Homework and activities

[patriciaredstone]

Smom, you should have a look at a book called The End of Homework -- by (forgot, I'll look it up if anyone is interested). Anyway, it is a very well researched essay by qualified education specialists about how homework is sabotaging family life and does nothing to make kids smarter, just busyer. It has a great chapter with several supporting quotes by David Davenport who used to be the chancellor of Pepperdine University.

We manage to do quite a few activities:

Once a week: Violin lesson, Aikido session, choir rehearsal.

Daily: Violin practice (30 min.-1hour), swim team practice (2 hours)

Our son is also a regular on a radio drama and has rehearsals and tapings as the show schedule requires.

Because we homeshool, we can still do all of this and get our 8 hours a night. Next year, when he starts school, we might find that some of the extra activities are too difficult to keep up with. However, the school we hope he is accepted into is a No Homework high school. The teachers are all dedicated to the idea that high school develops people for life and often for the job market, and feel that high school should image the work-a-day world. They teach the kids that people who take work home are not as happy as individuals who lead a more balanced life. So they will not give anymore work than a student can complete at school. This reflects new trends in schooling.

There are many parents groups -- all over the country -- that are making progress toward homework regulations. Their message is Family First (I think a group has taken that name) not school first.

[Jeff]

:alert: Warning... you hit a hot button.  Old school response follows....

My sons have enjoyed soccer at our local association and, in fact, my teenager was a pretty good player until he decided to pursue music a year or so ago and we made a joint \"time management\" decision in that regard.  An image from the soccer fields that is seered into my memory though, is the following:  a young mother, still attired in her business casual garb, dragging both a four and a six year old across the fields on her way to the parking, all the while talking on her cell phone, presumably coordinating the next \"event.\"  There seems to be a whole lot of \"rushing\" going on in order to get children (and very young children!) to organized activities.  Gasp... some of it's even church stuff!

The disclaimer: we have four children, all school age, and we have in the past had to coordinate transportation, schedules and make last minute adjustments (yes, by cell phone!)  But my wife and I absolutely refuse to get caught up in this \"frantic family\" syndrome, for which I believe our culture will be paying for in years to come.  We basically have limited our children to one sport, one child per season.  We explain to them that this is in deference to family as a whole and its needs.  Fortunately, we have been blessed in being able to stand by this committment.  I had to search pretty long and hard to find a \"low-key\" basketball league for my 13 y/o daughter this winter, but we found it.  God provided in His usual provident way, a serendipitous discovery as we were running errands and had all but given up hope!

My two fourth graders are in the public school system and have homework just about every afternoon.  During soccer season, my 10 y/o son has understood that his homework needs to be completed, or have been given a good effort, before he is allowed to head off to the soccer fields.  When he gets home, he is usually wiped out and needs to get into the shower and into bed.  Early in the season he decided to test this resolve and refused to complete a math worksheet.  I left him at the kitchen table, drove to the soccer fields and explained to the coach where my son was and what our family policy was.  The coach was very supportive, and talked with my son at the next practice.  We never had to spur him on again.

My 16 y/o \"rock 'n' roll\" drummer frequently needs to be carted (with equipment) across the county 30-35 minutes one way to practice with his garage band buddies, or there are performances at churches that may require an entire Saturday of his time.  We expect him to communicate these requirements well ahead of time, to look at the family calendar himself and note any potential conflicts and to be resilient as we work out the logistics together.  He missed an \"important\" session with his buddies last night because we had scheduled the 10 y/o's family birthday party, but were able to get him with his friends today for much of the day.

We try to train our children in being personally responsible for their schedules, homework assignments and communication about those items and to think about others as they make requests to participate in activities.  We are occasionally able to be spontaneous (especially with the teenagers) but communicate with our kids that is the exception, not the norm.  

I get the impression that somewhere we as a culture have embraced the idea that we can \"do it all\" and that if our children are left to fend for their own entertainment and recreation, they will be unable/unwilling to fulfill our expectations.  Fortunately, we have a nice level yard at our house and I get to witness lots of \"pickup\" basketball and football games with our children and the neighborhood kids participating.  (But you have to be home in order to do that!)

[Jeff]

Hi, Linda:

Thank you for your thoughts.  I am curious as to what changes you have seen in recent years with respect to the completion of homework assignments.  I taught for a couple years in the late 1980s after I got out of the military (I taught lower level remedial and \"general\" math sequences at the high school level) and I agree homework provides a great opportunity for individual practice and reinforcement of concepts discussed in the classroom.  I quickly learned that young people without a support system at home were never going to turn in an assignment, which of course contributed to the cycle of failure many of them had been experiencing all their lives.  I'm going to guess that because families are busier these days, you're seeing less homework completion even from children whose families and support systems are relatively intact.

This relatively recent focus on recreational sports and other extracurricular activities, beginning at very young age levels, disturbs me because it takes away from that family time that you described having with your father.  Ironic, I guess, that I'm writing this on Super Bowl Sunday, but we seem to care more that Johnny and Suzie can dribble and pass than that they can read, write or experience a strong nuclear family  (which is of course where they learn respect.)

[Jeff]

Your \"good vs. best\" comment took the words right out ofmy mouth!  That is frequently how my wife and I phrase our decision-making process with our children.  

We found out last year that our summer can be quite busy as well, and almost all of it is church-related:  camp, inner-city camp (our oldest served as a counselor), outreach VBS, annual youth trip to Harding/UPLIFT, pre-season soccer camp!

May God guide us in making good decisions for our families!

[socrmom]

I like this topic of family life, since I am not a homeschooling parent, but have lots of questions about all aspects of family, this topic holds much more interest for me.  

So, how much time do your kids spend on homework, assuming that the schoolwork part of the day takes place at school?  

And, how in the world does one stay off the rat race of activities when even being involved in one sport at a time means practice 2 or 3 times a week and probably a game  Sat. too.  We still want to play.  :(   Let alone when there is more than one child in the household involved in an extra-curricular.

Does anyone else struggle here, and still participate?  Any advice other than just dropping out?  

I need to be careful because this line of thought could lead me to the idea that that school day just takes up too much of our precious time, and that if I got school out of the way at home, then, time would be easily left for other activities we choose.

[gbShorty]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I like this topic of family life, since I am not a homeschooling parent, but have lots of questions about all aspects of family, this topic holds much more interest for me.  

So, how much time do your kids spend on homework, assuming that the schoolwork part of the day takes place at school?  

And, how in the world does one stay off the rat race of activities when even being involved in one sport at a time means practice 2 or 3 times a week and probably a game  Sat. too.  We still want to play.  :(   Let alone when there is more than one child in the household involved in an extra-curricular.

Does anyone else struggle here, and still participate?  Any advice other than just dropping out?  

I need to be careful because this line of thought could lead me to the idea that that school day just takes up too much of our precious time, and that if I got school out of the way at home, then, time would be easily left for other activities we choose.[/quote]
Fellow soccer mom here!
I have a twelve year old on a traveling soccer team.  The team is taking a break this winter (no indoor tournaments) and I am so glad!  He also skipped playing basketball this year for the first time in four years.  We all needed a break!  My teenager is extremely active with church, friends and a part-time job.  She's starting to drive which is a mixed blessing ...don't have to haul her around but worry that she'll be safe.

I feel very blessed to have my kids in a Christian school.  Homework really hasn't been a big problem versus extracurricular activities.  A one soccer tournament and a big school project hit one weekend and the whole family kicked in to help finish the school project.  Note: their school encourages family participation.  We've also brought school books to hotels (soccer travel) and studied in between games.  As much as I dread the schedule sometimes, I know I will so miss the blur of activity when they are all grown up.

I'm gaining a new respect for homeschooling however it just wasn't an option for us.  Plus, I think of all the wealth of knowledge my kids are getting from so many different teachers.  I tutor my kids and a few of their friends occasionally.   In my case, I think they sometimes listen better if another adult (not mom) is giving the instructions!  

My next question should probably go on the other thread.  I was pondering on Patricia's comment re: exposure to formal school causing sexual banter, etc.   Unless you homeschool plus keep the children isolated, wouldn't playing with the neighborhood friends be the same as the school social  experience?   Interesting topic!  I do think kids grow up too fast nowadays...but how to you keep them from that without isolation?  

Also, this discussion gives me a needed perspective on academics...my daughter's grades aren't what I would like to see.   But at a recent parents meeting with the church youth group, I was told that my daughter's kindness influenced several kids to come to church.   What value do we place on character?  I'm sure it's more important than perfect grades...I just need to remember that!

Sorry to ramble!  Socrmom:  if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here and understand!!!

[JacketLinda]

Hello,

May I add my thoughts here...a veteran of 25 years of public school teaching.  I have taught from 1st - 12th grades.  Yes, I give homework.  It seems to me that instead of putting schools or teachers down one should have homework time each night.  In the home I was raised in my Father (after 15 hours on job) sat at the dining room table with each of his five children and went over our days. It was called \"Our sharing time with Dad.\" Homework was accomplished here.  After homework came Bible study for at least an hour or more.  We could stay at Bible debates in our family for hours.  All of us gave  opinions when we were having Bible study and it got hot at times. All five of us took part in music lessons, dancing lessons, plays, and was expect to memorize a chapter of the Bible for Dad every week.  

Often I teach class at Church and give homework there, also.  What's the big deal.  It is called responsibility.  If a child does not need help....just do it.  Parents should always look over and review it.  

Seems to me that we adults need to have and teach some respect to our youth.  Jacketlinda

[socrmom]

Thank you all for your thoughts.  This balance between activities and down-time has been weighing heavily on me.  Help is on the way, with a severe drought in this part of the country, the competitive soccer leagues will be drastically cutting play time and games.  This will buy us time to re-evaluate what our committments are, and allow us to survive the spring.

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I get the impression that somewhere we as a culture have embraced the idea that we can \"do it all\" and that if our children are left to fend for their own entertainment and recreation, they will be unable/unwilling to fulfill our expectations.  Fortunately, we have a nice level yard at our house and I get to witness lots of \"pickup\" basketball and football games with our children and the neighborhood kids participating.  (But you have to be home in order to do that!)[/quote]

gb and Jeff, I appreciate what you've said, It is good to hear input from those who are just ahead of me in the stages of parenting.  Mine are 11, 9 and 4.

The parable of the word being crowded out with the weeds has taken on a new and fresh meaning for me.  The \"can do it all\" mentality is much more difficult to stay away from than I thought it would be.  The choices are mostly from what is good, good and best.  

So, for now, we will be finishing out what we are already signed up for.  Summer will be here soon, and we have no committments then, except for a major vacation the day after school is out!!  Yeah!   :)

[JacketLinda]

Hey Jeff,  

I have seen quite a few changes and for the better in public schools.  The main one I like best Character Education and students being taught......\"if you don't have this support at home you can call on me.\" (teacher)  Yes, sometimes my phone rings 24/7.  I love having students call to say \"Hello\" miss you, stopping by my house, or a note or card from college.  

I live in a small village.....our whole county where I live is not over 25,000 people.  It might be that we have more control over our children and they accept our authority.  Families in our area are extended.....one grave yard can tell some of our families back 7 or 8 generations.  

When my husband and I travel in the summer it is like culture shock to see all the rude people. It is hard for me to realize that people let children run there lives the way they do.  Where we live it is just starting with this generation.  One quote that drives me crazy is \"my child is my best friend.\"  I cannot fathom people who do not make children behave and act like adults.  

Does this answer you question Jeff.  Jacketlinda

[Jeff]

Linda:

That was a good synopsis... thank you.  I also taught primarily in a rural community -- we had one high school that was fairly large (1600 students) but drew from a large geographic area.  I taught kids that would be going home to drive tractors or similar farm work in the afternoons as well as the \"town kids.\"  I recall solving one discipline problem by a short call to the child's grandmother.  \"Ok, we'll take care of that!\"  (...and she did!)

I taught very briefly here in suburban Atlanta and experienced a similar culture shock to the one you described.  At that time, my wife and I were also wrestling with keeping her as an \"at home\" mother and trying to figure out how to make ends meet on my school teacher's salary.  I left teaching as a result of that need, but occasionally visit classrooms as a guest speaker (I am a weather forecaster by trianing.)

My mother recently retired from her successful teaching career.  She taught primarily lower grades and worked as a reading resource teacher her last few years.  Her take on the Character Education was that these were topics that used to be taught in the home, and that now she was spending a lot of time teaching children to be polite and respectful when she could be teaching the three Rs.