If I never married...

[spurly]

This poll is for those who are single, both those who have never been married and those who find themselves single again due to the loss of a spouse by death or divorce.

If you never married (or never married again) would you be satisfied with your life?

[starla]

The thought of me being single for the rest of my life is hard for me to imagine.If I ever end up not getting married would I be satisfied?In honesty I am not satisfied now because it's tough to see all your friends and family and church members your own age with spouses and mates and from seeing all those happy couples makes a person especially me feel like the guestion that comes in my head ,God is there a good guy for me out there?I hope that is not a bad question in asking God but that what pops in my head about when out and about among couples.

[msbradley]

Starla, your questions to God about wanting to know if there is a good guy out there for you are not bad. I ask the same. I'm sure most singles ask, also. It truly is hard being single when that's not what you really want. I have been married twice. But, the total time I was married is less than 4 years. I regret both marriages, but since I became a Christian, my regrets have been on the divorces. If I had been a Christian, I wouldn't have been around either of the 2 I married. But, I know now that I would cherish a relationship and wouldn't take one day for granted like I did in the past. I'm the type that would rather never have loved than to have loved and lost. Or at least I think that's how I'd rather be.
I went to my granddaughter's birthday party today.(Yesterday, it is after midnight.) I truly dreaded having to go. Everyone always seems so "complete"...Kathy and Phil, Damon and Annah, Davin and Tracy, Travis and Daryn, Brandon and Stephanie, Matt and Ginny, Gus and Kristen, AND ME were there.
This evening, I went to a family get together at my sister's...Karen and Dewey, Todd and Tonia, Donnie and Connie, Steve and Kerri, AND ME were there.
I love my life. I know it could be better. I am a sharer. I love to do for others. I do for others, but I want to do for MY OTHER. People use excuses like "I don't have to answer to anyone." I don't, but I would if I could. "I can do what I want when I want." I can, too, but I'd rather have someone to do it with if we want.
I walk in my house and being silly, I will say "hi house". I'd love to say "hi" to someone. My cat greets me and I say "hi" to her, but it's just not the same.
I don't dislike my life. I just wish I had someone whom I love and they loved me. I'm not "satisfied". To me satisfied means to be pleased or fulfilled. I am neither. I accept where I am. But I do not cherish the idea of never getting to have someone in my life
"til death do us part". I am constantly looking. I pray. (I may even whine to Him, yeah, I whine.) I am thankful my kids are in good marriages. They have all told me at different times that they would love to see me happy and married. I have been divorced for almost 17 years. I had a friend (I've lost her, I think she died), who had been divorced for 19 years when I met her, which was probably more than 10 years ago.) I used to feel so bad for her. She wanted to be happy and married. Now I am her.
Starla, all we can do is keep our eyes upon Jesus, let our hearts be known to Him and He will fulfill our lives with what we need. It's hard to do. But it's what we have to do. I get proof almost every day that if I would turn away from doing what is right, I wouldn't be alone. I am thankful to be where I am instead of there, though.
I have you on my prayer list.

[mikesayen]

if your single again due to divorce, unless the wife committed sexual immorality in the marriage,, you are not allowed to marry another woman.. and the woman is never allowed to marry another man,, as long as lives the husband until he dies or sleeps 1 Cor 7:39.. just incase you were thinking ..

[yesult]

Actually the scripture says that unless you're spouse is guilty of sexual sin or is with someone else (sexually) you're commiting adultery if you divorce and remarry.

Women can remarry under those circumstances.  

To say that only men can remarry in that situation is reading into the scripture. To say what you're implying is to claim that a woman can't divorce her husband even if he is cheating on her.

And to the OP. If God wanted me to stay single then he'd give me the grace to do it. But otherwise no.

[chosenone]

Actually the scripture says that unless you're spouse is guilty of sexual sin or is with someone else (sexually) you're commiting adultery if you divorce and remarry.

Women can remarry under those circumstances. 

To say that only men can remarry in that situation is reading into the scripture. To say what you're implying is to claim that a woman can't divorce her husband even if he is cheating on her.

And to the OP. If God wanted me to stay single then he'd give me the grace to do it. But otherwise no.

Amen yesult.

With reference to this poll, when I was suddenly alone after 25 years of marriage at the age of 44. I felt that it was quite likely that I would never marry again as available Christian guys of that age or slightly older are extremely rare. (In fact I didn't know any). However after about 3 or 4 years I began to feel that God was preparing me to marry again, and he actually said to me when I was praying about meeting a man "don't settle for second best".Two years after that,I met my now husband who is definitely NOT second best.
I love being married and don't like being single. Its not that I mind being alone, in fact I need time alone to recharge and find time with other people tiring, but to me marriage is where I feel I belong.
However tale heart. My son who is 31, met the girl who he will marry last year when he was 30. She was definitely worth waiting for.

[Rahn]

I am nearly 50 years old. Currently, I am not dating. Being single is normal for me. I have never married. I have given up on dating. My last experience with dating was with a woman who had been married for over 20 years. There were some difficult circumstances in her marriage. She is married to someone else now. I always felt I had to be careful that I did not do anything that was like her ex. She is a good woman but we had two different lives taking  place. There were medical problems in her family and in mine. We were not able to spend enough time together. She was the closest thing to falling in love. We were in the same church.

I have resigned myself to being single the rest of my life. It is going to take a "miracle" if you want to call it that for someone to open up that area of my heart. I wish that life had been different for my family. I wish that I could change the past. I have missed out on the joy of marriage and raising children. What is the Lord's will? Does the Lord designate that there are some of those who believe in Him and seek to follow Him a life of singlehood?

[chosenone]

Rahn, I can see that for a person who has been single all their lives ot meet one who had had a long marriage could be difficult as you said.  Both my husband and I had long first marriages (23 and 25 years) so we had similar experiences of marriage and children etc and in that way had been through similar life experiences.
I think I may have been very cautious of getting to know a single guy of that age, becuase the life of a single person is very different from that of a previously married one. Its not impossible, if God brings you together with somone, but generally it may be hard to adapt to each others lifestyles, different family committments etc..

[Huscarl]

There are already times when I feel depressed about being single and I'm only 23, tonight has been one of those nights actually

I pray and ask God regularly why this has been withheld from me, there have been times where I was so close, but things always fall apart suddenly, like some unseen force doesn't want me to have someone.  I don't know if it's coincidence or God at work, but I have asked God many times if it is him and if so why

I trust in God to let it happen when he means it to.  I already love a girl and it hurts so much to know she's in another country, making the idea of telling her how I feel all the more daunting.  I hope God is setting things so that one day when going to her again is feasible we can be together, that I could be the one to help her find Christ, but I doubt it, life's never that good to you

Trusting in God is all I can do, if he's holding this back from me, he must have a reason

he must

[janine]

I've been married almost 30 years, but I do remember being single.  If I became single again I'd try to make the best of it, the same way I have to do every day as a married person.

Every time I hit a rough patch in married life I recall when I was young and could have done things "my way".  It's a bright shiny memory I can look back on,   even though I realize that time and distance have dimmed my memory of the down side of single life.

Having a spouse does not guarantee you a partner in all aspects of life.  It does not guarantee you a playmate, nor a participant, nor any praise... it can in fact guarantee you a critic and a dead load of uncooperative weight to drag behind you.

All I can say, now, in the position I'm in, and looking back to "then", when I was "free"... The one best thing to do, relationship-wise, for anyone, is the same whether  you are married or single, whether you are happy or unhappy in your current state --

The one best thing to do is hang onto God and strive to develop yourself as a well-rounded and generally contented person.  That way, you are worth hanging about with, whether it's you and another as a couple, or whether it's you having to endure your own company alone.

[Quinn]

I'm nearly 48, and have been married and divorced twice.  Both of my marriages were pretty bad, for different reasons.  I've been single for about six years and I'm much happier this way.  I can't imagine wanting to be married again.

[walker starr]

       I've outlived 3 wives and I'd marry another if one came along that I wanted.  I enjoy being married.  Being a
        Christian  fornication and adultery is not an option.  being single is like being half alive.  GOD Bless.
                                                                                                                                                       Walker   

[chosenone]

       I've outlived 3 wives and I'd marry another if one came along that I wanted.  I enjoy being married.  Being a
        Christian  fornication and adultery is not an option.  being single is like being half alive.  GOD Bless.
                                                                                                                                                       Walker   

I agree. marriage is good and I LOVE it. Mind you it helps that I have the best husband EVER.

[Cally]

Actually what I understand is that EVEN in the case of infidelity, a partner is not to marry someone else. The biggest reason is because the marriage is still reconcilable--i.e. if the husband or wife REPENTS of the wrongdoing the marriage can get back together. But if the other spouse is remarried, that would be hard to do--think, what should the repentant spouse (who committed adultery) do after repentance if his/her spouse remarried? Oops--sorry, can't find a Biblical basis for such an event.

Paul's comment about it is that (therefore) someone is truly released from the law of marriage after the death of the spouse. Divorce is permissible in a few cases but I'm not sure that remarrying after a divorce really is . . .  

I've wondered about this myself. Being single or married seems like two different paths. Seems like a lot of ups and downs with each way.   At the very least it's seems like quite the time-eater, and there sure is a lot to do down here. But then again, if someone has a use for that for his own well-being, that should make him or her more efficient for that also (since it's clear God often uses people in couples).

[chosenone]

Actually what I understand is that EVEN in the case of infidelity, a partner is not to marry someone else. The biggest reason is because the marriage is still reconcilable--i.e. if the husband or wife REPENTS of the wrongdoing the marriage can get back together. But if the other spouse is remarried, that would be hard to do--think, what should the repentant spouse (who committed adultery) do after repentance if his/her spouse remarried? Oops--sorry, can't find a Biblical basis for such an event.

Paul's comment about it is that (therefore) someone is truly released from the law of marriage after the death of the spouse. Divorce is permissible in a few cases but I'm not sure that remarrying after a divorce really is . . .  

I've wondered about this myself. Being single or married seems like two different paths. Seems like a lot of ups and downs with each way.   At the very least it's seems like quite the time-eater, and there sure is a lot to do down here. But then again, if someone has a use for that for his own well-being, that should make him or her more efficient for that also (since it's clear God often uses people in couples).

 if the spouse who sinned repents, then they say sorry to God, sorry to their former spouse and get on with their life. Many spouses who have been cheated on and since divorced wouldn't want to go back anyway, and if either of them is remarried it isn't an option.
If you feel that divorce is allowable in certain circumstances (and so do I)then why not remarriage.? Divorce is the ending of a marriage and thus you are both single again. We need to forgive our former spouse but that doesn't mean that we have to reconcile. They sinned and sin has consequences. Loosing your husband'wife may be one of them.. This shows how very serious and damaging sexual immorality is.I cant see anywhere in the Bible that says we HAVE to have the one back who has been unfaithful.
Some can and some cant.

My husbands former wife has never apologised to him nearly 5 years later for her affair and her divorcing him and even if he wasn't married to me he would NEVER want to go back to her.
I am not sure if she is allowed to ever remarry but I know that he was.Maybe if she repents God will allow her to remarry but at her age it may not be likely anyway.

[JohnDB]

Since my first year anniversary is coming up...

I can honestly say that if something were to happen to my current wife I don't think I would do it again. I got too many places and things to do...most women absolutely want anything to do with a lifestyle and goals such as mine....even if they were  committed to God...they simply won't have it. Even this wife may be committed...but she is balking about the what, when, how, where, and why now...

Her real ideals are coming out now...but there is no going back...come hell or high water that is the direction I am going...she can come of she likes but if she doesn't she will get left behind...I ain't staying.

It isn't like I didn't tell her what and where and how and why....gave her every warning and caution. 

Since so few women want that...even from the numerous women that I knew when single...I seriously doubt that any woman would want that. I am fun to be around and I love to play...but

[Elaine]

This poll is for those who are single, both those who have never been married and those who find themselves single again due to the loss of a spouse by death or divorce.
If you never married (or never married again) would you be satisfied with your life?

Are you kidding, I'm free. I'm finally free. And never happier now for 3.5 years!
Never want to be in a relationship ever again.  It takes way too much focus off of God.   

"Ahh, yes let's focus on this transitory illusion that will leave you or die."

We all have our different backgrounds and perspectives and callings --that's mine.
Yours are not wrong or right -and neither is mine.   To each his own.

[chosenone]

This poll is for those who are single, both those who have never been married and those who find themselves single again due to the loss of a spouse by death or divorce.
If you never married (or never married again) would you be satisfied with your life?

Are you kidding, I'm free. I'm finally free. And never happier now for 3.5 years!
Never want to be in a relationship ever again.  It takes way too much focus off of God.   

"Ahh, yes let's focus on this transitory illusion that will leave you or die."

We all have our different backgrounds and perspectives and callings --that's mine.
Yours are not wrong or right -and neither is mine.   To each his own.

Yes Elaine some maybe are better off single and maybe that is for you. If that is where tyou7 feel fulfilled than they is brilliant.

Marriage like singleness is also a calling, and some people I know REALLY  havent  got a clue how to deal with the give an take of marriage and how to make another person happy.  I have seen it.

As for me. I always wanted to marry and have children. It was in me from my childhood,and when I was 15 I used to knit baby clothes ( I think my mum got a bit concerned at this point).

After my divorce( after 25 years of marriage) I did think that I may never marry again (due to the distinct lack of available Christiian guys in their late 40s and early 50's.lol) but I did hope that I would. When God found me my husband well over 4 years ago, I coudnt have been happier . I am called to marriage. I get closer to God IN marriage than I do out of marriage, which is the opposite of you isnt it. I LOVE being married but that is just me and everyone is different. Our differences are what make us unique.
 

[Elaine]

Oh boy, chosenone, I've just found out my best friend has been hiding from everyone ---bec of shame--that her husband is a sex addict and a rage-o-holic ----I knew he had bi-polar problems but...He's the most handsome man and a multi-millionaire!

They are going through so much ---is there any hope for the common person to find a normal healthy partner??

I don't know anymore!! (I actually do know it's possible ---but it does take alot of work or divine grace.)

[Lynette_g2000]

I have spent many years in pursuit of Love or something near to it and been miserable every moment.  I woke up one day and said Lord here I am I will be what you want, stop chasing my own selfish  desires and chase you. 

I was happier immediately.  Would I like a husband? certainly.  I will be just as happy of I do not go out with another man until Jesus comes and gets me. 

So yes I am busy being happy and single right now. 

Of course I have been married and it was not enjoyable at all. 

Great question. 

[IamStefanie]

God gives some the gift of singleness and others the gift of marriage. That's what Paul wrote....
I believe it...
I have never been married, but I have been in many  'relationships' and none have been successful (defintely not be God's standards), if you will...but they have all been for a purpose and the most beautiful place I am at now is having a REAL RELATIONSHIP with God thru Christ. It's beautiful. The time I get to spend with God. It's so awesome to know that He can be with me and be with you at the same time! I know I don't have that kind of power! But, having a relationship with God has allowed me work on my present relationships: with my child, parents, brother, friends, other relatives, even my co-workers. I have been allowed to bump my head and cry to God by myself without having to worry if someone does or does not understand  me. I can go to God when I feel like it, day or night. This, to me, is a major benefit of God's gift of singleness.
Now, I know some of you may say that you can have this same thing in a marriage. I'm not going to argue that point. I'm sure you can (because I know if I get married, my husband will be a godly man who knows God, therefore, understanding me shouldnt be that hard, LOL). However, the bible says when you are single, your interests are more of pleasing God and not your spouse. It didn't say that it was bad, it is what it is. I would like be married, one day. But I've grown to know that it's not what makes ME!!! And that is so much freedom! I do get shook up sometimes when I'm like, OMG, no companionship?? But I come back to reality because I have PLENTY of companionship. God is so good to me! He gives me companiship with Him, my family and friends. I know family and friends could go away, but I praise Him for supplying me with ALL of my needs.
So I know that I am content with my 'singledom' and I am getting the best use out of it.
Again, I know that Paul writes that singleness is a gift so, sure, there is a possiblity that I will not be married, but God will make that decision. I'm doing my part (the best that I can, of course) by living a holy life (that has been more of the challenge than dealing with 'singledom'), following His commandments, and loving others....

[JohnnO]

I was married for 18 years when M went home. I am well trained to be a good husband. It would be a shame to let these valuable skills (and all those years of training) go to waste. As Chosenone said, I feel closer to God within marriage than without.

As a single dad I have no time for ministry beyond my daughter. I have no helpmate in my life.

If I were to never marry again I would look on my life as an almost total waste. If God is going to keep me on the shelf he may as well take me home now.

This is not to say that I am depressed or despondent yet, after all I still have a couple years to meet someone and have more kids, but my life has been so focused on being a good Godly husband and father for the last 22 years that I do not know how to be a single anymore.  It is not good for man to be alone.

[yesult]

It is not good for man to be alone.

I agree, it's not the natural state for a human being. The bible mentions it as a gift for some people, and also advisable in some situations. But that doesn't mean it's healthy for everyone.