How to deal with new truths...

[Jeyemel]

Hello,
This is my first post here.  I need help coping with with some new truths that have recently surfaced about my wife.
We've been married for a year and a half and known each other for almost seven years.  I knew before we were married that she had a somewhat troubled past.  Despite having two loving Christian parents, she had been somewhat rebellious and had two previous serious relationships and she had confessed to me that they had slept together.  I on the other hand had waited until marriage, so this was somewhat difficult to deal with but I had made my peace with it as I could understand.  My past relationships weren't "perfect" by any means, I had just never gone all the way with things.
However, a few days ago she said she had to confess a secret that she had kept for a long time from me.  She had gone through an angry time in her life where she was angry at God, angry at men, wanted to prove she was in control, and used men as her way out.  She had forced men to sleep with her out of anger and a desire to be in control and prove her self and the number of people she had been with before me has now jumped into the teens.
Even though she has told me that I'm the one that saved her from this, in which I am honored, I still have to deal with this new image of my wife.  It's just something that if I had known before, I would have never even dated her.  The image that she was capable of such things is frightening and has my stomach in pure knots.
What do I do?  I know I have to be happy that she was saved from such a life, but on the other hand, it's against every moral character I've told myself I wanted in a wife.  I'm trying so hard not to see her differently, but I do.  The things she was capable of scares me.   

[courtgirl72]

As horrible as it sounds, and I too am shocked, you need to forgive her if she is truly repentant and is a different person now.  We are to forgive as God does us.  Maybe it wouldn't hurt to see a Christian Counselor to help sort this out.  This isn't going to go away on it's own.  Another thing, you should be glad that she feels comfortable enough and trusts you enough to tell you a secret that has to be a very difficult burden to carry around.  Sometimes forgiving oneself is even harder than forgiving someone else.
Take care, God bless.

[Norton]

I'm sorry about the pain and confusion you are experiencing. This will be tough to get over, but I think you can do it. She should have leveled with you from the beginning, but that's the past, and we must all live in the present. One thing to realize. She is probably experiencing as much pain about the situation as you are. Her guilt compelled her to confess, and she most likely will not repeat those same type things again, which caused her so much guilt.

I agree with courtgirl. You both must get counseling. She will need it even more than you, since she has had emotional problems from her youth. The bright side is that, if you both can get things together, she may make a more devoted wife than any virgin you could have married.

[Jeyemel]

Thanks for the replies and the advice. 
First I want to say that I'm really proud of her for telling me, if it had been the other way around, I know that I probably wouldn't be able to either.  I imagine that is why it took her 7 years to tell me.
That being said, it is still really hard for me, and even more so, the more time that goes by, the more I see how this big dark cloud in her past has been involved in every bit of our relationship from the first day we met.  It's kind of a twisted eye opener as I look back through the years, things that I remember from when she wasn't a Christian, the way she acts about things now, it just suddenly all makes so much sense.  It's very hard to take and a lot to swallow, but I am also realizing that not only was this a secret that she didn't tell me, but she also still has a lot of damage.  Such as how she used to be angry with me at the beginning of our relationship because I wouldn't sleep with her to now, where she's lost interest in intimacy.  Just a slow progression from her past life to being a Christian with years of guilt on her heart.
If you can, please pray for my understanding and support as being a husband in these times.  This may be hard for me because its just something so big and hard to take about someone I've known for so long, but it must be doubly hard for her.  The weight may be off her chest, but she has a lot of damage to heal from and I need to be there for her...as hard as it is for me.
Prayer would help.

[Norton]

Jeyemel

You have my prayers. I would like to emphasize again the importance of counseling, especially for your wife. You may be able to get past this without counseling, but she needs help. Her anger toward men will continue, and I gather from your last post, it is being projected toward you. She probably loves you and wants the marriage to work, but she has a simmering resentment toward you simply because you are a man. Get her to counseling or your marriage is in deep trouble. The positive things I said in the former post still stand.     God bless

[Earth Angel]