me and wanted me in her life. To be clear, I'm not saying she ever messaged me every other day or anything like that. Like maybe here or there every other month, that sort of frequency -- just someone in your life. Maybe that's something that could have a little bit of influence in itself.