wedding issues

[Marzipan]

 
So I am newly engaged to be married. I hope this thread is in the right section. This isn't so much about our relationship as it is about our wedding.
But we are members of a coC where it has been at least mentioned in a sermon or two that dancing is not acceptable. Or where dancing is enumerated in a list of things such as drunkenness, lying, fornication, revelings, etc.


Anyway, both my fiance and I came to the coC from Catholicism and denominations. We both grew up in families who regularly drink, dance, hang out in a casual fashion.....
We don't want alcohol at the wedding, but my oh my do we want to dance!! And can you blame us? 
We're getting married!

So of course we want to invite folks from our congregation, but we also don't want them to get up in a disgusted fashion and walk out the door as soon as some music starts up. We already face some alienation from our families for being "religious conservatives" and we don't need them to see our church family at the wedding, get up and leave in protest of our sinful wedding reception.  Is there a delicate way to handle this situation?

[janine]

There is no delicate way to handle this.

You cannot make people stop acting like fools.

Where are you having the wedding?  Is it on the church's property or not?

If it's at the church building, then courtesy and wisdom demand you at least bear in mind what might hopelessly offend people.

But you're not talking about dancing at the wedding, I bet.  You're talking about dancing at the reception, if you're in the U.S. anyway.

I guess I've been lucky.  I've been around CoCSoF people who would preach against running around to the nightclubs and dancing and drinking, etc., but they did not see a family celebration of joy as a place where one could not dance.  You should see a deacon in a white tuxedo do the Electric Slide, it is an experience, I tell you. 

Also the various deacons and elders around here, even at my former congregation where I found some folks to be a bit cranky and weird, they couldn't say much about a "clean" family atmosphere kind of dance, because their kids participated in school events and on cheerleading and dance and drill teams that required them to DANCE.

Do not forsake the parts of your ethnic and religious heritage that are joyous and innocent.  It's good for sure not to get drunk, and it's sure good not to frequent nasty nightclubs devoted to finding someone to have an illicit relationship with, or finding drugs, or whatever.

But you can't go wrong with a glass of champagne in your marriage feast or your aunts and uncles performing the Chicken Dance Polka.

All I can say is, try to word your invitation so folks who might be easily offended will know ahead of time what will go on.  There needs to be something regarding the reception, "dinner and dancing", "refreshments will be served and D.J. Danceland will provide the music".  Something like that.

If someone comes to your wedding and then goes to the reception and gets offended, a CLASSY person would come to you and give you a kiss and bless your marriage and say quietly, with a smile, "Now's the time I bow out of here -- you know we're not much for dancing!"  And they might take your hand and look around and lean toward you and whisper with a wink, "Pagan revelry!  See you when you get back from the honeymoon!  'Bye for now!"

But if you are worshiping with some un-classy people then God bless you.

[Jaime]

Just add BYOB at the bottom of the invitation to keep the weaker brothers and sisters away.

[HRoberson]

Close.

On the invitation, list that after the wedding, there will be a reception and dancing at ......

Make sure they can read it - don't bury it in the fine print.

Personally, I like free food, but don't particularly like to dance. So, I stay for the food and when the music strikes up, I usually leave. Not because dancing is sinful (I have done my fair share), but because it simply doesn't appeal to me.

So some folks are going to leave anyway.

[janine]

Well, when folks have to leave they have to leave.  I just would like to have them leave classily.

[Petals]

As someone else said, make it tasteful dancing, not "dirty" dancing, and only if it's in a place that is not church-connected.  In a church, I don't think dancing is appropriate, because it may offend too many others in the congregation.

I, too, am from a Catholic background and some of my happiest memories are of dancing at weddings with my mother, cousins, husband, and friends.  The Bible states that there is a "time to dance!"   I say have a wonderful reception, rejoice and be glad, and if you feel like dancing--do it!  It is your special day!   

[ConnieLard]

My son recently married.  They had a reception at a local country club.  There was a wonderful DJ and we all danced our hearts out - even though many of us came from a CoC background and had no skills at all.  It was a blast!  My mother (who is almost 80) said she had never had so much fun in all her life and was glad she lived long enough to experience something like that.  SO, you never know - some of the folks at your church may not be as stiff as they might appear!

The invitation to the reception included the information that there would be "dinner and dancing."  They did not serve alcohol either, btw.

[Marzipan]

Thanks for all the advice. The reception won't be anyplace "church connected" so I don't have that to worry about. It will just come down to how it will be worded. And I don't think there will be any dirty dancing. Unless some of my family members sneak some booze in and get a little wild. But I doubt it.
I think most at my congregation would not make a big deal about it. I just had this vision of basically exactly what Janine described happening and was beginning to wonder how to handle that situation. Any other ideas that pop up, keep me posted. I really appreciate it.

[Petals]

My wedding invitations specifically stated that there would be no alcoholic beverages served.  This automatically eliminated those who only wanted to celebrate by drinking free liquor. 

Regarding dancing, maybe you could print the verse from Ecclesiastes somewhere on a place card, or banner at the reception.  I'm referring to the one that talks about there being a "time to dance."   

One thing I've found is that a lot of what we worry about has a tendency to work itself out in the end, so we often worry needlessly.  Expect the best, and since this should be one of the most memorable days of your life, don't worry about what a few might think.  It's not worth it.  The Bible says it's okay to dance, and that should be enough.  It's good that you are trying to consider the feelings of others, but realistically, you'll NEVER be able to please everyone. 

May God bless you with a happy marriage!

[Marzipan]

[quote
May God bless you with a happy marriage!
/quote]

Thank you!!!!!

[msbradley]

Wow, I'm not  in this situation, nor know of anyone who is facing this. But it was truly a very good "great advice" filled thread!!

[courtgirl72]

I believe it is the type of dancing that can be wrong.  But dancing at your wedding is a celebration of you and your husband joining as one and it should be celebrated.  If dancing is what you want then do it.