Dating Is Good for the Soul

[starla]

Dating Is Good for the Soul
Dating isn't just a road to marriage -- it's spiritually good for you, too.

By Donna Freitas

It's Friday. You have a 7 p.m. date scheduled with someone you've had your eye on for a while—he's smart, good-looking, and funny. Just for kicks, you visit a fortune-teller for the inside scoop on your future with this guy. At first, the seer's words lull you into what feels like eternal bliss: this date has great potential.

But she doesn't stop there, and your steadily growing excitement is suddenly crushed like that scary bug you saw on the bathroom floor the night before. Apparently, after two years of relationship paradise, something will shift. Eventually, you will go your separate ways. Your once fluttering heart drops like a stone through your body.

Unfortunately for many singles, if someone could give us a damage/risk assessment for every possible date, we'd probably choose to remain at home alone in front of the TV instead of going out with anyone. Lurking behind the innocent question "Do you want to go for coffee?" lies the hope that this date will turn out to be a soul mate, that you will be compatible, and that you will build a future together.

Dating has spiritual value

Our culture's obsession with marriage only furthers the idea that dating should be for the sake of marriage. This view of dating can easily make us forget that dating has spiritual value in and of itself. We need to stop focusing on its potential for marriage and accept its temporary nature. Dating can help us to grow spiritually -- if we allow it to.

While it is not quite friendship and not quite marriage, dating shares similar qualities with both types of relationships. Through all of these relationships we learn about other people, and in turn about ourselves, who we are, what we like and dislike, and what it means to be in a good or not-so-good relationship.

The spark of intimacy that turns a dinner with a friend into a date is the same spark that holds the seeds of spiritual possibility.

Divine intimacy

Countless theologians and spiritual figures understand setting out on a spiritual path as waking up to the possibility of divine intimacy, an experience "sparked

[msbradley]

EJ, are you reading her book "Become a Goddess of Inner Poise"? If so, what do you get from it?
My daughter used to love the Bridget Jones movie. I thought Bridget was a bit too unstable and didn't have a firm enough foundation to actually know what she wanted. She did, however, seem to fit what I have seen from too many of today's women...if a guy pays attention to me, they must be interested...mentality!!
OK, I'm probably being too judgemental here.
A couple years ago, a very young man talked me into buying a book called "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" by Henry Cloud. He has a system of dating that he says if you follow, you will be dating in 6 months. I tried to read it. But I couldn't. I think I must be too closed minded and too old fashioned to make dating seem so trivial. I don't want to have my dating experience be like another trip to Wal-Mart. I want to feel intrigued, curious, anticipation of good feelings and new experiences. I want to do it with my heart wide open. To me, that's what dating should be like.
I just ended (for the last time, I pray!!) a tried-to-be forced relationship on me. My heart kept trying to open up, but something kept closing it back up. Many, many times, this guy would hit something in my heart that would make me think I should do this, but, then something would make me go back to my standoffish ways. We finally had a 6 hour talk and cry session where, along the way, I think I convinced him I want something different. He blames all of my unwillingness to give him a try on one other person. I honestly don't think that is the case. But I told him since he always brings up that other person and I don't, he is actually the one who puts a bigger wedge in anything that could have been between us.
He was romantic, caring and sharing, thoughtful, sweet, generous, a lot of really nice things. But I felt like he had this story all written out and wanted me to fit in his dream and life instead of us making a story together. I loved to do special things for my boyfriend(s). Not all got treated the same, however. Everyone is different and like, want, need and expect what they like, want, need and expect. If I dated someone and he didn't like his back rubbed, well, guess what? I wouldn't rub his back!! If he did like it, I would do it. If my guy liked green jello with pineapple in it, I would make it for him. With this guy, I always felt like he wanted, needed and expected me to be and do as he needed. I could tell in the long run he would take care of my needs, but I want parts of me in the story.
OK, I went to bed 5 hours ago, woke up 2.5 hours ago and my alarm is going off in 1.25 hours, so I better try to go back to sleep.
EJ, it's nice to have you back. Stick around. You mentioned too busy a social life. To me, that sounds like a good thing.

[starla]

EJ, are you reading her book "Become a Goddess of Inner Poise"? If so, what do you get from it?
My daughter used to love the Bridget Jones movie. I thought Bridget was a bit too unstable and didn't have a firm enough foundation to actually know what she wanted. She did, however, seem to fit what I have seen from too many of today's women...if a guy pays attention to me, they must be interested...mentality!!
OK, I'm probably being too judgemental here.
A couple years ago, a very young man talked me into buying a book called "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" by Henry Cloud. He has a system of dating that he says if you follow, you will be dating in 6 months. I tried to read it. But I couldn't. I think I must be too closed minded and too old fashioned to make dating seem so trivial. I don't want to have my dating experience be like another trip to Wal-Mart. I want to feel intrigued, curious, anticipation of good feelings and new experiences. I want to do it with my heart wide open. To me, that's what dating should be like.
I just ended (for the last time, I pray!!) a tried-to-be forced relationship on me. My heart kept trying to open up, but something kept closing it back up. Many, many times, this guy would hit something in my heart that would make me think I should do this, but, then something would make me go back to my standoffish ways. We finally had a 6 hour talk and cry session where, along the way, I think I convinced him I want something different. He blames all of my unwillingness to give him a try on one other person. I honestly don't think that is the case. But I told him since he always brings up that other person and I don't, he is actually the one who puts a bigger wedge in anything that could have been between us.
He was romantic, caring and sharing, thoughtful, sweet, generous, a lot of really nice things. But I felt like he had this story all written out and wanted me to fit in his dream and life instead of us making a story together. I loved to do special things for my boyfriend(s). Not all got treated the same, however. Everyone is different and like, want, need and expect what they like, want, need and expect. If I dated someone and he didn't like his back rubbed, well, guess what? I wouldn't rub his back!! If he did like it, I would do it. If my guy liked green jello with pineapple in it, I would make it for him. With this guy, I always felt like he wanted, needed and expected me to be and do as he needed. I could tell in the long run he would take care of my needs, but I want parts of me in the story.
OK, I went to bed 5 hours ago, woke up 2.5 hours ago and my alarm is going off in 1.25 hours, so I better try to go back to sleep.
EJ, it's nice to have you back. Stick around. You mentioned too busy a social life. To me, that sounds like a good thing.

Who is EJ?

[msbradley]

Sorry Starla, I was thinking your post was from Eruditejoy.

[EruditeJoy]

EJ, it's nice to have you back. Stick around. You mentioned too busy a social life. To me, that sounds like a good thing.

Hey, msbradley!!!  Sorry, I totally overlooked this post.  Thanks for the welcome back!

[janine]

Dating can be spiritually uplifting.  Shopping can be spiritually uplifting.  Gardening can be spiritually uplifting. Fishing can be spiritually uplifting.  Golfing can be spiritually uplifting.  Dry cleaning can be spiritually uplifting.

See the trend?

I'm not saying anything and everything is spiritually uplifting -- I would find it difficult to get my soul fed while I was conducting a torture session in the spider-filled drippy dungeon under a brothel, assisted by a rapist, a child molestor and Osama Bin Laden.

What I am saying is, the attitude you bring into any situation will determine whether what you get out of it feeds your soul or stifles your soul.

And I'll remind myself of that the next time I sit thru yet another sermon on instrumental music.

[starla]

 

[janine]

I can see how that mistaken identity above happened -- y'all both post interesting stuff about what you've been reading, and you both have AfAm ladies as your avatars.

I was saying that it's what you bring into dating that determines its ultimate value to you.