Is He Gay?

[anonymous25]

So I just started seeing this guy in October and we hit it off very well. I just find it weird that this month he referred to two rappers as being handsome, The first one was 2 weeks ago and the other just yesterday. He said one had a nice smile and the other was a handsome dude. I asked him if he was gay and he said he is secured in his sexuality that he can call another man handsome. Then went on to say that if he had a son and said that he is handsome is that gay.He has no kids, has never been married is 37 years old like myself. What do you think? This happened twice. A little more about him, he was raised by his grandmother and his voice sounds a little weird. I am not saying he sounds gay but he does have a weird tone to his voice. I know he is sexually attracted to me but he might be bi-sexual. Do you think this is gay? Help!

[Texas Conservative]

Ask him if he voted for Kamala Harris.  If he says yes, then you know for sure.

[Jaime]

Ask him if he voted for Kamala Harris.  If he says yes, then you know for sure.

Yes, this IS without doubt the fail safe litmus test!
 

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

So I just started seeing this guy in October and we hit it off very well. I just find it weird that this month he referred to two rappers as being handsome, The first one was 2 weeks ago and the other just yesterday. He said one had a nice smile and the other was a handsome dude. I asked him if he was gay and he said he is secured in his sexuality that he can call another man handsome. Then went on to say that if he had a son and said that he is handsome is that gay. He has no kids, has never been married is 37 years old like myself. What do you think? This happened twice. A little more about him, he was raised by his grandmother and his voice sounds a little weird. I am not saying he sounds gay but he does have a weird tone to his voice. I know he is sexually attracted to me but he might be bi-sexual. Do you think this is gay? Help!

The people here won't know better than you do.

Do you find his speech and mannerisms offputting?  If so, maybe he isn't the boyfriend for you.

[Rella]

The people here won't know better than you do.

Do you find his speech and mannerisms offputting?  If so, maybe he isn't the boyfriend for you.

Jarrod,
She said this.... voice sounds a little weird. I am not saying he sounds gay but he does have a weird tone to his voice.

And

I know he is sexually attracted to me but he might be bi-sexual.

For me I would move on. It does sound like he could be bi and that could be a recipe for trouble.

You say he is sexually attracted to you. How so?

I had the daughter of a friend when she was mid 20s was dating a fellow for close to a year. Frequently she would go to his apartment
and he would cook for her... (so I was told) ... and finally she broke it off . One reason was in all that time he never kissed her or tried to once. Not from a religious standpoint because he was Catholic....

I also know a couple that were married for 20 or 25 years and had grown daughter. One day he up and told his wife he was leaving, he was gay. (They remained friends)

Just please be careful. Be willing to accept what might come out and if you cannot dont drag things out.

It does sound to me like he is at least bi.

[DaveW]

My best friend growing up never had a gf and did not get married until he was 55 years old. (similar to his own father who was a WW1 veteran)

He most certainly was NOT gay and we (in high school) had lots of talks about how sexy the girls were. 

So he is probably NOT gay, or even bi.  Perhaps he just had not found the right lady until now.

[mommydi]

If in doubt, throw him out. 

I'm serious. If you're questioning his sexuality, that's not a good sign, and you'd probably always question it. That's not a recipe for a good relationship/marriage. 

I've known too many situations where a gay dude married a girl, only to break her heart because it turned out he was bi or gay.
And always remember - bi now, gay later.

[mommydi]

My best friend growing up never had a gf and did not get married until he was 55 years old. (similar to his own father who was a WW1 veteran)

He most certainly was NOT gay and we (in high school) had lots of talks about how sexy the girls were. 

So he is probably NOT gay, or even bi.  Perhaps he just had not found the right lady until now.

Was he ugly and had no personality? Body odor? Rotting teeth? lol Just wondering. Women go by feelings and don't care as much about looks as they do about how he makes her feel.
Never dating until his 50s would make me wonder for sure.

I knew a couple (both deceased now) where the man had never dated and finally ended up marrying a divorcee when he was 49 after "dating" for 2 weeks. They had separate bedrooms and never really seemed much like a couple. I guess only they knew the exact situation in their marriage, but it did make me wonder.

[mommydi]

I meant to ask, but forgot-

Do you have a strong gaydar? Some people have it, but some don't.

Also, you can sometimes tell if you can see who his friends are on social media accounts. Not many straight men will have several gay friends on their social media accounts. That's not proof, but it sure muddies the water on his sexuality.
Any of his buddies give off that vibe or have you met any of them?
 

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

And always remember - bi now, gay later.

Lol never heard that one before.

It's a... layaway plan?

[Rella]

Lol never heard that one before.

It's a... layaway plan?

   

Well, think about it.

The one I knew was Walter and he was married and after daughter
was grown he told his wife he was gay and was leaving and got a divorce.

Then a few years later the ex-wife was sick and dieing with something
like cancer so Walter had her move in with him and he took care of her till she died.

There there is the case of BRUCE AKA Katlin JENNER.

They were married all those years and then he came out to her and with full family support became a woman.... EXCEPT... was too chicken to do the surgery.

And he is the most miserable looking person. Every time he is on TV he looks like he just swallowed a fly or a bee . Not happy and smiling like most gays do... so I wonder if he has buyers remorse?

[Alan]

Sounds like she was hoping for an alpha and got a beta.

I have zero problem saying a man is handsome if I feel he is, but am I gay? Heck no!

[DaveW]

Was he ugly and had no personality? Body odor? Rotting teeth? lol Just wondering. Women go by feelings and don't care as much about looks as they do about how he makes her feel.

No - none of that.  Since he and I were usually together and neither of us dated in HS, there were rumors that we were a gay couple.  But not so. Apparently both of us had a following of girls who wanted to date us (or more) but it was not kosher for girls to ask out guys in those days.

[mommydi]

Of all the men in my life, in all age ranges and backgrounds - teens, young adults, middle aged, senior citizens - I've never, ever heard one make a comment about liking another man's smile. Do they think it? I have no idea, but I've never heard a straight man say, "I like his smile" when watching another man.
Women usually start questioning this type of situation after a series of odd comments/behaviors - not just one.
So far, we have-
Older but never married.
Voice inflection that causes her to go - hmmm.
Makes flattering comments about other men's looks - even their smiles. IMO, commenting on how much he likes another man's smile is even more telling than just saying "he's a good looking man."
What would happen if he walked up to another man and said, "You're a good looking guy and I like your smile." 

It would still be interesting to know if he has several gay men on his social media accounts.

She sounds pretty good at picking up on context clues, mannerisms, etc - and if she has doubts, she's right to be concerned.


 

[Red Baker]

So I just started seeing this guy in October and we hit it off very well. I just find it weird that this month he referred to two rappers as being handsome, The first one was 2 weeks ago and the other just yesterday. He said one had a nice smile and the other was a handsome dude. I asked him if he was gay and he said he is secured in his sexuality that he can call another man handsome. Then went on to say that if he had a son and said that he is handsome is that gay.He has no kids, has never been married is 37 years old like myself. What do you think? This happened twice. A little more about him, he was raised by his grandmother and his voice sounds a little weird. I am not saying he sounds gay but he does have a weird tone to his voice. I know he is sexually attracted to me but he might be bi-sexual. Do you think this is gay? Help!

As A man, I would never follow this man to a bathroom, never. If he walks like a duck, sounds like one, then without question he is one.

[garee]

Does from Old French "gai"  Gay mean joyful or light-colored?

 Or sad and lonely