STEP ASIDE, I’M COMING OUT!

[Reformer]

Step Aside, I'm Coming Out!
 Buff Scott, Jr.

     I've held back and hesitated long enough. It's time I was coming out in the open and being up-and-above-board and fair with my reading audience. For many years I have seen and evaluated reports of others who have publicly revealed their life-long secrets. It takes courage and backbone to do that, and up to now I simply haven't had that level of courage.

    Consequently, it isn't easy for me to come out of the closet. But I have reached a point in my life that I can no longer remain silent about something that is so deeply misunderstood by so many others. As one victim phrased it:

    "Unless you have experienced the negative climate and hostile behavior of those who resent my lifestyle, you could never understand the emotional instability and heartache forced upon me by the weak-minded."

    This fellow went on to reveal his deeply misunderstood problem. I didn't follow up on the results of his confession, but my gut feeling is that he received a lot of empathy from those who were best suited to understand his problem.     

    Well, let me get on with it. I am plagued with heterosexuality—a fatal politically-incorrect disease. There isn't much tolerance for this problem in today's immoral culture. Why other offshoots of the sexes have been so readily accepted and their platforms promoted, and even congratulated by America's President and his First Lady, is beyond me.

    At an early age, I knew I was heterosexual. And I've always thought I was born that way. I'm not a professional Gene Therapist or an expert in medical science, but I've suspected all along that my genes revolved around my being heterosexual. My relational, sexual, and emotional urges have always been directed toward the female gender.

    It is emotionally distressful when I receive nasty comments from heterophobias—those possessed of irrational hatred or fear of heterosexuals.     

    Now that I've come out in the open and divulged my bona fide lifestyle, I expect the major media to announce it on all prime-time programs and every newscast for the next two weeks—as they do when other celebrities exit their whereabouts and reveal themselves.

    I hope I'm not expecting too much out of this matter, but it would be comforting if our President called and congratulated me for my courage—or I received a supportive Twitter message from the First Lady. I'm hoping it will happen, for I do not cater to the likelihood of falling into a depressive spiral from which there would be no recovery.

[Alan]

Another very edgy and witty post, keep up the good work, would-be christians are relying on you for their extrication. 

[Reformer]

Another very edgy and witty post, keep up the good work, would-be christians are relying on you for their extrication.

Alan, I'm half witty and half heterosexual!

Buff