My fiancée is not a Christian--BUT WE`LL BE OKAY NOW!!!

[huckfinn13]

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[soterion]

My name is Angie and I live in Yorkton, Saskatchewan. I am engaged to a wonderful man, Greg. As I got to know him after we first met, I felt God`s direction into the most rewarding relationship I have ever experienced. I never knew a man could treat a lady so well. I`ve never been so close to my man and God at the same time. I am so sure that God has put us together, but some one brought this to my attention: I might be making a mistake because he is not a Christian. We`ve talked about it together (Greg and I), and he does not at all reject the idea, he just doesn`t know a lot about it. That alone encourages me somewhat, because at least he`s not pushing me or God away. But I can never seem to find the words to tell him HOW to be a Christian. I`m sure he would listen, because he always listens to me, but am I taking things into my own hands too much? Should I just let God use whoever he sees fit to bring Greg to him? Or should I start dropping more hints or pursuing it more? Any advice, even just personal thoughts, might help me.

I believe God can use you and anybody else He can send Greg's way.  Start off with prayer (as I am sure you are) but also let Greg know just how important Jesus is to you for every decision you make.

1 Corinthians 7 says some things about your example in how you live being a means to bringing him to salvation (applied to married persons, but can work with engaged couples).  Communicate with love both verbally and with your daily life what you want for him.

[HRoberson]

There are some standard rules-of-thumb for hooking up with someone. One of them is that if you're serious about your faith, you would do well to find someone who is serious about theirs (and it be the same one).

I'm not into "pushing" someone to become a Christian. If they become a Christian (in form) simply to get me to marry them, they aren't going to be real happy about it; and their faith will suffer for it - as will your life together.

Having said all that, it may well be that your guy is open to Christianity. In which case, let God work on him before you marry him. Nothing wrong with telling your pastor or a male Christian to visit with him. It would be better if your guy could experience Christianity in community without the pressure of having to become one to be accepted.

As an example, our congregation allows non-Christians to be involved in ministry. Running hockey practices, running the sound board, coming to small group, etc. These kinds of activities expose them to Christianity in a relatively safe environment, let's them know that we accept them, and lessens the pressure some feel.

Approaching this question in this way would allow your guy to make his own decision, in his own time. Then again, it doesn't take a Christian couple to make a good marriage - there's thousands of non- and mixed-Christian marriages that work.

And there are plenty of Christian marriages that don't.

And so the idea really boils down to: are the two of you committed to each other? For life?

If so, I suspect you could make a go of it.

Then there's the question about the kids. A recent survey says that if dad isn't a Christian, the chances of the kids becoming Christians is very slim. Even if mom is the most devout Christian there is.

So there's more to consider than whether or not you are compatible. Your marriage is not your own. In a real sense, it belongs to the world since your kids are going to affect the world in some way.

[johntwayne]

 

[janine]

Yeah, it's a tough situation.

I can tell you how to get to be a Christian, how to submit yourself to the power of the Christ --

And if you know this stuff you can tell your fiance --

But it's the daily living out of how that condition of "Christianity" looks on a person, that will provide the framework for him hopefully making his own decision to follow Jesus.

Like, have a you a church family?  Good, bring him into the family and let him see how that works.

If you don't have a church family then bring your fiance in on your prayerful search for one.

It's not that you need to be all manic and fanatic and ecstatic, wide bugged-out eyes and frothing at the mouth, "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!" 24 hours a day every minute -- not at all.

If that were the right way to live than Jesus Himself would have been all buggy-eyed and frothing at the mouth and twittering "Father! God! Abba! Father! Yahweh!" 24 hours a day.

But rather, if you are a Christian and you try to live like one, and you feel comfortable praying and talking about the Lord and what you have learned about Him, and you don't mind sharing the reasons you make decisions in life -- and a big reason most of the time for decisions would be because you want to please your Jesus --

Well, then, that's your "conversation", your daily walk and obvious living, that may just convert the fiance to Christ.

Tell him how important it is to you that you follow Christ -- and that you'd not want to bind the guy  to a church methodology or to some pattern that pleases you -- but that it is very, very important to you that your fiance start considering Christ, and come to his own individual commitment to Jesus.

For he sake of his soul, you know.

[huckfinn13]

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[ConnieLard]

I don't put much stock in someone's feeling that God is leading her in the direction of a relationship.  Too difficult to sort out whether it's acutally God leading you or whether it's largely your own desires at play in the situation.  You really won't know until you are in the marriage a few years - if  even then.  Now that you are engaged it's kind of late in the game to be asking these questions, but I would urge you to spend a lot of time in the Word and in prayer and in fellowship with your church family. Greg needs to see that this is a very important part of your life so that he can make an informed decision about what he is in for.  And you need to see whether he can deal with a relationship with someone who is really serious about her Christian walk.  My prayers are with you both.

After reading your comments on another thread, I might also remind you that one of your responsibilities as a Christian is to keep yourself pure until the marriage.  If you aren't doing that, you can't expect Greg to take you seriously about your relationship with God.  Sorry to be so forthright, but it's a truth that you need to consider.

[janine]

Don't be sorry about that, Connie -- it's a good point.

[HRoberson]

But it says in His Word that he wants NONE to perish. So that means that God`s going to save Greg somehow, right?

Ummm.....no, it does not mean that. Well, unless you're a Universalist.

Whether I`m a catalyst in it all or not, doesn`t matter to me.

It seems it matters quite a lot. You're trying to work on him without appearing to be working on him. As others have said, be up front with what your faith means to you and you expect him to support you (and the kids, which subject still bothers me).

But I know that God would never let me go to heaven and Greg go to hell.

How exactly, do you know that? Greg gets to make his own decision; God doesn't force anyone one way or the other.

I know it sounds frank, but the very idea of it makes me cry.

As Connie said, our emotions are poor indicators of truth, or of correct action. I'm not thrilled with children dying in Sudan, but I suspect there will be some that do just that today.

Connie is right when she cautions about believing God is pushing someone in the direction of a relationship. There are way too many people who think they've found "Mr. Right," just to find that perhaps they didn't after all. She's also right about that purity thing.

[huckfinn13]

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[janine]

Honey, if you've got it all nicely figured out and patched together in your own mind, why in the world di you bother to ask for prayer/advice?

You sound terribly defensive.

And yes, you are right, it's not the piece of paper or the magic words said in a religious/church context that make you and Greg married -- if you had fifty pieces of paper and 100 religious authorities saying you were married, and you two did not have the commitment to each other and covenant with God, then those outer things won't make you married.

But if those outer things, like a license proving you legally able to marry, from the local government wherever you are, are so very very unimportant... Why won't you do them?  I mean, if they are neither here nor there... Why not do them, and commit publicly, and stand up before God and men to own each other?

What are you trying to prove by not being married?

[ConnieLard]

Huck, You bring up many troubling issues.  As to why I question your ability to discern whether God is leading you into a relationship or whether it's just your own desires, that is based on many years of observation.  I have found that the "leading" people believe that they are receiving almost always coincides with their own preferences, which I find to be highly suspect.  You are infatuated, believing yourself to be in love.  Of course you would have "inner peace" about things.  That is a part of this stage of the relationship.  It doesn't mean a thing about whether this is a godly relationship or not. 
And, I want to say this as kindly as I can, you are not married.  You are engaged to be married.  Just stating otherwise doesn't change the facts.  And having sex outside of marriage is wrong.  It's called fornication.  I would say that if you really expect to hear the voice of God you need to take care of the blatant sin in your life.  Right now all you're hearing is your own desires.
I will pray for you, as you had asked.

[huckfinn13]

ConnieLard: We`re not on the same page and that`s okay. Thank you for your concerns but I know what I feel and my life has turned out alright based on the way I lead it up to this point, so I don`t need to worry that I am going down the wrong path. I`m confident I`m making the right decisions, so don`t worry about me or my "blatant sin". That kind of hurt. I know you didn`t mean to sound judgemental. But my mind cannot be changed on this.

Janine: THANKYOU!!!!! SOME ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS!!! And you are right: I do have this nicely patched up in my mind. When I posted my first entry, I DIDN`T have it all figured out at that point. But over the past three days, I`ve really done a lot of thinking about it all, and I have come to some nice conclusions. Things feel good. I`m not in turmoil about it any more. I guess I don`t need prayer about it as badly as I thought. And yesterday I also got to talk to my dad about it, and he always understands me and helps me through things like that. Our conversation was actually like an answer to prayer. At least my mind is at ease now.

Yes, I WAS defensive. Some of the things I read kind of hurt. Like, I should have chosen some one Christian in the first place. Greg won`t take me seriously if we`re "fornicating". But things like that are just water off a duck`s back to me now. I`m sorry, everybody, for having sounded defensive. I really do appreciate all the input, guys!

This is why we haven`t gotten married yet: This summer is already too busy! He`s about to start harvest, and he would rather get married in the springtime, so we`re going to leave it till Spring 2008. I wouldn`t mind getting married in the winter time, but it would also be really nice to do it when it`s nice outside because his parents have a beautiful yard, so that would be really nice. So next spring seems the most logical and practical time to do it.

Thank you again all for your prayers and input. I`m okay now! 

[ConnieLard]

 

[janine]

Well?  ARE you sleeping with him or not? 

(Don't answer that if you don't want to.  I don't ask because I want to know, but because I want you to think about the topic.)

Of course it's always better to tie your life to someone who also follows the Christ.  You set yourself up some obstacles in life if you go another route.

But whether Greg converts or not, you still will be wise to speak about all the details and ramifications anyway.  Anyone who will be getting married needs to. 

And don't count on not having children.  You never know.  The two of you could both have all your reproductive organs cut out and God could still find you His perfect people to raise up some of His orphans.

So talk about this heavy stuff now.  Right away.

To float on in a cloud of assurance that God will handle it, without being a good steward of your time and talents and resources by discussing and planning in light of your faith, is like being stuck on a roof in a flood and refusing all the boats and helicopters that come to rescue you, because you are4 so very convinced God will handle it -- when, of course, as the old joke goes, it was God sent you all that rescue you refused.

[James Rondon]

Well?  ARE you sleeping with him or not?

Good question, especially considering this statement:

Yes, I WAS defensive. Some of the things I read kind of hurt. Like, I should have chosen some one Christian in the first place. Greg won`t take me seriously if we`re "fornicating". But things like that are just water off a duck`s back to me now.

Fornication is not some sort of water that should roll off of a professing Christian's back, nor will it:

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, KJV

[ConnieLard]

Huck's entry on another thread makes it clear that she is sleeping with her boyfriend.  Which is why I brought the topic up in the first place.  Like so many, she is not open to listening to the truth about the way she is living her life, preferring to enjoy the pleasures of sin.  Very sad.

[huckfinn13]

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[CSloan]

huckfinn13,

You openly admitted to fornication, what kind of brothers and sisters would we be to not tell you the truth?

Gal 4:16
Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?  

[huckfinn13]

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[CSloan]

Does it not matter to you that in God`s eyes, we ARE married? Therefore I have not committed fornication?

If hes your fiancée, then how can you be married?

Don't play games with your soul.

[huckfinn13]

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[CSloan]

We`re married because God witnessed our pledge of forever commitment. Why is a piece of paper so important to you? It`s not that important to us.

Is not just important to me, its important to God.

You can't just nullify the coveant of marriage to justify your sin.

[huckfinn13]

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[CSloan]

I don`t think God defines marriage by a piece of paper that we mere humans dreamed up. Do you think that he didn`t see Adam and Eve as ONE just because they didn`t have a marriage certificate?

You started this thread talking about your fiancée,  and plans to get married.

Now your saying your already married; so either your lying or confused.

[huckfinn13]

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[spurly]

huckfinn13, as Christians we are to follow the law of the land - see Romans 13 for one scriptural example.  I don't know about in Canada, but in America part of that law concerns marriage.  Our country does not recognize two people as married unless they have gone through the proper channels.  In order for Christians to show that they are honoring God we are supposed to adhere to the laws of the land unless those laws would cause us to go against the will of God.

In this case the laws do not go against the will of God.  As a Christian I encourage you to find a legal authority as soon as you can and tie the knot if you two are going to continue acting like your married.

[spurly]

humm.  Christians try to encourage you to follow God's will in your life, and you delete your posts, sort of like the young man who says, "I'll just take my toys and go home".  Huckfinn13, please consider what I mentioned above, or consider separating from your fiance' until such time as you really get married.

[Jimbob]

Huckfinn13,

When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well, five times married and at the time living with a man unmarried, he showed her compassion, but he did not pretend her current man was a husband, he dealt with reality.

You, too, can find compassion in Christ, but don't expect Him to play games, and don't expect him to pretend your relationship is what it isn't.  Instead, why not let Him take the reigns in your life, and let Him lead you to the peace and joy of repentance, rather than the rationalization, truth-bending, and guilt of sin?

[James Rondon]

Many who are caught up in fornication will resort to the "we're married in God's eyes" attempt at justifying their sin. The fact of the matter is, Huckfinn, you did not bring this into the discussion until your fornication, and seeming continued desire to keep fornicating was exposed... Stop listening to your lust. Repent, turn back to Christ, and flee fornication.

[James Rondon]

You, too, can find compassion in Christ, but don't expect Him to play games, and don't expect him to pretend your relationship is what it isn't.  Instead, why not let Him take the reigns in your life, and let Him lead you to the peace and joy of repentance, rather than the rationalization, truth-bending, and guilt of sin?

[kensington]

Oh good gravy... IF you have not got a marriage license, given by the authority in your state, or an ordained man of God... you are NOT married.  And NOT in the eyes of God.

Let me tell you this, you are professing to be a Christian, (by what I can tell from the posts you haven't taken down.) (There is a delete button).....

YOU are a professing Christian. And you have the soul of another in your hands. You said you didn't care if God used you to be the catalyst to bring your boyfriend to Salvation?

DO YOU CARE THAT YOU ARE THE CATALYST THAT MIGHT LEAD HIM TO HELL? 

When a professing Christian is willing to get down in the sin with someone who is not saved, they don't lead them anywhere but straight to the crooked path.  YES, you are fornicating.  YES, that is sin.  YES, God will call you to answer for it... but most importantly...  What will you say to your boyfriend 1 minute after the rapture takes places and you and he are still laying in bed?  Will you tell him you knew?

And if by grace you go and He is left behind... sinners who are not saved are going to be left behind...  Do you realize for all ETERNITY... he will be looking for you, to ask you "WHY? WHY didn't you tell me?  You said you loved me, but you let me go here?"

Let me ask you... how can you rest next to him at night knowing that His lack of salvation is in your hands... and that the LORD could return at any moment... But you give him sex rather than the WORD OF GOD, because you don't want to be pushy.

Can you really do that? Can you really give him sex and not give him truth? Who loves who here?

[James Rondon]

Can you really do that? Can you really give him sex and not give him truth? Who loves who here?

Love and lust are not the same thing.

[kensington]

Exactly! 

If I thought for one second my husband was not saved, I'd be on that.  Pushy or not... I'd speak the truth to him in love.

And I don't buy that "push them away from God" thing... where are you going to push them to?  Hell 2? 

Come on... LOVE someone enough to give them the Keys to the kingdom, BEFORE you give them the keys to your house!

[kensington]

BTW... You said that "My boyfriend is not a Christian, but WE will be okay"?

I'm concerned about that... He may be better off than you are actually.

Hebrews 10:26-31

[26] For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
[27] But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.
[28] He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:
[29] Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?
[30] For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
[31] It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

PLEASE  Repent of this,  separate from the sin, move out, separate from each other until you are married.  Consider your own salvation. 

THIS IS YOUR TESTIMONY to him, this is the catalyst that God may use to show him salvation, that you treasure your salvation that much, that you have that fear of God that is the beginning of knowledge, and you also love him enough to stay away or to separate until marriage. LOVE him enough to show him salvation.  Walk it out... It does no good to talk it, if you ain't going to walk it!  God Bless.