Any Helpful Advice on Dating w/out Fornicating?

[angeleyes]

Hello to all and Merry be-lated Christmas

First, let me update you all on my relationship status. I have been dating this young man now for about a month. He is a believer who attends church regularly. We are very compatible so far. I think that he might be the one. He is a perfect gentleman and he is sweeping me off of my feet.

Now, here's the good part. I have a problem with fornication and I'm scared that I might mess a good thing up. I have already started mentioning sex to him in subtle ways, but I am very mad at myself for even bringing it up.

I guess it's because of the jerks that I am used to dating. They usually mention sex within the first week of dating(which is a turnoff).

So i really like this man a lot so far and I really don't want to blow it with him. I hope that I haven't already, but what is a girl to do who has these urges, but wants to wait until she is married to have sex?

I have never met anyone like him in my life and I have dated a lot in my young life.
Please your advice would be very helpful to me. I don't want to be the tempter in this relationship.

[janine]

Do not go anywhere alone with him.

Anything you write to him, submit to your mother (preacher daughter doctor -- someone trusted) first.

Anything in your mind, anything out of your mouth, any action on your part, A) present to God first, as if God is you filter, and B) don't think say or do it unless you would think it about your father, say it to your father, do it to or with your father.

[angeleyes]

Thank s so much janine,

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak. How do you stop yourself from doing what you know you shouldn't be doing, but want to do. I would love to spend some one-on-one time with him to get to know him better without any interruptions, but I know that it is not wise. I think that I need to pray and fast a lot more than I have been doing.
This is just so frustrating . I don't want to just run down the aisle because of my strong desire to have sex with him, but I have been looking for a man like him for a long time and now I think that I have finally found him.

I feel like just hiding under the covers and just stay away from him for a while until I control myself. 

[janine]

You've known him all of a month.

Spend a lot of time in a cold shower.

Spend a lot of time with his mother.

[James Rondon]

Spend a lot of time in prayer, and in the Scriptures.

[marc]

Only date people you aren't attracted to.  

[angeleyes]

Only date people you aren't attracted to.  

I wish that I could, but i can't date someone that i am not attracted to. Believe me, I have tried and it didn't work out.

Spend a lot of time in prayer, and in the Scriptures.

Thanks James. Believe it or not this is the same thing that my friend who I am dating told me that i need to do. So I'll take heed to what you have both said.

[marc]

Only date people you aren't attracted to.   

I wish that I could, but i can't date someone that i am not attracted to. Believe me, I have tried and it didn't work out.

I was joking!  Although, in truth, I can't say I haven't tried that....

[janine]

Well, of course!  Prayer and the Word!  Primary answers.

After that, in addition to that, take a lot of cold showers.

Not with your fella, though -- alone! 

[angeleyes]

Well, of course!  Prayer and the Word!  Primary answers.

After that, in addition to that, take a lot of cold showers.

Not with your fella, though -- alone! 

I have always heard that this works for men. I didn't know that this works for women as well. It's cold where I live, so I don't know if I could bear taking cold showers in the winter, but I am willing to do whatever will work. But, honestly, I can't see myself taking cold showers.

[janine]

*grin*

Do whatever gets your mind off the physical.

[angeleyes]

I believe all that you guys have said will work. Especially praying, reading and studying the bible, and might I add fasting will help me with fornication and not to mention other things that I need help with overcoming.
To me, fasting and praying gives discipline and self-control and in the past has helped me to overcome many things that I with the help of God could not do before, i.e. smoking, swearing, fornication etc. I stayed celibate for about two years when I spent most if not all of my time with the Lord. Needless to say that I am struggling with some of the same sins once again since i have spent less time with God.

Since it's been a while since I have fasted, can anyone tell me how I should go about starting to fast again(please keep in mind that I am on medication).

[janine]

Use Google, or whatever your favorite search engine may be.

Look up combinations of words like:

religious fasting diabetic

spiritual fasting medication

inspirational fasting holy

You will see references to people having addressed these concerns from a Hindu, Muslim, Pagan Buddhist as well as a Christian point of view.

Surely somewhere in there you will find

a) people with medical issues do sometimes fast as a religious/spiritual matter, and

b) how they do it, what about doctor's supervision, modified fasting, etc.

[janine]

Also, to avoid fornication -- it helps to just simply SLOW THE HECK DOWN.



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

[Gracious]

Hello angeleyes,

I pray that this blesses you,

I couldn’t find anywhere in Scripture, where GOD decreed that men & women were meant to "date" one another BEFORE they wed?  This (I believe) is a widely accepted “world-driven” ritual.  A ritual having little if any success attached to it!  Now, I’m not a prude.  Just making a “personal” observation.

I also believe that our sexuality – sensuality is DIVINE, meaning, both are given to us from heaven which makes them spiritually GOOD -  FIRST. 

Further, I’m led that to deny these DIVINE attributes, it to deny a very special part of who we are as women & as men.  To ask GOD to dimmish either quality within us … while we are unmarried, could be detrimental, because TRUST … we will NEED them both when we become married! In other words … asking GOD to squash!!! these (what we’ve been hood-winked into believing are…) fleshly desires … is a trick of the enemy!!!

Follow me now …

If our sexuality & our sensuality are NOT inherently sinful … but fornication is a sin … THEN I submit to you that it is the world that is wrong & NOT the spiritually DIVINE attributes given us (e.g. our sexuality-sensuality)!  It is the world that has given/taught us about intimacy  & that in order to “find” the appropriate mate … we must date (e.g. share worldly intimacy with one another)!

When GOD formed man from the dust, breathed life into him & he became a living soul, looked at HIS creation and said “not good”, put him to sleep, took a rib from him, and then created woman – his “help-meet” … Did GOD say:  Ok Adam, I’ve made you a womb-man (woman) … if things don’t work out between you two … come back to me … and I’ll create anutha’ woman for you that is better than the first?  Or vice-versa for EVE?   NOPE!!!   Then, why should we be doing this today?  If GOD put us together initially (Adam & Eve) in the beginning, then why can we not TRUST HIM to do the SAME thing today?  Is it sooooo far removed from reality to believe that GOD has designed a husband just for you & in order to receive him ... all you need do is draw closer to your Heavenly FATHER?

GOD admonishes us to live as brother & sister (friends) with one another.  When seeking a mate, rather than asking GOD to diminish us, why not TRUST HIM to increase the GOODNESS of HIS qualities within us?  Plainly my friend, it appears that we usually receive what this world says that we are  … when we behold (view) the GODLY qualities (sexuality-sensuality)within, we immediately attach negativity to them.  Why/How do we do this?   By attaching our sexuality with fornication & our sensuality with lust.  Better that we seek out the goodness of these two qualities – by going to HIM and asking HIM (Abba Heavenly Father) what the REAL issues working against us are!  Huh, when we do this, we’ll find that the REAL issues with us are NOT “fornication” – sex without marriage … it's much deeper!!! And when we discover what is REALLY causing us to harm ourselves … GOD will provide for our help!!!  And it is THEN that we’ll TRULY be ready for the husband/the wife that GOD has for us!

Now, after saying ALL THAT!!! (WHEW!!!)

Perhaps Janine is right!!!  Instead of dating this man, be a friend to him – get to know him THROUGH his mom, with his family.  And use some time to work on self.  Discover just why it is (as in the REAL reason) that “keeping yourself” when your truly "like and or are  attracted" to a man is such an issue for you.  Could it be that this "reason" transcends the physical?

God bless you & I'm in your Amen corner - I'm believing in your overcoming,

Gracious

[janine]

Heck yeah, it can be a lot easier to avoid falling into fornication if you don't "date" at all!  Try some variation on courtship instead.

[Charles Sloan]

Do not go anywhere alone with him.

Anything you write to him, submit to your mother (preacher daughter doctor -- someone trusted) first.

Anything in your mind, anything out of your mouth, any action on your part, A) present to God first, as if God is you filter, and B) don't think say or do it unless you would think it about your father, say it to your father, do it to or with your father.

This is very good advice.

[Gracious]

Thanks Janine