We have needs too!!

[savedbyhim]

It really bothers me when I see churches spend an inordinate amount of time on programs for their members but neglect the needs of their singles. I know that this has been the case with almost every congregation where I have worshipped. Most of the time and money is spent on youth, teenagers, and the elderly. But what about the single people who long for a lasting relationship or suffer from loneliness?

We were never created to be alone, but for some people loneliness is all they really know...even when surrounded by others. Only our Lord and other singles truly understand the pain that resonates within the heart of someone who is lonely. Others, especially those who are married, tend to not see it or understand it to the same degree.

I recently purchased a book by Warren Wiersbe called "Lonely People - Biblical lessons on understanding and overcoming loneliness."   Haven't finished reading all of it just yet but so far it has been quite good.  I'll keep you posted...

Definite kudos to GCM for having a place where singles can share thoughts about their struggles!

[janine]

One problem I have observed -- experienced myself! -- is that us married folkx are shy about jumping in with all sorts of ideas about what singles should do.  Something just feels wrong to me about trying to crank up a singles ministry pretty much under my own power -- because I have always been under elderships that either would not use me at all, or else it's been a small-church setting where all work of ministry was handled alone.

I sort of feel as if singles need to run singles ministries, with input of course and help from the general population of their churches -- which would include marrieds and widows and whatever.

Am I wrong to feel funny about spearheading singles efforts?

[spurly]

One thing I don't understand is why we as churches spend so much time focusing on our own needs instead of focusing on spreading the kingdom of God around the world. 

Let's change our priorities and instead of having inward focused churches lets focus outward and the result will be that people will grow in the faith and in the grace of God much more than they are growing now.

Now we can get back to our regularly scheduled discussion.

(SavedbyHim, I am single as well, by the way.  And as a single person I detest a singles ministry because the majority of time they are not focused on doing any ministry whatsoever other than having a place for singles to meet.  The last singles group I was involved in was a disaster because the people in the group were there for that very reason.  No matter how much Bible Study, etc. was planned the people had a hidden agenda of "finding the right one" and the Bible study did not go well.)

[msbradley]

savedbyhim, I was trying to quickly get my thoughts out, but I use too many words and have too many thoughts to respond quickly. I will post my thoughts after church.
Everyone has needs. However... I'm making myself logoff without another word.

[spurly]

However... I'm making myself logoff without another word.

And if you knew msbradley like I do, you would know how much of a struggle that was for her!

[savedbyhim]

One thing I don't understand is why we as churches spend so much time focusing on our own needs instead of focusing on spreading the kingdom of God around the world. 

Let's change our priorities and instead of having inward focused churches lets focus outward and the result will be that people will grow in the faith and in the grace of God much more than they are growing now.

Now we can get back to our regularly scheduled discussion.

(SavedbyHim, I am single as well, by the way.  And as a single person I detest a singles ministry because the majority of time they are not focused on doing any ministry whatsoever other than having a place for singles to meet.  The last singles group I was involved in was a disaster because the people in the group were there for that very reason.  No matter how much Bible Study, etc. was planned the people had a hidden agenda of "finding the right one" and the Bible study did not go well.)

Spurly...

I really appreciate your comments, and I also agree that the church spends too much time on "self" issues and not enough on spreading the Kingdom so others can come to the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ.

However, people do have many needs...emotionally, physically and spiritually....it's a reality that cannot be changed. And as someone said to me many years ago..."A church is only as strong as its weakest member." No one within the body of Christ should feel neglected or overlooked. Often, single people do feel left out and do not have the support that others have.

My thoughts are that as churches strive to meet the needs of their members they should not forget that single people (of all ages) have needs also.

Blessings to you....

[msbradley]

However... I'm making myself logoff without another word.

And if you knew msbradley like I do, you would know how much of a struggle that was for her!

"HA HA" she hesitantly replied. She wondered "Did he mean that in a nice way, or..."

Savedbyhim, I love and respect spurly. He is a great guy, though sometimes you just can't tell. (I was teasing.) He is a minister and a single one at that. He does have situations arise from being single and at the pulpit. He is handsome, and loves the Lord. He is very knowledgeable about the Bible, the History and God. He studies in depth what he is going to teach to others, so he may have all the information to give to his listeners. He will call himself a perfectionist, though that's not what he is. He is a follower, a believer and teacher of the "perfect One".

Our church started small groups study a few years ago and spurly led a singles group. He found a girlfriend there. They dated for a few months, then broke off their relationship. Spurly was then seen as fair game. It was hunting season, you know. Every female in our group (except for my daughter, but she didn't attend much and eventually couldn't stand any of the women in the group so she left completely.) well, every woman in the group thought they and spurly were the perfect match. Spurly tried to carry on as though these women were not bothersome to him. It was truly a sick, sick, sick group. Spurly had to leave our church due to our church having budget concerns. I think some of those women don't even attend our church now. I felt spurly and I were friends. Others thought we were more. Even though they thought there was more to he and I being friends, they still blatantly pursued him. They were nasty to me and fakely nice to him. I had deep resentment for these women and they felt the same about me.
OK, that's enough!! Bad feelings were coming up.
My point in this is to give an explanation why spurly might have a personal reason for thinking a singles ministry is not a good thing. In healthy situations such a ministry can be very vital. A ministry is to minister. I believe the only way a church (the people) can minister outside (to others) is for they themselves to be ministered to. We need to have our needs taken care of to go help take care of other's needs. Not in all situations, but, to me, the more fit I am, the better equipped I am to help someone else.
Fill me up so I may pour out to others.
I have more to share. But I have to get ready for church.

[spurly]

However... I'm making myself logoff without another word.

And if you knew msbradley like I do, you would know how much of a struggle that was for her!

"HA HA" she hesitantly replied. She wondered "Did he mean that in a nice way, or..."

Yes, it was definitely meant in a very nice way. 

[msbradley]

savedbyhim,
do you visit singles or relationship sites? The guy who runs this site, GCM, also has a site called real Christian singles. I go there. There isn't much simultaneous interaction there. but the singles topics are definitely freer to express there than they are here. I also go to give and take radio. I think that is related to Lee also, the guy who runs this site. I feel much more comfortable expressing my single needs and wants at those two sites than I do here. Again, not a bunch of involvement by many there at any given time, but it could and should grow.
Cheryl

[starla]

There is not a lot of things going on for the singles at my church.It's all the time the teenagers,Lads to Leaders,Junior Youth and Senior Youth Devo's,Focus, etc,etc.I don't think there is nothing wrong with these, as a matter of fact I think its good that they have something to keep them busy in God's work and Christian fellowship among their Christian peers.  It's just I would like to hear more about events going on with Christian singles.The only things that the singles have at my church is the singles class,which i don't want to be a part of because of the let me put it this way,cold atmosphere attitude and the Singles Retreat and that is only once a year.I as a single Christian feel left out when it comes events going on at church for specific people.I do have friends at the University church and other Churches of Christ I've been to who are single,not that many.

[KRISSY]

Wow, I have to agree with this. My church does the same. Every year we have an annual Valentines day party that they put alot of time in and money into, for couples or married couples. Nothing for the singles. When I asked about it, I was told that I too could come stag to this party. YEAHHH right, JUST WHAT every single person wants to do, sit around and watch all the happy couples play games for only couples.

[starla]

Wow, I have to agree with this. My church does the same. Every year we have an annual Valentines day party that they put alot of time in and money into, for couples or married couples. Nothing for the singles. When I asked about it, I was told that I too could come stag to this party. YEAHHH right, JUST WHAT every single person wants to do, sit around and watch all the happy couples play games for only couples.

Maybe if you ended up going to the party, there might be a single male there, who is stag also. You and him could end up as two mates who found each other unexpectedly,you'll never know
Then again you could end up staying home and making the best of Valentines night as a single person

[KRISSY]

Starla although you very well may be right about the stag thing, I must say that most of the men in our church who are single are old enough to be my grandfather.lol hmm, think I will pass.. hee hee, no offense to the older generation. But then who knows, maybe God will send in the handsome born again Christian man of my dreams into the building and we will hit it off. lol hee hee, it could happen, God is a miracle worker.

[spurly]

Krissy, why not just go to the function and enjoy fellowship with Christian friends, even if those friends are married?

[Smiles]

every time we go to the Valentine's day parties, they are filled with older folks, ( no offence here) as in those 45 and above.....and um..... we bring our two kids (2 & 4 months)(well one kid last year) and we just get the *Stare down* and we all know why it's called "Valentines day"

It can be quite embarrassing at times.